My Little Pony: Versus Equestria

by PseudoFiction

Interval 2.1: Public Enemies

The wind swept through the dead land, playing through the branches of a chunk of tumbleweed and picking up a handful of light grit and sand.

There was a crackle as the sand settled on the dusty masonry in the wake of the breeze that harassed the barren badlands. The sand filtered through the deep cracks in the temple and fell gently through the air within, filtering through the harsh beams of light cutting through gaps in the ancient structure’s walls. The sand settled for only a moment on the floor, kicked up again by a light draught sweeping through the ruins. The sand eventually settled over some faded, lumpy mosaic...

Before being stomped out by the rubberized sole of a shoe.

Some other grains of sand were kicked up by the breeze and began to claw at his khaki slacks in an act of vengeance for their stomped-on granulated comrades. They threw themselves upon the hardened plastic pads protecting the aggressors knees without prevail. Some more tactically minded grains of sand made it high enough to cling to his sleeveless shirt. Others worked their way into the sturdy fabric of a fedora hanging from the tool-belt wrapped around his waist. Others targeted their attack more efficiently, scattering upon the scroll in his hand and obscuring some of the hand-written text printed on the parchment.

The feeble attack of the granules of sand was ended quickly however by a lazy wave of Andrew Shepherd’s hand as he shook out his notes.

“Gah, always with the sand.” Andrew complained as he finished cleaning his notepad and tucked his writing material back into a reserved pouch on his tool-belt, somewhere between his trowel and a cluster of various brushes, a tooth-brush bundled inexplicably among them.

Though sand really should have been the least of Mister Shepherd’s concerns. After everything he’d been through since his crash-landing in Equestria; sleeping in a bed designed for bears and putting up with a demon only able to be described as ‘Flutter-bitch’ (Yeah, you heard right). Comprehending the logistics of human-pony intimate relations and dealing with a world-ending crisis involving a misunderstanding caused by time-travel. Then donning a dragon-costume that would have done MacGyver proud and wandering into the midst of a dragon migration...

A bit of sand bothering him was a welcome change to the lunacy that made up Andrew Shepherd’s usual day to day business in Ponyville, Equestria. In other news on everything Andrew, his girlfriend... beg your pardon, marefriend... very sorry, marefriends, as in plural... actually... it’s complicated. Let’s not touch that one.

Eyes up, Andrew shuffled his way out of the opening archway and deeper into the temple’s main chamber. All around the ancient structure stretched the Equestria badlands, an expanse of dry, dead land home to burning desert, clusters of jagged, razor-sharp rock, hidden gorges of death and expanses of barren bedrock. In all, a very inhospitable place. The temple was exactly half-an-hour’s walk – a brisk march – into the tail-end of the badlands, just west of the Ponyville border.

Andrew’s trained archaeological eye took in the faded details of the temple quickly. Mayan design, definitely – given away by the blocky pyramid design and long stairway leading up to the main opening at the very top of the structure. A popular design during the height of Mayan culture. The idea was that the higher their temples were, the closer to heaven they would be.

There’s a stairway to heaven joke in there somewhere. It’ll come to me.

Other designs he picked up on seemed non-sensical after noting the Mayan architecture. There seemed to be ancient Greek columns in the opening archways, and a gothic cathedral spire perched atop the ceiling. Faded across the inner walls of the main chamber there seemed to be frescoes, a method of painting popularised during the Renaissance, achieved when paint was applied on wet plaster.

The whole building was an impossible amalgamation of many more eras and cultures that didn’t make any damn sense... at least, it wouldn’t have made any sense back home on Earth. This was a magical land of talking ponies.

Nonsense aside, Andrew crossed the dusty floor and squinted at one of the faded frescoes. No more than an amalgamation of blurry blobs to the casual eye, focusing on the work of art Andrew could make out the distinct shapes of ponies running and cowering from the outlines of other creatures. Hulking canines walking around on their disproportionately tiny hind-legs, gryphons identified by the feathered bodies and the hawk-like heads. There were the massive dragons belching smoke and fire over the splodgey countryside, not to mistaken by three headed hydras bearing down over what could only be described as a ‘herd’ of manticore charging the line of ponies.

But there was something between the equines and the various monsters. Something strange. Comparatively lanky figures, four bipeds clad in dull armour, each a clone of the other with no distinct or unique features, seemingly brandishing sticks... or blades.

And the fifth standing at the arrowhead of their formation, a slender figure with a billowing cape – or perhaps hair – throwing itself into peril for the ponies.

Andrew blinked feeling his head spin from trying to make sense of the faded blobs for too long. He took some notes and sketches before turning away from the bizarre work of art, he walked back into the centre of the chamber, glancing down at the lumpy, worn down mosaic in the centre of the grand room. Notes were taken of it as well, despite the fact it didn’t seem to represent anything other than a pale blue orb broken up by patches of lime green. There didn’t seem to be much of a design to it, just a circle of blue and green.

Looking up from the centre of the orb, Andrew eyed the very back wall of the temple’s main chamber. In a shadowy alcove about twenty metres from the entrance stood a pedestal, perched atop it something resembling a stick.

Andrew eyed it curiously before reaching back and plucking the hat from his tool-belt. It was a classic brown, wide brimmed fedora made of sturdy wool felt and skilfully stitched by magic. One of Andrew’s friends, Rarity had made it for him when she first heard he’d be taking a trip out into the badlands.

“Ooooh~! The badlands won’t do your complexion any favours. You’ll be needing something to keep the dreadful sun off your head, darling!” the fashionista pony had exclaimed excitedly. She had then proceeded to lock herself in her workshop for the entire afternoon slaving over the perfect design.

Andrew had not been expecting to be holding a replica of Indiana Jones’ fedora by the end of the day. At first he’d been excited... but had suddenly felt unworthy to don it in front of everypony. Much to Rarity’s disappointment of course.

Andrew had saved her feelings with an explanation: "Well, in archaeology school they told me that to earn this particular hat you have to kill at least five Nazis and dangle over a chasm of death by a bullwhip.”

Alone however in a deserted temple ruin surrounded by nothing but rock and desert, Andrew gave a casual glance from left to right. Then with a wide nostalgic smile lowered his head to perch the fedora atop his crown.

“Unfortunately there aren't a lot of Nazis in Equestria,” the human said out loud to himself. “And since I don’t actually have a whip...” he was pretty sure Harrison Ford would forgive him his trespasses.

Tugging the brim of his fedora low over his brow, Andrew moved across the chamber and closer to the altar along the far wall. He took in every intricate detail of the relief carvings set into the ancient stone, sketching it out into his notes as best as possible... to little avail. He couldn’t make logical heads or tails of it. The swirls and decorations seemed to serve no purpose other than to look good. There was no distinct style, no distinguishing features. Just flowing lines, deft curves and smooth spirals un-strategically placed in the tangled mess. It was as if the carving was of... natural chaos.

Perched atop the altar however was something plainly distinguishable.

A long staff of metal-like quality hung horizontally before him, the surface dark red with two golden bands wrapped around either rounded end. It was a little longer than Andrew was tall, and while simple and straightforward in appearance, was strangely decorative. There was a shine to it that was more enchanting than that of pure gold.

It was in fact a terrifyingly perfect replica of a typical 17th century bo-staff. The fanboy in Andrew associated the pole with that of Sun Wukon from the classic Chinese tale Journey into the West.

The staff lay horizontally, balanced perfectly along the smooth mid-section on a three taloned claw reaching upward from the altar. The staff itself had a metal-like quality,.

Andrew inspected every possible angle, adding to his already hefty load of copious field-notes. He didn’t even realise he’d run out of space in his notebook, he just continued to cram more details into the margins. There didn’t seem to be any locks on the pole, nothing to hold it in place against explorers or thieves. Just a bo-staff sitting there, ripe for the picking.

And picked it was. With a single bold motion Andrew impulsively grabbed the pole and pulled it from the altar.

...

Nothing happened. Seriously, what were you expecting to happen? Were you expecting to see Andrew avoiding spike traps, giant boulders and rabid monkeys all the while humming the Indiana Jones theme to himself?

Turning the staff over for closer inspection, he set one end on the ground with a heavy ‘tchock’ that echoed throughout the chamber. That was when he felt it.

He had been leaning on the bo-staff for some support when the pole jerked. It seemed to sink into the ground, and looking down he saw the tile the staff was resting on recede slowly into the floor, grinding audibly.

The grind was followed by a ‘clunk’ and the noise of machinery clicking into place. A muffled sound of cogs meshing together and rolling somewhere beneath his feet caused the human to break out in a sweat.

Of course, while in the normal world temples and ruins weren’t inhabited by intricate and dangerous traps, he was not in the normal world. One hand slapped over his face and he groaned, cursing himself for forgetting all the curve-balls Equestria had thrown his thus far.

A familiar tune started playing in his head...

The whole temple started to shake. Dust sifted from the ceiling and drizzled down Andrews’s neck. Whole blocks shook loose from the wall. Chunks of stone fell from above and shattered the tiles on the floor. Some blocks of masonry smashed to bits, scattering across sections of ruined mosaic. Cracks formed over the frescoes and tore across the walls, whole chunks of thousand year art crumbling away into nothingness.

The temple falling around him, Andrew didn’t bother sticking around for a one liner. He just ran.

As fast as his legs could carry him, the human sprinted full tilt across the chamber. The glowing entrance archway bobbed in his field of vision as he clawed at the air before him, willing himself to go faster. The bo-staff slowed his progress, weighing him down. But his hand refused let go of the thing.

The archaeologist in him wouldn’t allow it.

Before long he launched himself out the way he had entered the temple and he was pounding his way down the hundreds of steps that led down the side of the structure. Boulders bounced their way down after the human, causing him to involuntarily let out a garbled curse-word as he watched some of the crushing projectiles overtake him.

Half-way down, the steps beneath his feet suddenly jerked. They catapulted Andrew straight up and sent the human flying through the air, arms and legs flailing at nothing as he plummeted back towards the earth.

“WhooooaaaaahhhiiiIIIIIcanseemyhousefromheeeeerreeeeeeaaaaaaaahh!” his voice hardly audible over the grinding noise of crumbling masonry as he angled into an un-controllable nose-dive.

A moment later he disappeared into the thick brown clouds of dust choking the foundations of the trembling temple. Geysers of dirt, sand, rock and dust shot into the air, throwing miniature sand-storms around the high temple, completely obscuring it from any eyes that happened to be watching the scene.

The rumbling noise faded into the distance. The crumbling noises halted and the wind picked up again, shifting the brownish mist that hung in the air.

The clouds of dust settled to the ground eventually, revealing a grand space of nothingness where the temple had once been. It had vanished like a typical smoke-and-mirrors trick, swallowed whole by the desert leaving not even a shred of evidence that it had been there. There wasn’t a stir of anything as the rumbling noise died away and silence bathed the badlands once again.

Until a cough...

The bo-staff was erected from the low haze of dust that slowly settled and planted into the ground. Hand-over-hand Andrew pulled himself to his feet along the staff, leaning heavily on it for support as he coughed into the back of his hand. With every hack and splutter a drizzle of sand fell from his clothes or hair.

Pulling off his fedora and shaking it loose, Andrew turned to look back to where the temple had once been.

“Ancient temple rigged with a booby-trap.” He muttered coming to terms with the fact it had vanished entirely. “How did I not see that coming?”

He looked back at the staff in his hand with a deep sigh... that ended in a splutter and a cough as he accidentally inhaled a cloud of dust. At least he wouldn’t be heading back to Ponyville completely empty-handed. Resting the bo-staff over his shoulder the human turned away and started walking.

Not once did he notice the glint of far off sinister eyes watching his every move. The eyes watched the human hike back in the direction of Ponyville, and the creature’s mouth twisted into a disgusted scowl. Soon the eyes looked down to one hand clutching a scroll of parchment tightly before those pupils angled hungrily back in the direction of Andrew Shepherd...

My Little Pony:

Versus Equestria

[Unto the Breach]

Interval 2.1: Public Enemies

The sky was mostly clear, allowing the sun to irradiate the countryside with her burning rays of light. A few light tufts of cumulus hung in the blue sky but did nothing to impede the hot summer morning.

And let me tell you something folks. It was hot!

Rabbit inhaled deeply as he straightened up. Holding his breath with lungs at full capacity, he tested himself thoughtfully. His lungs ached and gave out within a fleeting moment and the breath was released with a dehydrated cough. The dirt on his clothes had dried up and crumbled free every time he moved. Clean tracks of sweat trailed down through the dirt on Rabbit’s face, smeared over again with a wipe of his hand before he dropped back down into the shadow of a fallen log.

Directly beneath him where he had planted his feet along the sloping banks of dry and brittle grass was a small spring. Clean, cool water bubbled up from under a large slab of rock – limestone judging by colour and texture – then flowed down into a boghole alongside the road cutting a clear path through the midst of the Everfree Forest.

Rabbit quickly unscrewed the cap of his canteen and held the vessel in the little stream, waiting patiently for the thing to fill. When it was about three quarts full he held it up again, gave the canteen a light shake and screwed the cap back on.

Rising to his feet again, Rabbit hopped from the banks of the spring and mounted the road again, turning to face a west-facing clearing. Along the edge of the road were tufts of knee-high grass, the spiny stuff usually found in swamps or bogs, indicating wet ground ahead that sloped down into a valley beyond.

Down there, at least a kilometre or two down-valley Rabbit saw a much larger stream of glittering crisp water flowing between the hills and clusters of Everfree trees. That wasn’t the end of the spectacular view though.

Great columns of light blue water rose up from the stream and connected with the source of the great stream winding through the valleys. High above the hilltops, right there in the sky before Rabbit was a city of pasty white marble. It sat atop a foundation of fluffy cloud, stark white and glittering with alluring moisture in the summer sun. Great columns of pure white stone lined the porches and ancient Greek-style archways. Cutting between the marble houses and towers were more rivers that flowed down to the waterfalls that spilled into the light mist that enveloped the Everfree valley.

Several multi-coloured dots drifted and fluttered about the buildings. At first Rabbit thought they might be birds. Squinting, he could make out wings, manes and tails. Pegasus-ponies.

Waking up that morning, Rabbit honestly never could have guessed he would be laying eyes upon such a sight. His hand instinctively moved into his pocket and he pulled out his trusty Nokia. The little battery-indicator still pulsed as if the phone was on a trickle charger. Rabbit wondered whether or not the thing might actually explode.

He opened up the camera-app, lined up the lens and took a reasonable snap of the pegasus city in the sky. If he had a proper camera he would have been able to cut out some of the sun’s glare. But he really didn’t have anything to complain about. At least it wasn’t raining anymore.

To be honest, the weather in Equestria was so changeable that it sometimes reminded Rabbit of the delicate strands of thought that made up the psychology of womankind.

Turning away from the scene worthy of a block-busting animated motion-picture epic, Rabbit moved to where Trixie lay in the shade of the tree-line, his trainers crunching on the dry, sun-baked road. The sharp contrast between the blazing sun and the shade dazzled him for a moment, his eyes straining for a split second to adjust.

“... so... technically it wasn’t your fault.” Rabbit reverted plainly to their previous conversation as he sat in the cool, crisp grass beside her. “Did you willingly unleash an ursa minor on the town?”

“Well... no.” Trixie sighed with a slow roll of her eyes.

“So what’s the problem?” the teenager offered her his canteen.

“The problem is that those two fanboys luring an ursa minor into Ponyville just to see if I could vanquish it pretty much called me on my bluff!” Trixie accepted the bottle and used her magic to undo the lid. “Twilight Sparkle completely up-staged me! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?” she swallowed down a mouthful of spring-water.

Rabbit leaned back on one elbow with some confusion. “Wait, you’re saying you avoid Ponyville because another unicorn up-staged you and you’re embarrassed?”

Trixie looked to her companion and levitated the canteen back to him. “Of course!”

Rabbit just blinked for a moment. “And the fact you were partially the cause for a giant demon-bear nearly flattening the town in question has nothing to do with it?”

“Why should it?” the pony sniffed. “Ponyville’s not my town.”

Suddenly smiling very broadly, Rabbit slowly shook his head and drank his own share. He had to admit, he kinda liked that.

Trixie had been telling Rabbit about her first and final visit to the town of Ponyville.

The Great and Powerful Trixie had rolled into Ponyville once before and made a couple of temporary fans, but more so a couple of neigh-sayers – “The puns! They burn!” Rabbit had cried at that stage of the story. After successfully challenging and beating three of them off her stage she had earned the adoration of perhaps a third of the crowd. Among that crowd were two particular colts.

Her fanboys had been particularly awed by the banishment of the ursa major story she liked to tell. So much so they convinced themselves she could do it again and went into the forest looking for an ursa major for Trixie to do battle with. Unfortunately they found one, in a manner of speaking. In fact they had found an ursa minor – by no means any less terrifying than an ursa major, let me tell you – which began to attack Ponyville in a groggy rage.

One thing I need to tell you about the Great and Powerful Trixie... y’know, in case you’re a lazy reader and haven’t quite picked up on it yet. Trixie was a magician and a showmare through and through. Her magic consisted entirely of parlour tricks, clever light-shows and skilful application of simple telekinetic spells.

To say Trixie was in fact hopelessly unprepared to take a colossal celestial bear mano-a-pony would be a gargantuan understatement. But enough size related synonyms.

Subsequently, Princess Celestia’s number one student and Ponyville’s librarian had single-hoofed taken care of the ‘rampaging monster of doom problem’ with a display of awesome magical prowess.

Shortly after getting an ear-full, Trixie had scampered off in a proud huff – truly a tale for the ‘big book of epic failures.’

Ever since, Trixie had avoided Ponyville like it was home to the plague out of ‘embarrassment.’ Unfortunately she would have to get over herself.

Rabbit was required by Princess Luna, to bring a magical artefact grafted to his wrist before Princess Celestia’s Faithful Student, Ponyville Librarian and Trixie’s Arch-Nemesis, Twilight Sparkle... actually, Rabbit wasn’t bound by any kind of order. He couldn’t care less what the pony princess wanted. He just wanted to know how the hell to get the damn gem off his wrist.

Now some of you may be wondering; “Why on earth would you want to be rid of a badass magical artefact that can materialise objects from your imagination? You could totally pull off a Green Lantern and be an Equestria super-hero!”

Well, aside from the fact Rabbit wasn’t too keen on saving the world; the damn thing came with a catch...

Rabbit flicked out his wrist, and then flexed his hand up and down before glancing at the gem. Neither the straps of brass holding it in place or the gem itself gave anything but a sunny glimmer. He then twisted his arm around and waved it from side to side, pumping his fingers as he tried focusing on something to project magically.

He tried imagining pumping the magic out of him like he might-... whoa, okay, let’s not go there.

So as you may have guessed, the ‘magical’ gem didn’t work on demand. Rabbit couldn’t just call on the awesome power of the gem whenever it took his fancy. Whether it needed time to re-charge, or an incantation to use, the human had no idea. Intimately familiar with Murphy’s Law, Rabbit figured he had probably burned it out on his first and only use against Nightmare Moon.

Trixie giggled, watching Rabbit desperately trying to get the damn thing to do something. A sputter. A blink. Anything!

He tried waving. He tried thrashing. He tried meditation, intense focus and even tried simulating an adrenaline rush. He tried commanding the thing, swearing at the bastard and even talking soothingly to the gorgeous oval of polished white stone... then he resorted to bashing the son-of-a-whore against a rock in frustration when nothing happened.

“Would you give it a rest?” Trixie chortled. “You’re never going to get that thing to work!”

“I will!” Rabbit stubbornly stood his ground, thrashing his left arm around the place hoping that might get the gem to react in some way. “I’ve done it before. I can do it again-...” he suddenly stopped and shifted his eyes to look at Trixie. “You don’t believe me about the giant mallet to destroy Nightmare Moon thing, do you?”

Trixie scoffed. “It’s far-fetched! Heck, pulling a creature from an alternate dimension out of my hat has made me open to new possibilities, but to coin one of your many other-worldly phrases; now you’re just taking the piss!”

Rabbit didn’t stop trying to get a rise out of the gem. “The princess was totally there watching me do it! She commented on my lame-ass one-liner!”

“And Princess Luna has neither confirmed nor denied your ability to manifest objects from your imagination using that little wrist-ornament. Are you sure she didn’t destroy Nightmare Moon for you?”

Grumbling as he gave up, Rabbit bashed the gem against the ground with disappointment. “I’m not crazy.”

“Heh! Yeah, that’s usually the first thing a crazy pony claims.”

“I’m not a pony.”

Trixie lifted her head and gave a deep gasp, eyes widening with mock surprise. “Really!? Trixie hadn’t noticed!”

With a chuckle, Rabbit leaned back again staring at the wrist ornament. He was thinking about how the two of them would walk into Ponyville and was pretty curious about how everypony might react.

He’d bumped into quite a few ponies in their travels, but none had really looked at Rabbit with fear. They mostly considered him as either an uncommonly ugly pony or a curious oddity. But Ponyville would be different. Last time Trixie’s presence had caused something of a crisis. If they saw her escorting an alien creature into town this time... the scenario didn’t end well in Rabbit’s head.

“You think we could get away with avoiding Ponyville?” he suggested. “I prefer when we don’t draw negative attention to ourselves.”

“I don’t think so.” Trixie sighed, resting her chin on Rabbit’s knee. “We’re not only following Princess Luna’s orders, we’re running out of supplies. Nightmare Moon destroyed most of what we had. It’s bad enough we have practically nothing to trade.”

Rabbit scowled at himself. “I should have gone back and grabbed some of that gold from Nightmare Moon’s armoury.”

“The royal guard were all over that place in seconds!” Trixie reasoned. Then she added with a grin: “Besides, I don’t think you’d be able to cross that rickety old bridge again. You’re way too chicken.”

Rabbit rolled his eyes before climbing to his feet and dusting the loose dirt and grass from his clothes. “Go ahead. Keep screwing with me. I got nothing to prove. My ego is huge anyway.” The teenager retorted with humorous suggestion.

Rising to her hooves, Trixie raised her tail and gave her tush a little wiggle, leaning in close to the human with a wink. “Ohh, I really hope so.” She added just as suggestively in a much more husky voice.

That made Rabbit pause a beat. “Uh... what?”

“Nothing~!” Trixie’s grin extended into a smile and they set off in the direction of Ponyville.

However, neither of them noticed a hairy four fingered hand reach out of the bushes and covertly shoe-horn a roll of paper into Rabbit’s backpack...

***[]***

Rabbit remembered back home when he would skip school. Hiding in the bushes, watching anxiously as the truancy officer strolled past looking for him. That thrill of breaking the rules and coming so close to being caught. The dread of what could happen if he did get caught. That high no drug or other artificial substance could substitute.

Although, that dizzy buzz he got the first time he tried smoking had come fairly close... all the tears of pain and dry-coughing aside.

Sitting along the treeline overlooking Ponyville kind of felt like that. Though he didn’t let on to the familiar feeling of dread.

Rabbit was laying prone, arms folded neatly under his chest as he peered through the gap in the bushes. Down-slope the town of Ponyville lay sprawled before him. Top-floor-heavy hatch cottages with oddly angled windows, bowed doors and over-hanging balconies, a popular architectural choice it seemed throughout Equestria. Walking through the busy streets were multi-coloured ponies, going about their happy little lives, ignorant of how close their world had come to ending at the hoof of Nightmare Moon. They were even oblivious to the human and his unicorn companion scoping out their town.

Or was it a unicorn with her human companion?

“So how are we doing this?” Rabbit asked sideways at the pony laying in cover beside him.

Trixie was pulling off her hat and cape, tying her mane back into a pony-tail (no, pun not intended). She shifted her saddle-bags to cover her cutie-marks and then used her telekinesis to pluck the bush-hat from Rabbit’s head. She quickly perched the hat over her own head, hiding her horn and pulling the brim low over her eyes. Already, she looked a little different.

“Let’s just say I may not be very welcome in Ponyville.” Trixie whispered back as she tried her best to scrape the mud out of her fur and pull the twigs from her tangled tail. “We’ll need to be subtle.”

Rabbit huffed. “I’m on first-name basis with subtle... you look stressed.” He added noting the pressured look on the pony’s face.

Trixie shuddered, casting a glance to the mountain perched city of Canterlot. “Ponyville is Princess Celestia’s favourite town! And she must know I’m in the vicinity. If this goes sideways, I’ll be blamed. I’ll be lynched!”

“It scares me how a pretty-little pony knows what a lynching actually is.” Rabbit mumbled.

Trixie just stared for a moment and felt a twitch in her mouth. “You... you think I’m pretty?” she smiled with her heart aflutter for a brief moment.

“Don’t get cute with me, missy.” Rabbit scowled. “So we need to get me to the library without being seen. How?”

“I’ll go in disguised, confront Twilight Sparkle, and she’ll work out a proper escort or something.” Trixie shrugged. “Buck if I know! Look, just sit tight, I’ll be back with a plan before you know it.”

Climbing to her hooves, Trixie burst from the bushes and cantered down the hill towards town. Rabbit remained prone, sighing as she went.

“Yo, bring back some snacks or something!” he called after her. “One more meal of dry crackers and raw veggies and I’ll go mad!”

Trixie didn’t hear him as she crossed an open field of grass and daisies. Soon her scuffed hooves reached the cobbled streets and she was among the buildings, weaving between other ponies. Despite supposed to be keeping her head low, she kept her gaze high, frowning in wonder at some of the new additions to town.

She moved over a level-crossing she was pretty sure wasn’t there her last visit. The damage to the town during the ursa minor incident had been long fixed, and it seemed as though there had been no attack at all.

As she came to the market square, she thought to herself; so far so good. Nopony recognised her, and generally gave her no second glance. She was just a dirty traveller passing through town to get cleaned up and be on their way. The rushed hustle and bustle that consumed the market was perfect cover for her movements. Better than any disguise.

Trixie weaved around an empty market stall and very suddenly slid to a halt. Her eyes popped wide with panic as she suddenly came face to face with an all too familiar pony...

“... so then I told him: darling, really? Does your mother know you are wearing her drapes?” Came Rarity’s voice, tone laced with ladylike sophistication and composed humour.

In reply, the brilliant white unicorn’s yellow Pegasus friend giggled cutely. “Oh, my.” was Fluttershy’s first hushed reaction. “Were they really drapes?”

Rarity giggled too. “While I was merely joking at first, it turned out they were his mother’s drapes.”

The duo laughed before trotting to a halt right in front of Trixie.

Fluttershy was the first to look up and step aside. “Oh, excuse me.”

Rarity didn’t say anything when she looked up. She didn’t budge. She just stared wide eyed straight into Trixie’s face. No amount of matted fur, caked on dirt or practical head-wear would disguise her from familiar eyes at this angle or proximity.

Rarity had been one of the ponies Trixie had up-staged during her initial show in Ponyville. The showmare had made something of a show of the fashionista by using magic to dye her mane grassy-green. Rarity had made a scene.

Oh, buck! She recognises you! A voice in Trixie’s head screamed as a drop of sweat ran down the side of her face. Mission compromised! Bail out, Trixie! Eject-eject!

Rarity’s mouth opened. Here it comes. Trixie braced for rebuke...

“Darling, look at you!” Came the fashionista’s voice. “You look simply dreadful, you poor thing.” Her voice was laced with concern. “What happened?”

Trixie’s face was a blank slate. “... uh.”

“You look simply dreadful.” Rarity continued trotting around Trixie to observe her bedraggled state from every angle. “A lady as pretty as you should never look anything less! You should head to the spa and get cleaned up. Fluttershy and I were just heading there ourselves. Come with us! My treat!”

Trixie broke out of her shocked trance. She’s mad! She looked me straight in the face and she doesn’t recognise me! She quickly shook her head, declining the offer as gracefully as she could.

“Oh, nonono, thank you. It’s very generous, but I couldn’t. So much to do, hehe!” she tried backing off but bumped into something.

Fluttershy was standing between her and sweet freedom, but the Pegasus-pony didn’t seem to notice. She just wore a kind smile, her gorgeous eyes nearly giving Trixie a seizure. “It won’t take long. And you’ll be sooooo relaxed after a nice hot bath.”

Trixie blinked, thinking of a way out of this. Only one thing came to mind. “Well since you put it that wa-sweet Celestia, is that pony dying her mane green!?” she suddenly exclaimed pointing a hoof into the crowd.

Fluttershy jumped back with surprise, squeaking as she buried her head in her forearms. Rarity stood to attention in an instant. There was a fire of insanity blazing in her eyes as she turned her head from side to side to spot the trespasses upon aesthetics.

“Where!?” the unicorn ran into the mass of ponies, her Pegasus friend in fearful tow. “Such a travesty to fashion can-not and will not be committed while Lady Rarity is about!”

The obsessed fashionista’s voice faded under the rouse of conversation filling the air, Trixie chuckling to herself. She seemed quite proud of that. Turning on the spot, the magician was about to continue on to the library.

That was when it hit.

Her hoof landed on a rake and the handle snapped straight up. It made impact with her nose with a loud ‘THWACK!’ What followed was a frustrated shudder from the azure unicorn.

Stepping back, she watched the rake fall back to the ground as she rubbed her sore face. What was a rake doing out there anyway? Her mind could not comprehend the presence of the random gardening implement, so she didn’t bother attempt to rationalise it. She always knew this town was crazy and filled with crazy ponies.

She stepped around the oddly placed trap, grumbling as she trotted onward. “Stupid rake. Stupid town. Stupid...”

‘THWACK!’ her face went numb.

Another rake-pole snapped up out of nowhere and smacked into Trixie’s face. This time there was not a shudder, but an all-out scream of shock. Wall-eyed and confused, the unicorn stumbled backwards.

‘SMACK!’ pain shot through her rear.

She stumbled right back into the first rake. It snapped up under the pressure applied from her rear hoof and smacked her square on the ass.

“Ah~!” Trixie squealed as she threw herself forward with shock.

‘THWACK!’ she had launched herself straight back into the second rake.

Slapstick joy getting on her nerves, Trixie didn’t budge this time. Another disgruntled shudder – as before – shortly before she lashed out with a hoof and knocked the rake out of her way.

That was when she heard laughter. Following it to the source, Trixie found herself looking up at an abnormally low hanging cloud. There, sitting atop the little white marshmallow puff were two ponies. One sky blue with rainbow-colours in her hair, the second hot-pink with a frizzy, poufy mane that made her look like she had been struck by lightning.

Realising their victim had identified them, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie looked at each other before bursting out in a harder bout of laughter.

The greatest boggle in Trixie’s mind at that moment in time was Pinkie Pie. The pink one was an earth-pony. Earth ponies were not supposed to be able to stand on clouds.

But when it came to Pinkie Pie, normal laws of normality need not show up for work.

“Hahaha! Tactical rakes! I love it!” Rainbow Dash laughed.

Trixie actually tried to see what was so funny about placing rakes in the path of unsuspecting ponies. Obviously it wasn’t as funny on the receiving end. She just rolled her eyes and admitted in a plain voice: “You got me... hilarious...”

Rainbow Dash leaned over the cloud some more taking in Trixie’s appearance. She didn’t seem to recognise the magician who had embarrassed her before, and merely chortled at Trixie’s bedraggled look.

“Pfffff... you’re a mess. Here, let me help you out.” the cyan Pegasus shot into the air and returned a second later with a black cloud in her hooves. She positioned it above Trixie’s head, and before the unicorn could stop her, Rainbow Dash gave it a kick.

Several buckets of ice-cold water poured from the drenched Trixie through and through. Her legs spread for balance and her rear slumped to the ground. Her mane and tail hung useless in the puddle that surrounded her and the brim of Rabbit’s bush-hat flopped comically over her face.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie glanced at each other again... and once again burst out laughing.

Trixie grumbled as she picked herself up and walked off as the two pranksters laughed it up. “You two are a public menace.” She mumbled under her breath. As long as they weren’t paying attention, she could just move on and get this over with.

But the familiar faces didn’t end there. An orange earth-pony drawing a cart full of apples gave a nod and tipped her Stetson as she passed. “Howdy-...”

Trixie shouldered past the southern pony and sprinted off in the direction of the library. “Get the buck away from me!” she screamed all the way, ponies leaping out of her path with fright.

Applejack scratched her head through her hat, watching the disguised magician go. “Huh... how rude.”

Trixie managed to ditch the busier part of town and ducked into an empty street. She was close to her target. The library loomed into sight, a might tree near the centre of Ponyville.

She galloped closer, casting an eye up and down the street to make sure she wasn’t being watched. Sliding to a halt with puffs of smoke and dust billowing from her hooves, the showmare ducked into cover under one of the library windows. Slowly she lifted her head and peeked inside...

What she saw made her eyes pop and her voice to squeal with shock before she dropped to the ground. Her limbs were sprawled in a comically awkward fashion as she pressed her back against the library’s bark.

Blinking sharply a few times, Trixie wondered if she was hallucinating. Maybe she had gone mad and she was seeing things! Working up her nerve again, the unicorn reached up and hooked a hoof over the windowsill again. Very slowly she pulled herself up and peeked into the library again.

Inside she saw the little purple dragon, all-round assistant and shameless doormat referred to as ‘Spike.’ That wasn’t what shocked her.

In the centre of the library was Twilight Sparkle, the lavender unicorn who had banished the ursa minor from Ponyville. Again, unimpressive. Look at her. Trixie though to herself squinting at the mage. Perfect little princess. ‘oooh, look at me, I’m Celestia’s greatest pupil. Everyone loves me because I’m such an adorkable virgin who’s into books ‘n crap!’ She scowled as she imitated Twilight Sparkle’s voice in her own head and huffed with anger (ANGER... not jealousy).

But again, that wasn’t what shocked Trixie. It was the one Sparkle was talking to. She was standing in front of someone... yes, that’s right. Someone, not somepony.

There he stood. A human. A human not Rabbit. Another human in Equestria!

Andrew Shepherd was pacing from one end of the library to the other, Spike and Twilight turning their heads to follow him with flustered expressions on their faces as he babbled on excitedly. Gripped in both hands was the bo-staff he’d found, a little longer than he was tall, the badlands grime still clinging to his clothes. He hadn’t even had the opportunity to change yet. He had just walked straight into the library to reveal everything he had discovered.

“... and the architecture! It was so familiar!” Andrew exclaimed, Trixie chiming into the middle of the conversation. “It was like the architecture was inspired by an amalgamation of cultures from my world! Do you know what this means?”

“You’re suffering from heat stroke?” Spike asked picking up on Andrew’s nonsense.

“No, it means ponies and humans have had contact before! Maybe humans visited Equestria before and left the structures behind. Or maybe the temple was built as homage to the human visitors. But why? What did they do that deserved homage?” Andrew babbled. “Unless...! There was this fresco, it kind of looked like a line of humans protecting ponies from danger. Maybe they were knights of some sort...”

“You’re losing me, Andrew.” Twilight interrupted trying to calm her coltfriend down.

“And they were holding weapons!” he held up the pole going on without hearing her. “Weapons that looked like staves. Like this! Think about it! What is the point in a pony making a weapon like this!? How are you supposed to use a bo-staff without hands-...”

“Aaaaand, lost me.” Twilight chuckled finally managing to get his attention and cut him off before tapping her horn. “Telekinesis, remember? How do you think the royal guard use their spears?”

Andrew looked at his discovery a little sheepishly. “Oh... uh... right.”

“Now slow down and get the part that explains why you’re leaking sand all over the library.” Twilight said looking down.

Andrew stopped pacing and looked down to see he had indeed left several trails of sand and dust all over the floor. Something Spike would no doubt have to clean up again. “Oh... uh... sorry. Yeah, the temple kind of collapsed... with me in it.”

Twilight Sparkle’s eyes suddenly popped with worry. “What!? How?”

“I may have, kind of, accidentally triggered a teeny-tiny little trap... that allowed the desert to swallow the temple whole and almost bury me alive.”

The lavender unicorn gaped.

“Oh, hey! Don’t look at me like that.” Andrew added waving his arms innocently. “Look, in my world ancient temples don't have self-destruct buttons. It would make it difficult to do prayers, community gatherings and parties if all it took was a little pressure on a button to drown everyone in sand.”

Twilight suddenly squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her head with a hoof. “Ugh, no! We’ll talk about this later!” she took a deep calming breath and gave a little nod. “Look, we’re running a little bit late. We were supposed to be on our lunch-date ten minutes ago.”

Andrew sighed, standing the bo-staff up against one of the cabinets. “You know you don’t have to stick to the schedule by the second.”

“Of course I do!” Twilight shot back. “If we’re late for our lunch-date, I’ll be late for my next appointment.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. Punctual as ever. He waved her over as he held open the door for her. “Alright, I’ll get changed afterwards then. You joining us, Spike?”

The baby dragon shook his head as he moved outside. “Nah. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie said they needed me for something at the park. Something involving rakes?” he shrugged as he waddled off.

“I’ll just be a second.” The unicorn sang crossing the library to a particular cabinet. “Just have to get changed.”

Andrew frowned. “But we’re late.” Then he frowned even deeper. “And ponies don’t wear clothes.”

“This will just take a second.” Twilight smirked. “And I think you’ll appreciate it.” She levitated down a book marked ‘Twilight’s Journal’ and flipped it to a book-marked page.

After a quick read-through the notes and scribblings, she bit her lip and closed her eyes. A magical aura surrounded her horn, then spread down over her body until her whole being was aglow with a gelatinous energy. Beams of white light burst from her shell of purple and cut across the library, causing Andrew to shade his eyes. Her very form shifted, mutated and warped. Her head changed shape, her legs lengthened out and her spine straightened out.

A moment later Andrew was looking at Twilight’s humanised form. The human girl was about his height, a skin-tone comparable to Andrew’s with long dark purple hair, her trademark pink ‘n purple highlight running from the fringe down to the tail-ends. Her tall skinny form was clad in a white blouse, a lavender checker skirt and knee high socks with inch-heel shoes.

Andrew blinked in amazement. Thus far Twilight Sparkle had only been able to transform into a purple skinned beauty with a horn sticking out of her forehead, clad awkwardly in an abundance of nakedness. Seeing her fully human and clothed was refreshing... but shocking at the same time.

She noticed his gaping expression and giggled, pushing a lock of her hair behind one ear. “I made some refinements to the spell. Rarity helped me design the clothes. She said this outfit was academic to suit my personality, but at the same time provocative while remaining socially agreeable. It, uh-...” she sighed tiredly. “It takes quite a bit more energy to do the spell now. I don’t think I’m going to do any real magic for the next few hours. But I figure temporary vulnerability is worth it.” She smiled. A dazzling, entrancing, glittering smile that turned Andrew to jelly.

“Yeah...” he whispered, following her dumbly as Twilight ducked out of the library. “... strangely okay with that...”

Hand in hand they crossed Ponyville in the direction of the café.

Trixie was dumbstruck, gaping at them as they went. A pony turning herself into a human! That was...

A multitude of words sprang to mind. Amazing! Brilliant! Inspired...! Presenting an opportunity...

Okay, that last one wasn’t so much a word, more of an idea popping into Trixie’s head. A dumb expression plastered her face as the cogs in her brain worked away, ticking and grinding as she tried to process the opportunity this presented. What if she could do that? What if she had Twilight’s journal? She could transform into a human, and then Rabbit...

Rabbit might think of her as more than a friend.

Trixie bit her lip. It was a long shot. But what did she have to lose? After all, she knew damn well Rabbit would always like her. As long as she was a pony, he would only like her. But if she were human?

There were possibilities there. After all, she had just witnessed a human/pony relationship in motion. It could very well work!

Smiling, Trixie ran the plan through her head twice. Satisfied it was fool-proof, she turned and galloped back to where Rabbit was hiding on the edge of town.

***[]***

“And you’re sure you can pull it off?” Rabbit asked a little unsure.

Trixie huffed. “Of course I can. I am the Great and Powerful-...”

“Trixie.” Rabbit finished with a nod. “Got it. Didn’t doubt you for a second. Just checking.”

Rabbit dropped to a knee and shook his backpack to check his survival essentials were secure. Compared to a few days ago, Rabbit was reduced to a half-empty bag, and had been noticing the pack getting lighter over the course of time.

Checking the straps and his climbing-axe were secure, Rabbit held up his hands, wanting to go through the plan once more just to make sure he had it one hundred percent right. “So one more time.”

Trixie sighed explosively with frustration.

Rabbit ignored her. “Twilight Sparkle is Princess Celestia’s pupil. She is the pupil of the most powerful thing in this world. A pupil who as a result studies all sorts of mundane arts and magics, many of which are complicated, difficult to say the least and as a result highly dangerous. And your plan is to steal a spell-book from this pony?”

Trixie nodded.

Rabbit rubbed his eyes. “And this spell-book contains a transfiguration spell you think you can adapt.”

“I know I can adapt it.” Trixie hissed casting her eyes suspiciously up and down the alley. They had made it into the centre of Ponyville without being spotted, to be discovered now because they were sitting ducks would be a waste.

“Fine.” Rabbit sighed holding up his wrist. “What about this little problem?”

“Buck it!” Trixie shrugged. “With that book I’ll try to take it off for you. And if I can’t, we move straight on to Canterlot and see the princesses about it.”

“Fine.” Rabbit sighed again. “And this transfiguration spell you’re after. It does...” he held out a hand, signalling her to elaborate because he had forgotten already.

“It will allow me to transfigure useless things like rocks or twigs into useful, tradeable items like tools or precious stones and such.” Trixie lied unbeknownst to Rabbit. “We can trade for some supplies and we don’t starve.”

The teenager took in the intricacies of the plan and stared into the distance for a while. Trixie had already been through the details of ‘Twilight’s Journal’ and whereabouts he could find it in the library.

Trixie’s plan was sound. She had identified a golden opportunity and marked the target accordingly. Rabbit had to admit, he was very proud of her.

“Alright then.” Rabbit rose with a grin to his feet and produced his sunglasses. “You know your part?”

“Do you?” Trixie retorted teasingly before trotting off to keep watch.

The arms of the sunglasses snapped open with a deadpan flick of the wrist and he slipped them on. “Darlin’, it’s what I do.” he told her before she left earshot.

He rounded the corner to face the library. His right hand shook loose and flexed in anticipation for the breaking and entering about to be done. “It’s what I do.” he whispered to himself once more before closing in on his target.

The Ponyville library was not at all what Rabbit had expected when he first laid eyes upon the building. Oddly placed windows of varying rounded shapes with soft looking leafy green thatch covering off the sills, dotted with pale daisies. High atop the library in a tower hung a balcony with a pony-height guard rail to which a telescope was mounted, the platform serving as something of a makeshift observatory. Another balcony hung to one side, what looked like a beehive hanging from the under-slung supports. The walls were a brown bark-like texture and the building was topped with a thick, foliage roof.

Thinking about it a little harder, Rabbit realised ‘building’ was a bad description as the library was in fact a tree. A tree-house. Not so much a tree with a house in it, but an actual tree. A massive tree, hollowed out, or perhaps even grown specifically to serve its purpose as an archive of knowledge.

Rabbit blinked at it; removing his sunglasses again just to be sure he was seeing that right.

“Yup... that’s some fucking tree.”

He was immediately faced with his first problem. He had never broken into a tree before. Houses, fine. Trees... Rabbit would have never considered in in even a wild acid-induced trip-out that he would ever have to break into a tree. The mind simply boggled and refused to present any idea at first. He blanked, jogging to a halt and staring at the ‘structure.’

It took a full five seconds for his brain to re-boot and his common sense to kick in. It may have been a tree, but it had all the same characteristics of a house. Doors, windows, top floor, bottom floor, etcetera. Scenarios flooded into Rabbit’s mind.

No back door, only a front door. Rabbit thought to himself as he did a quick jog around the perimeter. Front door obviously locked. He tried quickly, just to be sure. It was indeed bolted. He would not be entering the easy way.

The observatory might have least security. Rabbit looked up and scratched the back of his head. Buuuuut, getting up there might be an issue...

His eyes fell upon an arched window to the left. It was almost like a thick branch had been sawn off, leaving a thick stump attached to the trunk which had then been hollowed out and converted into a window. A lamp hanging from the iron-wrought sill squeaked as it swayed gently in the wind, somewhere above it the pane of glass hanging open. It was only open a crack, but it might be enough.

Rabbit glanced around to check the way was still clear and walked over. His fingers worked into the crack and he pulled.

The window swung open and Rabbit smirked. Perhaps this is gonna be easy after all.

Swinging a leg up, he managed to teeter over the sill and launch himself into the library. His heart raced as he considered the possibility of a pony slipping past Trixie and spotting the teenager. He wanted to be inside and out of sight as quickly as possible.

As a result of his rush, Rabbit landed flat-out on the library floor, skidding to a painful halt on the wooden floorboards.

Inside was exactly what Rabbit expected a library to look like. The only thing out of place seemed to be a decorative looking broom-handle standing against one cabinet. Everything else was exactly what he expected. Shelves and books, books and shelves. Cabinets and yet even more books. Colourful spines of hundreds upon hundreds of books glinted with more multi-coloured writing all around, following the curvature of the tree’s outer walls.

Rabbit pushed himself to his feet, identifying the particular cabinet Trixie had been talking about. And there he saw it, a purple spine among the other colourful book-covers with the words ‘Twilight’s Journal’ embossed in the leather.

The only thing between him and his target was a pane of glass.

Rabbit rolled his eyes. “Glass, shmass.” He mumbled to himself, tugging loose his climbing-axe. Who knew how long Twilight Sparkle would be out for? Without Trixie distracting the whole town with a show, Rabbit figured he didn’t have time for subtlety.

He swung the axe around in one hand until the pick-end slammed into the display case.

What followed was like something out of the Looney Tunes. Rabbit went suddenly very rigid, struggling to hold the climbing-axe in both hands as the sudden vibrations jolting through his body caused him to bounce across the library floor. Catching himself as the vibrations dissipated into his limbs, Rabbit shook his head and inspected the glass. He had struck it square with the point of his axe...

To no effect. His fingers ran over the smooth surface. Not a chip, not a dent. Not even a scratch!

“Magical glass.” The teenager sighed. Foiled again.

His eyes fell on a keyhole in the frame of the cabinet. He’d have to make time for searching for the key. So search he did.

Rabbit started systematically with upstairs. The bathroom held no secrets. What looked like a bedroom held wardrobes of all things. Rabbit went through all of them, finding... clothes?

The first drawer he opened he found socks... just socks. All kinds of socks. Tube socks, wolly socks, socks with the non-slip textures on the soles, socks made of cotton. There were long knee-socks, short hoof-socks, some were plain, some were colourful. Striped ones, spotted ones, silky ones resembling tights complete with suspenders.

Rabbit gaped. Why would ponies need clothes? Why would ponies need socks!? It defied logic.

Shuddering, Rabbit slammed the drawers shut and pulled open a cabinet. He frowned at more clothes. He had seen Trixie wearing a cape and hat, he’d seen the odd pony wear slippers on their hooves or have a little aesthetic shirt collar with a tie around the neck. But this was getting a little ridiculous.

The dress hanging before him could only have belonged to Twilight Sparkle. A full on party-dress.

A dark night sky blue dotted with cartoonish jewel stars, a high, backswept collar and a shining and glittering star adorning the breast. It was about as grand as Rabbit imagined pony costumes could go. It did look worse for wear though.

The jewels were scuffed, the collar was torn, the edges frayed and a point had broken off the star emblem. It was like Twilight Sparkle had worn the thing... then proceeded to get involved with a fight between a lawnmower and a litter of very angry kittens.

Rabbit pushed the dress aside with the audible scrape of metal clothes-hangers piercing his ears. He inspected the back of the wardrobe. Once again the teenager found himself frowning with surprise.

There it hung, a saddle. A horse saddle, the type of things knights or jockeys would mount on their horses before riding. Only this thing was not the hardened plastic and leather one would expect to find. Oh, no. It was pony sized. It had a fluffy little strap, a silky, luscious red finish and kinky looking pink frills.

Rabbit’s mouth fell open as he came to the slow realisation he was looking at the pony equivalent of a sexy corset. He had stumbled upon a ‘treasure’ likely unseen by other human eyes. He had stumbled upon pony-lingerie.

Stifling a chuckle after his ‘fruitless’ search for anything resembling keys in the bedroom, Rabbit made his way back downstairs. He rummaged through several of the shelves, pulling down recently disturbed books and yanking open dressers. On one dresser in particular he accidentally pulled a drawer out completely, letting it fall noisily on the ground sending its contents scattering over the floor.

Cursing to himself, Rabbit considered cleaning up, but thought the better of it. There might not be much time left. He pulled open the last drawer hoping to find anything key-shaped. If not, he’d have to try ripping the display case’s doors off by the hinges. But who was to say they weren’t magic hinges?

Hands rifling through the final drawer, Rabbit’s heart suddenly stopped.

An audible click sounded from the front door and the latch opened. The door swung open, spilling rays of natural light into the library, casting a long shadow over the wooden floorboards. A figure ducked to enter, then strode into the tree-house...

Andrew Shepherd scratched his chin as he glanced around the room. “Now where did I leave my wallet?” He started before his eyes fell on a pile of books discarded at the foot of a bookshelf. He was then drawn to the scattered contents of a drawer laying all over the floor and more piles messy piles of books. “Huh... that can’t be right.”

There was no way Twilight would have left the library in such a state. She was a perfectionist when it came to her library, and she’d literally freak if she saw this mess. Besides, he had just been in the library and didn’t remember leaving it in a neglected state.

His eyes widened at the explanation for the mess that stood before him. The explanation – hands still buried in the drawer looking for keys – looked right back, eyes a similar wide shape of shock.

Andrew and Rabbit stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Strangers to each other, they couldn’t fathom each other’s existence at that time. For the second time in the hour Rabbit felt his brain go into complete meltdown. Both had been convinced they were the only humans in Equestria. They had known that as a fact. No other pony had ever mentioned meeting another human, there had been no news on the subject. There had been no reason to believe there were other living, breathing humans in Equestria at all.

It was as if they were both heads of the church when Charles Darwin boldly strode up and donkey punched God in the face with evolution theory. An instinctual ignorance kicked in and both were convinced they were hallucinating.

All of the above aside, for some reason the first curiosity popping into Rabbit’s mind was; “Has this guy seen Twilight Sparkle’s kinky saddle? Or better yet, has he seen her wear it?”

None of the universe’s wisest entities could give us a straight answer as to why this was the first question on Rabbit’s mind.

“Hi.” Andrew started.

“Hi.” Rabbit returned.

The awkward pause between them lasted a moment before both realised they were sane and sober.

Andrew opened his mouth again. “What’s up?”

“Nothin’ much.” Rabbit shrugged.

“What are you up to?”

“Would you believe me if I said nothing?” the teenager inquired.

Andrew shook his head. “Nope.”

“Ah.” Rabbit’s eyes flitted down to the pistol on Andrew’s hip, then he looked down at his hands in the dresser. He tried to imagine what it may have looked like to the other human. Most likely it looked like Rabbit had been caught with his hand in the cookie-jar.

He looked back to the gun. A cold shiver ran down his spine and his gut clenched. A few droplets of sweat immediately prickled on his forehead as Rabbit felt his heart-rate skyrocket. Where there were guns, death quickly followed. And to be honest, it scared the piss out of the human.

“Would you shoot me if I said I was doing exactly what it looks like I’m doing?” he asked with a noticeable tremble in his voice.

Andrew followed Rabbit’s glance, then shrugged. That translated into a ‘most likely’ in Rabbit’s book.

Rabbit gave in to his nature and leapt before looking. By this I mean of course he pulled the drawer he was going through clean out of the dresser and hurled it directly at the other human in the room.

The contents were thrown around the library in an explosion of random stuff. Bits of parchment, a few ink bottles and quills were launched in a spray of litter... followed very quickly by a wooden drawer spiralling through the air.

“Whoa!” Andrew ducked and the object soared over his head like a spinning comet trailing a tail of random junk. By the time he straightened up and looked back at the trespasser, Rabbit lashed out with a kick.

It wasn’t aimed at Andrew though. The teenager swept his foot around and hooked the long red pole standing up against a nearby bookshelf. His knee immediately coiled up to his chest and the bo-staff was launched into his hands before the human threw himself on Andrew, swinging the weapon without style or grace, but with pure intent to incapacitate.

Rabbit’s first impression to be laid on the fellow human was a bo-staff hurtling with terminal velocity at his face.

There were about a thousand different things wrong with that first impression. Rabbit realised this of course, shortly before realising that he cared little for first impressions, especially when compared to his desire for not being shot in the face by what could very well be a gun-wielding maniac.

The feeling was of course mutual for Andrew. He suddenly cared very little for first impressions and cared much more for the structural integrity of his face. That fleeting sense of selfish self-preservation made him feel a tinge of guilt as his hand moved to his firearm. But with a bo-staff flying directly at his head, Andrew’s primal human instinct overruled rational thought.

Of course, had he managed to bring the gun to bear, he wouldn’t have shot the teenager in the face. Maybe into the ceiling just to scare his attacker off. Unfortunately his instinct wasn’t fast enough, and the pole careening at him made contact.

The pole slammed into the gun’s mid-section. The trigger mechanism released from the sudden hard impact as Andrew’s entire arm was thrown sideways with the jolt. The flint-lock mechanism snapped shut and a spark struck the gunpowder. There was an explosion that spat fire from the muzzle of the wood and steel weapon. A ball-bearing followed, scything through the air past Rabbit and slamming into a wooden wall with an audible ‘tchock!’

Though it was hardly audible, the gunshot left both humans dazed and partially deaf. Rabbit had leapt sideways, one hand clutching his heart in a panic. His eyes glazed over as he saw his life flash before his eyes.

The gun in the meantime had been thrown across the room and out of arm’s reach.

“Son of a bitch!” Rabbit screamed with a shaky voice realising the bullet hadn’t hit him.

Andrew held up his hands defensively. “Okay, that was a-...”

Rabbit wasn’t listening. “Son of a bitch!” he screamed louder again before stepping forward.

The bo-staff was in two hands, cocked and swinging towards Andrew’s face. Somewhere in the back of his head, Andrew heard a curse-word uttered as his arms were raised to defend himself. At that proximity there was hardly any space to evade.

Andrew braced himself...

And the pole just bounced right off. It was like he was protected by a shield of jelly, the pole seemed to strike his arms but there was no impact. Instead there was a ‘sproing’ noise that reverberated through the bo-staff and the weapon was launched clear. Rabbit with it.

The teenager let out a surprised cry, stumbling in a desperate attempt to catch the jumping staff and maintain his balance. Andrew couldn’t explain it, looking at his unharmed forearms. It was as if the bo-staff had said:

“Nope, I’m not gonna harm this guy.”

Rabbit couldn’t explain it either, though he was much more preoccupied with not becoming hug-buddies with the floor.

Andrew saw an opportunity and leapt on it... quite literally. He threw himself onto Rabbit, locked both hands around the shaft of the bo-staff and tried to wrestle it from the teenager’s grip.

Rabbit didn’t stop though. He fought back.

“Alright, time-out!” Andrew cried trying to pry the pole from Rabbit’s hands.

Rabbit flexed with the motion, simultaneously stomping on Andrew’s toes with his heel. As the human yelped in pain, Rabbit was given the opportunity to pull back and throw Andrew off balance again.

“Screw you!” the teenager yelled. “You shot at me!”

“It was an accident!” Andrew cried honestly, and was interrupted by Rabbit’s knee driving into his gut.

“Accident, my ass!”

Coughing off the feeling he might up-chuck his lunch, Andrew tried to straighten up and twist the bo-staff away from Rabbit. The motion was futile. Rabbit already had the upper hand and wasn’t pulling any punches. The teenager’s forward foot pulled back, and then darted forward again. He hooked his heel into the back of Andrew’s knee and swept sideways, throwing the human backwards.

Crying out, Andrew hung inches from landing flat on his back, struggling to find his footing and applying his weight on the end of the bo-staff that struck the ground beside them.

Distracted as he realised he was losing, Andrew turned his head to look where his gun had landed. Rabbit took the opportunity and drove the pole forward. The mid-section of the shaft slammed into the side of his face and threw Andrew heavily into the ground. His hands slipped from the pole and Rabbit jumped back holding the weapon in two hands, intending to strike again with one of the rounded ends aimed for the face.

Andrew shook off his daze and grabbed the far end as Rabbit pulled back to strike. It was futile, Andrew thought to himself. The intruder was winning. He needed an upper hand. Something to help him out. Some kind of deus ex machina. Something to...

Even as he thought it, the pole suddenly extended.

“W-wha-...” Rabbit didn’t even get to finish his sentence.

He had been holding on to one end of the pole as if it were the hilt of a sword. Andrew had been holding the other end and they had been playing a rather merciless rendition of ‘tug-a-rope.’ Next thing he knew, the pole doubled in length in Rabbit’s direction.

The stumped end of the bo-staff slammed into Rabbit’s gut, just under his sternum and threw him clear of the ground, launching him across the library. Andrew watched in slow motion with wide, surprised eyes as the teenager flailed his arms, clawing at the air in a hope to slow his flight.

He made contact with a window and smashed clean through, sending a plethora of glittering shards spraying outward. A moment later Rabbit disappeared completely from view.

Andrew slowly averted his gaze down to the bo-staff that weighed practically nothing in his hands. The obscenely long pole suddenly shrank to its normal size.

Using it as a support, Andrew climbed to his feet and felt a jolt of excitement grip his chest.

“Haha!” he cried, having known it all along in his gut. “I knew it! I knew this staff looked familiar. Ruyi Jingu Bang, exactly as it was out of Journey into the West! The magical pole that could extend and shrink at the will of Sun Wukon, obtained from the undersea palace of the Dragon King of the East Sea...”

“That’s great!” Rabbit’s pained interruption called. “Just great!”

“Oh... crap... uh... are you okay?”

Rabbit groaned somewhere out of sight as Andrew slowly approached the shattered window. “Yeah.” Came the teenager’s voice. “My ego broke the fall.”

Andrew inquisitively leaned over the windowsill, brushing away a few shards of broken glass as he tried to spot where Rabbit had landed. “Sorry about tha-... whoa!”

Two hands reached through the broken window and grabbed Andrew. They pulled very suddenly, dragging the man clean through the window and out into the street. Before he could even figure out which was way up, Andrew found himself flat on his back, looking at Rabbit standing over him.

Rabbit’s foot suddenly swept round in a kick that hooked up the bo-staff and plucked it from Andrew’s hand. The weapon was sent bouncing across the road before it thudded into a grassy verge growing up the side of the next building like some kind of miniature garden.

Rabbit grabbed two hands of Andrew’s shirt and heaved him up with some effort. Before Andrew even realised what was happening, he felt something cold, hard and quite obviously made of steel slam painfully into the side of his head.

Stumbling back, he gripped his head where the object hit him and rubbed at the painful area. Blinking away the double vision and looking up he saw the teenager gripping a climbing-axe in one hand. He had obviously hit the Ponyville resident human with the flat end of the hook-shaped pommel at the base of the axe.

“Ow!” Andrew articulated several moments too late. “What was that for?”

“You threw me out the window!” Rabbit accused loudly.

“Yeah, but I apologised!”

“You. THREW! Me. Out. The. Fucking. WINDOW!” Rabbit balled his hands into fists and tried his best to contain his anger, pouting like an upset child.

“And you dragged me out the same window!” Andrew shot back.

Rabbit pointed at the other human with his climbing-axe before quickly composing himself in a moment’s notice and nodding confidently. “You know what? Yeah. I’m going to hit you again. I don’t know if I’ll stop. Hold still.”

Rabbit moved closer, preparing for another right hook. As he closed in, Andrew glanced around.

“Um...” his eyes first fell on the bo-staff, but it was laying too far away. “Em...” he patted his pockets before his hands fell upon his tool-belt. Twisting around, he grabbed something from one of the back pockets and twisted back holding out a small hand-shovel.

Rabbit stopped in his tracks, blinking at the trowel.

“Really? You’re coming at me with a fucking gardening tool?”

“It's not a gardening tool,” Andrew defended. “it's an archaeological tool.”

Rabbit scoffed, glancing down to Andrew’s knees. “Tell that to your pussy-ass knee-protectors.”

Andrew followed the glance to realise he was still wearing the hardened plastic pads to assist when kneeling for kneeling in uncomfortable ruins for extended periods of time. “Archaeology kneepads! BITE ME!”

Rabbit rolled his eyes before attacking. He swung his weapon in a wide arc, aiming the rounded pommel for the top of the head.

Andrew avoided it with a duck to one side. Rabbit adjusted the angle of his grip and swung outward again, horizontally for the temple this time. Again, Andrew avoided with a duck, backwards this time.

As Rabbit recovered, Andrew glanced at Rabbit, then at his trowel. It was a fairly sharp weapon, maybe not sharp enough to break skin though. He could safely strike Rabbit with it without doing too much damage.

So he aimed for the top of Rabbit’s head and swung the flat end of the trowel straight down. Rabbit saw it coming and crossed his forearms high, catching Andrew by the wrist. He forced Andrew off balance with a sneaky kick to the shins, then re-directed the trowel down to his side. The climbing-axe scythed down, just about shaving a few hairs off the back of Andrew’s hand before the weapon hooked into a notch on the hand-shovel. The trowel was pulled clean out of Andrew’s hand before Rabbit turned his own weapon over and slammed it smoothly into the holster on his pack.

Both hands free, Rabbit locked one hand around Andrew’s wrist and punched the man in the crook of his elbow. Twisting his arm upward, Rabbit managed to smack Andrew in the face with his own hand.

“Quit hitting yourself.” Rabbit spat. “Quit hitting yourself.”

“Quit it – quit it – quit it!” Andrew cried like a kid being picked on by a schoolyard bully.

His free hand reached back and he felt his hands close over something in his tool-belt. Andrew quickly pulled it free and drove the bristles of one of his brushes into his attacker’s face.

A couple of weeks’ worth of badland sand and dust exploded in Rabbit’s face, snaking up into his nostrils and stinging the teenager’s eyes. He sneezed. Loudly. Seriously, Rabbit seriously though his eyeballs might pop out of their sockets – that was how hard he sneezed. It was almost enough to launch him clean off his feet like some sort of cartoon character.

As Andrew slipped free of his grip, Rabbit blindly lashed out with a punch. Luck was on his side for the moment, as he felt his knuckles make contact just above Andrew’s face. With an ‘agck!’ escaping his lips, Andrew took a few steps back, gripping his forehead. Rabbit on the other hand was sneezing and spluttering, struggling to get the dust out of his face.

“Sunovabitch!” He swore, looking up and realising Andrew was recovering.

With a gritted jaw he stepped closer, drawing his climbing-axe free again before swinging it round with the intent of slamming the pommel into the human’s head again. Andrew saw it coming and looked at his bo-staff.

In his mind he figured this fight would go a lot better if he had that staff in his hands. In response – much to his shock – the pole jolted, rolling a little closer.

“No...” he muttered to himself.

Regardless his hand outstretched for the weapon, and he willed it to come to him. A moment later, in a flash of red and gold the bo-staff flew from where it lay directly at Andrew. It was like he had it attached to his wrist by an elastic band, it cleared the distance between them in a split second and settled comfortably in the palm of his hand.

Andrew immediately turned the staff over and whirled around, holding his vertically between him and the incoming axe.

The steel of the pommel made contact with the bo-staff with a ‘clan-ng-g-g’ that carried a shudder through Rabbit’s arm and threw him back. Wind-milling his arms for balance, Rabbit quickly swung the climbing-axe around and hooked the steel pick over the shaft of the bo-staff. Andrew felt Rabbit’s weight tug on the weapon and he angled it forward, letting Rabbit fall backwards with sparks erupting from the pick as the steel climbing-axe slid over the magical staff.

The split second of support had given him some time to react through, and twisting around, Rabbit managed to catch himself, standing leaned a little backwards with the end of the bo-staff pointed squarely in his face. He sniffed sharply, realising the pole was millimetres from breaking his nose like an overripe tomato.

“Get that fucking thing out of my face.” Rabbit snapped.

Andrew shrugged almost casually. “It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.”

Rabbit narrowed his eyes sarcastically in prompt response. “Get what’s in your hand, out of my face.”

The teenager shoved the bo-staff to one side. In an instant he threw himself closer to Andrew, whirling around at the same time. His free hand lashed out in a fist, knocking the bo-staff completely clear with a backhand. His climbing-axe simultaneously swung for the head, forcing Andrew to abandon ground and duck to one side. The vicious bladed point of the axe scythed several centimetres too much to the left as Andrew moved clear of the weapon, dragging the pole with him.

Aiming the bo-staff, Andrew’s face contorted into an expression of concentration. He had to focus. If he was going to prevent any harm coming to himself or the other human he would have to end this fight as quickly as possible. Unfortunately is seemed his new ‘friend’ wasn’t too keen on talking.

He had to fight fire with fire. So he willed the bo-staff to extend.

At the same time he bellowed at the top of his lungs. “... IRON-IRON PISTOLLLL!”

Rabbit blinked. “... what.”

The pole extended and the rounded end slammed into Rabbit’s shoulder. The blow knocked the wind out of him, but didn’t knock him down. It made him twist to one side as he tried to stay on his feet. By the time the pole had shrunk back down to normal size however, Andrew had already whirled around. He span right around on one heel like a clumsy sort of armed, archaeological ballet-dancer. The bo-staff swished in response, spinning a full three-sixty-degrees. The pole slammed hard into the back of Rabbit’s legs, sweeping them right out from under him.

He landed with a heavy ‘plof,’ dazed and completely flabbergasted. Andrew stood confidently over the teenager, bo-staff aimed down at Rabbit.

“W-what?” Rabbit cried, too stunned to even climb to his feet. “What the fuck was that!? Why would you name your attack ‘iron-iron pistol’?”

“Yeah? My attack, my name.”

“And why name your attack anyway? I mean, I have witnessed some nerdy things in my life but that...” Rabbit was stunned, though not stunned enough to prevent a disappointed shake of his head. “Oh, man.” He added in a hushed tone that oozed with pure shame.

Andrew gaped for a moment. “... shut up!” he wasn’t going to let Rabbit’s backtalk get to him. Thus far, his tactic seemed to work. As long as he made the most of the magic contained within that bo-staff, the other human may not be able to lay so much as a finger on him.

Rabbit lashed out with his climbing-axe, knocking the staff out of his face before rolling smoothly to his feet. At the exact same time, Andrew adjusted his grip on his weapon and took a deep breath, aiming the awkward pole like a rookie might aim a rifle.

Rabbit sighed tiredly, almost predicting what was going to happen next.

“IRON-IRON... MACHINE GUN!”

“Machine gu-...? wait, what?” There are few things in the universe more unsettling than being told ‘you are about to experience horrible pain.’ And then said promise being actually delivered upon...

The bo-staff extended and retracted in quick succession, delivering more strikes than Rabbit could count. Each and every one hit their mark on his torso.

A jab in his shoulder knocked Rabbit to one side before a blast in the kidney threw him back. Dust burst in animated clouds from the soles of his trainers as he slid to a halt only to have the staff smack him in the stomach, then ‘twack’ him across the side of the head. Spinning away, Rabbit tried to hold up his arms to defend himself...

And then came the obligatory nut-cracker. Pain screamed its way up through Rabbit’s gut as his eyes popped comically. Doubling over, Rabbit dropped back onto his butt, cringing painfully.

“Fucker...” the teenager wheezed until a soft ‘bop’ to the face snapped his head back and sent some birds twittering around in his field of vision.

Another blow aimed for his chest as Andrew moved in with the intent of keeping Rabbit pinned. This one missed however and slammed into the ground beside the teenager. Acting quickly he wrapped his hand around the pole and the staff retracted, pulling the teenager to his feet and launching him forward.

“IRON-IRO-... WHOA, CRAP!” Andrew instinctively recoiled at the sight of the incoming human body. It was little too late though.

Like an academic-seeking missile, Rabbit slammed headlong into the other human, tackling him head over heels and pinning Andrew to the ground.

“STOP SHOUTING YOUR ATTACKS!” Rabbit cried, slamming the point of his climbing-axe into the ground to amplify his point.

The bo-staff very suddenly shrank down into a handheld baton. “MAKE ME!” he cried as Andrew slammed the baton into the side of Rabbit’s head.

Laying there with a hand clutching his hand and watching Andrew heave himself to his feet, Rabbit came to a dreadful realisation.

I’m getting my butt kicked. It didn’t really surprise him. Not only was Rabbit more of a sneaky bastard who relied on deception and morally questionable ethics to get by in life, he wasn’t much of a stand up fighter. His battle with Nightmare Moon had been clumsy at best. This fight was a fucking disaster.

Time to bail.

With a cry, Rabbit kicked off the ground and spun around on his hip. His leg kicked into the back of Andrew’s knees and knocked him back to the ground. Taking advantage of the other human’s surprise, Rabbit forced himself to his knees and started running, holstering his climbing-axe on the move. It didn’t matter what direction he picked. Rabbit just wanted to get away. Any direction, any place, anywhere but there was fine.

“Hey, hey!” Andrew cried as he struggled back to his feet to give chase. “Wait! Wait!”

Rabbit didn’t listen. He ducked around the nearest corner he could find in an attempt to break line of sight. He followed the next street, casting a glance over his shoulder to see the other human was running after him. Rabbit quickly lowered into a sprint, pushing himself as fast as he could into the next street, again trying to break line of sight. If he had spent a little less time playing Assassin’s Creed and took an actual practical interest in free-running – or maybe even normal running for that matter – maybe he would have known how to mount the buildings and escape across the rooftops.

Having said that, even if he was able, Rabbit was already dizzy, tired and sporting a beautifully painful rainbow of bruises. Running across rooftops was maybe not a great idea.

He suddenly found himself on the edge of town, between him and the forest treeline there seemed to be a building almost like a church. Bright red and decorated with pink heart-shaped window arches and golden swirls reminiscent of honey-suckle patterns. Perched atop the ceiling was a tower home to some kind of bell. Outside was a flagpole waving a bright red triangular flag and a low picket fence.

Rabbit leapt over the fence and charged for the door. With luck nobody would see him enter.

No such luck. Rabbit was in such a panic to get out of sight he completely missed the fillies and colts who were playing outside under the supervision of the town’s resident teacher, Cherilee.

Shocked at the sight of a human that was not Andrew, the young ponies squealed and ducked to cover as he ploughed right through the midst of them. Cherilee let out a startled cry, but the teenager didn’t react, leaping up the front steps and diving through the open doorway.

Meanwhile, panting and wheezing, Andrew was hot enough on his heels to see Rabbit disappear into the schoolhouse. With a deep inhale through the nose, he broke into his second wind and followed.

“Andrew.” Cherilee started as the human ran past her. “What is-...”

“Can’t talk! Subduing a nutcase!” Andrew answered shortly before he disappeared into the school after Rabbit.

Entering the schoolhouse, Andrew saw Rabbit mantle onto the teacher’s desk and slide across the surface, knocking over books and jars of quills as he went. He landed smoothly on the opposite end of the room and immediately threw himself sideways into the closest window.

Andrew seriously thought the teenager would break through and escape into the nearby woods never to be seen again. In all honesty, that was Rabbit’s exact plan. Unfortunately he didn’t break through the glass.

He bounced right off and collapsed into a groaning heap.

Andrew chuckled, suddenly remembering something. Doubling over he leaned his knees and caught his breath. “Hehe. Yeah, the ponies were constantly breaking windows when they played kickball, so Twilight enchanted the schoolhouse’s windows to be unbreakable.”

“Peachy.” Rabbit groaned.

A moment later a jolt of adrenaline surged through his veins. He realised he was boxed in and jumped to his feet. He grabbed the first thing that was within arm’s reach. In one corner on a table there seemed to be a chemistry set. There were a few labelled jars with pony names written on them. Science projects no doubt.

One particular jar held a clear viscous looking liquid, and was labelled ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders.’ It being the closest, Rabbit grabbed it and cocked his arm ready to throw the jar at Andrew. He didn’t know what was in the jar, he didn’t care either. If it was corrosive – or explosive – that would be a bonus.

“Leave me alone!” Rabbit yelled. It was clear to him at this point maybe Ponyville’s resident human wasn’t trying to kill him per-se. And the reason for chasing him? Well there was only one reason he might be chasing after the teenager. “I’m not going to fucking pony-prison, alright?”

“Alright, cool down.” Andrew said, putting his bo-staff down and holding out his hands to indicate he was no threat. “Look, don’t care what you were doing in the library, alright? Just... c’mon, buddy. Put the jar down.”

Rabbit swallowed, wondering if he was telling the truth about not caring for the teenager’s breaking and entering. But in case he was... quick, change the subject. “How the fuck are you here?” he suddenly snapped, catching Andrew by surprise. “I thought I was the only human around!”

Andrew nodded. “Same here, dude! I haven’t seen another human in... yonks!” he smiled as a friendly gesture. “Until today, I thought I was the only human in Equestria. Where did you come from? Who are you? How did you get here?”

Rabbit tossed the jar in his hand straight up and caught it again. “I’ve been in Equestria for months.” He snapped, ignoring the questions. “I’ve been from Stalliongrad to Damanescus, and never caught a hint of another human in Equestria. And now I meet one in fucking Ponyville? If this is some kind of weird pony mind-fuck trick...”

“Easy there.” Andrew quickly said. “Look, there’s obviously something going on here. It’s obviously bigger than our egos, so... why don’t you put down the jar of potentially dangerous chemicals? Come back to the library, we can work this out... peacefully.”

Rabbit’s eyes narrowed.

“Or we could keep fighting. Locked in a pointless battle that goes nowhere and answers none of the important questions.” Andrew shrugged picking up his bo-staff again. “See where that takes us.” He added.

Rabbit set his jaw. He hated to admit it, but he had to agree. This was going nowhere. But it was kind of a shock to the system, spending months at a time with just ponies and all of a sudden there’s another human in the flesh standing before him. And if he hadn’t reacted so strongly maybe the guy wouldn’t have pulled his gun in the first place. But there were some fear induced instincts he simply could not fight.

Just thinking of the weapon made Rabbit shiver again. Despite that, he nodded. “Fine. I’m done.”

Andrew let out a relieved sigh seeing they were actually getting somewhere. “Alright... good. C’mon, let’s get back to the library and we can talk.”

It was over. They were done fighting. Rabbit hated to admit it; he had gotten his ass handed to him. And not even by that bo-staff. He’d just been diplomacied into submission. It was ridiculous. He wasn’t beaten by sticks or stones, but words. It very suddenly frustrated the hell out of him.

“Oh, fuck this planet.” Rabbit spat hurling the jar across the room in no particular direction. He had just intended it to bounce and roll off into a corner. It wasn’t a throw of malice or intent to harm. Just a teenager pouting over his defeat, because – let’s admit it – humans are built with a protocol that triggers anger or frustration when we lose.

The jar shattered, spreading the liquid over the wooden floor. At first there was a smouldering noise with wisps of black smoke spitting into the air. The floorboards suddenly crackled and the wood burst into flame. The fire spread over the floor and caught on to the nearby desks. Books and notebooks withered. Some hoof-made puppets and other art-projects burst into fire, writhing and twisting as the merciless inferno consumed them.

The fire showed no signs of quitting as smoke filled the space around them and the flames set onto the ceiling rafters.

Rabbit and Andrew looked at each other.

“Oh, fuck!”

“My thoughts exactly.”

It didn’t really matter who said what. In that particular scenario it could go either-or.

The door exploded open and both humans ran out of the structure and into the open, coughing and choking on the thick black smoke filling the air. The flames crawled up over the walls of the schoolhouse and swallowed the building whole. The structure failed and the house crumpled, imploding in on itself. With every jolt causing the school to spit a thousand glowing sparks into the air.

Andrew and Rabbit turned to observe. Rabbit visibly winced as the roof caved in with a groan that could only be described as the schoolhouse itself letting out a wail of burning agony.

“Well I didn’t expect that to happen.” Rabbit sighed honestly.

Andrew suddenly glared and exploded much like that jar of napalm had. “Well what the hell did you expect to happen?” Rabbit had just single handed wrecked the library interior and burned down the Ponyville school! The human’s hands shook as he tried to channel his anger for the teenager into words.

Words failed him this time and he swung his bo-staff around, slamming it into the top of Rabbit’s head.

Gripping his poor crippled skull moments after impact, Rabbit dropped to the ground, wall-eyed with little yellow birdies and stars flying around his head. “AAAAARGH!!! MY BRAIN!”

“Whoa, crap.” His disposition changed from angry to worried, Andrew quickly dropped the staff and lowered to a knee to see if Rabbit was okay. Squirming and screaming profanities aside, he didn’t seem to be broken. “I didn’t mean to hit you that hard! Sorry, sorry...”

***[]***

The double vision had passed over time. Shaking the bag of frozen peas in one hand, Rabbit contemplated the pain and swelling to come before he gritted his teeth and slapped the makeshift ice-pack onto the top of his head. The bo-staff hadn’t made a dent in his skull – despite the fact if felt like it had – but it had definitely left its mark.

Rabbit’s hiss was heard across the library as he sat there, quite literally sucking up the pain as best he could. He was surprised that other human hadn’t broken the bo-staff in two across his poor battered head. He wished the damn thing had broken. Then at least Rabbit would have had a ‘ha, fuck you’ moment.

Now all he could do was sit there and glare at the human sitting on the far end of the library. Andrew stared right back at Rabbit, his pistol visibly holstered, one hand holding a similar ice-pack to Rabbit’s against the side of his face.

Rabbit’s left hand was extended across the table in the centre of the library where Twilight Sparkle sat inspecting the device through some kind of head-mounted monocular device. She was scanning the gem with waves of her magic and jotting down notes on a scroll enthusiastically.

Apparently she had received a letter from Princess Celestia explaining that a human would be visiting her about a gem stuck to his hand. She had been prepared to receive a visitor with a magical artefact attached to him, but not a visitor of Rabbit’s kleptomaniacal persuasion.

Trixie sat quietly, and nervously over in one corner beside an irritated Spike who was sweeping up the mess that littered the library.

Andrew shifted his ice-pack. “Why did you attack me?”

“You have a gun.” Rabbit glared.

“You don’t like guns?”

“That’s between me and guns.” Rabbit ended the discussion there as he cast Trixie a quick glare too. “Nice work keeping watch by the way.” he added.

“I was keeping an eye out for Sparkle.” Trixie hissed back. “I thought she would deal a worse flank-kicking than the human. Let’s be honest, he does look a lot more spineless than he is.”

“Hey, I’m sitting right here.” Andrew snapped.

Trixie seemed unfazed by this and looked at him with her head held high. “Trixie is aware of this fact.” She sniffed smartly.

That made Rabbit smirk before he turned his glare back to Andrew, taking the bag of frozen peas off his head. “Who are you anyway?”

Andrew scoffed. “Who are you?” he demanded.

“I asked you first.” The thief whined.

“I have a gun, remember?” Andrew reminded.

“Rabbit.” The newcomer in Ponyville said very quickly. “Call me Rabbit. Everypony in Equestria does. I suppose that ought to extend to people too.”

Andrew then turned his head to the azure pony. “And you?”

“Why, I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she turned her head and eyed Twilight Sparkle suspiciously. The lavender unicorn didn’t seem to notice. “Trixie wonders why Sparkle hasn’t informed you of my greatness yet.”

Spike noticed Trixie eying Twilight and rolled his eyes. His hand was held up and mimicking lip-movements as if to say ‘yeah, yeah, keep on yappin’, you crazy pony.’

Andrew wasn’t paying attention. He was somewhat lost in thought, tapping his chin with a wide smirk plastered across his face. “Rabbit and Trixie... hmmm. There’s a joke in there somewhere.”

Rabbit grumbled. “I swear. One breakfast cereal reference and I will-...” – Andrew patted his pistol – “Throw myself into your sights so hard, shooting me would be a piece of cake... and then you’d be sorry!” the gun was lowered and Rabbit let out a discreet sigh of relief before working up the nerve to speak again. “So you know who I am now, you have me at a disadvantage.” He glanced at the bo-staff in the corner of the room. “Again.” He added rubbing his head.

“Name’s Andrew.” Ponyville’s resident human introduced. “Andrew Shepherd.”

“Shepherd. Isn’t that a name better suited for a shee-...”

Andrew stopped Rabbit there. “DON’T, even go there, or I will bo-staff your face off.”

Rabbit wasn’t going to tempt fate and looked over to what the unicorn scanning his wrist mounted troubles was up to.

Twilight Sparkle suddenly lifted her gaze from the gem and looked Rabbit dead in the eye. Unfortunately she was still wearing that monocle-thing, magnifying one eye to grotesque proportions. It was like he was looking at a ponified – if that is even a word – version of Frankenstein’s assistant, Igor... minus the hump of course. Having said that, Twilight had a nifty horn to compensate.

Still, the sight drew something of a loud ‘gah’ of surprise from the human as he recoiled.

Twilight pulled off the monocle with one hoof, revealing her face properly. The lavender unicorn seemed bookish through and through. She even smelled like the library. Her mane was dark-purple, a simple and formal straight cut fringe, but that pink stripe through her hair indicated something of a suppressed wild side. A cutie-mark of a grand star adorned her flanks, and she had lavender eyes much like her coat.

“Where did you get this?” she demanded excitedly without so much of a ‘Hi! My name is – huh? My name is – what? My name is – chickie-chickie; Twilight Sparkle.’

Rabbit didn’t mind. Trixie had already fully explained who the unicorn was. “I took it from a pony all of you might know.” Rabbit said with a little smug pride. “Goes by the name of Nightmare Moon.”

That seemed to shock the bookish unicorn. “You took this from Nightmare Moon?”

Rabbit nodded. “Hell yeah. I fought that nag of the night and an army of her dark minions mano-a-mano with just my climbing-axe and my wits. Then I used that evil witch as a landing pad off a twenty story drop.”

“Hah!” Andrew chuckled sarcastically. “I’ve rolled for a Bluff Check and found your pants on fire.”

Rabbit promptly rolled his eyes. “Dork.”

“What exactly does the gem do?” Twilight furthered ignoring their argument.

Rabbit started counting off functions on his fingers, eyes thoughtfully ceiling cast. “Nightmare Moon used it to imprison living entities like Princess Luna and myself... and a slug. Don’t ask. You don’t wanna know. I know, and now I’m telling you, you don’t want to know.

“Secondly I was able to manifest a magical shield from my imagination to protect myself, then I manifested a giant mallet to splatter Nightmare Moon.” Rabbit was about to count off a third function but stopped.

“Hmmm... and that’s pretty much it.”

All eyes in the room just stared at Rabbit blankly.

“True story.” Rabbit assured them.

Andrew nodded, though he didn’t look very convinced. “If that little gem does what you say, why get rid of it? Why not keep it? Be a super-hero?”

“Well, I’m sure my adoring fans would ask the exact same thing.” Rabbit shrugged.

Andrew frowned. “You have fans?”

Rabbit continued as if he didn’t hear him: “But let’s be honest here. I’m just not the hero type. Besides, this thing is a trouble magnet.”

Andrew chuckled looking Rabbit up and down. “Yeah, I can see that.”

Rabbit smiled and joined in for a laugh... but very suddenly stopped when he realised he didn’t get the joke. “Uh... wait, what? What’s so funny?”

Twilight meanwhile packed away her gear and trotted around the table to face Rabbit and Trixie. “Well, that’s it. My analysis and scans are complete. I don’t know how to take it off right now, but I’ll have plenty of time to do research since you’ll be hanging around.” she announced happily.

Rabbit and Trixie glanced at each other frowning before the human said: “I will?”

“Ponyville doesn’t have the money to hire a construction crew right now.” Twilight explained. “So since you burned down the school, I think it’s only fair you pay for the rebuild. There are some jobs around the town that-...”

Rabbit jumped to his feet and held out his hands defensively. “Whoa! Hell no, that shit is your problem, toots! The only reason I’m here is because the namby-pamby-pony-princess thinks you can help me out with this little problem.” He practically shoved the gem strapped to his wrist in her face.

“A bit of respect for the ageless ruler of Equestria please?” Andrew commented.

Rabbit waved the comment off. “Hey, she ain’t my princess.” – Trixie giggled softly earning a scowl from Spike – “And what do you mean Ponyville doesn’t have the money?”

“The local bank was cleaned out by a pony you may know.” Twilight said tartly. “Goes by the name of Nightmare Moon.”

Rabbit and Trixie cringed at the same. “No shit.”

Even in death, Nightmare Moon continued to fuck with the duo.

“I’m not getting out of this, am I?” Rabbit mumbled in a disgruntled tone.

“Not a chance.” Andrew chuckled looking a little impressed with his marefriend’s verbal smackdown on Rabbit.

Rabbit just scowled in his general direction before averting his full attention to the lavender unicorn standing steadfast before him. “So what’s the deal?”

“You scratch our back, we scratch yours.” Twilight Sparkle said honestly. She pointed a hoof to Rabbit’s wrist. “Ponyville needs a new schoolhouse. You pay for the schoolhouse, by the time you’ve completed all of Ponyville’s chores and can afford the repairs I’ll have a way of removing that gem from your wrist. Deal?”

Rabbit grumbled. And if he didn’t comply? Then he’d have two angry princesses to contend with, not to mention a town of ponies. Ponies with magic. Magic that could very well turn Rabbit into an actual rabbit.

Confound these ponies. “Fine. Deal.”

Twilight extended her hoof and they shook on it. “Alright then.”

Rabbit sank back into his seat defeated. The silence that soothingly bathed the library was short lived when Andrew noticed Rabbit’s backpack.

It sat there in a heap against one of the book-shelves just within arm’s reach of the Ponyville resident’s seat. The flap was closed over and Rabbit’s climbing-axe was holstered neatly across the face of the pack. Hanging from a loop on one side was a coil of what looked like climbing rope adorned with knots, but most notably was a rolled up piece of paper sticking out the side of the bag.

Andrew slowly holstered his pistol and reached over, plucking the curious scroll from the other human’s bag.

“Hey!” Rabbit snapped seeing Andrew take something from his backpack. “Dude! Some folk around here are a bit particular about others going through their shit.”

Andrew ignored him as he tore open the wax seal and unfurled the parchment. The paper was a little bigger than an A4 sheet, not quite A5 though. It looked old, almost like papyrus and had a waxy kind of lamination to it. The yellowish paper was etched with clearly brushed black lines, that on their own looked little more than careless squiggles. But to a trained eye, when he put the whole lot together, Andrew found himself looking at a map of the badlands just beyond the Ponyville borders.

“Wow, look at this.” He excitedly started prodding the paper as everyone, and everypony, rose and moved closer to huddle over the discovery. “That must by Ponyville there. That looks like Dragon Mountain. That’s the borders of the Everfree Forest, and that... uh...” he seemed to pause at a collection of dots as Rabbit leaned over the human’s shoulder. “What is that?”

“That looks like lunch.” Rabbit dead-panned.

Andrew huffed, brushing away the crumbs before planting his finger on what looked like the etching of a temple at the very centre of the map. There was a dotted line following the contours of the badland mountains and chasms, connecting Ponyville and the temple with a set of small X’s. “Look at that. It seems this map in particular leads to this temple.” The digit ran over the labelling text beside it.

Andrew delved deeper into the map, his nose mere millimetres over the paper as he took in the details of the text. “Hmmm. What is that...? It has an ancient Celtic flair... but the pictograms... kind of like Egyptian or Mayan. They don’t seem to have similarities though. I can’t make sense...”

Trixie pulled a confused face before shrugging. “It’s Ancient Equestrian.” She pointed out simply, underlining the words with a hoof. “It says: Meghan’s Temple.”

All eyes lifted from the map to gawk at her.

The magician was taken a little aback by their surprised expressions. “What? Trixie is allowed to know things!”

“How can you know Ancient Equestrian?” Twilight exclaimed with surprise. “You didn’t even go to magic school. You’re not supposed to know Ancient Equestrian!”

“I’ll have you know Trixie is self-schooled and is highly versed in ancient Equestria lore and history, thank-you-very-much!” the showmare retorted feeling offended.

“So what’s Meghan’s Temple then?” Spike challenged with a sly grin.

“It happens to be the burial place of the ancient protectors of Equestria.” Trixie answered in a tone befitting to answer the baby-dragon’s challenge. “It is said to be loaded with treasures the regal sisters at the time had bestowed upon them as thanks for protecting the early borders of Equestria from evil-...”

She was stopped very quickly by Rabbit who held up a hand. “Yeah-yeah-yeah, protectors of the Earth. Very cool, love that track. You mentioned treasure?” he quickly segwayed to the money.

“Mountains of it.” Trixie nodded a similar glint in her eye to Rabbit’s.

“We’ve been friends for how long? And you only mention mountains of treasure now?” Rabbit said.

“Meghan’s Temple is legend!” Trixie reasoned. “There was no way to find it. Until now! I don’t know where that map came from, I don’t care either. All that loot is just sitting there, ready to be taken!” she ended in an excited squeal. Rabbit was nodding rapidly in agreement.

Twilight Sparkle glanced between the human and the azure unicorn, noting the similarities in their expressions as the duo excitedly leaned closer to each other. She also immediately noted how the self-centred air in Trixie’s voice halted abruptly whenever she was talking to Rabbit. Seeing right through them, she pressed a hoof against her mouth to quickly stifle a giggle. Both Rabbit and Trixie snapped their gazes around to the lavender mage.

“What?” they both snapped at the same time.

Twilight quickly sniffed and composed herself. “Nothing.” She quickly said, struggling to keep a straight face.

“I gotta admit, treasure hunting sounds like a good idea.” Andrew suddenly piped up in agreement – drawing a very shocked expression from Rabbit. “And think of the archaeological benefits! I’m willing to bet those protectors were the humans I caught wind of in the last temple I was in. There’s only one way to find out though.” He slapped the map down on the floor before him and jammed his index-finger against the ‘X’ marking their destination. “We’re going to that temple!”

Rabbit laughed. He was very willing to put the differences between them aside. Especially for a fuck-tonne of valuables. He held out his hand for a high-five. “Yeah, nigga, yeah!”

Andrew, also willing to put differences aside, was about to meet the high-five... when his smile suddenly faded at what Rabbit exclaimed and he quickly cringed away, taking it back. All of it.

“What? C’mon, it’s fine. It’s not like I said it in malice or anything.” Rabbit scowled, his hand still hanging in front of him. “Dude, c’mon. Don’t leave me hanging.”

Leaving him hanging was exactly what Andrew did, and Rabbit rolled his eyes, giving himself a high-five with his free hand.

Andrew was about to lean over the map again to plan their route and organise what equipment they needed when a purple hoof slammed down on the scroll. Recoiling, the human looked up into the infuriated eyes of his marefriend.

“Not a chance, mister.” Twilight suddenly said taking Andrew by surprise. “I know you’re excited to learn more about the possibility of humans inhabiting ancient Equestria, but the last temple you were in nearly swallowed you whole! This could be dangerous. You are not going!”

Andrew gaped angrily. The sparks flying between them were enough to make Rabbit and Trixie back off awkwardly.

“Oh, sending me into the midst of a dragon migration is fine, but investigating some ruins is where you draw the line?” Andrew defended.

“The dragon migration was under control!” Twilight exclaimed defensively. “I was nearby the whole time!”

“I can take care of myself! Didn’t marching headlong into Tartarus prove that!?”

“I am your marefriend, and I am telling you, you can’t go!”

Dragon migration? Temples swallowing people whole? Tartarus? Rabbit and Trixie glanced at each other and nodded towards the door. Even Spike bailed, running ahead of the duo and ducking outside. Making it out to the street, Rabbit still couldn’t help smirk, hearing the muffled argument continue somewhere inside the library.

No matter the orientation, no matter the species and no matter the dimension... relationships were always the same.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Characters, Settings, Designs and Themes © to Hasbro and the Respective Owners. Please support the official release.

Special guest star Andrew Shepherd from ‘Hands.’ Character(s) used with the permission of author Andrew Joshua Talon.

Comments

[Gypsy]

For aome reason i thought thia was a FFXIII-Versus crossover

[Ulquiorra]

I was getting annoyed when I recognized Andrew, and I was going to give you a piece of my mind about it, then I noticed at the bottom for the disclaimer. You're off the hook.......for now.

[MC BR0N3]

...Eeyup. Relationships...same throughout the multiverse.

[Salacar]

Hell yeah Hands crossover! Considering the story illustration I'm guessing that he'll be a main character? I really really hope so *Squeees*

[Sandman]

Move quickly son, get out of there before the argument ends and you'll be able to ditch the hanger ons and avoid paying/working to fix the school.

[Sixpence]

How did you make that amazing amount of text disappear so quickly? I mean seriously! It was 18k words, took me just over... oh, right... Nevermind.

Like the other commenters I got a bit confused at the sudden change in human. Still, this was awesome!

Next please!

[Iron Sides]

MOAR!

[RealityCheck]

Passing thot:

Nightmare Moon was probably transforming the gold into Orichalcum.

[NightmareKnight]

MOAR! NAO! PLZ!!!

[InspectorSharpWit]

I COMMAND YOU TO MAKE MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lithl]

First thought after getting caught up:
Slug is best pony.

[Techogre]

This is a fun story! Sure there are a few grammer errors and so on, but, really, who cares. It's a great read! Especially on the porch, watching the kids play in the pool. I will be favoriting this bad boy!

Well done, sir or madam, well done.

[PseudoFiction]

854126
Sweet Jesus, everyone is so freakin' obsessed with that slug! Fine! I'm making him a main character!

[PseudoFiction]

857554
I am a man, you will call me SIR!

[Doomunicron]

I saw that crossover...
Awesome

[Doomunicron]

References...
references everywhere

[PseudoFiction]

859578

Awesome! Thanks for the input and observations.

On the ‘action hero’ sequences, questions like ‘Where the hell did Rabbit learn to do that?’ will definitely be answered in the future. I just didn’t want to answer this kind of question by just 'saying' exactly how Rabbit learned to fight, and why he’d throw his life on the line for his savings through simple narration. I’d prefer to show exactly how and why through Rabbit's actions and experiences, so that’s a reveal for a future interval (That's like one of my new rules when it comes to writing after I had a scare considering Rabbit may have been a horribly irrepairable Gary Stu. Show, don't tell).

On Nightmare Moon’s actions... that’s going to take quite an explanation. See, the guy who usually writes for me (SniperSpartan-977) has his own stuff to work on. Essentially, Versus Equestria is my own project, I do out the characters, the rough work and direct how the story flows. SniperSpartan just writes what he’s given and I fill in a few bits here and there during the editing stage myself.

I’ll just come right out and say it. The issues with Nightmare Moon are my own incompetence. I was using her as a Segway to get a plot-device stuck to the main character and force him to detour from his route to Canterlot. In the rush of it of this, I completely neglected to even consider the typical tropes that make villains funny. There was too much reliance on impossible luck and convenience. I admit, even I don’t like how Nightmare Moon behaves in the story. That’ll definitely be something I’m going to try and fix for future villain appearances.

I’ve added everyone’s constructive criticism to my notes so I can keep an eye on them while I work on future intervals. Keep 'em comin'!

Mark @ PseudoFiction

[Lithl]

860302
Take it as a compliment. You've spawned your own 'background pony slug'

[HIEfan]

This just got atleast 20% more awsome!!

[SailorBrony]

I almost can't handle how awesome this is!!! I love the cross over!! More plz! And quick!!

[Dan50]

LOL I was reading this chapter, was confused on WHY the guy from Hands appeared and then got an update from Hands XD.

[WorldWalker128]

I wanna keep reading, but I have to go to work rather early tomorow.
Oh well, until tomorrow then.

[Nyerguds]

> The paper was a little bigger than an A4 sheet, not quite A5 though
A5 is SMALLER than A4. You mean A3

Anyway. I started reading this after I got linked here from Hands. Great story so far, keep up the good, work, and all that

[Nyad]

Wow, this is the only pony-human crossover I've read, and I must say, Job well done. I am loving it so far, and the banter between Trixie and Rabbit just completes it for me. Keep up the amazing work, you get a like, a fav, and a follow

[ManWithThePan]

Ha! I really have to stop doing that .Great job so far. I was pretty much laughing in most bits of this one.

[Treilacl]

...there were a few points that kept popping into my head. Things that really made me question the writing of the fic.
Andrew was rather... forgetful during the whole fight scene thing... he walks in and finds his marefrineds house being trashed/robbed now props to him for not flipping out and just trying to shoot Rabbit then and there... but then throughout the fight Rabbit kept attacking him and then when Andrew beat him down Andrew let his guard down and then got smacked about before regaining the upper hand. Now I could believe this once, but after that it gets a bit more than far-fetched.

The next thing was how long it took for seemingly anyone to respond. A gun shot goes off, breaking glass, the sounds of a fight... come on fights really aren't that quiet, and yet for the longest time it didn't feel like the two of them were brawling in the middle of a small town but were in an abandoned area... but... they're in Ponyvile... a small town/village.

Those two things really drew me out of the story and killed a lot of my interest in the story because it stopped being... well believable. Even with suspended imagination. The lack of basic thought/intelligence on Andrew's part as he fought Rabbit and then a lack of a realistic reaction from the town. (Even if the world is a cartoon world and a fantasy setting that doesn't stop the characters from reacting realistically.)

[Lucky424]

That Bo-staff reminded me of Goku's power pole. don't know the other reference as I haven't seen Journey to the West

[Mr SP]

2037644
...Goku is a massive Journey To The West reference, as are a number of other characters from the series. At least, Dragonball's Goku. Not so much DBZ. Goku is basically a stupid version of Son Wukong with martial arts.

[Kurty_Boy]

I regret to inform you that I've stopped reading this fic. Your plot (ahehe) is great, and your crisis moments really shine. However, your fight scenes seem to drag on, and when there's no obvious rising tension your lampshading is too frequent and quite frankly annoying.

Best of luck in your future projects.

[ssokolow]

1085081

Not only that. The sizes are defined by how cutting an A3 sheet in half gives you two A4 sheets and repeating the process on them gives you four A5 sheets.

Here are my favourite charts for explaining it to people:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:A_size_illustration2.svg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Comparison_SIS_014711_paper_sizes.svg

[Poppa Dragon]

them having to stay in ponyville has made me lose interest in this story so bye im leaving

[RexDraconum]

F*** you Twilight! Not his town, not his problem. Rabbit is stupid and out-of-character to agree to such a degrading, sub-servient deal. F*** you Twilight!

[Eternal Samson]

Some other grains of sand were kicked up by the breeze and began to claw at his khaki slacks in an act of vengeance for their stomped-on granulated comrades. They threw themselves upon the hardened plastic pads protecting the aggressors knees without prevail. Some more tactically minded grains of sand made it high enough to cling to his sleeveless shirt. Others worked their way into the sturdy fabric of a fedora hanging from the tool-belt wrapped around his waist. Others targeted their attack more efficiently, scattering upon the scroll in his hand and obscuring some of the hand-written text printed on the parchment.

So that’s why Anakin hates sand

[Eternal Samson]

And the fifth standing at the arrowhead of their formation, a slender figure with a billowing cape – or perhaps hair – throwing itself into peril for the ponies.

Ohhhhhh Jedi and clones
Jk I know it’s just normal humans but a Star Wars obsessed nerd can read in whatever nonexistent delusion into everything he sees whenever he wants

[KvAT]

Special guest star Andrew Shepherd from ‘Hands.’ Character(s) used with the permission of author Andrew Joshua Talon.

Huh, no wonder the name sounds familiar.