One in a Trillion: Lemons

by UnkleBumbleHeck

Chapter 5: Financial Flight

Sure enough, gems were not a very sought after commodity out here in the valley. Anywhere, really. Them diamond dogs somehow got a profit out of 'em though, so I figured it'd have to be at least a little easy to get some bits for 'em. Maybe if I put me on a suit and a tie I'd sell 'em better? But the dogs didn't wear suits. Hay, they probably couldn't wear suits! I wonder if a dragon could wear a suit, some kind of giant dragon-sized business suit...

That was my plan for the gems. I was hopin' to sell them, and use the bits to bail out that dragon. f'n I'm honest, and I am, it didn't wholly make sense for a dragon to get a bail at all. Maybe Equestrian Law was just extremely equal-opportunity for suspects? That's silly.

Well, there was one thing I hadn't tried, and there was a good reason for it. I could try sellin' the gems back to the dogs, but that's just plain wrong. Literally I'd be selling their gift back to them. That's one of the lowest things somepony could do, and sadly I'd seen it a bunch. Hay, in Canterlot it was almost standard practice to sell back whatever people gave you. But that was Canterlot, and this out here was country. You don't do Canterlot in country.

An idea struck me just as I had that thought! Not sure why really, the two didn't really seem associated at all. I could try selling the gems to a different party of diamond dogs! That'd just about be a done deal if I did that! Now how could I find a new set of diamond dogs... Aw hay.

...

I was still in the town of Middlewhinney, which happened to be in the middle of the valley. It was a trade town, originally based out of a mine. The mine closed decades ago, but folks could still go inside and... look at rocks, I suppose?

"...They say she tried to attack the Princess!"

What now? I'd overheard somepony talking, and the topic just about spooked me out of my skin. I galloped over to where I heard the ponies talking, a little outdoor cafe area. "What was that I just heard you say?" I asked the teal coated mare and her friend... He had a tie on. Collar and tie, interesting wardrobe choice for this sort of place. Maybe a business pony wouldn't be so out of place out here after all?

"Take a look," the tie wearin' fella said, as he- hold on. He pulled a news paper out from his collar. Okay, wizard earth pony. Don't question it. "Apparently one of Princess Celestia's star pupils was caught using illegal magic."

The news paper said as much. Young unicorn student uses dark magic in Canterlot Unicorn Academy. Library up in flames, college district in lock down. Princess vows to greatly increase monitoring and documentation on library usage over the next quarter. Star pupil Xyra Lovebloom to have trial in one week. Sugar-coated-sunflower-seeds! Dark magic... I wasn't even sure what that was! I needed to get this job done quick and get back home. "Was anypony hurt in the uh... incident?" I asked them.

"Nopony knows. The media isn't being permitted to say much." The teal mare told me. "The doctor here said he'd been in the area when it happened though."

Wait a moment. How could this have happened without me knowing? It had to of happened while I was still in Canterlot! And that was just a few hours ago! "When did this happen?" I asked them.

"Just today, actually," the fella told me as he took back the news paper and... put it back in his collar. "The press hopped on it quick and the news is spreading like wildfire. I saw the library windows blow out. All of them. It was like somepony had detonated a bomb in there, but it was just pitch black inside."

"Dark magic, huh... Well, the Princess is okay right?" If our leader was injured, while we were so tense with some of our borders, things could only go poorly.

"She was the one to go in and stop the filly." The doctor explained. "I was told that the poor thing wasn't even in control of herself. There's a reason spell books like that are locked up."

I needed to get a move on. Things did not sound good on the home front. "Hey uh, sorry to change the topic so fast, but I'm on a schedule here. Do y'all know where I can go to sell some gems? Maybe some friendly diamond dogs nearby?"

They pondered that for a moment, then the doctor spoke up again. "Head west along that road," he said, motioning to the road in question. "Follow it until you come to a bridge over a river, there should be a little camp just a ways down stream. I don't know if they're friendly, but I saw some diamond dogs out there recently."

"Hey, thanks so much for your help. Y'all keep safe, you hear? These is weird times." I shook their hooves and moved on.

...

That doctor fella was an odd one, but I couldn't quite put my hoof on it. Somehow an earth pony had been in Canterlot earlier today, and between now and the time I had left Canterlot, he'd also made it all the way out here. Whatever, some ponies are just faster than others I suppose.

I'd grabbed my cart again and was heading west along that road he'd mentioned, and the skies were getting darker again. It was around 3:00, which further tightened my schedule. The road didn't take long out of the town until it reached the bridge, and I had spotted the camp a ways out. I carefully approached the camp, landing and walking the last dozen meters or so. Sure enough, a diamond dog came out of one of the tents and spotted me. He quickly alerted a few more, and the three of them came out to meet me.

I made sure to speak first. "Howdy, fellas. I'm lookin' to make a trade." Simple enough, no horsin' around.

They looked at me, then at each other, then back to me. The tallest fella spoke up. "What kind of trade, little pony?"

Good, they're open to a deal! I quickly unhitched from my cart and went around to the back of it to get the sack of gems. I brought it over to 'em so they could see as I opened it up, revealing the gems inside. "I need to get rid of these, and I'm hopin' you fellas might be willin' to buy."

They definitely looked interested. "How many gems do you have, pony?" One of them asked me.

"I'm not sure of any definite measure, but I can say they weigh about 50 pounds all together." If'n they're able to comprehend weight, that might be a good way to make this deal.

They looked at each other again, the smaller two looking up at the tall fella as if expecting him to make a decision. He scratched his chin, wiggled his brow, moved his head round a bit to inspect the quantity. Then he nodded, and gave me an offer. "This is a lot of gems. We can give 5000 bits for them."

100 bits a pound? That's pretty decent! But 5000 bits in physical currency... "Do y'all do checks?" I'd imagine they'd have to. There's no way they've just got 5000 actual bits lying around. This is why checks exist, after all.

"Checks?" They asked me all at once. Well, pony feathers.

"Right... Well uh, do you have those 5000 bits?" I'd like to at least see the mass of coins. This was possibly the craziest deal ever made.

The tallest fella nodded to one of the others, whom then ran off to one of the tents and quickly came back with a box. It was a simple footlocker, with a length of chain wrapped around it. "We made them into bars." He said, as he removed the chain and opened up the box to reveal about 10 solid gold bars!

"Holy horse apples!" I exclaimed! "Okay, now that's a bit different from bits, fellas. Y'all sure them was bits y'all melted?" Actual bits were made from mostly copper, and melting them down was pretty darn illegal! The resulting mess would definitely not make solid gold bars, anyway.

"We found them in someplace underground," the shortest one explained. "Spot said they were pony coins, so we took them. They weren't being used after all."

Ooookay... So these dogs found 'pony coins' and turned 'em into solid gold bars. This was definitely the weirdest day ever. "Well uh... Y'all may have destroyed some very valuable artifacts there, but not anything I should worry about right? So do we have a deal?" I settled on just acceptin' what I could get done and getting out of there. I wasn't aware of any laws on artifacts or their destruction, but considering what I was intending to do with this money, it might of been a better idea to try using the gems directly as bail. Hay, 5000 bits could buy a house! Maybe not a Canterlot house, but still, that's a very large sum of money.

While I was ponderin' the workings of Equestrian real estate, the dogs were debatin' among themselves about, I assumed, our deal.

"But we need food!"

"We had a cat..."

"We don't need food, we need money to buy food!"

"Where's the kitty?"

I wasn't sure what they were debating about, actually.

"Pony says these bars are worth how many bits?" One of them said, finally addressing me.

Oh sweet Celestia! Just one of those bars were worth at least 10 bigguns! And they had ten of them! Do the math, hoss, that's an obscene amount of money. "Listen fellas. These here gems are worth 5000 bits, total. And y'all got a big box of gold bars there. This deal ain't even, and I'm on the short end. I can take one of those bars for this, but that's all I'll accept." I couldn't believe I was hagglin' against myself. But seriously! Just one of those gold bars could retire me four times over. I ain't never been a greedy pony, but I'll admit, the idea of a gold bar was quite attractive. But this wasn't for me. This was for Equestria's newest dragon grandad.

The dogs on the other hand were completely baffled. "Is pony trying to fool us?" the short fellow asked one of the others.

"Not at all fellas. I'll be the first to tell you," I explained, "y'all have a regular fortune on your uh... Paws. Them bars could buy you a whole city district, I'd bet."

"Well what about the gems? We want gems right?"

Oh, good, now they were questionin' their own base nature. I may have caused a family feud here.

"I want a kitty..."

"These bits are bars?"

"Gems are still important."

"All right, all right," I raised my voice only slightly, to draw the trio back into the topic at hoof. Er, paw, by majority. "So are we at an understandin'? These here gems are worth about 5000, and one of those bars is worth 10000. That means either y'all come out at a loss, or y'all have to find something else to trade." I wasn't about to make a deal that somepony- er, some-dog wasn't happy with.

"So," the tallest dog started, slowly. "Pony wants just one bit for his gems?"

I wanted to facehoof, but it'd be rude. I was startin' to understand my sister's lament. "No, no. I'll accept one bar. Those are bars."

"Pony is confusing. You only want one 'bar' for gems, then?" The dog sounded slightly annoyed, but it really didn't seem all that hard to understand. Poor fellows, they just didn't get it did they?

"Yes, I'll accept one bar for these gems. Any more would unfair for you lot."

The dogs looked at one another for a moment, before the tallest one shrugged and pushed the whole box towards me! "Pony can have all the bits. We cannot use them. We can use gems, so we will have gems."

Well this was definitely the most impossible day ever. "Are y'all sure about this? I can't rightly accept this, in my right mind, if'n y'all ain't entirely certain about it." I honestly wasn't sure I wanted that much gold on my hooves at all!

"Yes!" The tall fella exclaimed, obviously sick of the discussion. "We take gems now!"

I quickly hoofed over the gems. "Now, if'n one of y'all would put that there box on my cart, I'll be on my way." There was no way in high heaven I was goin' to move that thing on my own.

But they ran off quicker than I could even finish my sentence! So I was left with a box of gold bars worth 100000 bits and not much of a means to carry it. This seemed a little bit like irony, but I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Well, ain't no concern of m

I figured out a way to load the bars onto my cart pretty easily. I just emptied out the 10 bars, put the box onto the cart, and then put the bars back again. Once that was done, I locked it up again with the chain that had been around it, and then tied it down with some straps. If I somehow end up with any of this left, I figure I'll donate it to the recovery of the library in Canterlot. I couldn't let myself keep so much money earned so unfairly, even if it was a done deal.

...

It was nearing about 5:00 when I arrived at the guardhouse that was essentially the only police station in the valley. I had to gain a little altitude before I was able to spot it, but it wasn't too hard to find. There were several watch towers around the fenced in area where the guard house was, and it was on top of a hill, so it hadn't really been any trouble at all.

I was really nervous about this. The whole ordeal, tryin' t' bail out a dragon, the gold bars, the delivery job I was supposed to have already been halfway done with... It seemed like today was pullin' all the stops to, well, stop me. Well it ain't so easy to stop Barron Skyes! This here is just the way things was, and I wasn't about to let a little foul weather or a bizarre business agreement prevent me from getting the job done. I'd bake pies all night if I had to in order to get them platters back to Canterlot on time!

I pulled up to the front gate, where a guard pony was stood, apparently guarding the guardhouse. "Well howdy there partner," I greeted him cheerily. "Mind if I step in to speak to yer sheriff?"

"Mmh." The fella grunted, and unlocked the gate. He was a pegasus, I noted. Good golly would I hate to be stuck standin' guard like that all day. I'd go mad! I just can't stand to be in one place for too long.

As I went to go on through the gate, though, the guard pony stopped me. "Gotta leave the cart out here, pal. Can't be too careful, you know how it is these days."

I understood completely, an' went ahead and unhitched my cart, settin' it off to the side of the road. "Hey uh, listen." I needed to let him know what was in there. "I got a pretty large sum of valuables in that cart, so could you just, y'know, make sure nopony tries to nab it?"

"You can count on me, sir." He nodded. Thank Celestia for decent folks. Just in case though, I made sure to tie the cart to the fence. That kind of a payload just required extra security measures. Can't be too careful.

...

The main office of the guardhouse was actually pretty small. Just a side room with a single desk, mahogany I noted. The sheriff wasn't in there though, so I went to look for another pony, maybe the deputy.

There seemed to be nopony around at all, which struck me as odd. For that matter, no dragon around, which struck me as alarming. I probably should have noticed that sooner, but I guess I was expecting them to have kept him in a jail cell? Yeah, that was real likely. Smooth thinkin' Skyes.

Interruptin' my inner turmoil, the sheriff stepped in through a back door and stopped in his trot. "Who're you?" He was an earth pony with a light green coat and a fiery red mane, cut short in a military fade. The star on his chest confirmed that he was indeed the sheriff.

"Me? Name's Barron. I'm here with an inquiry about tha dragon y'all had holed up." Probably best not to give him my whole courier pony spill. I figure he probably didn't really care who I was, just why I was there.

"Well, howdy Barron. I be Sheriff Clover, an' this 'ere is me own li'l district o' paradise. Wha' was it ya was lookin' t' ask 'bout?" His voice was absolutely spot on for how he looked. Deep with a slightly eastern accent. Okay, very thick eastern accent, but he wasn't any trouble to understand, mostly.

"All right," I began, readyin' myself to explain just about everything. "Just outside, I got with me a sum of gold. 10 bars, equating to about a hundred thousand bits. I was lookin' to see if I could bail out that dragon."

Clover stared at me for a while, his jaw slightly agape, before coughing and shaking his head. "Y' gots whatnow?" He stepped in further from the door, and ran his hoof across his scalp as he proceeded to parse what I'd told him. "I'm gon' 'ave t' see this."

...

I'd pulled the cart in to the inside of the fenced area, where Sheriff Clover could take a look at the box full of gold. I opened it up, and heard him whistle as he took in the sight.

"How'd y' come 'cross such a lov'ly find?" He asked me after looking the gold over.

"Believe it or not, diamond dogs. I had some gems, they had this. If I'm honest I came out leagues ahead in the deal, and I feel a bit guilty about it. But I ain't seekin' to keep none of it for myself, sir. I was hopin' to use this as bail for the dragon y'all had locked up."

"Th' drake? Ah, we uh, sent 'im on 'is way t' a prison way up north 'is mornin'. Y' wouldn't believe 'ere's a 'ole entire prison jus' fer' o'ersized suspects!"

Well piss-apple-pies. "Can I still bail him out?" This was not good!

Clover thought for a moment, then spoke again. "Eh, folks 'ave been wonderin' 'bout tha' dragon. Lotta ponies feel sorry for 'im. If I was t' figure, I'd say th' caravan he's on i' still within th' valley. You migh' be able t' catch 'em. As far as t' lot o' gold y' got there, I don' think there's e'er been a bail made wit' gold bars. Nor has a dragon e'er been bailed out by a pony before... Bet you what." This fella was a real talkin' piece, but he wasn't too hard to understand. He spoke fast, but to such a cadence that I could kind of keep up. I did feel short a few syllables though.

"So the caravan should still be within the valley?" I asked him, politely tryin' to make sure what I heard was actual words and not alter-cultural gibberish. "What should I look for? What's the caravan company, or is it privately owned?"

He stared at me for a moment, his facial expression not changin' in the slightest. Just before it got real awkward, he suddenly inhaled sharply and nodded his head, as if comin' to some sort of realization. He then walked into one of the office rooms, wordlessly. I tentatively followed him in, and found him rummagin' through a box of files.

"What's all that for?" I asked, rather incredulously.

He looked over his shoulder at me for a moment, before returnin' to his rummagin'. Occasionally he'd nicker or whinny, as he rifled through seemin'ly uninterestin' documents. Oh hay, do I hate paperwork.

"Aye! There is is," Clover exclamed suddenly, causin' me to bump into a desk and nearly knock over a lamp, which I barely managed to catch with my wing. Bein' a Pegasus saved me again. Er, saved a probably inexpensive piece of lighting equipment... Whatever.

"What's that?" I asked him again as he set a folder filled with papers of various colors onto the desk I'd just nearly tackled.

"Records fer th' last quarter on wha' we've hired, commissions, alla that. Th' document 'out wha' comp'ny we hired 'ould be in 'is 'ere."

Ffffuuuaah. I was losing sanity listening to him talk, now. I could hear every word, but they all slew together in a swiss cheese of missing syllables. I was genuinely convinced his talking was gettin' worse.

"Ye', there i' is. I'd say they're on a stop a' Highlian," Clover said as he looked over a bright green piece of paper that he'd pulled out from the mess of other brightly colored papers. "Righ' now. You'd prob'ly be able t' catch 'em if ya left now."

"So you think I'd be able to free him?" Maybe there was still hope! Definitely takin' a vacation after alla this!

"Oh, I don' know, pal. 'Es awf'ly big, an' I cannae righ'ly remember if wha' all he done is permissible fer bail." That bit just barely parsed through my brain. Permissible? For hay's sake, they didn't even hold a court session for the poor fella! T'ain't right.

"I'm going to bail him out. If they won't take this much gold for the fella, they've got a screw or three loose." I turned to leave. "Thank ya kindly for your help, sheriff!"

"Y'all're welcome! Y' be sure t' speak wi' t' commis'ner, 'es t' one seein' t' drake took up north!"

Oh, yikes. The commissioner was actually heading the delivery? I'll need to be extra careful with my words. Then again, if the commissioner deals with Clover on a regular basis, maybe he's got a tolerance for words 'n such.

...

Ponies have always been the sort to protect their own, no matter who or what that may be. Now, that said, dragons come from someplace way far away from Equestria, and there ain't much really known about 'em. Folks tend to associate 'em with those old stories of dragons burnin' villages an' maulin' cattle, or whatever other mess of nonsense them stories told.

The report on the dragon that'd been captured in the valley said he'd attacked someplace, but there hadn't been any reports of fire, or any mortuary reports for that matter. There had however been some sort of explosion, apparently destroying a rather large wind farm an' blowin' apart some thing called an aw-quee-duck, but I don't rightly know what one of them is. The media of course associated the dragon sightin' with the apparent disaster, but you gotta ask... How does a dragon make a wind farm explode?

I was well on my way north towards Highlien, though the weather was lookin' to pick up again, and the clouds overhead looked real unpleasant. There wasn't much of a weather team for out here; the pegasi just managed the weather based on seasons for those areas less populated. It worked in favor for the farmers out here though, because it meant they could get rain without commissionin' a rain storm from the weather teams. Apparently, there's places out there where the weather ain't even controlled at all, an' it just goes willy-nilly. Now that's terrifying.

You know what else is terrifying? Being imprisoned for tryin' to go see your newborn grandkid!

Highlian was another mining town, like Middlewhinney, but much much older. The mines in this particular town were ancient, and mostly off limits from any sort of visitor whatsoever. The majority of the town was just farmers now, however they did have their own courthouse and even a little schoolhouse. The biggest portion of folks that ever visit Highlian are only ever Highlians themselves, as it don't necessarily offer much in commerce or social grace.

A light drizzle was beginnin' to fall as I flew over the last hill between me an' Highlian. The town came into view, stuck onto the side of a mountain. There wasn't much of a sign of the caravan, or any at all really, but I was still a ways out, so I couldn't rightly see much.

Y'know, any other courier wouldn't of stopped at all for any of this mess I got into. Now what that says about me, I don't know. But I do know that I'm confident enough in myself that I'll make this delivery in time, even with all the sidetracking. Speakin' of time, it was nearin' 6:30, and the temperature was startin' to drop, fast. I did not like that one bit. Like I said, the weather out here was a little wild, so it was real hard to know what to expect next.

I picked up the pace, flyin' a little faster as I descended towards the town. There was already a full cloudcover again, and them clouds looked angry. Windigos can stuff it up their tail-ends, I'm gettin' this fella freed, even if there's a darn tornado between me and the dragon!

And to think this mornin' I was worried I'd be gettin' chased down by him.

...

I'd reached the town just as the wind began to pick up, nearly blowin' me into a lamp post as I came in for a landin'. Hard weather ain't never no good for a courier pony, Pegasus or not. It muddies the roads, it wets yer wings and it blows you around. Only thing I could say is much worse is gettn' stuck in a checkpoint. I've heard tell of couriers an' caravaneers gettin' stuck in them things for days, on account of all the paperwork some of 'em will have you give 'em, and that paperwork can take a real long time to process. Systems is nice an' all, but when the system is so complicated it's counteractive, don't you think it'd be a good idea to maybe re-evaluate your system? Whatever, at least weather don't ask for a hundred different documents. Usually.

There wasn't much of nobody out in the streets, on account of the inclement weather. The courthouse was in the center of the town, with a pretty wide cobblestone road leading down from the front of it, and smaller streets wrapped around it. Back behind the courthouse was another length of road, although this particular section of road was fenced off. You'd think there'd be at least a security officer or somepony out here, but there wasn't a soul in sight! Well, I was already drenched, so it didn't much matter to me. But if everypony was indoors, I'd have to go indoors too, and get somepony's floors all wet. Maybe there's a unicorn somewheres with a dryin' spell?

Grrrah! Part of me was gettin' real riled up with myself for doin' this at all. I'd be puttin' a real strain on myself to get this delivery done on time, now! And you better believe I had full intention of gettin' it done on time. No doubts about it, Barron Skyes does what he says he's goin' to do, and he does it on time!

... That's right. I do do everything I said I'd do, and I do it in time. That means I'm goin' to save this darned dragon, regardless of what my conscience tells me! Good sense wasn't never no good fer me anyhow.

With newfound gumption and quite a strong desire to get dry, I hitched my cart up in the stable next to the courthouse, and went on in. The courthouse exterior was largely brick and stone, simple in design, but the inside was anything but. The thing I noticed first was the big ol' fountain in the middle of the foyer; an oversize phoenix with wings outstretched, water spewing from below it in a bunch of directions, like it was risin' up from a fire made of water. Didn't quite make sense to me. The floor was polished marble, the walls were unpolished but the same. The air felt thick, and unhealthy. I didn't like this. Things weren't right in here. Somethin' was up. I looked up to the ceiling, where there were signs pointin' down various halls and up a wide flight of stairs. The sign pointin' to the left wing of the buildin' said "ADMINISTRATION, PUBLIC RELATIONS." I went down that way, as the other ones said "COURTROOM" and "OFFICES."

The hallway wasn't no better than the foyer. It was still real nice lookin' with marble and gold filigree, and not an absence of lighting. I could see out the windows, and it was still dreary and gray, but inside they had it so lit up it felt like a drought. Eventually the hallway turned right, and opened up to a smaller foyer of similar design to the first, with a simple fountain with various bird sculptures perched on the multiple tiers, as the water flowed between them, falling from the top, and eventually reaching each tier before hitting the bottom and being sucked back up to the top. This felt almost as pretentious as Canterlot, except I wasn't in Canterlot, I was in the valley, and there wasn't no reason for the valley to be this pretentious. It bothered me right bad.

At the other end of the secondary foyer, past the fountain, was a kiosk with a rather bored lookin' earth pony mare. She barely looked conscious. "Uhm, excuse me?" I tried.

"Excuse you?" She replied, looking up at me without bothering to lift her head from her forehooves. "Can I help you?"

Well, at least she was willin' to help. "Yeah, I was lookin' for the commissioner. Heard the dragon was bein' took through here, and I was hopin' to speak to him about it." Them kiosk ponies are bound to confideentiality laws, so I wasn't too worried about divulging too much info about my mission here.

She turned a couple pages in a binder she had on the desk with her. I couldn't rightly make out what was in the binder. "They're holding a court hearing on the matter right now. What was it you were hoping to tell him, and maybe I can relay the message for you?"

Nope. That wouldn't work. "Well you see, I ain't much got a message. I got about 50 pounds of gold here, and I was hopin' to bail out the dragon with it."

I'm pretty sure she fractured her jaw when it hit the floor. "B-b-but..." She stuttered, "50 pounds? As in solid gold? Where?"

Oh. Right. "Well, just outside, actually, in the stable. In my cart. Locked up, of course..." I think...

"Sir," she started, a fair bit more awake now. "You'd best bring that sum inside right now. I'll need to see some identification, too. There's rules and regulations on mass sum delivery round here, and without the proper permissions to carry all that, you'll have to stow it in a bank."

Oh, right! Well that did make sense, really. "I'll go get the box."

...

It took me a while but I managed to hoist the box up onto my back - after checking to make sure it still held its contents! - and carried it into the courthouse again. The sign outside, which I hadn't noticed the first time I'd come in, stated this was the "JUSTICE CENTER." Okay, whatever you say, hoss.

The earth pony mare in the kiosk was up and about in the room behind here, rifling through filing cabinets for something. I politely gave her some time to finish whatever it was she was doing.

"Oh-oh! You're back. I-uh, give me just a moment, here..." She stammered, and continued to search around for whatever. I set the box of gold down next to me and waited patiently.

A door to the right of the kiosk swung open suddenly, and a big burly lookin' security officer stepped out. He glanced at me, then trotted on up to the kiosk. "Shirley, they're finished in there. Go 'head and put together an after-action report for 'em."

The poor mare was frizzied about somethin' fierce by this point. "Wha? After-action report? But isn't that your job Crabbs?"

"Not if I'm goin' on break, it ain't." The security officer, Crabbs apparently, said, before stepping past me and leisurely strolling on down the hall, presumably to go take his break.

"Oh this is just not fair..." the mare whimpered to herself. Hayburgers and fries, was I sure glad I didn't have a desk job. I'd be dead within weeks.

"Hey uh, miss, listen," I grabbed her attention. "If you'll just point me in the direction of the courtroom, I'll go ahead and just say my piece to the commissioner, and we can do this paperwork thingie later."

She stared at me for a moment, as if I'd just suddenly appeared there and she'd never seen me before in her life, before snappin' out of her stupor and addressing me. "Um, sir, apparently the hearing is over. The commissioner will be heading on his route along with the caravan he came in on. They're probably already on their way out now."

This just keeps gettin' better an' better. "Well thanks anyhow!" I exclaimed before grabbin' my box and takin' off back down the hallway. Pretty sure I heard the Shirley mare shout something about identification, but I was already out the door and after my cart.

...

Box strapped back down and myself hitched back up, I took to the skies and in a northern direction. The rain hadn't let up, and it didn't feel no better neither. The courthouse - or Justice Center, according to the sign - quickly fell far behind me as I sped north, following the main road out of the town. It'd taken me some time to get everything strapped back down and hitched up, so I'd lost some valuable time! I'd have to catch up with the caravan, and I hadn't even spotted them yet!

I flew relatively low to the ground, on account of the rain obscuring my vision and makin' it darn near impossible to spot much of nothin' from up high. Technically, loaded pegasi are s'posed to fly at a much higher altitude than what I was at, but if I was up there, I'd likely fly right over them and never see them! So I kept followin' the road at about 20 feet up, carefully minding the occasional treetop or power line.

Eventually I finally found them! They'd gotten pretty far for such a short time. The hearing may have been over before I even got there. I quickly came down to the ground and came up behind the caravan, where the back wagon was carrying along a couple guards.

"Hey, pegasi deliveries aren't permitted to travel at ground level!" One of the guards shouted at me.

"What's the deal here? You need somethin' pal?" The other asked. The cart pullin' the dragon was on up about half a dozen wagons. This was one heck of a big caravan! They had him in this huge cage lookin' thing. I could see him through the bars, a mass of light red scales curled up real cramped.

"Hey, uh, the commissioner's on this caravan right? I got a bail for the dragon!" I hollered back over the sound of the wind and the rain and the racket of the caravan wagons.

The guards looked at me, then to each other, then back at the driver of the wagon. They were sayin' somethin' to one another, but I couldn't hear a thing over all the noise around me. Then one of the guards turned back to me and motioned for me to come closer. "I need to see some ID, first, buddy. Who exactly are you?" He said as I got close enough to speak without shoutin'.

Awful lot of folks want to see my identification today. "I'm Barron Skyes, courier out of Canterlot," I explained as I fished out my ID card from my bags. "I'm out here doin' an emergency grab 'n go for the gala comin' up, we're short a couple plates from Ponyville."

I hoofed the card along with my courier documentation up to the guard pony. "Well why ain't you headed to Ponyville, then?" He queried as he studied my various items of identification. He then hoofed them back with a nod of approval.

I nodded back to my cart. "I got with me about 50 pounds of gold. I intend to spend it as bail for the dragon."

The guards both asked me at the same time, "Are you serious?"

"Sure am! 50 pounds of gold for one dragon." Really, I was hopin' to get this done as soon as possible and get on my way to Ponyville. This was gettin' to be quite a tight run!

The guards didn't look too comfortable with what I'd told 'em. One of 'em turned back and spoke to the driver again. I just kept keepin' up with the caravan. Eventually he turned back round and addressed me again. "This is awfully late to try an' bail this fella out, friend. You're sure about this? I ain't sure the commissioner will accept your offer at this point. 50 pounds of gold, though..."

"Just tell me which wagon he's in," I said to them both. "And I'll speak to him myself."

"Eeh... Hang on a moment." One of them grabbed his radio off his belt and spoke into it. "Hey, we got a fella back here." He said to the device. A second later, it spoke back, with little in the way of actually discernible words. "No no, he's a courier. Says he's got bail for the prisoner, though." More garbled radio chatter. "50 pounds in gold, sir..." A moment of silence, then a quick expulsion of even more radio mess. The guard put his radio back, and looked to me. "Well, uh... They said you're fine to go on up. Second vehicle to the front. Don't mess with the prisoner, though."

"All right then! Thank ya, fellas!" I said to them both, then took off again and proceeded up along the side of the caravan. It was 9 'vehicles' in all, as the guard had called it. The one the dragon was in, the giant cage, was one of those new fangled self-movin' carrages, the sort what don't need to be pulled at all. Boy was that thing loud though! Sounded like a freight train!

The one in front of the automatic carrage was the second to the front, so I flew up next to it. It was a closed cabin wagon in black with bronze trim, sort you'd see somepony important ride round in. It had a guard sitting alongside the driver, but I couldn't see in through any of the windows. I got the attention of the guard.

"I was told to come up here to this here wagon. Y'all got the commissioner in there?" I asked him.

"Um, yeah." The guard said rather eloquently. He then knocked on the roof of the cabin - three times, I noticed. "You can talk through the window."

As he said that, one of the windows began to roll down, revealing a well-aged stallion with a coffee-colored coat and a grey mane. He had an eyepatch, and was wearing a suit. I got no clue what fashion is.

"What is it you want, courier?" The elderly pony asked me, not at all unpleasantly.

"Well, mister commissioner," I began.

"Please, you can call me Steven."

Steven? Ooookay. Never heard that name before. Must be foreign. "Well, Steven, I got with me this here box," I said, motioning to my cart behind me. "Inside said box is about 50 pounds of gold. Solid, untarnished gold. I'm here to bail out the dragon you've got back there."

Steven the commissioner pony stared at me blankly for a moment, a reaction I'd come to expect from folks I tell I got all this gold. Then, unexpectedly, he laughed. A pretty deep laugh, that left him in a coughing fit. He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a small flask, and drank from it. I assumed it to be some kind of hard cider, maybe an apple whiskey. He put it away once he was done drinking. "Lemonade, if you were wonderin'," he told me. Well, now I knew. "Sorry 'bout that, now, uh... Why were you wantin' to free the dragon? You uh, realize he's a dragon right?"

All right, here goes! "Well sir," I began my little speech. "The reports of this here dragon attacking a town are entirely fabricated and wholely false," I stated in the most gentlepony-like voice I could muster. "You see, this here fellow you've got locked up is newly a grandfather. He was just flying up through Equestria to see his family and his new grandkid. There have been no losses in member, life, or construction whatsoever, and so there could not have been any sort of attack. I've been to both of the main settlements out here, and niether one is even a little damaged, burnt, or what have you. I implore you to free this gentleman, so he can go see his young'n." I took a breath, and wiped my brow. "How's that?"

The commissioner clopped his hoves together, nodding his head. "Well, you've got a fine journalist streak in you, I can tell you that much. Yes, you're correct, there were no casualties, and no damages of any kind, however, this may be out of my jurisdiction." He turned to his side and spoke to the pony sat next to him, whom I couldn't quite see. I was unable to listen in on their short discussion. I saw an exchange of hooves, and Steven brought out a thin folder with maybe 3 documents in it. "This here," he explained, pointing out the emblem on one of the documents, "Is straight from the top. Celestia herself ordered for this dragon to be sent north. Now, it ain't exactly fair to him, I know, but y'all gotta understand what's really going on here." He turned to the second document, which was covered header to footer in fine text. "This fella, the grandad drake, he's old. I mean real old, like mountains old. He's got a lot of history, and accordin' to the ones up top, he's been wanted for, well, apparently eons. Now I know that sounds about impossible, and I don't rightly agree with it myself, but a job is a job. Alla this on this here paper? It's all descriptions on crimes he's committed, supposedly, in centuries past." Steven let out a sigh, scratching the area where the eyepatch strap went just below his ear. "T'ain't right, I agree. Centuries ago is long enough I figure for somebody to live down their crimes. Celestia's just a hard judge."

Well... Gaul dang it! Yeah, t'ain't right! Not at all. But, that's Celestia's orders, apparently... And I got 50 pounds of gold! Wait... I got 50 pounds of gold! "So Steven, what was the commission for this here capture?" If I can outweigh the commission...

"Well, that's not exactly somethin' I can tell you, friend. I can say however, you've probably got more gold than that commission was worth. Honestly," he said, leaning out the window a bit, "It sort of seemed like this wasn't all that big of a deal for Celestia, really. But you didn't hear that from nopony, you hear?"

I nodded, understanding. There's a measure of somethin' like trust that goes along with dealin' with the law. It's like if two ponies have a gun and they both want the same thing, they can work together to get it, or one can prevent the other from succeedin'. Kinda like that. Power struggle between civilians and lawmen, in the way of politics.

"Well, I have 50 pounds of gold," I said, not hidin' the tiredness in my voice. It was gettin' pretty cold, and I was soaked to the bone, but I was determined to see this fella freed. "I figured that'd be around 10 grand, give or take."

Steven chuckled again, shaking his head. "50 pounds you say? Well, if'n it's genuine gold, y'all got more like 50 grand."

Sweet saltwater seahorses! "What am I goin' to do with 50 biggun's?!"

"Tell you what, we're makin' a stop at Canterlot so Celestia herself can see the prisoner," Steven explained. "But I figure if I showed her the sum you've got there, she'd be pretty well convinced folks don't agree to lockin' him up. That's an awful lot of gold, after all."

"Well shucks, take it then!" I said, motioning towards my cart.

"Now don't go bitin' the bit just yet. I ain't gonna need all of that." Steven knocked on the roof of the cabin, getting the attention of the guard pony. "Hey, mind getting the caravan stopped for a moment?"

Sure enough, the guard nodded, and went onto his radio, tellin' it what the commissioner had said. The radio chattered back incomprehensibly, and a moment later the caravan started to slow down to a stop.

...

Steven turned out to be a very influential pony, apparently coming from a family of top Canterlot elite. His word went about as law round the valley and much of the land outward. Ponies recognized him as an apparent hero, fightin' for property laws, commercial laws, and even cleanin' up police corruption out Manehattan way. Old colt's been around.

Steven stepped out of his wagon, big ol' tophat on his head nearly gettin' knocked off by the frame. Wind had picked up too, along with the rain, so even though he had somepony holdin' an umbrella over him, he was still gettin' wet. He came over to my cart, where I'd opened up the box full of gold. He inspected it, lookin' at a couple individual bars, then gave me a nod of approval. "That's gold all right. You've got a regular fortune on your hooves. And you're goin' to spend it to free this here dragon?"

"Yes sir," I confirmed. "I don't much got a use for any of it myself, an' I don't agree with what's bein' done to the dragon, so this is the decision I've made."
Steven nodded, stroking the stubbly beard on his chin. "Say, what office do you work out of, courier?"

"Oh, I'm Barron Skyes. I'm a freelance delivery pegasus out of Canterlot. The main Canterlot office is a little too skittish to take on the big deliveries, so I figured I'd pick up where they'd left untouched."

"Canterlot huh? When do you figure you'll be back up there?" Steven asked, pointing north-east towards Canterlot mountain.

"Well, I'm on a job right now actually, runnin' to grab some platters for the upcomin' gala. I have to be back by tomorrow, 'cause the gala is Saturday." Yeah, I really wasn't much 'on' the job right now...

"Dragon saving just happens t' be a hobby of yours then, I take it?" Steven jested.

"Haha, yeah, guess so." Definitely not getting any more distracted on this job. Can't afford it! You could afford it if you kept the gold for yourself, some ugly voice said inside my head. I quickly squashed that voice with an iron will. T'ain't nothin' more evil than selfishness.

"Well I tell you what," Steven began fishing out something from one of his coat pockets. "Here's my card. I figure we can stop at Canterlot for a while longer. You keep ahold of that gold, and come find me once you get back. We'll make a right fine case to the Princess, and I figure she'll be willin' to accept your offering. You said your name was Barron Skyes?"

"Yes sir," I affirmed as I accepted his card. It was a dark teal with gold lettering, saying "Steven Randall, Chief Auxiliary, Equestrian Administration Office" and a couple different numbers to contact him by. Steven Randall? By gum if that ain't about as wild of a name as can be. Sounds like somethin' a griffon would call themselves. Ponies don't usually have griffon names, but your name's your name, ain't it. "I been a courier for about a decade now. I'll take just about any job that the official offices won't." I told him.

"Hey, Cupcake," Steven said, calling for one of the other ponies. The pony who had been sat with him in the cabin of the wagon trotted up, quietly looking expectant. He was a young unicorn, had a light blue coat and a pink mane. "This here is Cupcake, my assistant. He's got the bright idea of tryin' to make it to my position someday. Cupcake, take a note here," Steven ordered his assistant, "Barron Skyes, a pegasus courier out of Canterlot fights for the freedom of an ancient dragon." Cupcake quickly took out a pen and a pad of paper, hiding under the umbrella as best he could as he quickly jotted down what Steven had said. "How's that sound? I'm sure it'll get you some more business if I get that put in the papers."

Well wait just one sock-sorded moment! In the papers? "Now, there ain't no need for that," I whinnied, not entirely sure if getting attention as a freedom fighter was the attention I needed. "I don't do this fer myself, see. I just don't approve of somebody bein' locked up for nothin'. Equestria's got enough worries as it is, what with the situation with foriegn affairs." I definitely don't think I'd enjoy gettin' hired for a bunch of rescue missions or chasin' after refugees, or whatever other variety of super hero job folks would figure me fit to do. Unlike Provolone Slim, I ain't no mercenary.

Steven chuckled again, this time taking care not to go at it too hard. "He sure ain't much like a Canterlot pony, is he?" He asked to nopony in particular. "I figure you're probably just going to get rid of the gold, then get on with your normal life, ain't you?"

"Well, I'd been plannin' on it, yes. So if I bring all the gold to you sometime Saturday, will that work? Tomorrow is lookin' real packed for time." That was an understatin'.

"Hmm," Steven pondered. "I suppose I can stick around Canterlot for the gala," he said with a wink, which kind of felt like he was jus' blinkin', 'cus he had that eyepatch. The tell-tale head bob gave it away though. For a moment I wanted to ask him how he'd lost that eye, but I quickly decided against it. T'ain't polite to ask a fella 'bout his war scars until you're good friends. Dad taught me that, said it had a real deep meanin' if you looked into it. I figured it was just about war scars.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, thinking of something I wanted to do. "Can I speak with the dragon, fer just a minute or two? I got a couple questions fer the fella."

Steven's brow rose a bit, in a sort of quizzical figure, then he turned to look towards the giant cage-mobile. "I don't see why not. Just uh, be careful of the snout. He's got a bad habit of puffin' smoke at ya."

...

The dragon was huge! He had to be ancient if he was this big. The cage-mobile took up the whole width of the road (and then some!) and it was at least 20 feet tall and maybe 50 feet long. And he took up all of that space! His tail lulled out one of the gaps between the bars, gaps which I noticed were big enough for a pony to fit through, but not even big enough for one of his huge paws. I came around to the back where I figured his head was, considerin' his tail was to the front. They had him strapped down too, in addition to bein' caged! He couldn't move nothin'.

As I came round to the back of the cage-mobile, the dragon watched me with one of his huge yellow eyes. The other eye, which was on the other side of his head, was pressed up against his shoulder, curled up as he was. It was still rainin' and I was startin' to not care, considerin' I was just about numb from head to tail. The dragon didn't seem to care either, even as rain drops fell directly onto his eye! I guess he's just that tough? I know I'd throw a right fit if a rain drop hit my eye.

A guard had come with me, to unlock the brace on the dragon's maw. As he did so, the dragon lifted his head as far as he could, openin' his mouth real wide an' wigglin' his jaw all around. Rows and rows of these huge dagger-like teeth, all the way to the back of his mouth... There's somethin' about that what jus' sets ya 'a shivverin'.

The guard stood by, a fair ways away from the dragon's mouth. I figured there wasn't much actual danger from gettin' bit as long as you wasn't in the cage with him, so I stood where I was, about 5 feet away from the back of the cage. Well, here goes! "Howdy there! I'm Barron Skyes, fastest cour-"

"I do not care who you are, pony." It felt like an earthquake! The giant lizard's voice was huge. Deep, rumbling and pretty gosh-darn loud! I wasn't sure if heard it as much as I'd felt it.

"Well, uhm, that's real fine, perfectly fine. I just hoped you'd answer a few questions I had." I didn't want to sound too terrified of the fella, but it was right difficult not to practically bow to him. "Hey uh, mister guard, mind givin' me some privacy with the drake?" It was goin' to be real awkward askin' the questions I was goin' to ask if there was a third party listenin' in.

The guard pony shrugged, set down the mouth brace, and trotted on back to the wagon in front.

Good, now I could speak freely. "All right, so I know y'all don't care who I am, but I'm gonna have to know who you are. It just ain't right to speak to someone without learnin' their name."

"I do not want to give you my name." The dragon rumbled. Fiddlesticks.

"Well, that's on you. Listen here. I'm bailin' you out of this mess, come Saturday. Y'all is a grandad now, right?" I figured family was a note that hit on all facets of life. "Y'all got a new grandkid to see, and there ain't no reason fer them to lock you up fer that."

The dragon just watched me with his massive eye.

"Anyway, I got some questions. Now I doubt they've told you much of nothin', but Equestria has been under attack from-"

"Changelings. Shape shifters." The dragon rumbled.

"Ayyup, changie-thingies. Well, everypony's a little tense 'cause of that, and apparently just today, the Canterlot library blew up. Now, the question I got for you is," I readied for what I was about to say. "What do you know about dark magic?"

The dragon's eye opened wide, then his brow came down in this real mean lookin' scowl. "Dark magic is a deep and ancient evil, pony." The dragon was actually speakin' pretty quietly now, I guess he figured out why I wanted the privacy. At least now I wouldn't have a miniature heart attack every time he spoke.

"Well I figured that. Look buddy, things is gettin' real wierd round here as of late, and I'd like to know as much as I can about what's goin' on."

The dragon huffed, a puff of smoke billowing out his nostrils. "Dark magic..." he began, "It works in a different manner than normal magic. It draws not from the energy of the user, but from the world itself. It devours and sucks the life out of everything. Then it uses that energy to corrupt the user, as the user uses it to do... Whatever they want to do. Dark magic is intrinsically evil in nature, and does not belong in this world. Ponies created it. Ponies use it. And it is for that reason that you will all bring the end of days."

Well... That was ominous. "End of days?" I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that.

"Beasts will break the walls, and the walls will come down," the drake explained cryptically, which explained nothing. "You're not the only ones with inherent magic."

I knew that. Every living thing was magical, it had to be in order to maintain... Harmony? Yeah, harmony. "What do you mean? Is this some sort of riddle?"

"You're the same as all the rest. You ponies never have cared about what's beyond yourselves. You'd be perfectly content if all the rest of the world went away, leaving just you lot to do as you please." The dragon did not sound like he was too fond of ponies. Considerin' the position he was in, it didn't seem too hard to understand why.

I still wasn't sure what dark magic was, though. "What did you mean, it corrupts the user?"

The dragon grumbled as he tried to adjust his position, to no avail. "It works one of two ways. Dark magic can feed off of the world, devouring the very spirit of the land, or it can feed off of life itself, devouring souls. Including the soul of the user. The result is a steady, if not abrupt, change in the user, where they eventually become possessed by the dark energies of the Void. For a dragon to use dark magic, they would surely bring forth all manner of dark and horrible misfortune to all the world."

Yyyup, I was not liking this.

"Your questions anger me, pony. It is not within your best interest to delve into these things. Do not make a mistake you may regret," the dragon warned me. Seemed like an awfully long way to say 'Be careful.'

"Well, I think I know jus' about all I want to know. You'll be seein' yer grandkid come the next couple of days, pal! Now come on, you gotta have a little joy in that big scaly body of yours." I figured bein' friendly was a good idea after bringin' up that topic. I was a whole lot colder than I'd been earlier...

The dragon grumbled, looking away from me for a moment. His eye then focused on me again as he said, "I have lived alone, away from my family for a century. They have all but disowned me for the horrible things I did in times past... I will not discuss what those deeds were, but they were necessary, regardless of their horror. Yes, this invitation to come see my newborn grandchild brings me great joy, for it is an opportunity to mend past relationships. I have learned many things from seeing the way you ponies work. Of all these things, I have seen how you lot thrive on each other. You maintain friendships, you bring one another together, and you protect the things that hold those friendships and relationships together. If only there were some means to teach that, to share the magic of friendship with my kind... Perhaps things would of been different, ages ago. Perhaps things could have gone a lot worse, too."

You know, when he spoke normally, the dragon almost sounded... Well, normal ain't the fairest way to put it, but it wasn't no ground-shatterin' rumble nor nothin', it was jus' a deep voice. "Well, I'm here to help you mend those broken relationships. 50 pounds worth of help, in solid gold, buddy. Y'all is got back up for days, I figure. And I ain't the only one who figures you ought to be freed. A lot of folks know you ain't done nothin wrong, at least not in so long that anybody it'd matter to - for the most part - is long gone. So jus' sit tight and keep an eye out for this guy," I said, pointin' to myself. "I'll be fightin' for your freedom!" I laughed, trying to make it clear I wasn't an egotistical, well, Canterlot pony.

"Within a few days?" He asked me, sounding almost hopeful.

"Yessir! Y'all is stoppin' at Canterlot to see the Princess, which is when me and the commissioner is gonna spring the gold on Her 'n see 'bout gettin' you freed." I was feelin' pretty good about this!

"Let us hope the Princess does not handle criminals in the same way she did in centuries past, or this will be a short visit."