How a 17 year old with a dead end job in a dead end life living in a dead end town in a dead end apartment came to be in ponyville and canterlot. this story's ending will be part you (viewers/readers and me). during writing i may start to run out of adventures to put my ponie through so i may ask you guys for ideas. I WILL NOT ADD A CLOP SCENE!!! where as it may be popular to some people im not that kind of writer, im just one who writes for fun and to give joy to other people. But anyway this story is about a kid who falls in a sewer hole and his greatest wish comes true, he gets transported to the world of My Little pony to go on adventures with the main 6 and eventually help save canterlot, while earning his cutie mark on the way.
Chapters (2)
I only skimmed through it, but that was enough to spot major errors.
Current Problems:
-WALL OF TEXT. Start a new line after someone speaks.
-Capitalization and other gramatical errors plauge this story like rats in a sewer.
-The premise has been used hundreds of times before, and no longer carrys any effect.
Predicted Problems:
-Your character is going to turn out to be a Mary Sue.
-Characters will lack any depth that would make them interesting, and behave in unrealistic ways.
-You are going to ship with Rainbow Dash (massive problem when combined with the above).
This sentece is a perfect example of a literary nightmare.
In short, proof read it or get an editor, and try something more original.
All I have to say is, "Spend more time on your story."
Spelling and grammar are NOT important if they hinder your creative process. Just focus on making your premise more original, your characters more believable and your plots (far) more interesting.
I agree with the two above. Get rid of that wall-o-text, and don't make a Mary Sue character. And like OneLonelyPony said, spelling and grammar aren't as important if they screw with the creative process. Focus with the 'creation' then work on the grammar, and spelling. Get an editor/proofreader. It seem's like they don't change much, but in reality, they change a whole lot! Remember this, "Better a day late, then an hour to early." <-- words that were given to me on one of my horrible chapters. I totally agree, and hopefully you end up better. By the way, this is what the readers feel like when you gotta stare at a wall of text. It really hurts... for people like me, I end up accidentally rereading the line. Avoid the WALL-O-TEXT!
Your character seems like a Gary stu from the description.....
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Oops. Fixed.
The infamous wall of text
Also I want more of this story
Sincerely the Doctor
I thank you all for your comments, i will try to make better use of my grammar and i promise i wont "ship out" with rainbow dash, im just saying that my charector likes her, all though i do have one question, what in the buck is a mary sue charector?
529510 A Mary Sue character if I remember correctly is a generic character, nothing special or new. It's like when someone has a character with the same colour scheme and personality as Fluttershy but maybe a different haircut.
Ah i see, thanks for the feed back, i will try to make him more interesting for you guys, after all you are my viewers and its not fun unless the viewers like the story as much as i!
im currently working on the issue of his rather bland personality. one of his traits is going to show up on one of his adventures when discord comes back to ponyville and thats his fierce protectiveness of his family and friends, and maybe also his martial art skills? im not sure how it will add up but hey. what can you do, im currently working on chapter two where he goes into ponyville and try to get a job and a house with no luck when he finds a sign for music tryouts... stay tuned.
This story; kill it. kill it with fire
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/128/622/KILL-IT-WITH-FIRE-FUNNY-FORUM-PICS.jpg
Before you light me up, listen! I once wrote a story very similar to this and it was... poorly received. Don't let that bother you! You need to get back on your horse and practice.
Keep on truckin',
All American
(Shameless self-promotion: "Devil's Due")
I prefer a sniper rifle to a flamethrower myself but thanks for the feedback and im putting in a lot more time this time so it wont feel so rushed.
A new chapter in my series of adventures, spent much longer on this one. as always leave comments and any errors you see so i can edit it to make it better and more grammatically correct. Thanks!
529510 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_sue
why are there 14 dislikes?
I don't know but I intend to find out everypony to the TARDIS
Sincerely the Doctor
i think it is because the first chapter i posted had a lot of grammatical errors in it, including the wall of text. this time around though i corrected (or tried) to fix all the errors that i made in the first one to improve the story, including having me edit it twice and then a friend to proof-read it. so i believe that is the reason, hopefully that bar will switch in colors soon!
allright guys since this is partly your story, i need a flaw. start posting.
im thinking that he sticks to his answers even if wrong or hates to accept defeat. how about you?
how did he travel to canterlot with no bits? I mean is it free or something?
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thats actually a good point i meant to put in that the poster had a free two-way ticket to Canterlot in it but forgot to put it in there while writing but thanks for letting me know and ill fix that soon in the writing above or include it in my third chapter, im still writing it however due to the HUGE amount of finals work im currently doing...