Side Story of: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Off the Record
After finding out a horrible secret concerning Rainbow Dash, Alex loses face, and makes the decision to run away back to earth, in hopes of recovering from the pain he had been caused, and so he could catch up with the family he had deserted four years before.
However, while studying to finally finish the high school he had skipped out on, he finds himself being dragged back to that magical pony world, and the pain it now represents to him.
The inner conflict boils down to a tug of war between his feelings, and his duties.
Also, it doesn't help that he has a jackass in his head that won't stop talking.
But, sometimes you need to smile through the pain, and think about the people that need you. Plain and simple.
I like this new chapter.
It's time for Off the Record 2: Rainbow Boogaloo!
LET'S DO THIS! THERE'S NO STOPPING THIS HYPE TRAIN!
4849669
fat.gfycat.com/ActualFeistyBettong.gif
If Rainbow isn't with them, wouldn't there only be 5 of the girls there? Not 6?
Interesting opener, even with a few errors.
Forgot to add diploma.
Furthering his what?
He lost
Diploma...
Trying.
4849784
4849817
Full disclosure, was on sleeping aids during most of the writing
Been waking up at 5 most days, and figured I needed to at least get one chapter out.
And I realized the 5 people, not 6 a few hours ago myself whole thinking about it, haha. I'll fix it all tonight.
4850050
Cool cool.
The hell does OTR mean?
(Note I suck at acronyms)
4850134
Off the Record. It's the rediculously large story I've been splitting up.
All of my stories. Fit in to the "OTR" Universe, just a series retelling really.
4850150
Ahhh, gotcha. Wouldn't it be easier to write out the entire title then, so that people know what the title means?
4850171
Well, the side projects (like this story) are still a part of the main plot, and when you've read 300,000 words of a story called Off the Record, they more or less seem to remember the shortening.
It started to look like.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Off the Record: Escape.
Haha, it was overkill a bit. So I shortened it like crazy.
Sweet. I think that was a good opening. Good luck with the next chapter. This looks likes this will be a nice story.
The feels in here. Everypony or everyone if you are in Alex's world please listen to this cause I fell a resemblance here. Please listen to it and support the writers. Thank you.
Oh dear, now everyone in his school knows Alex has a whole bunch of a whole bunch of hot babes on tap. Even if he hasnt.
Run, run, run as fast as you can, youll never get away, Im the Rumor Man.
There's a large typo. Six women in his house. RD isn't with them so it'd be only 5.
EDIT: I should really read the pre existing comments before making my own
Alright some progress! Dis gun be good!
4850648 Luna could have gone with them and was just in a different room this entire time.
Which story tells of how he found out she cheated on him?
4851173
Friendship is magic: off the record.
That's the one I've written with the most words.
Will Alex and RD get back together? (most likely yes, given the nature of the show though it won't be easy.)
You know, I kinda find it unfair to Rainbow; yes, she had sex and cheated with Speed, but if I recall correctly, Alex did the same thing with Chrysalis. Talk about the kettle calling the pot black, dude!
GG No RE.
4851394
Alex was under mind control when he had sex with Chrysalis.
4851633
I always hated getting that message after a close game with some assholes, and they win and instantly back out.
Games are games I suppose.
4851067
I like the way you think.
4851681: No, he wasn't. Read it myself. He probably had a forced reason for doing it, but he still did it under his own willpower.
4851935
...that's not how I remember writing it. I'm pretty sure he was under changeling control his entire time with them.
4851774 I still love you...
4851240 Gotcha and thanks.
Why must you cut me off like that at the end ;-;
HOLY SHI*!!! What i wouldn't do for 6 beautiful naked women in my house!
But i can only count 5 (the mane six minus rainbow)... who is the sixth?
I feel like a part of me just died on the inside
Do u see wut u did, Pinkie? Y culdent u just leave well enuff alone? B'cuz some things really r better left unsaid
What remains of my heart has shriveled to nonexistance
And once they get to Equestria Alex will find that no stallion went unbanged by Dash due to her betrayal side manifesting far too strongly due to his abandonment.
Or something.
Anyway, bring it on! Can't wait for more awesomness
Off The Record is a terrible story and so is this.
4854183 very... blunt. No reasoning, no nothing, just hating a story.
4854250 The other story is a piece of garbage with no original thought and this is the same squared.
4852480 I guess it's just a typo?
I don't deal well with sad endings.
I really hope things turn out for the better for all of them
4852037: Huh...well darn; there's goes that idea.
Still, ARE they ever gonna get back together?
After everything that's happened with them, and after what they've been through.
If Dash and Alex don't end up happy, I will cry for a week.
4854256
Hey man, if that's what you think more power to you. Not everyone likes everything, and you are entitled to that opinion.
There's no sense fighting on the internet anyways, right?
Featured already
great work!
4855839
Actually, it's been featured for more than a day now. It's just falling off the list now.
I'm...a little confused by that cover image. I'm just not sure what to make of it. Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter. And come to think of it, I've never been so excited to see one of these separated story arcs. Honestly, now it just tells me "Hey, here's a new chunk of story that'll have plenty of goings-on in each chapter!"
Caught up. Read the entire thing through. Only took me around 12 hours from start to finish.
Story started strong... then became "blah-okay."
Here's some feedback:
1- Alex/Dash started strong. Good chemistry. Now it's just messy. Alex is all talkin' about how Dash should "go be happy" while he turns to stone, and when Dash explores the dating scene.... that somehow makes her some horrible monster.
2- Alex is slowly becoming unlikeable. I used to think Dex was the main reason... (I really really hate that character, because it makes Alex look like a scumbag)... However, I realized that it's mostly because Alex stopped doing relatable and likeable stuff. The amount of action scenes have accelerated dramatically, making Alex do nothing but fight. I used to really like Alex because he was a pleasant character who would set off a chain of events that let us explore Equestria. Now... you've made Alex a rag doll who spontaneously becomes a perverted douchebag.
3- Please, lay off the fighting and action scenes. They were fun, but now they're tedious.
4- Please, stop throwing in so many povs. ex: Spike/Rarity scenes, Alpha, that Butler guy (too lazy to check), CMC.
They are fine in moderation. But the readers want to see Alex/Rainbow. Why? Because that's Alex most believable, consistent and likeable trait.
5- Later chapters have too much dull dialog. Please, edit this. Once upon a time, this story had sharp, witty phrases. Now... it's mostly exposition and angst dialog. Also, if you're having trouble writing dialog, try adding some description and detail to the surroundings. Describe stuff.
...
This story is filled with good and bad writing. Personally, I think the good still outweighs the bad.
-Alex confiding with Dash about his parents.
-Dash pretending to be afraid of lightning.
-Spot and Color nicknames
-Alex cooking garlic alfredo pasta
-Trixie saving Twilight from the Ursa Major
-The flower granting Rarity's wish
-Alex kissing Dash in that Wonderbolt Stadium
An author once wrote...
Now go write some new experiences! An' stop obsessing so much on making a complicated backstory for the Equestrians.
4856104 lol, never noticed! Great work though!
4856185
Always love the harsh stuff! And while I can agree with a lot of your stuff here, I do think a few things needs to be explained a little, in terms of your points.
I know that the story has sorta taken a step into a bunch of fights and whatever else. And that's because I need this story to end at some point here... And when I stop and fluff it up, it can seriously slow things down. It's sad, but the truth. Fights are progression, relationships are road blocks.
For the angst, I also agree there is s ton of it, but this entire section of the story is meant to be just that. Everyone facing dark sides, feeling terrible... Maybe it needs balance. I did after all jump in to Escape very quickly.
And for Alex and his character... Well, he's an interesting case.
When I started this story, I was blissfully ignorant to the hate Alicorn OCs get, especially when they have very little to their characters, besides being friends with everyone, and solving all the problems. So, after a kick in the ass a few times from random people, I decided to Give him a little more of an asshole side.
Enter Dax.
It's actually funny, that to avoid being called a self inserting author, I self inserted myself as Dax. I'm not that Much of an asshole, but the people who know me in real life that read this story, saw how I characturized myself as him. Anyway, he was made to avoid people calling Alex a Gary Stu.
And as for the lack of description in dialogue, that can be chalked up to lack of time in my writing. A lot is lost in the shortened periods I have to write.
Finally! The shifts in perspective have to happen in some places, as I am writing the dark sides of characters. but some places are overkill, for sure.
Seriously, I love the points you've made, and I will switch some things up soon. Just because I need to end it, doesn't mean I should be rushing through tedious stuff.
4856590
"...that's because I need this story to end at some point here."
Huh??
The "story arc" or "Alex/Rainbow's story" ???
4856627
Not here as in Escape.
But this dark side arc is the final piece of the story.
They all face their darkness, fight the final boss, and that's a wrap.
I mean, that may still take 200,000 words to write, but this is the end stretch more or less.