A unicorn colt, an old friend of Rarity, has just arrived in Ponyville to visit her.
He's no ordinary friend to her. He was her best friend since they were foals, until he has to move to Manehattan following his parent's plan of giving him higher education.
He 'was' her best friend until his greedy problem showed up few months before he moved out of town.
As Rarity saw him waiting for her in the boutique, she greet him with a flinged scissor.
===========================
Author's notes and logs:
May 8: Re-worked ch 1 and 2. yay for Cover pic.
May 20: Changed username. I felt awkward having the same name for my OC, and I feel not luring readers because of it.
Chapters (5)
first fiction, and would try to update oftenly.
open for criticisms, please be gentle.
Very good for a first story. Please, do continue.
>A unicorn colt
>they were fillies
524444 what are you implying?
526500 'Filly,' refers to a female foal, while 'colt' refers to a male one.
"A unicorn colt, and an old friend of Rarity, had just arrived in Ponyville to visit her.
He's no ordinary friend to her. He was her bestfriend since they were fillies..."
'Fillies,' should be 'foals,' since there are both a male and a female pony involved. Also, 'best friend' are two words, not one, the 'and' in red should be removed, and the 'D' should be added. Also, 'had,' should be 'has.'
528000 Thanks for all the corrections. I actually thought fillies are teen ponies and foals are the baby ponies.
528005
No problem, although 'filly,' and 'colt' can refer to male, resp. female teen ponies too. 'Foal,' 'filly,' and 'colt' are used pretty much exactly the same as 'baby,' 'girl,' and 'boy,' I think. Although, if I remember correctly, 'colt' sometimes also refers to adolescent stallions, but then again, 'boys' also sometimes refers to adolescent men.
528005>>528061 Sorry for butting in but, you can use teenagers if you feel comfortable about it, or adolescents.
533343 Will take as reference. Thanks.
533347 You're welcome.
I like where this is going, keep it up.
One thing: When two ponies have a conversation you should split different dialogue up. You probably don't understand that because I don't either. Let me just give you an example
A green gem with unremoved, hardened moss, radiating (watch your tense here) a very strong aura. “Deep Sea Emerald. This one’s funny. I stole this from that sea dragon’s hoarded treasures Far northwest from Fillydelphia. He didn’t even know this is a rare type of gem and he's (He's is the same as He is. I think the word you were looking for is he was.) just gonna eat it. But he's a dragon, why would he care?” he laughed, but slowly fading though. She said “You really are a thief.” Rarity scoffed. “Hey, of all the gems I’m showing, this is the only stolen one. Besides, I took it from another thief -- a fire breathing thief.”
to
Runeplate held out a green gen covered in hardened moss. It radiated a very strong aura. "Deep Sea Emerald. This one's funny. I stole this from that sea dragon's hoarded treasures far northwest from Fillydelphia. He didn't even know this is a rare type of gem and he was just gonna eat it. But he's a dragon, why would he care?" His laugh slowly faded.
"You really are a thief," Rarity scoffed.
"Hey, of all the gems I'm showing, this is the only stolen one. Besides, I took it from another thief - a fire breathing thief."
Aaaannyways, I would like to see where this story is going. I didn't cover all of the things I wanted to mention, although. Till next chapter!
Cool, keep it up.
This fanfic looks awesome, gonna read the rest of it later
Slendy? Butler? Brilliant.
First paragraph is slightly confusing; who is talking? Try to split it up a bit.
Expect a comment edit in a couple hours, alright?
Yeah. Just:
Just normal day, a train has arrived in Ponyville at its exact time.
Just normal day,
Really? It's the opening line!
Read this chapter with this song. It fits so well.
[youtube=uZ_7xq1TIW4]
Some sentences aren't structured properly, and then there's the grammar, but still thoroughly enjoyable.
There are words missing! The sentences do not flow without the necessary words, but I understand the idea. You need someone to proof this one.
Still liking the story, though!
Will you update this sometimes soon?
Update? o: