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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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good chapter no mistake seen by me but not really looking
Nice. Good work. This is seeming like something out of an RPG or action adventure game or something.
Damn you're pumping these out fast!
godamn man calm down with the chapters lol barely get to finish one before the next is out.
Not a horrible turn of events, you managed to at least potentially add some challenges to twilight's path and I'm finding a little more humor in the story. nothing to grating in this chapter so I'll give a cautious "good job". You are still feeling slightly blunt in your distribution of information in a few areas but maybe you just see vampires as somewhat stoic and intelligent while I've always viewed them as pretty emotional and intelligent. Might be my own mind set conflicting a little too.
Anyway, I have my opinions but it doesn't change that you're starting to get a bit more well rounded and this printing press work ethic of yours is amazing. 13 chapters in 3 days is no small task and your writing well for something so rushed. maybe you should try getting a job in a magazine or a newspaper. Your... logistic(?)... well, your writing style seems to focus more on the effects than the causes (though you don't ignore them completely) so I think you might do well if you decided to explore that kind of career. Then you can do some research and then shoot off an article in an hour and be done for the day. I'm not even sure if they'll require one every day so you might be able to take a few extra days off for what ever every once in a while. That is, once you get out of school but even then you might be able to get into the school newspaper if you have one. Talent like yours should be used to help yourself just as much as to help others.
league of legends!!!!!!!!
awesome chapter. again, tell me; when were you gonna slow down exactly?
at first when i saw your LoL crossover i was extremely pessimistic; but so far you are pulling it of rather nicely!
OMG THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUCKING AWSOME BRING ON SOME MORE!!!!!!! please
558389 no she can't do that, not even close because Ghouls are practically immune to magic. and OMG I LOVE WORLD OF TANKS! Marder II all the way. it needs to update though
558584 tat's actually a good description of how I view vampires- or in this case vamponies-. the newer ones, like twilight, are a bit more emotional and personal but these other guys have lived for a while and most have them have been fighting Ghouls when they pop up so they're stoic and very intelligent. some of them are even withdrawn
and lol I don't think any of them would accept me, I'm only sixteen and I hate reporting, my forte is fiction.
558646 thanks, and I have. i got one chapter out this morning and one during the day. so that went from six in one day down to two
The is brilliant, Im very impressed at how fast you've written such awesome chapters, please write more soon javascript:smilie('');
558866
"...most Vamponies are smart enough to reverse their Necromancy..."
so you plan on that not being a one shot then? Special conditions must be met?
also, that other vampony must have been one of the dumb ones...Right?
sorry about poking a small hole in your story plot but it was there.
as for the job, shame, you would have been good if you had the interest for it. but to each there own.
and if you just make a few examples, jobs like that would open up. If you give someone a Grade-A list of real world examples then that could possibly outweigh a lack of education. Experience and talent are just as important as a paper saying you passed a special class but you have to be good for it to work.
559583Let's just go with when they said that, they were being kind of cocky, that's kinda how Vayne is. it's not really an easy thing to do, that other Night guard was a pegasus vampony so he only had basic Necromany. I'll get that part explained during necro training. same as the reverse necromancy
558103 that would defeat the purpose of their role. a Lich does have intelligence, but it's just a mindless monster at it's core. it only wants to raise more ghouls and to get food. food being ponies
alright then 559703
Afr a few chapters I stopped liking this story for one reason. Being a Vampony appears to have nothing but benefits! I mean your making Twilight into a boring invincible hero. For there to be conflict the challenge(the crisis or enemy that creates conflict) will need to be down right silly in it's difficulty. I liked the initial idea, but the form of vampireisum your using it just wayyyy too good and reminds me of the vampires in the Twilight Books/Movies, and I HATE them.
560040 i also despise both things you are describing. I'm sorry if it seems that way, Twilight is supposed to seem very overpowered until about now. as she trains and starts to get assignments, you'll see just how weak she actually is compared to the others. and yes it is mostly benefits, that was my intention. almost everyone else who reads this seems to be ok with this so I am not compelled to suddenly add in disadvantages and a downside. due to the circumstances the normal down side, the constant fear and need for blood etc..., are being pushed aside due to necessity , but not completely. don't worry, they are far from invincible.
When you said shadow dashing at the end I read shadow dancing. Good gracious that's alot of LoL, it fits though because LoL strategy in someways does apply to actual combat.
In my head... I heard Hercarim or Vlad yelling "That STILL only counts as one!"
Get a game designer to read up to here. See the three to seven hour long tactical strategy game they make. Seriously, it is all there but the game would suck.
...I wouldn't have seen the LoL-ishness had you not mentioned it last chapter, but it's so true.
Anyway, why do you keep capitalizing random words in the middle of sentences? You should really fix that habit. For example, "everypony" shouldn't be capitalized in the middle of a sentence, nor should "objections".
reading this with Delinquent Habits - Return of the Tres
visualize squad 10 strolling in town like a mafia dead squad, showing of powers and armed to the teeth(litterer)
or simply.... bad-ass
Well, that's it, I'm leaving. Why?
1. The story was... wierd so to speak and all character reaction felt dead, disconnected and the characters were often OOC. It was annoying, but I could bear with that.
2. Grammar. Oh boy. One important cornerstone of any text. But it wasn't the simple mistakes like -ieing and lack of punctuations to name a few that ticked me off, it was that the story was written in such a way that you easily lost yourself*. It really made it hard for met to not relentlessly hate on the story, but I've tried to keep myself civilized enough.
3. This was really the little thing that made me not want to continue reading. References. It's really not that of a big deal, but it gets kind of redundant when ALL of the important** OCs are a reference to THE SAME THING.
___________________________________________________________
I'm sorry if I have sounded a bit harsh, but I'm only trying to help you to be better. My biggest tip is get an editor who can check for wierd formulating and grammar mistakes.
Signed, MehWasAlreadyTaken
*If English isn't your native language, people will show you more understanding if you write that, from my experience at least. (Of course if you are good with english you won't need to)
**From my guesses, I think this "squad" will be the main protagonists from now on.
______
Sorry for possible grammar/spelling mistakes, I'm from Sweden.
4019106 meh your loss