Bye Bye, Miss Equstrian Pie

by GordonFreeMare

Chapter 1. Pinkie promise?

Bye bye, Miss Equstrian pie...

Pinkie Pie was wading around in the snow outside of sugercube corner to get to the general store. It had been 6 days since she met Shroud. She had'nt seen him since. She wondered to herself, "Why hasnt he come by sugercube corner?" She didnt know.

What she DID know, was that she was going to find him.

She would find him, ask him why he hadnt come to see her, and then talk. She would do anything really to see him again. She didnt know why but she really liked Shroud. It was unexplainable, that she knew, but there was something else on her mind.

What will Rainbow say? This, is what she was most worry'd about. She had been, or at least she thought she had been, a filly fooler a week ago. She had gone on, "polite" dates with Rainbow, of witch they ended, in the same way every time. She didnt want to hurt her feelings, but...

"ARGGGH" She said aloud, grabbing everyone's attention in the streets. She blushed a bit. "Sorry guys!" She walked away into an allyway qucikly. She tripped on a garbage can, and fell, facefirst, into the snow-covered ground.

Poof! She was now in the snow, and it was freezing. More freezing then every frozen treat she'd ever handled in sugercube corner before. Too cold. Much too cold.

Her imidiate reaction, was like everypony elses would be. She tried to get her face up, and she couldnt. She just couldnt. Her face was stuck. She pulled harder. This is really hurting! She thought. She pulled up harder this time, and it felt like all the skin on her face was being ripped off. She flew back into the snow, and landed on the back of her head, knocking her unconcience.

...
...
...

"Do you know who this pony is?" Said a light green pony with a gas mask on. His cutie mark was a flame.

"I have absolutely no idea" Said another pony. He was blue, with a green mane. His cutie mark was a sharp brass bullet.

" I was just going outside for a minute, and she was just lying there!" Said the green pony. "Think she drank too much cider?" He said with a wide grin.

"No, she has a big bump on the back of her head here, see?" He gestured towards Pinkie's bruised, battered, head.

"Your right. Think it was a murder attempt?" Said the blue pony. He was looking nervous.

"Its a possiblity. But we can't make assumtions." Said the green pony, he picked up a pear and ate it cassualy.

"Look here Toshack, you may be able to sit by like nothings happening while we have a pony here, probobly in a coma, about to die!" The blue pony shouted, a little bit louder than he wanted.

"She wont die you moron. Just stay calm, I have medical training." Toshack (The green pony) walked over to Pinkie, and hooked up some orange wires to her head, and some blue to her chest and legs.

They were in a reasonable size room, entirely made out of metal, and it was about 3 times colder here then outside. The room was filled with desks, filing cabenets, and surgery tables. They were the only 3 there.

Toshack fiddled around with more wires and knobs on the surgery table, and the blue pony was trying to get a radio working in another corner of the room. Toshack broke some cables with his teeth and attached some to Pinkie, and some to the table. He dragged a heart moniter over from another table, almost breaking it on the way over. He attached that to Pinkie, but her breathing was getting to be irregular. He picked up the pace a bit, and quickly opened his saddle pack to get his defibralator.

Pinkie was covered in a spider web of wires now, barely clinging to the real world. She was almost into a coma.

"Hey, Troy! Get me some bandages!" The blue pony looked up from the radio, saw the mess of wires, and quickly went to the medical cabnet. He grabbed as many bandages as he could carry in his mouth. and rushed back over to Toshack.

"Here you go, now whatever the buck it is your doing, I hope it works! I dont want an account of ponyslaughter!" He said in a panic.

"I know what im doing!" Said Toshack, although really, he himself was panicing a bit. His emotions were hidden behind the gas mask.

Toshack wrapped some bandages around Pinkie's head, and quickly pressed the defibralator's on Pinkie's upper chest. At that moment, a trap door on the roof opened and in came a pony with a black mane, and was wearing a coat that completely covered his body, except his wings.

Toshack did'nt notice him, and flipped the two switches on the defibralators. Pinkie was hit with a shock wave that could slow Oprah to a crawl.

...
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...
"What the buck are you doing?! Said shroud from the trap door.

Comments

[TheRainbowDash]

Hahaha, even though I do not like shipping myself of Dash and another mare, this was a very interesting story. I like to see more work from you in the future!

[Symphony]

Some minor grammar and spelling errors, other than that it was good.

[OmegaSweetie]

I um.... Uhhh.... I NEED MORE!

Um, please?

[GordonFreeMare]

547729
Wow really? I thought this story was BS! Anyway thanks!

[Fattymagee1]

i like this, moar please!

[Sothile]

Ugh! The cover image made it look so promising, but it's super short! Try to make your chapters longer, please?

[FlintLock]

some grammar errors but good i am tracking

[Draco Dei]

This chapter makes very little sense. Guess it will make sense later?

[Desert Storm]

Pinkie my waifu is this why you have been sad lately... Remember I stillyou even if you want to have other stallions as well as me but just remember my job

[GordonFreeMare]

552476
Yes. Yes it will. I wont reveal everything at the start. :3

[xzillerationer]

Interesting attempt. Definitely has potential. let me off a critique.
My main, well, only really, problem with this is that it tells rather than shows. You need to show, not tell. I don't have any links, but I'm sure if you looked around you could find some guide.
Anyways thumbs up and track

[Stupidchicken]

American Pie reference? :D