Student Teacher, Gamer, Writer. Lover of pokemon and MLP.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are invited back home to Cloudsdale by their fathers. Neither pony has spoken to their parents in many years, since leaving the city of the Pegasi, and both left on bad terms. Now, they are called back to (hopefully) mend broken families and reunite kin. Some have more luck than others.
Page generated in 0.136 seconds
Total duration
980 users online
1,836,999 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Might want to make that Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
This is gonna go so funny.
This is excellent! I love awkwardness! Ohmygosh can Flutterdash happen?!?
I rather like Twilidash than flutterdash, not offense everyone!
But I kind of disappoint in RD character, she give up to soon. But will see what will happen later
Poor Rainbow...
Continue.
The conclusion will be out soon. The chapter so far hasn't turned out quite right, so it might be a little while before I feel that it's good enough.
Since you asked, biggest complaint is easily that that there seem to be a lot missing between the end of chapter 3 and this chapter.
The biggest complaint is RD's and Gale's relatoionship. We go from first date meeting at the end of chapter 3 to "we'll just be friends and date" without seeing any of what happens in between. Seriously, I had to go back and reread the end of previous chapters because I was sure I missed something. They had miniscule development, at best. I mean, lying to each other over dinner? That was it? Then there's the whole sexuality switch. RD being very gay was a rather prominent factor of the first few chapters, kinda gets glossed over. I was half expecting some scheme involving Fluttershy fighting for her "marefriend's" honor, having Dash go with her instead to preserve the marriage between their families, what with the whole prominent show of the custom suit of armor you had for her earlier on. This whole ending reads like you just said "Heck with it! Finish!" and couldn't be bothered to write the 1-2 other chapters that the story seemed to call for.
Everything up to this point was good; the setup was good, the characterizations were good, the conflict (while it has been seen before) was being handled well. Then the ending is so rushed and out of nowhere, I won't be surprised if I'm not the only reader that was like "Wait, what?" at multiple points during the beginning.
So there you go.
Everything up to this chapter was good and I was enjoying the direction you seemed to be taking it. The sudden change in feel through me for a loop and it feels that you changed how you saw Rainbow Dash in the last chapter.
For the entire fic you had Rainbow Dash as a gay and she is suddenly bi? It seems to me that it feels like "pray away the gay". I would recommend a rewrite to explore why she becomes attracted to Gale and the issues of how she was responding during the dinner. You have given RD's father a victory over his child my forcing her into his mold, not who she was at the beginning, he gets away with everything here. I wanted her father to have some recompense for bullying his daughter for a majority of her life. It had potential but this last chapter just became a train wreck by a rushed ending. You have at least 3 chapters of materiel here and it could be a better fic.
With the consensus being what it is so far, I think I will work on revising this sometime in the future. However, please understand that my current fic and the novel that I've been working on will be taking precedence, so please don't expect it in the immediate future.
Twilight can get dash pregnant with MAGIC
JEEZ SPIKE IS KINDA SCARY!
Oh no this is gonna be awkward for rainbow and flutters