Wingless

by ChaosDragoon

Wingless

Rainbow Dash stood tall and proud as the news pony took her picture. The stallion thanked her before moving onto the next Pegasus. She smirked as she saw the next day’s headlines stream through her mind: Rainbow Dash, winner on the Equestrian 500. She was giddy with excitement as she trotted in place.

“I wouldn’t be getting to excited darling. The race hasn’t even begun,” Rarity said as she levitated a large jug of water onto the table. She had insisted on purchasing the sparkling water for the event. She claimed it was the best water bits could buy. It was water taken from a glacier in the far northern parts of Equestria and indorsed by Hoity Toity. Drinking something the Wonderbolts indorsed was one thing, but a stallion from Canterlot? Rainbow Dash couldn’t understand it.

“For once I agree with Rarity. Don’t go counting your chickens before they hatch. There’s a lot of good competition here and ya never know what might happen,” Applejack pointed out as she placed a few apples onto the table.

“But if you don’t count the chickens, how will you know if one runs off?” Fluttershy asked as she helped Pinkie tie balloons to the table. They were an array of colors to match her mane and had her cutie mark on them. The pink earth pony kept looking back at the two party cannons she had brought. She had planned on setting them off when Rainbow Dash would win the race, but temptation kept pulling her to push the button to fire them now.

“It’s a figure of speech Fluttershy. However, there may be some flyers who will chicken out,” Rainbow Dash said.

“I wouldn’t be so cocky Rainbow. There are a lot of good flyers in the competition,” Twilight said after she tied the banner with a picture of Rainbow Dash drawn on it by her fan club to the table.

“Yeah, but with my excellent flying skills and you all on my team. Everypony’s just racing for second place,” Rainbow Dash boasted.

“Yeah right!” a voice squeaked. Rainbow Dash turned and saw a small pegasus filly glaring at her with her ember eyes. Rainbow Dash just chuckled at the dark blue filly.

“Sorry kid, but you’re a bit young to enter in the race,” she explained.

“I know that!” the filly roared causing Rainbow Dash to step back a little before the filly added, “you’ll be the one racing for second. My brother will totally wipe the skies with you.” Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow at the filly.

“Oh really kid? He’s that good?” Rainbow questioned.

“Now Rainbow, don’t go crushing a filly’s dreams because of your ego,” Applejack said as she walked up Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah, he’s better then you and with me as part of his team, he’ll win the race for sure!” the filly said matter-of-factly as she pushed a strand of her grey mane from her eyes.

“There you are Skyward,” a Pegasus said as he flew down and landed next to the filly before adding, “I’ve been looking all over for you.” The filly looked up at the grey eyes of the pegasus and smiled before she turned to Rainbow Dash and stuck her tongue out at her. Rainbow Dash examined the pegasus Beside the filly. He had a blazing red coat with a yellow mane and tail that looked like it had flames in it, and on his flank was a fire ball.

“So this must be the brother this little filly was talking about,” Rarity pointed out. The Pegasus looked at her, then at the filly before he sighed and placed a hoof over his face.

“I’m so sorry for my sister. She can get pretty competitive with these races,” he apologized with a nervous chuckle.

“No I’m not!” Skyward yelled before she pointed at Rainbow Dash and added, “You will beat her Flame Blitz! You’re faster, stronger, and more agile than her!” Flame Blitz looked at her and shook his head.

“Come on, we need to get back to Ahsi. She’s been worried sick,” Flame Blitz explained as he turned around to leave. He hadn’t taken more than two steps when Rarity appeared in front of him, a shocked look on her face.

“Ahsi? You can’t mean The Ahsi that owns the most luxurious spa in Canterlot?” Rarity gasped. Flame Blitz nodded slowly, a little taken aback by her sudden appearance. Everypony’s ears bent backwards as Rarity let out a high pitched squeal in excitement as she trotted in place.

“You have to introduce me!” Rarity demanded.

“S-Sure,” Flame Blitz said as he began to back away from the excited pony. Rarity squealed again before she began to adjust her mane.

“Hold on there Rarity. Why don’t we leave the introductions till after the race? I highly doubt he has time to introduce us to her now,” Applejack said.

“Oh, yes. After the race then. Sorry for my little,” Rarity said before she cleared her throat and added, “Outburst of excitement.”

“There you two are,” a mare said as she trotted over to the group. She was a violet unicorn with a light blue mane and tail. The mark on her flank was three bamboo sticks rising out of a pond. She walked over to Flame Blitz and leaned against him, nestling her head on his neck. Skyward gagged as she pointed her hoof to her mouth and stuck her tongue out.

“I got worried when you Didn’t come back,” Ahsi said as she looked at Flame Blitz before she looked at Rainbow Dash and gasped before exclaimed, “You’re Rainbow Dash!”

“The one and only,” Rainbow Dash said as she rubbed her hoof on her chest.

“Who cares who she is, Blitz will still kick her sorry flank in the race,” Skyward said.

“Skyward!” Flame Blitz snapped.

“Well it’s the truth. Nopony is faster than you,” Skyward protested. Flame Blitz just sighed.

“I’m sorry for my little sister,” Flame Blitz apologized.

“It’s alright, ain’t it Rainbow,” Applejack asked as she glared at Rainbow Dash who was in a glaring match with Skyward. Rainbow Dash looked at Applejack and sighed.

“Yeah, no worries,” Rainbow Dash said as she waved her hoof.

“Come on Skyward, we need to finish setting up,” Ahsi said as she lead the little filly away from the group. Flame Blitz watched them walk away and sighed in relief.

Rarity just stood there in shock, her mouth agape at the scene before she turned to Blitz. For a few seconds she tried to speak but when she could, she finally said, “You two?”

Flame Blitz just rubbed his right fore-hoof on the back of his head and explained, “Yeah. We met at last year’s Equestrian 500. Who knew she was a racing fan?”

“Oh it’s just like a fairy tale!” Rarity squealed.

“Some days it feels like it. I keep wondering how a beautiful mare could fall for foolhardy stallion like me,” Flame Blitz said.

“Attention, Attention all Pegasi in the Equestrian 500, please come to the starting line. The race will begin in five minutes,” a booming stallion’s voice announced over the loud speakers.

“Guess I’ll see you at the starting line Rainbow Dash. Good luck to you,” Flame Blitz said as he extended a hoof.

“Yeah, good luck to you too,” Rainbow said as she shook his hoof. As Flame Blitz flew off, Rainbow Dash turned to her friends, “This is it, time to show everypony my sick moves.” smile on her face.

“We’re behind you one hundred percent,” Twilight said as her friends nodded in agreement.

---

At the starting line Rainbow Dash stood behind ten other ponies. She wore a vest that had the number two on it. She really wanted the vest with number one on it, but it was already taken by another Pegasus.

“Seems like we both got put in the middle of the pack?” Flame Blitz said as he stood next to Rainbow Dash. She saw he wore a vest with the number three on it. He pulled at the vest and sighed, “Damn things are itchy.”

“Sure, use that excuse when I beat your flank,” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. The two shared a laugh before Celestia walked out from the royal tent and looked down at the large group of pegasi in the race.

“You ready to come in second place,” Flame Blitz joked.

“You and the rest of the field are just racing for second,” Rainbow Dash said with a chuckle.

Celestia lifted her head up as her horn began to glow. Both Rainbow Dash and Flame Blitz dug their right fore-hooves into the ground as their wings extended. Celestia shot up a large ball of golden aura into the sky. As it ascended, both Rainbow Dash and Flame Blitz exchanged a final looked at each other before they looked forward and narrowed their eyes. The ponies around them extended their wings and prepared to take off. The large orb of aura continued to soar into the sky before it exploded in the air. In an instant pegasi flew past the first corner, sending shockwaves through the stand as cheers erupted from the ponies watching the race.

“Go Rainbow!” all of Rainbow Dash’s friends and fans screamed. Rainbow Dash smiled as she began to move closer to the front of the pack. Her smile only grew when she noticed Flame Blitz close behind her.

“Go Flame Blitz,” Ahsi yelled as the group passed by her and Skyward who was cheering on her brother.

“Welcome Fillies and Gentlecolts to the 30th annual Equestrian 500. We’re sure to have a marvelous race this year isn’t that right Hoof Gordon?” the Pegasus commentator said.

“That’s right Earnhoof. We’re liable to have one of the best races to date,” Earnhoof said before he added, “As we enter into the second turn it looks like we already have a battle for first!”

---

Rainbow Dash already flew past Soarin and using the drift from Rainbow Dash so did Flame Blitz. Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes as she sped towards Spitfire. She knew that the next turn was a hard hairpin right and she would make her move then. However, she was so focused on passing Spitfire she hadn’t seen Flame Blitz use the drift from her to, not only pass her but also, in one motion pass Spitfire. He quickly turned his body to the right and the group flew by another corner, creating a shock wave.

“Sweet Celestia! Flame Blitz, in one fell swoop has taken first place!” Hoof Gordon yelled.

“Go Blitz!” Skyward cheered as she hopped up and down with excitement.

Flame Blitz narrowed his eyes and started to fly away from the pack. Rainbow Dash grunted before she started to fly faster and on the next turn passed by Spitfire and started to catch up with Flame Blitz. The next turn, Rainbow Dash cut left and passed Flame Blitz on the inside of the turn but on the next turn Flame Blitz did the same thing.

“Whoa! Rainbow Dash and Flame Blitz are going back and forth for the battle of first,” Hoof Gordon said.

“Yeah, and they’ve already got a thirty second lead over the rest of the pack,” Earnhoof pointed out.

---

Rainbow Dash and Flame Blitz continued their fight for first place and as they continued to pull further away from the pack they soon started lapping other pegasi. Now and again the two would land in their designated resting spots so their team could give them water and keep their wings from cramping up. Rainbow Dash drank some of the water Rarity had brought, but spat it back out because it didn’t taste so pure to her.

Flame Blitz landed next to a large white table before Skyward rushed over with a bottle of water and handed it to him. He thanked her as he took it and gulped it down. He extended his wings as Ahsi began to massage the muscles to keep them from cramping up.

“You’re doing great out there Blitz,” Ahsi said as she moved over to the other wing.

“Yeah and when you do the Fire Rocket you’ll definitely win,” Skyward said.

“No!” Flame Blitz yelled. Skyward stepped back at his sudden outburst. Flame Blitz looked at her and sighed before he added, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not in these close proximities to other ponies. If you want, I’ll do it after the race, okay?”

“Okay,” Skyward said, a little defeated that she wouldn’t see him preform it in the race. She grabbed an oak energy bar from the table and handed it to him. After eating the energy bar and gulping down another bottle of water, he bolted away from the two.

---

Rainbow Dash and Flame blitz where neck and neck going into the final drop before the last turn. The Pegasus at the finish line waited as he held the checkered flag in his hooves. The two dive-bombed towards the turn, the wind whipping their manes.

As the two descended towards the ground, Flame Blitz started to see hot air currents swirling around him. He could do it; he could perform the Fire Rocket and win the race. The thought of it made him want to go faster, made him want to explode through the finish line. All that was erased from his mind when he felt a presence next to him and when he looked to his left he saw Rainbow Dash next to him. The thoughts of winning the race all were replaced by screams of horrified ponies as the images of a charred body lay on the ground and angry shouts of ponies calling out his name. He quickly opened his wings to halt his decent.

In that instant a massive sonic boom that scattered a colorful rainbow through the air erupted. The rainbow stream flew past the finish line as the Pegasus waved the checkered flag. The crowd erupted into a massive sound of cheers and stomping hooves as the sound of cannons erupted. Rainbow Dash landed on the ground, a satisfied smile on her face. She watched the finish line expecting Flame Blitz to be right behind.

Instead of Flame Blitz’s defeated expression flying through the finish line, Spitfire flew past the finish line with Soarin right behind.

“In first is Rainbow Dash,” Hoof Gordon said before he added, “In second is Spitfire, and third Soarin.” Rainbow Dash watched as other Pegasi started to fly through the finish line, but there was no sign of Flame Blitz.

In that very moment medical ponies raced past her as Earnhoof announced, “We have an accident in the final stretch of the race, it seems Flame Blitz has crashed near a tree.”

Without thinking, Rainbow Dash flew towards the final stretch of the race, past the medical ponies racing towards the crash site. In that very instant, as she approached, her stomach churned and a feeling of dread filled her body. She swallowed the hard lump in her throat. She didn’t know what she was going to find, but something told her: it wasn’t going to be good.

---

Three weeks after the race Rainbow Dash walked towards Ponyville Hospital. Her head lowered so she couldn’t see all the glares from everypony she passed. It was assumed that Flame Blitz had a wing cramp and collided with a tree, but after the recording crystals came back. It showed that when Rainbow Dash did her Sonic-Rainboom, the shock wave seemed to slice through the air and in that instant: it amputated Flame Blitz’s right wing from his body. She still remembered the image she found waiting for her.

Flame Blitz laying on the ground unconscious, the ground under him stained red with his blood. The only way she could tell he was alive was by the rising and falling of his chest. She just stood there in shock at the scene as medical ponies raced past her to try and stop the bleeding. A cart rushed over to them and Flame Blitz was placed on it and rushed to the hospital. The recording came out and Rainbow Dash continued to play the scene over and over in her head. The roar of the Sonic-Rainboom enveloped the sound of the recording, but the image of Flame Blitz convulsing in the air, his mouth wide open, and his face burned in her mind. Even though all she heard was the boom. It was like she could hear him screaming in agony and in pain.

After the recording, ponies began to demand retribution. They said she intently did the Sonic Rainboom, knowing it would not only let her win, but take out her competition. She had only thought the Rainboom would make her faster, not hurt another pony. After a week and a half trial, Celestia deemed that Rainbow Dash didn’t intend to hurt Flame Blitz. She claimed the decent towards the finish line caused the phenomena to happen.

Even though Celestia claimed that Rainbow didn’t intend to hurt Flame Blitz, it didn’t stop ponies from glaring at her. She couldn’t hear it, but she knew they were saying hurtful, hatred filled words behind her back. She stopped in front of the hospital and stared at it. A wave of nausea over took her. Was it alright for her to see Flame Blitz after everything that happened? Would he have ill feelings towards her? She knew Skyward would probably have some choice words for her and Ahsi, she didn’t know if she would also focus her rage towards her?

Rainbow Dash felt a hoof on her shoulder and looked at Applejack who smiled and said, “It’s alright sugar cube, whatever happens, we’ll all be with you.” Rainbow Dash’s gaze moved from Applejack to the rest of her friends. After everything that happened, after everything that came about. Her friends stayed with her through it all. Never leaving her, never blaming her for what happened. She was the element of loyalty, but in the last few weeks. Her friends showed her how loyal they were to her.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and walked into the hospital. She walked over to the desk where Nurse Red Heart was. She looked up from her clipboard and glared at Rainbow Dash before asking, “Can I help you?”

“Um, yeah. I’m here to see Flame Blitz,” Rainbow said. Nurse Red Heart examined her clipboard.

“He’s in room 103. Just walk down the hall and take a left. It’s your third door on the right,” Red Heart explained. Rainbow Dash nodded, but before she left. Nurse Red Heart added, And Rainbow Dash.” Dash turned to her as Red Heart said, “Congratulations on winning.” The manner in which she said it made Rainbow Dash cringe. Even though Red Heart didn’t say it, Rainbow could read between her words at what she was really saying. She just turned and walked towards Flame Blitz’s room.

She took a deep breath and walked into the room, her friends waited outside the room for her. As she walked into the room, she saw an array of get well balloons and cards from what she gathered where his fans.

“Oh hey Rainbow Dash, did you come to wish me well too?” Flame Blitz asked as he stood up and smiled.

She was about to answer when she saw the two stubs where his wings use to be. A pit formed in her stomach as it felt as though she would vomit. She swallowed the urge and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Flame Blitz asked as he tried to hear what she said.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for hurting you! I’m sorry for taking your wings!” Rainbow Dash cried out. She felt tears swlling up in her eyes as she continued, “If I knew what my Sonic Rainboom would do to a pony that close to me I wouldn’t have done it!” She was about to say more but felt a hoof on her shoulder.

“It’s alright,” Flame Blitz said.

Rainbow Dash stepped back away from his hoof and cried out, “No it’s not. You’ve lost your wings! A pegasi is nothing without their wings. They can’t fly, can’t race, and can’t maintain the weather! How in all of Equestria is it alright!”

“Easy, I’m still breathing. That’s a blessing in and of itself,” Flame Blitz said before he added, “Doctors said it was a medical wonder I didn’t bleed to death. Although I wish I could have kept at least one wing. I could’ve been the one winged pony!” he laughed at the thought.

“What happened to the other wing?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“When I slammed into the tree my left wing was crushed beyond repair, but it’s all good,” Flame Blitz said. He acted like he was explaining a small cut he had gotten while cooking.

“But,” Rainbow Dash argued but was stopped by Flame Blitz holing up his hoof.

“I’m alright with it Rainbow Dash. I can live without wings, I’m just grateful I’m still alive,” Flame Blitz reassured.

“You!” a voice cried out as Rainbow Dash turned to see skyward charging at her. Flame Blitz stepped in front of Skyward before she skidded to a halt.

“Out of my way Blitz! I’m going to kick her flank!” Skyward growled.

“You’re not going to kick any flank Skyward,” Flame Blitz argued.

“But look what she did to you, don’t you want her to answer for it. You’ll never fly again, never race again!” Skyward yelled. Flame Blitz just sighed and shook his head.

“Why does everypony keep telling me that? I’m okay with that. I’m not going to let this get me down,” Flame Blitz said.

“But…” Skyward began to say before she blurted out, “You should have done the Fire Rocket! You could have won; you wouldn’t have to suffer like this!”

Rainbow Dash looked from Skyward to Flame Blitz before she asked, “Fire Rocket?” Flame Blitz jus sighed before he walked over to his saddlebags and took out a few bits.

“Here, go get some ice cream. I’ve been craving it since I got here and got some for you as well” Flame Blitz said. Skyward didn’t argue with that and quickly took the bits and raced out of the room.

“What is a Fire Rocket?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“It’s like your Sonic Rainboom, only instead of a sonic boom of colors; I’m engulfed in a massive fire ball that speeds me towards me goal. I first did it when I was younger and again during a stunt show when Skyward was still young. However, she was sick when I first used it in a race and I’m glad she was,” Flame Blitz explained before he sighed.

“What happened?” Rainbow Dash asked. Somehow she knew the answer but the question escaped her lips.

“Ten years ago, near the end of a race I saw it, the hot air currents around me, swirling around me ready to ignite. When it happened, it felt amazing. Hearing the crowd cheers as I crossed the finish line, but the cheers I thought I heard where nothing more than screams of terror. The pony next to me had been burned and was laying on the ground twitching, gasping for air. She suffered third degree burns and was unable to fly after that,” Flame Blitz explained.

“What happened to her?” Rainbow dash asked.

“She took her own life,” Flame Blitz said. He shuttered at his words before he went on, “She left a note saying she couldn’t go on living without the use of her wings. In the letter she blamed me for everything. So after that, I didn’t want to perform the Fire Rocket ever again. I feared something like that would happen again, so I stopped entering in the stunt shows and stuck to racing. The thoughts of everything that happened that day still linger in my mind. Every time I close my eyes I can still hear those horrified cries from the stands.”

“Which makes it difficult to sleep sometimes,” Ahsi said as she stood in the door way. Rainbow turned to her and cringed. She didn’t know if Ahsi would lash out at her. Ahsi simply walked past her and hugged Flame Blitz.

“Where’s Skyward?” Ahsi asked.

“Had her go down to the café to get some ice cream to help her cool down,” Flame Blitz said with a smile. Ahsi just sighed and placed a fore-hoof to her face.

“They didn’t have the one I wanted!” Skyward cried as she trotted over to Flame Blitz and handed him an ice cream sandwich. As Flame Blitz started to unwrap the ice cream he noticed Skyward glaring at Rainbow Dash. He sighed and placed the ice cream sandwich on the table.

“You keep glaring like that and your face will stick that way,” Flame Blitz joked. Defeated, Skyward just sighed and nodded

“Truce,” Skyward said as she extended a hoof towards Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash hoof bumped the filly’s hoof and smiled.

“If you want Rainbow Dash you and your friends can come by my spa in a few weeks after Flame Blitz is released from the hospital,” Ahsi offered. Everypony’s ears in the room bent back as Rarity let out a high pitch sequel from the hall way.

They all looked at Rarity, who stood there for a second with a massive smile on her face before she coughed, “Yes, well that would be lovely.”

---

Rainbow Dash and her friends walked off the train into Canterlot train station. It had been a week since Flame Blitz was released from the hospital. Rainbow Dash trotted over to Skyward and Flame Blitz who were waiting from them at the train station. Rainbow hoof bumped with skyward. The two had seemed to grow closer as Rainbow continued to visit the hospital with her friends.

“Sup Rainbow Dash,” Skyward said with a smile.

“Nothing but the sky squirt,” Rainbow responded.

“How are things going Flame Blitz?” Twilight asked.

“Not too bad, still getting use to the fact I have to walk around instead of fly, but I’m getting used to it. Still having fans rush up to me and ask me the same questions,” Flame Blitz sighed. After that, Flame Blitz showed them to the spa where Ahsi waited for them.

---

One year later:
Rainbow Dash stood with her friends as she awaited the start of the Equestrian 500. All her friends were setting up, getting ready for the race.

“Good luck Dash,” Flame Blitz said as he trotted over to her and her friends.

“We’ll be cheering for you,” Skyward said.

“Do your best Rainbow,” Ahsi said. She nodded to them and as the announcers called all the ponies to the starting line, she waved to them all before she headed to the start of the race. She stood in the middle of the pack, waiting for the start of the race. Her wings extended as Celestia walked out onto the platform, her horn illuminated before she shot a golden orb into the sky. As it ascended a single thought formed in Rainbows head, no Sonic Rainboom.

Comments

[Pankrazius]

This story got some flak I think.
Guys - giving red and walking away, with no explanation is bad style.
Really - every writer on this site wants to become better. So give them at least critique and tips. It's a matter of respect.

So this is my short critique on your story, dear author:

On the technical side: It's mixed. There are not much typos (I noticed). Don't mean there are none, but I found nothing distracting besides this one:

Rainbow Dash and Flame Blitz exchanged a final looked at each other

This should read 'look at each other'.

But your wording is strange some times - like in the first few paragraphs you use the word 'water' five or six times. It's no error per say - but variance is more convenient to read.
On the other hand: most of the times you could get rid of paraphrases for 'said' and just use that. Or better use some description instead of a said-tag (I'lll come to this later).

To the story itself:
Ok, given the AU and the Tragic-tag I was prepared for some heavy stuff. So even if I don't think a Sonic Rainboom could cut off wings I could accept this as matter of fact for the Alternate Universe.

So my main critique is the lack of description you give. The dialogue gives me a hint of emotions, though, but the whole scene looses itself in a vast empty room. You describe one table and a few flasks of water.
I don't get to know, where the story plays (yeah - ok at the Equestria 500), how it looks there, who is running around, what I could see, smell, hear, taste or something.
I think adding descriptions of the scene, showing me where it plays, would add so much to the reading experience.
It is easy to fill in: Just write some descriptive paragraphs or add informations to the dialogues; Like:

"...", Rainbow Dash walked over to the small, drink-booth, formed like a mushroom in red and white with a dotted roof. With a cool gesture she dropped two coins on the worn dark wooden counter and took her two flasks of water.

You did sentences like this - but more to transport emotions. But the story lacks description of the location it plays. This is a thing you should work on.

The second thing: You drop characters out of nowhere. Soarin and Spitfire. I mean, I assume they attending the race. But - imagine your reader as someone, who has just started with MLP. Or has heard from the ponies for the first time. If you don't describe characters who are considered well known, a newbie couldn't get a grip to them.

Besides this, the story idea was interesting. And with a bit of adding scene and description, it could get really good.

[ChaosDragoon]

6029819 thank you for your critique. I appreciate the feedback and will do more to add to the world around the Race. I'll also make sure to add description to the known characters for the new comers to the show and website. I hadn't considered describing the well-known characters because I felt readers would know the characters and that's truly my own fault. I should have at least described them. I am also experimenting with other words to use besides Said. I have a doc with other words to replace said with. Thank you again for your time to over look the story and give me critique on it.

[mathwiz617]

This story has been reviewed by the PRaCG. You can find the review here.