Long story short, it's a HiE fic with social/political interpretations of how Equestria's government works. If you don't like my interpretation of their government or infrastructure or social views, then I probably wouldn't read this if I were you. The majority of these interpretations don't come in until a bit later in the story, (I'd estimate about Chapter 4 or 5) but those plus minor romantic situations make this a Teen rating, just as a heads up.
If you find any grammatical/sentence/continuity (I doubt this one, but just in case) errors feel free to tell me in the comments section. I warn you, some of them are deliberate in the cases of dialogue or when the main character thinks, but for the most part anything else is by sheer accident.
Regardless, I hope you enjoy the story!
Seems good so far. Looking forward to the social/political parts and seeing what you can do with that.
I'm curious about this: who here got the George Orr reference without looking it up?
Excellent chapter, though I am curious as to our human. He makes Doctor Who references, but he has a sword... so just what kind of human is he, exactly?
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You'll see once he meets Pinkie. Spoiler alert, by the way.
Well, that chapter took a lot longer to write than I thought.
In case I forgot to mention before, criticisms are more than welcome. Actually, I really need them. GIVE ME YOUR CRITICISMS!
this good story man eep it up yo, here a littel motovationl pictuer for when your trying to thinkwhoaorno.com/images/935.jpg
I rather enjoy this story, although I do ave some problems with it. I don't really like Hurricane that much, he seems kind heated enough and not boasting but he seems to automatically have a lower opinion on the ponies and an elevated opinion of himself. Other than that great story.
I do have a question though, why do ponies only live till forty. Hurricane suggests its because of the way they live but that makes no sense: The ponies have an ample and clean food supply, modern hospitals, clean streets, bathroom facilities, running water, , lack of crime, good lighting, and since they have little modern tech (likely through a lack of necessity rather than a lack of capability) they work harder and are generally healthier. If anything they should have LONGER average life-spans than us. Is forty an old age just because ponies are only really capable of that kind of age due to there natural physiology?
Well
That was a good read
And now I wait for MOAR
Two of my favorite stories just came back after a year of hiatus, oh happy day indeed.
Finally this story has updated. Now lets see if I can get an answer to the question I asked so long ago. Since I have yet to read the two latest chapters (I shall do so tonight) I apologize in advance if one of those chapters has already answered my question.
Why do ponies only live till forty? Hurricane suggests its because of the way they live but that makes no sense: The ponies have an ample and clean food supply, modern hospitals, clean streets, bathroom facilities, running water, lack of crime, good lighting, and since they have little modern tech (likely through a lack of necessity rather than a lack of capability since their magic makes an excellent alternative to many things we needed to create) they work harder and are generally healthier. If anything they should have a LONGER average life-spans than us.
It is also possible that this logic-less conclusion comes about from studies based on the average lifespan of people living in the middle ages. You see it has been concluded before that people living in the middle ages only lived about that long but in fact the reality was that if an individual in the middle ages lived past infancy they would likely live to about their 70s or 80s. In fact their lifespans were no different from our modern lifespan but studies based on the average lifespan usually also include the high infant mortality rate that skew the results ( another problem the ponies would likely not have with the existence of healing magic and rather modern medical facilities ).
So, is forty an old age just because ponies are only really capable of that kind of age due to there natural physiology? That's the only conclusion I can really come to, yet I feel it doesn't make much sense either. I feel that the magic uniquely existing within them would extend their lifespan, giving them energy when the going gets rough and helping to keep them strong. The argument could be made that the magic puts stress upon their bodies that causes that short (compared to us) life, yet the existence of Celestia and Luna immediately does away with that argument and proves that the opposite aught to be true.
I would be most pleased if you would be able to take the time to answer my question. Thank you.
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I'm glad you actually took the time to think about my story, it's very encouraging to know that someone out there is enjoying my story to a degree. To answer your question, you're right. With our current knowledge of their world going into Seasons 3 and 4, it wouldn't make sense for them to only live into their 40s or 50s, so I changed it recently when I actually found the time to sit down and write. When I wrote that chapter, it was before Season 3 had even started airing, and back then very little of their lifespans were even touched upon in the show. I had to work with generalizing their standard of technology and basing a lifespan on that, and to my barely-18-year-old mind it seemed like their nation was very close to or already into the equivalent of industrial revolution-era USA, which our average lifespan around that time was like 40-50 because of poor workers standards, the generally unhealthy practices in hospitals, and if I recall correctly, World War I made a decent dent in our population when we actually got involved, so I just made the lifespan that thinking that nothing would change (and to make it easier on me).
When Seasons 3 and 4 aired, they gave us a little more detail on Equestrian technological standards and lifespans, so when I went to seriously write this story a couple months back, I reviewed my work and realized that a good chunk of stuff I wrote in the first four chapters no longer made sense and changed them accordingly. I probably should have highlighted some of the new stuff that got changed in the Author's Notes section just to make it easier on people, so I'll go do that this week, but for now, what was changed was the fact that ponies live up to somewhere around 100-120. Also a couple of minor conversations that I didn't like the sound or feel of when I looked back on them got changed.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story, by the way. I appreciate it very much. I hope you enjoy reading those next two chapters as well, because I had a blast writing Chapter 6.
Oh, and please feel free to keep calling me out on shit like that. Since I don't have an editor, sometimes it's hard for me to keep track of all the stuff that doesn't make sense in the context of the show/their society, so point that shit out whenever you find it. I realize this may sound like sarcasm, but it really isn't. It actually helps me out a lot when people point out my mistakes to me, so if you ever feel the need to point it out, don't be shy about it.
Tiamat from mythology is a female.
I apologize that it took me so long to read the newest chapter, and even longer for me to comment on it.
I am enjoying the story so far, another good chapter. I am liking the relationship between the main character and Best Pony (Twilight). I admit that I do not like the way you are headed with the viewpoints of Celestia and her trying to hide the existence of war. It seems to be a common in plenty of HiE (Human in Equestria) fan-fiction to have ponies be confused by the concepts of war and death and battle. This is ridiculous. The ponies fight threats, the ponies have a military, and the ponies have achieved peace, freedom, and safety in a world filled with monsters, dragons, and griffins and I'd bet you a lot of bits that they didn't do that by asking nicely (in fact in one of the comics Luna briefly talks about how she spent her night keeping monsters from crossing Equestrias borders). Still this is your story, and you can tell it how your wish an so I will happily look forward to the next chapter even if Celestia is acting a OOC (if you mess up Twilight then there will be a problem).
Also I was wondering what led you (as you stated in our previous conversation) to see Equestria as being post-industrial based on Season 1 and 2, because honestly I have no idea how you reached that conclusion.
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Thank you very much for reading my story. I'm very glad to see that at least one person is enjoying it thus far. Admittedly, I could have done a much better job portraying Celestia in my fic, and I only hope I can redeem myself in Chapter 10, because she'll get a big role there. Something that should be kept in mind, though, is that my character is pretty much designed to be annoying to the denizens of that world. He acts almost completely oppositely to the way that Equestrian society is based. He avoids contact as much as possible, he's incredibly sarcastic, and mostly apathetic towards the feelings and thoughts of others. Not to say that this excuses me for making Celestia OOC, of course, but it's just something to think about for the chapters ahead.
As for why I thought about the whole "post-industrial society," this fic was started a little over two years ago now, and when I did start it, as I touched upon in a previous comment, only the first two seasons had been aired and nothing else. The comics hadn't even been announced as of that point, no seasons 3, 4, or Equestrian Girls (which doesn't give a good look into their society, anyway) and as such, we only got an in-depth look into 4 of the nation's cities. These were Canterlot, Ponyville, Cloudsdale, and Appleoosa, with a minor look into that other town from The Big Roundup (which could very well be Appleoosa anyway, since it wasn't named and was located in the desert). These cities had virtually no signs of technology whatsoever, aside from that cloud-maker in Hurricane Fluttershy, and the massive, room-sized computer that Twilight has in her library. The only nation-wide bit of technology that was actually shown that they had was a coal-powered train (presumably multiple trains, since those should be used as reliable, faster methods of transportation). At the time, this led me to believe that since they didn't have lampposts, or any sort of electrical wiring in houses that they were just starting their form of the industrial revolution, and therefore made their ages similar to average American age when we went through the industrial revolution, which on average was 40-50. Looking back now, I actually forgot about the Mare-Do-Well episode from Season 2 when I wrote this story, and that was the episode where the retirement home got introduced with ponies, presumably, well past their 60s or 70s. I guess that wouldn't have really made sense either way, haha oops.
Well anyway, when Seasons 3 and 4 got aired and I actually got the time to finish them, (haven't gotten to read the comics yet, unfortunately) I actually came across another issue with their society that I'll be addressing in future chapters. (Don't tell anyone, though. It's a secret to everybody)
As always, thanks so much for reading. I actually look forward to your comments a lot every time I update this story. Hearing your insight has helped me keep my continuity in check, and this story would definitely be worse without you.
5013238 I'm glad you enjoy my comments. I also enjoy our back-and-forth.
Interesting to see some of the plot points being produced thus far. He is dealing with royalty so some of the repercussions are easily understood. However, they (royalty) need to keep in mind that he is not loyal to them and is not their subject. Luna being upset enough to strike him is not exactly the wisest thing, but I'm curious to see if she tries to invade his dreams and he retaliates for her transgressions.
He might not have powers as they do but unfiltered knowledge can be just as potent as anything the sisters can do.
Thanks for the update. Looking forward to more.
~8chill