This story is a sequel to The Changeling Who Got A Second Chance
A Pegasus gets new wings eyes and teeth that also come with a new diet. A changeling is found in the city injured and alone. The two meet and try helping each other cope with the sudden changes that happened to both of them.
3edgy5me ponymaker OC.
Okay so..
First, I don't care about the ponymaker OC. I am here to read.
Second, you are jumping between tenses. See here:
Past here.
... Present? no. What the... here? If he is still casting, then it is: "...who casts...". If he's already done with it: "...who casteded...". I so hope, this is correct, because my english insn't the best
This happens a few times and should be fixed. Most of it is simply fixed by adding "-ed" to some words.
Third, and most important (at least to me ) is how you described the key scene to the whole story. At least I think, it's the key to the story. Again: Let's take a look at it:
You've put me through a lot of text just for these four sentences, don't you think? I miss things like, what does the protagonist feel? What does he think? What are the others doing? Remember: They see someone getting smashed all over the place by a potentially lethal spell. It was somewhat anticlimactic for me.
This scene was just an example. You could make your whole story a little more tasty by simply discribing stuff.
Anyhowsies, I'd like to read more
5496902 Thank you for reading this story and telling me what i need to fix,Hopefully i can do better in the next chapter.Thank you again
I favorite and traked this beacause you said it egsisted and I knew it would be good
so. I finished reading the first chapter.........THANK YOU!!!!!!! :) I needed something interesting to read and wait happily for like the other 24 stories in my tracking boock shelf ( I realy mean it when I say this story is worth ten stars out of five ) it is pretty darn well written and the comity and storyline are great.