After Celestia left I was delivered my clothes back and they sent me on my merry way. They even cleaned them for me in my time asleep, what a bunch of nice guys. I was also told that my sword, proven by magical scanners to be “just a plain old sword,” was deemed too dangerous to be in the premises of a hospital and was therefore confiscated by the Royal Guard and taken to Canterlot Castle. It didn’t really surprise me that something like that would happen, but it definitely irritated me to know that bureaucracy was annoying no matter what planet you’re on.
Luckily for me, Canterlot Castle was my first stop. I did need to pick someone up, after all. Unfortunately enough, the Royal Guards didn’t really seem to think that letting me in the castle was a good idea. Good for them, they’re catching on.
“State your name and intent,” was all they said to me after blocking my path with halberds.
“Uh…” The urge to make a Who joke is so overwhelming right now, you don’t even know. Oh, fuck it; I’ll indulge myself just this once. Besides, this should be as good a test as any to see how they react to suspicious civilian contact. Well, that or they should recognize me. I would hope Celestia told them to let the incredibly tall ape in the castle. “The Doctor, and fun.”
“Unauthorized personnel may not enter. Kindly vacate the premises.”
How rude. “Not even a confused glance? Oh, you guys are no fun. Look, believe me, I know what being a part of the military feels like and all, but would it kill you two to relax a little? I mean let’s be real here, from the sound of it, your Princess has such a good foreign policy plan that I doubt anyone in the next 3000 years would even bother trying to wage war with her. I guess it kinda helps that you were allied with the Dragon Kingdom, but that’s not the point.”
“Vacate the premises.”
Somehow I think Celestia is more uptight with her military than my country was with us. I rolled my eyes, “Oh, fine. Just don’t blame me in twenty years when you look back at this point in your life and say, ‘Man, my life was so dull.’”
Of course, to make them as irritated as possible for giving me a hard time with entering the castle, all I did to “vacate the premises” was cross the street. Well, that and I figured I should wait for Twilight somewhere close to the castle. Admittedly, I’ve had better ideas.
It took them a full minute to realize that I was still loitering across the street, “Vacate the premises or we will be forced to arrest you!”
“Pfffffft,” I scoffed, “And what? Throw me in the dungeon? You realize that the castle is where I want to go, right?”
“Arrest him!” On that cue, about three different guards started to run towards me, to which I responded by running in the complete opposite direction.
“Ha!” I shouted, “Running with the military, I remember those days… Oh god, I’m running with the military again.” I turned while running so that I could shout at them, “You lot wouldn’t happen to mind not throwing anything at me that makes loud noises, by any chance, would you? My PTSD will kick in, and then none of us will have a good time!”
We must have been running for at least half an hour by the time they actually managed to corner me in an alleyway. “Phew… So, who’s having fun yet?” I hadn’t trained my body for anything like this since the war; so needless to say, I was fairly out of breath. Fortunately for me, my adrenaline started to kick in when I realized I was running from them, so I still had plenty of energy to keep going.
I scanned around for whatever kind of escape tool I could find in that cramped alleyway. The buildings in this city were definitely much bigger than the ones in Ponyville, but nowhere near big enough to compare with that of Tokyo. They were probably more like outskirt Los Angeles size, only closer together. That being said, it would have been very easy for me to scale up the walls using the corners made from the buildings connecting to get up to their slanted roofs.
“Cease and desist!”
“Well, since you asked so nicely…” I immediately jumped toward the corner and started to climb my way up using whatever foot holding I could. They couldn’t quite climb their way up, so instead I saw the unicorns that actually made it to that alleyway from all that running start to charge some spells to knock me down. I made it up to the roof before the first one could even fire, and by the time they did I was already making my way to the next roof.
Of course, I did need to make my obligatory joke to the two guards who first started chasing me before I kept running, “That was a nice try, and you may not have gotten me, but hey, look on the bright side. At least you can say that your lives aren’t boring anymore!”
My continued rooftop jumping made it three buildings down before I encountered some pegasai wearing that same golden armor as the guards below.
“You had air reinforcements the entire time and waited until just now to use them? I don’t know who your commander is for dealing with situations like this, but he doesn’t seem to be very competent to me!”
“You take that back!” One of the pegasai screamed while trying to dive bomb me off the rooftops.
I sidestepped to my left closer to the top of the roof while still running, “Ha! I knew you had individuality! So who was the one to call in air reinforcement for you guys? It obviously wasn’t your immediate commander; otherwise he would have called for those fifteen minutes ago.”
“That’s none of your business, criminal scum!”
I instantly laughed upon hearing that phrase. “I like you, kid! What’s your name?”
“My name is Autumn Oath, and it will be the last name you hear, scum!”
“Well, Autumn Oath, I’ll tell you a little secret. If you phrase that whole ‘criminal scum’ thing a little differently, I may just stop running. Why don’t you give it a shot?”
She seemed confused, “Um… Stop right there, criminal scum?”
I burst into laughter. I actually got her to say it. “Oh, alright, alright. You win.” I stopped dead in my tracks right before I was about to jump to another rooftop. “Seriously though, I don’t know which one of your commanding officers called in for air reinforcements, but give that guy a medal. If I had actually been a threat, and I had that much time to move around before your air reinforcements came around, I could have caused a lot of damage to your city or your populace. Most likely both if I had the use of magic.”
“What do you mean, ‘if I had actually been a threat’?”
I rolled my eyes, “See, now this is why I think bureaucracy is, by far, the absolute worst thing to happen to any civilization. You lot been chasing me for, what, 35 minutes now? And you don’t even know why.” I sighed, “Loitering.”
She gave me an irritated expression, “Ugh, seriously?”
“Well, that and resisting arrest, to be fair,” I sighed again. “Celestia’s gonna kill me. The one thing she tells me not to do and I do it. Well, at least it was fun.”
Autumn blinked a few times, “You know the Princess?”
“Yeah, ‘course. Who do you think told me to come to the castle in the first place?”
Her mouth dropped, “You mean we’ve been chasing you around for loitering around the castle that our ground infantry wouldn’t let you into even though Princess Celestia gave you permission?”
I smiled, “Like I said, bureaucracy is stupid. Well, that and I don’t think I ever did tell them I had permission in the first place. Then again, I don’t think they would have listened to me if I had tried the second time.”
“You confuse me.”
“Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot to people lately.”
“Why would you not just tell them that you had permission from the Princess to enter the castle?”
I gave her a disbelieving stare, “It’s not like she gave me written permission. You can’t seriously be saying all anyone has to do to get into the castle is just say they have permission from the Princess to enter and the guards let them through?”
“Well, it’s a little more complicated than that…”
Alright this is getting ridiculous. I sighed. “All aboard the bureaucratic hype train. Choo choo.”
“I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to, dear. Now come on, we should go down so that I can get arrested.”
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After a quick stay in the castle dungeon, I was granted an audience with Celestia in her throne room. Needless to say, she wasn’t very-
“Absolutely irresponsible!” –happy with me. “I have almost the entire city worried half to death about that strange creature they saw running away from the Royal Guard! This was the only thing I told you not to do! Why did you not just let the guards arrest you to take you in the castle?!”
Her stern, piercing gaze was a little unnerving, but manageable to deal with. “I have had better ideas. Truth be told, I was very curious to see how your guards responded to suspicious conduct. Did you know it took over half an hour before air reinforcements finally managed to cut me off when I started jumping rooftops? I can tell that the order wasn’t even made by same commander, as well. I don’t know who made the call for that, by the way, but whoever that was, he’s brilliant.”
Celestia rolled her eyes and sighed, “If I wanted your help with my security measures, I would have asked. I have half a mind to keep you locked up in the dungeon after pulling a stunt like that!”
Damn you, Steven Moffat for writing such fantastic lines. “If you think that is for the best, then I will not object, Celestia.”
She sighed again, “In light of your help in Ponyville with the Chimera crisis, I will let this slide, once. If I find out you do something like this again, you will stay in the dungeon for however long you’re sentenced. Am I clear?”
I cleared my throat, 「よかいですセェスチアひめ。」 (“Understood, Princess Celestia.” -formal)
Celestia raised an eyebrow, 「ひめ？」 (“Princess?” -neutral)
“It means ‘Princess.’ In that case I used it as an honorific. Would you prefer me to be more formal?”
“You can make that have more formality? Also, you can use titles as honorifics?”
“Yes to both. Well, half yes on the last one. The way I’d make that more formal is to call you ‘ひめさま’ (‘Lord Princess’ –very formal) and there are a number of titles I remember in particular that can be substituted in as honorifics. ‘せんせい’ (Teacher) and ‘かいちょう’ (President) are two that I can remember off the top of my head. There’s probably more I’d know if I saw them. I know there are a few titles where that doesn’t apply, but they don’t come up too often in common conversation, so I rarely use them.”
“You know more about the language than I anticipated. You’ll make a fine teacher, if Spike is willing to learn.”
I doubt that. I have no patience for teaching others. Even so… “I am not so sure about that, but thanks.”
I was just about to turn and leave the throne room before Celestia spoke, “So, half an hour, was it?”
“Half an hour on ground, yes. I was still running on the rooftops for a good five minutes before one of your pegasai guards managed to say the right thing to get me down. Truth be told, I was expecting to get tackled or blasted to the ground within the first five or ten minutes of the chase.”
“I see. And who was it that managed to bring you down from running on the rooftops of Canterlot?”
“Oh, what was her name…? Autumn something… Autumn Oatmeal? No, that doesn’t sound right. I think it was Autumn Oath. Then again, I might just stick to calling her Autumn Oatmeal.”
“Why would you do that?”
“For one, it’ll probably annoy her, which I find amusing. And two, I find the name hilarious.” I let a devilish grin slip after saying the second part.
“Oh my,” Celestia replied sarcastically, “Perhaps you should be left in the dungeon, after all.”
We just looked at each other and smiled, the both of us knowing all too well that the other was joking. I did want to try calling her Autumn Oatmeal at least once, though; just to see how she’d react.
“Getting back to the topic at hoof,” Celestia said, a smile still on her face, “I cannot let that little spectacle of yours go unpunished; therefore you will have extremely limited access to the Canterlot Archives. You may acquire books from the Archives only for the study of Ancient Draconian and very basic Equestrian history. Everything else, until further notice, is inaccessible to you.”
Now that hurts. “You sure know how to make a guy obey the rules around here. Alright, alright, I won’t use it for anything else. You have my word.”
“Glad to hear!” she said a little too enthusiastically for my liking. “As long as we’re clear here, I see no more reason to keep you further. You are dismissed.”
I was just about to enter the doorway to her throne room to find my way out of the castle before she stopped me.
“Oh, and the one who issued the order for aerial reinforcements was the Captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor. If you want to give compliments to anyone, it should probably be him.”
I smiled, 「おもしろいだ。」(“How interesting.” -neutral) With that I turned back toward the door and tried to find my way to Twilight.
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Wandering around the castle halls almost made me feel like I was in a different town entirely. Truth be told, if it weren’t for the fact that this was called “Canterlot Castle,” I would have definitely thought it was. The entire design and foundation for the castle seemed different compared to the rest of the town. The castle had this strange, ancient European feel and design while the town seemed a little more like modern European, edging on pre-industrial Japan. Not sure who designed either, but they definitely wanted to spoil the Princesses with this castle. The thing was at least double the size of the town. …Well, okay I’m exaggerating a little bit. I know for a fact it was at least a city block worth of space. How this all fit on one side of a mountain, I’ll never know.
After wandering around this massive castle for a good twenty minutes, I managed to find the entrance to the archives. Not what I was looking for first, but with any luck, Twilight’s already here researching something while waiting for me to come by and visit. Why I ever thought that was beyond me; Twilight wouldn’t have known about me waking up, and I’m sure all she would have heard was the great, half-hour chase that the Royal Guard went through earlier in the day.
Speaking of time, as it just so happens, that whole ordeal was over by something like eight o’clock in the morning. Surprisingly fast, considering the chase was half an hour and me going through prison only took an hour and a half. All the rest of the time was before that happened, which was me trying to find my way to the castle from the hospital. Bureaucracy can have its uses; doesn’t change how I feel about it, though.
At any rate, I took a quick look inside the archives to see if Twilight was around. I didn’t see her near the front, but I did find another pony (presumably the librarian) near the entrance.
I approached her, “Pardon, would you happen to know if a pony by the name of Twilight Sparkle has been around here recently?”
The librarian took one look at me and immediately regretted it. She ducked behind the nearby counter out of my point of view.
Honestly. I mean, I know I’m in a completely different planet, and I’m the odd one out here and all, but this is starting to get really old, really fast. It’s like they’ve never seen apes around here before! Maybe I’d be able to research that if Celestia hadn’t restricted my usage of a library. Seriously, who does that?
I noticed she was still hiding from me, so I sighed. “Well, thanks anyway.”
Unfortunately, now’s not the time to be reading in a library. I need to find Twilight in this oversized castle first. Then I can go read half the stuff I want to. I was already in the hall about to walk down before that librarian spoke up.
“A-are you the human that the Princess mentioned?”
“Oh sure, the librarian knows about me, but the guards don’t,” I muttered to myself. I turned back to face her. “I am. Did you want to ask something?”
She slowly crept back up so that her face was showing over the desk. “I, um, I was curious about h-how you walk.”
“Never seen a biped before?”
“N-no, I haven’t. It’s very interesting. H-how do you walk like that?”
I could very well give a smart-ass answer right now… But she seems like she’s nervous enough as is. “Many years of evolution allowed my species to maintain their balance on two legs. Walking on two legs for me is as natural as walking on four legs for you.”
“H-how fascinating. Could you please tell me more about your kind?”
She does seem like a nice girl. Unfortunately, she caught me in the middle of a search, and my half decade of being a detective makes me take those very seriously. “Uh… Rain check. I’m kind of in the middle of looking for someone right now, and I have no idea how long that’s gonna take.”
“O-Oh, I see.” She seemed really disappointed after I said that.
I guess “rain check” doesn’t exist here. I doubt they even have checks in general, for that matter. “Perhaps tomorrow? I’ll be in and out of here a lot the next of couple days, I imagine.”
She immediately perked up, “Oh, that sounds lovely!”
“What’s your name, kid?”
“O-oh, right. It’s, um, it’s Terra Falls.”
“Terra Falls? That sounds like a brilliant name. Well, Terra Falls, I will speak with you tomorrow.”
I turned back around to try and leave toward the residential area of the castle. Problem being I had no idea where that was.
“Oh wait, I lied. Quick question first: where’s the residential rooms in this castle?”
She raised one of her forehooves and pointed to my left.
“Right, thanks for that.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After another TWO GOD FORSAKEN HOURS of searching around the direction Terra pointed in, I finally managed to find the room Twilight was occupying during her stay at the castle. I should have guessed it; her room was all the way up near one of the Canterlot Observatories. I wasn’t surprised that she was there, but I was definitely irritated that I didn’t think of it sooner.
She has to pick the observatory to stay in, of all places. I swear I’m gonna murder the architect of this place if I find him. Who the fuck designs a castle at least the size of a city block, and doesn’t include spots to put a map every here and there? Honestly! I had an easier time finding my way around Tokyo my first time going before I even learned the language than I did trying to make it up to the observatory of this damned castle.
After I was done with my irritated tangent, I knocked on the door to Twilight’s room. To my surprise, she was actually still there.
“Come in!” she called out. “Is that you, Spike? Did you find the books I-”
I walked through the door as she was talking and when she saw me, she immediately rushed over.
“You’re alright!” Twilight rushed over to me and started examining me as I stood, “We were worried!”
“Don’t worry, I’m-”
“Were there any complications?”
“Twilight,” I said a little more sternly, trying to get her attention.
“Did the doctors find anything wrong?”
“Twilight.”
“We had no idea what was wrong, so we had to rush all the way here and-”
“Twilight!” I cut her off, “I’m fine, believe me. It was just exhaustion. I’m not exactly as young as I used to be to do all this adventuring. Running a while I can manage, but going through three days non-stop of avoiding unknown creatures and then escorting what I thought was a mythological being up until recently into a place I also thought was mythological and having to basically run all the way back… I’m rambling; anyway, point is, my adrenaline stopped pumping and I passed out. Simple as that.”
She seemed to calm down a little after that. “Just be careful, alright? We wouldn’t want you being too exhausted for lessons!”
Oh right, those.
“We should start as soon as we can! I’ve been preparing a lesson plan ever since I left the hospital! I can teach you about all the things I’ve learned the past few years living in Ponyville, isn’t that exciting?”
No, not really. But, I don’t want to curb her enthusiasm… I hate my life. “Uh, sure it is…”
Somehow my seething sarcasm went completely unnoticed by her. Well, it was either that or she ignored it. “Great! Come with me up to the observatory, I have everything set up there.”
Grudgingly, I followed her up the next flight of stairs to the Canterlot Observatory. It wouldn’t have even felt like much of an observatory had it not been for the massive telescope in the middle of the room. All the walls were adorned with rows of bookshelves; there were also some tables in the middle of the room to read and work off of. Admittedly, I thought that if this was where the lessons were going to take place, they wouldn’t be nearly as bad as I thought they were going to be. Never in a million years would I tell Celestia that, though.
“This place actually used to be my old room back when I used to live here. It got converted into a second observatory when I left, but the Princess kept the bedroom nearby so if I ever need to come back here for anything, I’d have a place to stay.”
Alright, now I’m a little jealous. This place has a fantastic view. “That was nice of her. A home away from home, huh?”
“Yep!” Twilight smiled. “Now, about those lessons…”
I would have groaned had I been sure that it wouldn’t hurt Twilight’s feelings.
“I’ve structured the lessons that we have a session once a week for a couple hours. During the days we don’t have sessions together, I expect you to be as proactive with learning about friendship as I was.”
“Meaning…?”
“Friendship reports!”
Good god, kill me now. I envy you, my friend. Only the dead may know peace from this evil.
“…Is it too early to quit?” I finally muttered.
“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun! Besides, the Princess decreed that these lessons take place until she sees that you’ve made an adequate number of friends. I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to, which I don’t! I just know this will be a great experience for you!”
I just rolled my eyes. Teaching myself Japanese, living in Japan for a couple years, and learning basic Kendo from a real Japanese sword master was a great experience. Being a detective for five years was a great experience. Graduating college at the same time as my friend and the both of us going out to celebrate was a great experience. This is high school torture at best. …She does seem really into this, though. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but I guess it’s worth a shot.
“Now, the first thing one should know about friendship is… What? Can you tell me?”
Not even two minutes into the class and I’m already getting questioned. What is this, an inquisition?
“Uh…” I just shrugged. Like I’d have any clue what the first thing to know about this sort of thing is. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more clueless about a class before. Theoretical physics? Not even a sweat. This? “I’m going to rip all the hair off my head” level of frustration.
“It’s yourself.” She answered, “I learned that once I was comfortable with myself I was able to be more comfortable with the ponies around me. The more comfortable you are around others, the more likely you’ll make friends with them! Pretty simple, right?”
“Except for the fact that I’m more than comfortable communicating with others. I’m not that much of an introvert, Twilight.”
“Maybe, but I did notice that you’re not quite as comfortable with yourself as should be. You only speak unless spoken to first, and you make no effort to actively seek conversation with others. Don’t think I didn’t hear about you slipping away from your own party and away from almost all the town just to come to the library.” She gave a bit of an irritated smile after the last part.
Shit, she actually heard about that? A nervous laugh came from me in response.
“Well, since you don’t have a problem talking to others, surely you have friends back on your world, right? How did they become your friends?”
I believe “had” in more ways than one would be the more appropriate word choice here. “I met most of them when I was still really young. One friend in particular I met when I was 12.”
“And?” She pushed, “How did you become friends with them?”
How the hell should I know? That was 30 years ago. “How should I know? That was back when I was young and naïve. I did not yet have an understanding of those around me.”
“And what changed when you got that understanding? Your empathy?”
I folded my arms, “I don’t know, yeah, I guess? Being forced to participate in a war and having glaring PTSD issues as a lasting result from it kinda does that to a guy.” I was lying, of course. I mean, I did have PTSD, but that wasn’t the reason I was so adamant about not having social interactions with others. Let’s be real here, when the hell would PTSD kick in during a normal conversation with someone? Almost never, depending on where you go, right? I would think that the only time I would have even come close to having a PTSD-induced psychological breakdown would be next to an airport or something close to that. And, of course, at the time I thought, she doesn’t need to know that.
“PTSD?”
“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You get it when you go through something horrible that leaves a lasting impression on your psyche. In my case, it was… the war.” I was about to start describing the war to her before I realized what planet I was on. This country hasn’t even heard of war, let alone participate in it in well over five to 600 years; Twilight hearing stuff about people getting their limbs ripped apart by explosions right in front of you would probably make her puke, or worse. I mean, look what it did to me.
“Well, that should be more of a reason to be able to go out and make friends!”
Is she even hearing herself? “Easy for you to say. You haven’t been through a war. Do you honestly not think you’re being just the slightest bit inconsiderate about this?” How ironic, coming from the man who’s been rude to everyone here at least once already.
She thought for a moment, “Then how would you prefer to learn? I thought that you would have rejected a hooves-on approach right from the start; would you prefer that instead?”
“…Or you could just slow down the lesson a bit. You forget that I’m not exactly as gifted at this as I hear you are.”
“Alright, I can do that,” she smiled again. She’s been doing that a lot lately. “Then, I think I’ll start with how to engage with meaningful conversation with others.”
After a grueling hour and a half of her lecture explaining all the intricacies of how to speak with others and how you’d be able to tell whether or not someone liked you, she finally finished. Not to say that she was a bad teacher, of course; she was a fantastic one. Went into great detail about everything, I learned a lot from that lecture because of it. The problem was, I found that the subject matter bored me to death. Had it not been for the fact that I had to go through those lectures until I made “friends,” I would have disregarded and ignored the lecture entirely. Damn Celestia and her rules.
“So, do you have any questions?” Twilight concluded.
“That was a pretty thorough lecture you gave, so no, not really.”
“Great! You’ll be quizzed on it next time!”
I refrained from slamming my head against the desk I was too tall for and just opted to roll my eyes instead. By far, the worst thing I could have imagined to go through while being here. I’m almost disappointed that I didn’t get thrown in jail… Then again, Celestia probably would have just continued the lessons from a jail cell anyway.
Twilight frowned, “I don’t know why you’re so stubborn about learning about friendship. It’s not even bad!”
Spike had apparently walked into the observatory mid-lecture without me noticing, and had a smug look on his face, “Hey, that isn’t fair, Twilight. I recall you thinking making friends was a waste of time.”
I think Twilight blushed, but I couldn’t quite be sure. With her face having a different shade of purple, I assumed that it was a blush.
“Spike!” She regained her composure, “Did you get those books I asked for?”
“Yep!” He nodded enthusiastically, “All right here.” He pointed to the stack of books he left on the table across from us.
“Thanks, Spike,” she looked at the only clock in the observatory, “Wow, that went by quicker than I expected.”
Oh good, that makes one of us.
“Well, I think we both have some spare time now. Did you want to see the town? Princess Celestia gave a formal speech yesterday about your arrival here, so I think ponies might stare at you less when we walk around town.”
“Er…” Might not be the best idea with the stunt I pulled earlier. “Could we hold off on that for now? Actually, I’d really like to do some research about your nation’s history. Oh, and anything you have about dragons, too. Preferably in their language.”
Spike spoke up again, “You want to learn about dragons?”
“What do you mean by ‘in their language’?” Twilight asked. They were both reasonably confused.
I pointed to Spike, “First off, yes, of course I want to learn about different species,” I swapped my gaze to Twilight. “And two, I can apparently speak Ancient Draconian. Not that the skill just suddenly emerged, of course. I learned the language over a decade ago; it’s just called something different where I’m from.”
I swear, if their eyes lit up any brighter, I’d need sunglasses.
“Really?!” Spike was the first one to speak up, “Can you say something?”
「もちろん。きぼうのせかいわ神聖な。」(“Of course. The hope of the world is sacred.” –borderline informal)
Spike just stood there dumbfounded while Twilight continued to ask questions.
“So, what did that mean?”
“Roughly, ‘Of course I will. The hope of the world is important.’” I thought for a minute. “Oh wait; I said ‘神聖な.’ That means sacred, not important.”
“That’s astounding that you know such an ancient language! How did you manage to learn it?”
“Uh… I’m not really sure how to answer that question. I just devoted my free time to learning it for a little while then lived in the country where it originated for a few years to help solidify the knowledge a bit. The language is still used fairly frequently where I’m from, so that kind of helps out with learning.”
“Saying that I’m impressed would be a huge understatement. This is revolutionary! We’ll finally get to know more about dragons!” Twilight was ecstatic about this.
“How much do ponies know about dragons anyway? I never did find that out.”
She looked a bit disappointed for a moment, “Next to nothing. Only that they can hibernate for up to 100 years and that once around every 150 years or so they go on a group migration.” She gave me a huge smile, “But now we can finally know more! Oh, I’m going to request everything with Draconian from the Canterlot Archives!”
What about the knowledge of their kingdom? “What about something like a Dragon Kingdom? Surely they must have had some form of government.”
“That’ll be the day. We don’t know if they did,” Spike had snapped out of his trance-like state. “Most ponies only know that dragons can breathe fire so they should stay away from them.”
What? Did she lie about the Dragon Kingdom then? “Twilight, do you need to go downstairs to request for pieces of Draconian literature?”
“Hmm? Oh, yes, I do.”
“Good, then take me with you.” I’ll give that princess a piece of my mind if it’s the last thing I do.
“I don’t see why not, sure,” she levitated Spike onto her back, “Come on, Spike, let’s go get those books!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We made our way to the foyer of the castle on our way to the Archives before I stopped, looking to go to the throne room, thinking Celestia would be there. I remember the way to the throne room from here, so this is where we’ll part ways.
“You two go on ahead, I need to take care of something first. It shouldn’t take long.”
Twilight turned to Spike questioningly for him to shrug, “Well, alright. The archives are past this upcoming wing. Just make a right at the end of the wing, you can’t miss it.”
“Thanks,” I stormed off towards the throne room. I was trying to think why Celestia would hide something as huge as a kingdom away from the populace, to no avail. Why the hell would she do that? It couldn’t be because of that war, could it? I know Spike doesn’t know the concept of it, but Twilight seemed to understand when I mentioned it two nights ago. I need to question her.
I made it to the throne room door to be stopped by the two guards in front of it.
“Halt! State your name and intent!” The one on the right commanded.
I just rolled my eyes in frustration. Not this shit again. “Hurricane, and I’m speaking with the Princess.”
“We have not been informed of this visit,” the one on the left stated, “Vacate the premises!”
If I wasn’t angry before this, I certainly was now. “I don’t think you understand. I’m going to speak with Celestia; that wasn’t a request.”
I charged the door and kicked it open for them to tackle me to the ground after I made it in. Had I been a Jihadist, the guards would have failed miserably to do their job correctly. Again.
“Ah, Hurricane, I didn’t expect you back so soon.” Celestia looked up from the paper she was reading, “Please release him.”
Both the guards nodded and got off me. They calmly walked back to their posts and shut the throne room door.
She smiled at me, “So what did you wish to speak with me about? I assume you have already finished your lesson with Twilight?”
I got up and brushed my clothes back to their original alignment. “First off, bureaucracy, really?”
Celestia chuckled, “I find it helps the Guard run smoothly and efficiently, so yes, ‘really’.”
Yeah, so efficiently that it took over half an hour to stop a chase on foot. “Second, did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
She raised an eyebrow at me, “Excuse me?”
Oh, we want to play this game, now do we? “Really? Dragon Kingdom.”
Celestia’s face became sterner. “Guards would you please excuse us for a moment? I wish to speak with Hurricane in private.”
The other four guards in the room looked at each other questioningly, and then slowly left the room. I guess that was their first time dealing with something like that. I didn’t notice it at the time, though. I believe I was, shall I say, “a little preoccupied with other things” at the time?
“So, what, do you always go around telling multiversal travelers about kingdoms that don’t actually exist? Or am I not the one you’re lying to?”
Celestia stared at me, “I believe you already know the reason why I do not mention the Dragon Kingdom to my little ponies. Surely you figured that out by now.”
“What, seriously? You mean that war?”
She didn’t say anything back, just kept staring at me.
“You have got to be kidding me. You would deny an entire nation their historic right over one mistake? A mistake that, to my understanding, wasn’t even the government’s fault?”
“If the concept of war spreads, so too does the action. It is beneficial for the entire world if that concept is kept secret.”
I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. I started laughing, some might say maniacally. “I knew this whole ‘benevolent ruler’ act was too good to be true. Doing something like that is so fundamentally broken with the decisions you’ve made, it’s a wonder how that’s even managed to work for the last 600 years.”
“How so?”
The look I gave her must have been filled with almost every negative emotion mankind is capable of expressing. “You’re an idiot. I honestly can’t believe that you rule this land right now,” I gave a heavy sigh of frustration. “Warfare is a natural part of having a government. After all, that’s why you have a military. Do you honestly expect to hide the concept of war from your citizens and NOT have them question the fact that there’s a military? What do you tell them about the military? For that matter, what the hell do you tell the military recruits?”
Celestia’s face turned into a scowl. “You would be wise to not insult me. My patience with you is already wearing thin. I do what I believe is best for my kingdom, and I do not have to answer to you.”
The wise decision here would be to back off, take a different approach to this problem, and slowly fix her broken-ass government without being too harsh and without causing much suspicion. I’m not a very wise man.
“Oh, that’s real cute. I wonder where you got that from. Well, fine. If you don’t want to answer those, then I’ll just tell you: you can’t make your problems go away by just pretending they’re not there. Believe me, I’ve tried. Eventually someone is going to find out that you’ve been keeping secrets, and don’t come crying to me when they try to overthrow you, because the only thing I’ll say about it is, ‘I told you so’.”
I was absolutely fed up at this point. How anyone could do something so outrageously stupid like this was well beyond my level of comprehension. We’re talking above Pinkie Pie levels of stupidity here. It was a different form of stupidity, granted, but at this point, I didn’t really care about semantics. The only thing I cared about was getting away from her.
I stormed to the throne room door, about to go all the way to the library and read whatever the hell I wanted before I realized there was one more question that I felt the need to ask.
Immediately upon asking this question, I very sorely regretted it.
“Any other kingdoms you’ve been hiding that I should know about? Because chances are, if you don’t mention them, the dragons will.”
If I didn’t know any better, I would have said that Celestia’s face now looked very calm, and docile. Despite this, I could still very easily make out the seething anger leaking from her look at me. It also felt like the room got a few degrees warmer.
“I would advise you leave, NOW. If you enter this throne room unannounced again, I shall not stop the guards from escorting you to the dungeon.”
Oh my god, she is. She actually is hiding another kingdom. Despite the whole technology issue, I was really considering helping their kingdom out of some of the fatal flaws that plagued my society back home. Now, however…
“Fine by me. There’s nothing more I wanted to talk with you about anyway.” After that was said and done, I continued my rampage of negative thoughts all the way down to the Archives, which I almost forgot the location of due to said rampage.
By the time I got there, I saw Twilight with a checklist and a stack of oversized books at least the length of my arm, and that made it look like the table they were sitting on would collapse at any minute. There were two tablets leaning against a couple of chairs next to the desk, and Spike was struggling to carry a book to the pile.
I went over to help Spike with the book by scooping it out of his arms. This thing must weigh at least 40 pounds. I guess I should have expected as much with dragon literature. How he managed to carry it this far, I’ll never know.
“Phew,” the dragon gave a sigh of relief, “Thanks for that.”
“Don’t mention it.” I walked the book over to the rest of the stack and placed it on the side of the table that wasn’t being weighed down so that I wouldn’t break it. Seeing all the material they had actually surprised me a bit. I was expecting maybe a tablet or two with not much information, but apparently their Archives have enough to hopefully piece together what I can of the Dragon Kingdom. With any luck, the vast majority of these will be about their history, and not just useless information.
Twilight looked up from her overly long checklist when I set the book down on the table next to her. “Oh, you’re back! That really didn’t take too long. What did you need to do?”
I probably shouldn’t tell her that I just spent the last few minutes arguing with her mentor. “I just needed to talk with someone before I came down; figured it wouldn’t take that long.”
Twilight gave me a skeptical look, “Are you alright? You seem frustrated…”
“I’m fine,” I lied, “Trying to find your way around this castle is a pain.”
She giggled. “I remember my first time, too. I got lost for twenty minutes trying to find the training hall. Well, now that you’re here, let’s get to translating! There are still a few more books that Spike and I haven’t pulled yet, but this is just about all we have on dragons.” She motioned to the stack of books that looked like they were going to break the table. Unfortunately, due to the size and weight of these books, it didn’t take very many of them to nearly overload the table’s weight capacity. There were maybe only six or seven books on the table; along with the two tablets sitting next to the chairs, it didn’t feel like it amounted to much.
Even though the number of books didn’t really impress me, the concept of being able to learn something new that interested me definitely calmed me down. If anything, that strange part of me is the only reason I’ve been able to keep my sanity around this planet. I was actually very excited about translating this massive stack of books, even if I didn’t show it.
Might as well start with the tablets, seeing as they’re probably the oldest. I walked over to the first tablet I passed on my way to set the book down and started examining it. The stone slab had a very peculiar picture of a fully-grown dragon seemingly being engulfed by some sort of flame. I first thought this was some type of doomsday prophecy tablet until I actually started reading the passage that was written in Hiragana.
I chuckled a bit, “Well, I guess that answers my question on whether they use the same writing system or not.”
This, of course, got both Spike and Twilight’s attention. “What does it say?!” they yelled in unison.
“Don’t tell us you can’t read it,” Spike said, disappointed.
“Hm? Oh, no, I can read it. It’s a type of proverb, I think. Either that or propaganda. 「こころのつよさわさいきょうのちからである」.”
Spike rolled his eyes, “Equish, please?”
I assume that means this language. “Oh, right. Sorry, I keep forgetting. ‘The strength of the heart is the strongest power.’ That’s what this one reads.”
I moved a few steps to my left to get a good look at what the next tablet read. This one had strange pictures that I couldn’t quite make out what they were until I had enough translated. When I first started to translate, I came across a phrase in Hiragana I wasn’t quite familiar with until I sounded it out.
“Hmm… ちんぽ? What does that-” I immediately stopped when I remembered what ちんぽ meant, and then all the phallic imagery suddenly made sense. “Oh my.” Upon realizing what the tablet was telling me, I quickly turned it around so that Twilight and Spike couldn’t see it.
“What? What did it say?” Twilight asked. She tilted her head slightly with a confused look on her face.
“Uh… I’d really rather not.” I kept it short, hoping in vain that they wouldn’t ask about it again.
Twilight pulled me down to whisper in my ear, “Is it appropriate enough for Spike to hear?”
“That depends, how old is he? I never asked,” I whispered back.
“He’s twelve this year, a little over ten years younger than me.”
Spike interrupted us, “Can you two stop whispering and tell me what’s on the tablet, already?” He was noticeably irritated. I can’t say I blame him, personally. I hate being out of the loop on things myself, but I really didn’t think that particular translation was very age-appropriate for a 12-year-old.
I reached over to the stack of paper that Twilight was keeping on the desk and the quill and ink she had next to it. I hadn’t written with a quill before, so my handwriting was pretty sloppy, but legible at the very least. I quickly jotted a translation of the tablet to Twilight and handed it to her.
“This is what it says,” I said, still whispering to her.
She levitated the note closer to her face so that she could read it, and immediately blushed upon finishing it. “Oh-oh my. Uh, Spike, I don’t think-”
I cut her off, “It’s a part to an incredibly mushy romance novel, and I’m sure it would bore you to tears.” Truth be told, I didn’t expect this to work at all. I knew he was twelve and all, and they tend to fall for a lot of stupid shit, but I honestly thought he wasn’t going to fall for it.
“Bleugh, romance novel? No thanks. I think I get enough information about those from all the ones Twilight reads. Tell me when you find something more interesting.” He actually did. What.
“Spike!” Twilight was understandably embarrassed from Spike’s comment, but by the time she called his name, he was long gone.
She turned toward me, “Thanks for that. I really didn’t want to have to tell him that I didn’t think he was old enough to hear what it said.”
“I figured you might not. Don’t worry about it.”
Twilight smiled, “Thank you.” Her face quickly grew a confused glance, “How did you know that Spike wasn’t interested in romance novels?”
I just laughed, “He’s twelve. All 12-year-olds hate mushy romance novels. Pretty sure that’s some kind of universal constant.”
She giggled, “I suppose that’s true enough. I should get going, though. I made plans to meet up with the Princess and my brother while I was here. I would invite you to come along, but I’m not really sure how my family would react to seeing you show up unannounced, especially after the Changeling invasion.”
I would ask about the clearly more interesting Changeling invasion, but I think there might not be enough time for her to answer completely. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find out sooner or later. “You have a brother?”
“Yeah, you probably haven’t met him yet. His name is Shining Armor.”
I laughed again, “Ha! Tell him I think he’s brilliant.” So her brother is the captain of the Royal Guard, is he? I’m sure we’ll meet in the near future.
“Uh… okay?” Twilight was about to walk off before she apparently realized something. I think I could make out a small blush on her face before she spoke, “Um, would you mind not telling anypony about… y’know…”
It took me a second to figure out what she meant. Oh! She must mean those romance novels. I shrugged, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
It took her a second, but she smiled, a bit of a blush still on her face, “Th-Thanks. Spike, come on! We gotta get going!” I guess the rules of the library don’t exactly apply in the Archives. I would imagine not many actually get to be here for them to even have those rules. Maybe I’ll ask about that when she comes back.
Spike rushed over. “Is it time to go already?”
Twilight nodded, “Let’s get going, we don’t want to be late.”
Spike jumped up on Twilight’s back as they made their way toward the exit of the archives. “We’ll be back before you know it!” Twilight said.
I just nodded in response. Finally! I finally get to learn about this planet’s history without interruptions.
When they left I turned my full attention to the stack of books that was just about ready to break through the table. As I opened the first book on the stack, a strange feeling overwhelmed me. It was the same kind of feeling I got back when I was having fun with my friend, when it seemed like we had come to real understanding of each other. I felt like, for the first time in seven years, I could actually call someone a “friend.” Truth be told, it frightened me.