Interval 4.3: B.M.T.F.F.
My Little Pony:
Versus Equestria
[The Mildly Interesting Marion Chapel]
Interval 4.3: B.M.T.F.F.
By all accounts, their marriage should have been cursed. Seriously, first the bride was kidnapped and replaced by an evil imposter – Queen of the Changelings no less. The bridesmaids turned into zombies. Then Canterlot was nearly levelled by the aforementioned Changelings. Princess Celestia nearly DIED! The captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard nearly suffered a buckin’ aneurism trying to make it right. The Elements of Harmony were nearly torn apart...
All because of a fairy-tale wedding.
Still, in the end it seemed Captain Shining Armour and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza were meant to be together. It all worked itself out in the end, right? The bug-ponies bucked off on a wave of weaponised fuzzy-feelings. The real Princess Cadence turned out to be pretty cool. The actual wedding that followed couldn’t have gone any better. Scootaloo got to wear a dress and for the first time in her life felt pretty...
In all, a good day. And how better to top it off with a flank-kicking reception.
Trixie sighed as the DJ threw on a slow number and the recently wed bride and groom settled on the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple. The Canterlot gardens had been especially decorated, and looked even more beautiful than they usually did. Fireflies hung on the glittering streamers and banners. All the summer flowers were in full bloom under Luna’s star-spangled sky centred by a full moon. The guests were eating cake and having fun. It was essentially a perfect night.
The worst that could happen was for the cider to run ou-... waitaminute...
Trixie’s eyes bulged as she realised she’d been pulled into a daydream, reminiscing the day’s events. She’d been so pre-occupied by her own thoughts she forgot to check the cider kegs.
Quickly straightening up her bowtie, the newly appointed head of catering staff galloped to the buffet, dodging past the guests as best she could. Since Rabbit had disappeared Trixie had been down in the gutter. She had nothing to do... she didn’t seem to want anything to do. She’d moped in her inn room for a day and a half before she was attacked by a group of Changelings.
Let’s just say that didn’t last long, since Changelings had a serious allergy to explosive pixie-dust conjured by an angry showmare.
Through a bizarre turn of events she managed to survive the attack on the streets of Canterlot to the end. During the re-preparation for the real Canterlot Royal Wedding, Princess Celestia and her niece Cadence looked Trixie up. They offered her a job, though not as glorious as a protector of peace and justice, head of the catering staff at the reception would be enough to get Trixie back on her hooves and focused on life once more. All she had to do was organise the waiters and chefs, making sure they did their jobs and didn’t stumble over each other’s hooves.
She’d put her past behind her in the days that followed and focused on the future. She’d lied blatantly to everypony’s face whenever they asked her if she still missed Rabbit though.
With some of her other experiences as a showmare, she’d made a competent head of catering. Applejack had the food ready, and Pinkie Pie had done most of the reception decoration. That left Trixie to just make sure drinks kept flowing, waiters did their rounds and the firework show went off without exploding in everypony’s face. She took particular pride in the fireworks she’d organised. Everypony had been amazed by the glittering representation of Shining Armour and Cadence kissing in the night sky.
Reaching the buffet table, Trixie was relieved to find out the cider kegs still had sufficient cider in them. The waiters were competently passing mugs around and making sure the stock of Applejack’s food on the buffet table was being replenished.
Realising she had another few moments with nothing to do but think – something dangerous for a mare in her current predicament – Trixie couldn’t help but think of Rabbit. She wondered what Discord had done with her companion. All that had been left after they disappeared was an olive green bush-hat and a climbing-axe. It seemed Discord had drained his powers from the implement and vanished to... well, wherever the hell it was that strange, stupid little spirit thing came from.
Thinking back to the events of Discord whisking Rabbit away, Trixie felt angry. She felt angry at Luna for trying to put the moves on her human. She felt angry at Discord for being a massive tool and ruining everypony’s day. She felt angry at... herself. She was most of all angry at herself for not saving Rabbit in time. She could have tried harder. If she really loved him that much, she would have done more to help him.
The showmare rubbed her eyes, holding back tears for the third time that day. Working on something else wasn’t helping. She couldn’t help feel sad, and feared these feelings weren’t going away. She tried to take comfort in thinking that Rabbit wouldn’t blame her for what happened at all. She knew he wouldn’t blame her... but that just made her think about what Rabbit would think about stuff, and how she’d never know for sure because he was gone...
It was a vicious cycle of self-destruction.
Until a motherly voice picked her up for a few split seconds.
“Trixie, are you alright?”
Lifting her head, the mare literally jolted before turning on the spot to face Princess Celestia. The tall alicorn stood significantly over the azure unicorn, levitating a delicate champagne glass in a cradle of golden light by her side. Her voice had been laced with concern, as were her eyes, but Trixie didn’t notice. Her eyes were fixed on Celestia’s nearly-empty glass.
“Princess, would you like Trixie to re-fill that for you?” the unicorn squeaked as her horn began to glow.
A cloud of pale greyish magenta nearly tore the glass from Celestia’s grip before the princess’ telekinetic grip overpowered her subject’s and she took the glass back. Narrowing her eyes sorrowfully, Celestia craned her head in closer to Trixie.
“I wasn’t asking for a re-fill, Trixie.” Celestia said. “I was asking if you were alright.”
Trixie stared for a moment, and then the showmare’s brave face fell. Her ears pinned back as her chin nearly slammed into the ground with her head sagging sadly.
“Trixie misses him, princess.” despite her third-person method of speech, there was no blasé tone, no confident smile and no proud stature. “She...” her voice faltered completely as she figured: oh, what’s the point? “I miss Rabbit.”
Celestia too hung her head. “I am sorry Trixie.”
They had a moment. A moment of calm. A moment of peace. They shared a moment of silence to commemorate a guest taken from them too soon. To show respect for the fallen.
And it was interrupted as someone shouted over the music: “Hey! Where the fuck is the badass statue of me commemorating my epic battle with Discord?”
That voice... that glorious, beautiful, soothing – yet at the same time irritating – voice! It was his voice. The one voice Trixie thought she’d never hear again. The one voice she wanted to hear for the rest of eternity despite how crude, foul and sometimes stubbornly obnoxious every other word was.
It made Trixie gasp with shock as her eyes jerked open. She knew she’d heard it. It was clear as Celestia’s brightest summer days. But she didn’t dare leave it to chance. Her ears swivelled as she immediately honed in to where the voice had come from and whirled to face that direction.
“Rabbit!” she immediately cried as her eyes met a figure standing halfway across one of the Canterlot lawns.
Standing with his arms out for a hug, Rabbit was dressed for a night out. White shirt, black jacket and trousers. His sneakers were off-theme though. He had a backpack strapped to his back with a skateboard attached in a makeshift holster and despite the clotted cut on his cheek he was smiling.
“Hi everybody! Did’ya miss me?” After a moment of realisation he was using the wrong words, Rabbit slouched with an irritated twitch in his eye. “Ugh... pony. Everypony. This is gonna take some getting used to again.”
“Rabbit you’re alive!” Trixie quite literally screamed, jolting a few sleepy ponies awake.
Galloping across the lawn, the unicorn mare leapt into the air and tackled Rabbit. He didn’t stand a chance. She was like a guided missile pinned Rabbit down wrapping her front hooves around his neck in a strangulating hug.
“Omigosh, I was so worried about you!” Trixie was nearly sobbing.
“Well I’m fine.” He assured before finally managing to scrape her off. When he stood though, she tackled him again for another hug.
When Trixie was finally done smothering him in friendship, he managed to separate himself laughing from the pony and they walked back over to where Princess Celestia was waiting at the edge of the wedding reception.
“It is good to see you are unharmed, Rabbit.” Celestia announced with some relief. But at the same time she was curious to know. “What happened to you? Where did Discord send you?”
Rabbit waved it off with a casual wave. “Ah, it was nothing to worry about. Got to say ‘hi’ to my mom, got to walk my dog. It was a nice break.” Rabbit chuckled as he glanced around the wedding reception wondering why everpony was partying. “So, started my welcome-back party without me, eh?”
“This is the reception for the royal wedding.” The princess clarified.
“Royal wedding, eh? Was it girly and heart-warming?” the teenager checked with some worry.
“Very.” Trixie assured. “Attack of the bug-ponies aside, of course.” She added off-handedly.
“Attack of the bug-ponies?” Rabbit chortled. “Hah! Didn’t see that one coming! At least this place didn’t get boring while I was away.” suddenly patting his pockets like he’d lost his keys, the boy snapped his fingers as he remembered something. “Oh, by the way, princess. You might wanna send some guards to get the present I left in the square out front.”
Princess Celestia frowned with some concern. “Something I should be worried about?”
“Hmmm...” Rabbit rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment before he waved it off casually. “Nah!”
Around the front of the palace were two ponies. Clad in the colours of the Royal Guard, the earth-pony sergeant and the Pegasus private stared confounded up at a flagpole where a peculiar flag hung twitching and cursing.
“Well ain’t that just the strangest thing?” the sergeant growled cocking his head a little.
The private had his wings spread, halfway between wondering whether to keep his distance or fly up there and take it down.
The flag swaying gently in the breeze wasn’t so much a flag, more along the lines of a demon-monkey hung from the flag-pole by the scruff of his neck. Arcs of lightning shot across his frizzy fur as he spasmed and drooled angrily, two metal diodes still firmly embedded in his skin.
All the while the taser dangled below him from the attached wires, lights blinking as it charged while it zapped the Collector in an endless loop.
“Private? Would you mind?” the sergeant pointed up at the Collector gesturing him to take the demon-monkey down.
The private scoffed. “Sorry, sarge. I ain’t touchin’ this one.”
The sergeant growled gruffly. “Son, you say that like you have a choice!”
Meanwhile back at the reception in the Canterlot gardens, Rabbit was finishing up his abridged version of what he’d been through. Though it wasn’t too abridged, as he managed to tell everypony about how he ollie’d his board onto the edge of a buffet table before flipping it into a kick-flip, using the tail of the board to bash out a gun-toting Diamond Dog... even though that didn’t actually happen. But what the hell? They didn’t know that!
“You ever hear of this Bedlam guy?” Rabbit asked as he wrapped up his tall-tale.
“Not that I can think of.” Celestia tapped her lip with a hoof as she thought for a moment before shaking her head, confirming she didn’t know the Diamond Dog. “But I will inform my guards to keep an eye out. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I assure you, he won’t get far now we know he is up to something.”
Celestia paused to think, sure she was missing something else. Suddenly remembering, she smiled and shut her eyes to focus. Golden light engulfed her horn for a moment before she conjured two items out of thin air. One was a hat. The other a climbing-axe.
Rabbit’s personal effects.
“Neat!” Rabbit exclaimed as he caught the bush-hat and axe. “I was missing these!”
“They were all that was left after Discord disappeared.” Celestia explained. “It seems he drained his powers from the climbing-axe though.”
Rabbit gave it a wave, but there was no magic to be had. “Bummer.” He chuckled tucking behind one of the bungie-cords on his backpack. And for the sake of keeping up to moderate dress code standards he refrained from pulling on his bush-hat. He instead stowed it in his pack.
“She wasn’t exactly going to let you keep chaos powered climbing-axe anyway, Rabbit.” Trixie reminded.
“You’re such a downer.”
The entire time Rabbit had stood there, not once did Trixie tear her eyes off him. She didn’t stop smiling. She couldn’t. The mare wasn’t about to let this one out of her sight again. She was just staring into his eyes, thinking: better now. Everything will be better. It was only when he looked over and met her gaze that she forced herself to blink and look away. And it didn’t happen as easily as I just described it. That was when she saw it.
A pony trying to hold up a tray of wine-glasses while stumbling across the dance floor.
“Ugh, Oversea! C’mon, what’ wrong?” she cried out at the clumsy waiter. “Sorry, Rabbit. I’ll be back in a moment.”
As she ran off to sort the waiter out, Rabbit noticed her little bowtie. “Oh, she’s part of the catering crew?”
“She was on the straight and true ‘till you showed up again.” Celestia teased.
“Yowch, princess.” Rabbit laughed.
The princess continued. “But that’s a good thing in a strange way... I see the way you look at each other. You should talk to her.”
“I know.” Rabbit breathed with a nod. “But she’s busy now.”
“You can never be that busy.” Were Celestia’s final wise words before she walked around behind Rabbit. Before leaving, she reached out with a front hoof and gave him a little encouraging nudge.
There was little more incentive needed, and Rabbit moved towards the azure pony giving one of her waiters a thrashing.
As he walked though he barely noticed another alicorn join the party. Descending from her night sky she landed with a light plof and cantered to a halt with a bright grin.
“Hello everypony. Did I miss someth-...” Spotting Rabbit in her path, Princess Luna skidded to a halt, her eyes widening severely with shock. “By my sister’s beard! Ser Rabbit? I... uh... the... um... we...”
Rabbit blinked at her stammering for a moment before holding up his hand to settle the alicorn down. “Hold that thought, princess.” he muttered before stepping past her.
After staring at him as he left, Luna quickly got a hold of herself with a vigorous shake of her head. She quickly backed into the shadows and dove over a cluster of bushes for cover before anypony else saw her, wondering if she should re-try her entrance with a bit more class.
As the princess of the night disappeared into the aforementioned night, Rabbit unslung his backpack and dropped it on an empty chair before jogging up to where Trixie had finished giving the pony ‘Oversea’ new instructions. As she watched the stoner-pony shuffle off to ‘guard the western flank’ Rabbit snuck up behind Trixie.
“Hey, Trix. Can we talk?”
Turning, Trixie grinned, but she shook her head. “I’d love to Rabbit, but I’m kind of working. Can it wait ‘till I finish?”
“Uh... I’m sure it can,” the boy sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “But... I dunno. I really need to get something off my chest.”
“Really? Okay then. What is it-...”
Rabbit barely had the chance to take a breath to begin his next line when a pony practically stepped between them.
Okay, so she didn’t step between them literally. She skirted them and interjected calmly without coming across as rude, despite how the gesture should have felt. The pony was fairly tall, about Rabbit’s height, but still nothing compared to either Princess Celestia and her sister. An alicorn like the regal sisters, she had a light cerise coat and a dark violet mane and tail offset by streaks of pale gold and rose. The cutie-mark stamped on her flank was of some kind of heart carved out of a massive diamond. Much more detail wasn’t picked up on since the human didn’t spend much time looking her over and spent more time caught on her eyes.
Holy shit. The teenager thought to himself in awe. Those eyes... that’s a lot of fuckin’ eyeliner, man. Even as the alicorn finished glancing Rabbit over and turned to Trixie, the boy was still thinking: Seriously. How does she stick it? That is soooooo much eyeliner. It’s like every eyelash is a black hole...
Meanwhile the alicorn was speaking out the corner of her mouth while eying the human suspiciously as he stared. “Miss Lulamoon? Is everything alright?”
Rabbit cleared his throat loudly as he managed to get over the whole eyeliner thing. “Hey, Miss Eyeliner?” he blurted out, immediately to his dismay. Maybe he wasn’t entirely over it. “Trying to have a conversation here.”
Surprised at how he addressed her, the alicorn pulled a confused frown. “Uhh...”
“Rabbit! That’s Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!” Trixie hissed urgently.
Rabbit only reacted with an oblivious shrug.
“The bride.” She added.
“Oh! Right!” The teenager turned back to the alicorn and tried again with: “Sorry, miss... princess-... uh, may-enamel concor-... dance? Whatever! Lady, I’m really happy for you an all, but I need to borrow Trixie for a minute. It’s kinda urgent.”
Frowning, Princess Cadence slowly leaned down closer to the azure unicorn. “Trixie, do you know this person?”
“Yes. He’s a friend.”
“He is, is he?” barely hiding how unconvinced she was, Cadence glanced between the two and smirked. But it wasn’t a snarky smirk. It was an understanding smirk. Like she understood more about what was going on between those two than even those two did. “I’m sure that’s all he is. Say, Trixie.” She added. “Why don’t you take the rest of the night off with your col-... uh... friend here.”
Trixie blinked with surprise. “Really? You’re sure?”
“Yeah, everything is under control. Enjoy the reception.” Cadence encouraged.
“Oh. Okay. Thank you, princess.”
“No problem.” Cadence giggled. “You kids have fun.” With a small nod to Rabbit she quickly turned and cantered off to meet her husband.
Letting out a sigh of relief that her comrade hadn’t unwittingly offended Princess Cadence, she looked up to Rabbit with a smile. “So, looks like we can talk now. What’s up?”
Now he actually had her full attention, Rabbit almost lost his nerve. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he tried to remember the speech he’d rehearsed while crossing the palace grounds towards the palace. It didn’t come to him. So he improvised.
“I’m feeling a truthsome right now and thought we should talk about...” he realised his lungs were running on empty at that point in his sentence and he paused for a deep breath. “D’you wanna dance?”
The azure unicorn stared at the human with a cocked head for what felt like an eternity. Rabbit shifted uncomfortably feeling her eyes burning holes in his skin. But after a while a wide smile spread over Trixie’s face and a glimmer of what could only be described as pure happiness shone in the pony’s eyes.
“Rabbit you have no idea how much I would love that.” the unicorn sighed, and the teenager let out a breath of relief.
He hadn’t been that nervous since he asked a girl to go fishing with him in the fifth grade... seriously? Fishing? What kind of guy asks a girl to go fishing with him?
Grinning, the boy nodded pretending to look like he didn’t care how she’d have answered either way. “Cool.”
“But wait a sec.” Trixie halted him before he led the way to the dance floor.
Turning to face her, Rabbit watched as her horn lit up, searing light through the evening air. The aura absorbed her body, nearly blinding the teenager. He looked away, blinking away spots in his vision before looking back when the light faded.
Standing in Trixie’s place was a teenage girl Rabbit’s age. Pale skin, sharp features with dark eyelashes and lips, her long cornflower-blue hair permed with a tell-tale crescent fringe. That girl, clad in skinny jeans and a white blouse was Trixie. Still a little taller than Rabbit though, but it wasn’t as if the teenager cared.
Rabbit smiled. Trixie smiled back. Then Rabbit actually took in her attire.
“I feel over-dressed.” He said gesturing a wave over his own formal wear.
“Hmmm.” Trixie bit her bottom lip pondering for a moment. It wasn’t as if she could conjure up and party gown since she’d drained her magic just turning into a clothed human. And party gowns didn’t exactly grow on trees-...
An idea popped into her head and she quickly indicated Rabbit to stay put before she jogged over to where Celestia and Luna were overseeing the reception. Rabbit watched as she presented herself to the regal sisters with a bow and spoke animatedly with them for a while. Celestia didn’t seem surprised seeing Trixie in human form, and glancing over to where Rabbit stood waiting with his hands in his pockets, the princess gave an understanding smile.
With a slight wave of her horn, golden light arched around Trixie’s human body, enclosing her within a cylinder of glistening gold. Rabbit found himself looking away, once again blinking away spots.
When he looked back he saw Trixie was walking back towards him. And for some reason Father Time had thought it appropriate to slow things down a little.
The air seemed to explode around the girl in a crystalline haze as the firefly lights seemed to glisten from her new radiant azure gown. It seemed to be a dress with two designs in mind, wrapped into one. Tiny little pale blue gems embedded the torso area of her dress that hugged her body comfortably, incorporating the more slinky design of the attire. Her shoulders were bare, but from her upper arms down hung gauzy, baggy sleeves that ended just above the expensive looking bracelets around her wrists. Hung delicately around her neck was a familiar gem, an oval crystal similar to the rock she had cresting her usual high-collared cape.
From the waist down was a lot like the detachable sleeves. The gown seemed to ruffle outward, but maintained an air of sleekness so she didn’t look like a walking cake. Embedded into the lower end of the dress were glistening purple and gold stars, again similar to those stamped on her usual hat and cape when she was in pony form.
Wow, was all he could think as she moved closer.
“Remind me to thank Celestia.” Rabbit said with a smirk when the cogs in his brain finally un-jammed.
Remembering the way Celestia and Luna had thanked Rabbit for services rendered, Trixie’s expression completely died. And Rabbit noticed.
“No, not the same way she thanked me for helping Luna out of her Nightmare Moon jam!” The teenager snapped. Just thinking back on how both Equestria’s princesses had quite literally orally-raped him... it brought on horrible shudders that didn’t seem to want to take a hike. “Just...” he sighed with a smile finally forcing out his actual thoughts. “You look amazing. And you don’t even need the dress.” He added... pause... aaaaand, blush when he realised what he’d said.
Trixie just giggled while Rabbit tried to take his foot out of his mouth.
“By that I... uh... I meant that... not that you should be... uh... y’know...” the boy stammered.
Silencing him by grabbing Rabbit by the arm, Trixie dragged him to the dance floor. “Just shut up and dance with me, Rabbit.”
Standing a few heads above the other ponies gathered on the dance floor, Rabbit managed to keep his cool. As Trixie stepped close to him, he took her hand in his while gently placing his other around the back of her waist. She delicately balanced her free hand on Rabbit’s shoulder and in time with the slow music they stepped. While Rabbit didn’t have the flair of a professional dancer, he at least knew roughly what he was doing. All those highschool musicals were good for something after all.
As she stepped from side to side in time with her partner, Trixie flexed her back a little and swayed with it, moving more comfortably while she was pressed up against Rabbit than when she moved at any other given time. When she was in his arms, it was like nothing else mattered. Equestria could be burning down around them, Trixie wouldn’t care. All that mattered to her was the boy who was grinning as he looked into her eyes.
“I didn’t know you could dance.” The girl whispered.
Rabbit faked a scoff. “You never did ask.”
Trixie giggled, willing to give him that point. “So. Where were we?” she continued, cocking her head lazily as she looked into her dance-partner’s eyes. “You needed to talk to me?”
“Yeah! I remember back a while when you were kicking Luna’s ass with a vengeance, and before I bravely faced Discord you said something about me being right.” Rabbit blurted out.
That made the girl shake her head vigorously with a smile. “No! I didn’t say you were right. I just said you’d heard me right.”
Rabbit cocked an unconvinced eyebrow. “I dunno! It went something like: I [something] you.” – he awkwardly increased the pitch of his voice in a sloppy attempt to mimic her theatrical voice – “It could be you ‘adore’ me, or you ‘look up to’ me like a hero or a role-model.”
Trixie laughed. “That is – as you would put it – such bullshit!”
Rabbit snorted, impressed how awesome she sounded when imitating his affinity for colourful language. “I can’t help it that you adore me so. I am incredibly awesome.”
“Rabbit...” her smile fading; Trixie paused as she wondered if she could say it. If she should say it. It had been so easy while they were laying side by side in that field outside Maneila. Why was it so hard to say with him looking in her eyes? Was she that afraid he’d reject her? “Rabbit, I-...”
“Trix, it’s okay.” The teenage boy’s voice saved her from stumbling. “You don’t have to say it out loud. I know.”
Trixie suddenly stopped moving. The music was still playing, but it seemed to mute along with the laughs of ponies having fun around them. Rabbit halted a step later and shuffled over so they weren’t standing awkwardly. Trixie was in shock, staring at the boy with astonishment. He’d never shown any sign of knowing exactly how she felt about him. How could he possibly know?
Her mind was totally blank.
“Since when?” the girl squeaked.
Rabbit looked a little sheepish, avoiding her gaze. “I think I always knew, I just... guess I didn’t know what I had ‘till it was gone... ‘till she was gone.” He corrected after a short pause. Another pause before he spoke again: “I’m sorry I never said anything, Trix.”
Ignoring him, Trixie lifted her hand from his shoulder and placed it on his face. Very slowly she angled his gaze to meet hers. And despite how Rabbit figured she should have been a little ticked off, she was grinning. A relieved kind of grin.
“And?” she asked.
“And?”
“Well, do you... uh... do you [something] me?” Trixie restated.
Feeling a smile tug at the corner of his lips, Rabbit went out on a limb. Tightening his grip around her waist, the boy held her close while stepping sideways and bowing her low until the edges of her long hair just about grazed the dance floor. Letting out a surprised squeal, still smiling, she let go of his hand and tightened her grip around his neck.
Angling his head closer, their faces were practically touching as Trixie laughed the surprise off.
“And why in Equestria wouldn’t I?” the boy asked.
“Good enough for me!” Trixie hissed as she pulled at her neck, lifting herself up a little.
Her head was angled. Their eyes fell shut as their faces moved closer and closer together. He could smell the mint of her toothpaste as she exhaled excitedly. His hastily applied deodorant from earlier that evening mingled with the magical essence of Trixie’s perfume. She could feel where his chest pressed against hers, his heart jackhammering nervously against his ribcage.
Their lips brushed-...
Record-scratch! “LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!”
They both jerked their eyes open as they looked up, abandoning their near kiss completely as they recognised the high pitched, energetic voice. Sitting in the DJ-booth was a certain pink pony known for escalating any situation into madness... a good kind of madness though.
Everypony around them busted into some strange dance or another. Some had no rhythm whatsoever, completely off tempo with the song that was playing. Others clumsily waved their hooves like they had no idea what they were at... but since everypony was having fun it didn’t matter much anyway.
Rabbit and Trixie looked at each other and shrugged. Matching the smiles beaming all around them, they straightened out and busted into an improvised salsa. Because: why the hell not!?
It was five long dances later that Rabbit could take no more. Graciously given leave while Trixie danced with Luna, the teenager managed to work his way to the edge of the dance floor and collapse into the closest chair. He was breathing hard and a few strands of his hair clung to his forehead. He barely even noticed who he’d sat down next to until they spoke up.
“Wow, Trixie got tall!”
Blinking gravely, Rabbit turned his head ever-so-slowly to the right. It was such a slow and smooth action that his neck nearly creaked like the front door of a haunted house. And there the guy sat, perfectly relaxed yet out of fucking nowhere.
“Shep?” Rabbit cried barely recognising Andrew Shepherd.
Last time he’d seen Andrew was in Ponyville. And he’d been more... well, whole! The guy looked like he’d fought into hell, overran Beelzebub’s perimeter and made the devil his bitch! His arm was in a sling. He had some bandages around what Rabbit assumed were cracked ribs, probably a shattered sternum. His hands and what was visible of his arms were bandaged up to cover up burns, cuts and grazes of all sizes and descriptions... to mention he had a busted lip would be redundant at this point.
Rabbit’s voice cracked as he cried out. “Dude, what happened to you?”
“I went head to head with queen of the alien bug-ponies.” the man answered with a careful shrug, like it’d been just another day at the office... thinking about it, it probably was.
“Shit. Did you forget your pulse rifle or something?”
“Yeah, I left it in my other pants.” Andrew responded with a slow roll of his eyes. Eventually he looked Rabbit up and down. “Nice shoes.” He noted.
“Nice bowtie.”
“Don’t snark.” Andrew warned calmly. “Bowties are cool.”
“Bush-hats are cooler.”
The older human scoffed. “You get your marefriend knocked up yet?” he suddenly blurted out completely changing the subject.
“Whoa, dude! Are you high?” Rabbit exclaimed.
In response Andrew held up his good arm to reveal an overflowing mug of something alcoholic in his hand. “Too drunk for that little thing civilised beings call tact.”
Rabbit laughed understandingly. “I don’t suppose I’m getting prettier.”
“Nope. Still an asshole though.” The man reassured.
Rabbit chuckled. “Ah, not drunk enough to forget that then.”
“Not enough alcohol in Equestria for me to forget that.” Andrew pointed out and Rabbit couldn’t help nod in agreement.
There was a break in the dance floor and several figures approached. Andrews pony friends from Ponyville joined by Trixie trotted over and sat with the two humans... well, Trixie didn’t trot, she bounced on her two legs before throwing herself into Rabbit’s lap.
“What are you guys talking about?” she asked glancing between the boys.
Rabbit opened his mouth but Andrew beat him to the punch. “Your first foal with Rabbit.” The man grinned as Rabbit scowled.
Smiling broadly, Trixie eyed the teenager. “Ooooh~, Trixie definitely likes this conversation!”
“I hate you.” Rabbit whispered sideways at Andrew.
“I know.” The other human whispered back.
“What should we call our first foal?” the humanised showmare wondered out loud, biting her lip thoughtfully.
Rabbit had an obvious answer for that one. “How about: hell no?”
“Put that one on the maybe list.” Andrew suggested.
“I’m actually liking the idea of Rabbit growing up a little.” Twilight Sparkle interjected as she took the chair beside Andrew.
Pinkie Pie exploded into existence right behind Rabbit with a flurry of confetti. “You should call your first foal Butterfingers! Because he’ll have fingers, and he can stick them in butter!”
Rabbit blinked, considering the pink pony for a moment, wondering how in the eyes of any sane sentient creature that made any shred of utter sense. Eventually, all he could mutter was: “Are you on crack?”
Rarity meanwhile put in her two cents. “Nonsense! Name your foal after Meghan, the Great!”
“How’s about ‘Low Down Dirty Thief’ after his daddy.” Applejack chortled.
Andrew nodded in satisfactory agreement. “Yeah, I like that one.”
“Captures his...” Trixie paused like a connoisseur savouring fine vintage wine as she tried to find the right words for her elaborate description. “Captures his essence, I believe.”
As they laughed at his expense, Rabbit snorted, unable to hide his own grin. “Whose side are you on?”
“Oh, don’t fret.” Trixie reassured with a smile. “Think of the fun!”
“Fun?”
“Yeah.” Smiling seductively she wrapped her arms around her coltfriend’s neck, leaning close so their foreheads were touching. Her voice lowered into a husky whisper, but was still clearly audible as the music faded between songs. “Think about how much fun we’ll have making our foal.”
Rabbit’s eyes widened when he heard that. “Whoa.”
Andrew on the other hand winced like he’d been punched in the shattered sternum. “AAAAAAAAGH! Information overload!” he leaned away desperately trying to cover his poor ears.
Think of the children!
As the evening unwound from there Rabbit made sure to take plenty of pictures. If he ever ended up being teleported home again, he didn’t want to forget. Sure his phone wasn’t the best camera, but it did the trick.
And he made doubly sure to get a photo with Trixie. Even though neither of them had said it out loud, it was officially their first night as a couple.
Close to midnight Shining Armour and Cadence took their leave, saying their good-byes, thank-you’s and delivering last minute hugs. As they watched them, Trixie and Rabbit were caught holding hands.
“Looks like my niece isn’t the only lucky mare tonight.” Celestia giggled.
Rabbit’s face reddened as Trixie laughed. “Princess!”
Quickly changing the subject, Rabbit pointed out the newly-weds’ carriage drawn by a pair of armour clad Royal Guard. “Where are they headed.”
“Honeymoon.” Celestia replied shortly. “The sun bakes sands of Eastern Equestria.” she added with a dreamy sigh.
Rabbit frowned at her. Had the princess been hitting the sauce? Regardless, the honeymoon destination sounded pretty good.
“Sun baked sands?” he asked.
Trixie gave a firm nod. “Oh, that sounds really good.”
They smiled, reading each other’s minds. Pulling at his hand, Trixie dragged Rabbit into action as the boy snatched up his backpack in passing. As the bride and groom boarded their grand chariot, Rabbit stooped by the back, giving Trixie a boost. The girl quickly stowed away in the carriage’s luggage rack before holding out a hand.
The Royal Guards reared back and galloped off with the carriage as Rabbit caught Trixie’s wrist, and he had to run a few paces before jumping on board himself.
Successfully stowing away with the newlyweds, the duo sat arm in arm in the luggage rack, waving the reception, the royal gardens, all of Canterlot farewell. They had covered all that distance, spend all that time trying to get to Canterlot... and now they really understood. They weren’t meant to settle down.
The road was their home. The call to adventure their breakfast. The treasure at the end of the dungeon was their supper. The only security they needed was each other.
As the final wedding fireworks exploded in the sky lighting up the Canterlot skyline with a plethora of colours, Trixie gasped as she remembered something. “Oh, no! Rabbit, we forgot to talk to the princess about the reward! The one for saving Luna, to compensate Nightmare Moon destroying our savings!”
“Trix, relax.” Rabbit said, much to the showmare’s surprise. “Who needs a reward? I got you.”
Trixie smiled. She couldn’t wait any more. Grabbing two handfuls of his collar, she nearly tore his head clean off his shoulders, jerking him closer for a more than willing kiss.
And finally, for the first time in months – for the first time ever, in fact – Rabbit actually got to kiss a human girl.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Characters, Settings, Designs and Themes © to Hasbro and the Respective Owners. Please support the official release.
Special guest star Andrew Shepherd from ‘Hands.’ Character(s) used with the permission of author Andrew Joshua Talon.
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This is excellent!
I was reading some other things, having finished this earlier today... and then saw that this had updated less than half an hour after I caught up.
All he has to do now is figure out how to get home (to tell his mom what's going on, at least). He's got plenty of time though.
YAY!
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THE DUKE OF EARL APPROVES OF THIS STORY
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I DO TOOdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
D'awww...
Long live the traveling life! Permanent homes get so dull!
Seems like Celly wants a vacation...
or she just likes SUN baked sands.
Awesome Appearance from Shepard too
That ending.
Stowing away in the luggage rack?
Very Rabbit/Trixie!
This pleases me.
I just feel I must say, I KNEW IT!! The Collector forgot to remove the tazer and got a nice surprise going through the portal... Really made me smile.
HHHHNNNNGGGG! It's too much! Get me some insulin! *jabs self with needle* It's not working!
Wanderlust: The only lust that is never truly sated, and leads to many adventures!
Adventure on, Anti-heroes!
Please let this keep going. It said incomplete. I love Rabbit
What does B.M.T.F.F stand for? I probably missed it somewhere in the story, tried skimming over it again but still couldn't find it.
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WOOOO!
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Why.
Why id it that you make me, a manly man man who happens to be a manly man...
Squeal like a little fanboy. Seriously, how do you do it man? You have to use those powers for good!
1654151
My guess: Best Mare Trixie Friend Forever
Not a very good guess, but it's a guess.
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I came up the with the same conclusion or Best Mare True Friend Forever but neither of them sounded right to me
So... The End, or...?
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1655841
Best More Than Friends Forever
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I thought I had to use the power responsibly... for food.
Its not over yet...
is it?
IS IT?!
1656336 I suggest not listening to what I have to say. I'm not exactly one if the most... Stable minds. Don't expect continuity from me.
To quote from one of my favourite movie endings of all time; You did well, my boy. (The Black Cauldron, 1985)
I actually got all warm-fuzzied from that, at work too, which made people look at me weirdly, so I have to congratulate you on a damn fine ending to this.
Ooh! Ooh! Do an Epilogue chapter, ten years on, Rabbit as a badass-but-slightly-whipped road-thumper and Trixie as a badass MILF road-thumper telling Epic campfire stories to two kids who, as everyone guesses immediately, turn out to be theirs. Yeah, that'd round this off on an amazing note
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Gahd.
You guys! Did everyone ignore the fact Nightmare Moon, Discord and an armed to the fucking teeth Diamond Dog are still out there? Rabbit ain't done. He ain't done by a long shot.
Though I do like that idea of a ending the series on Rabbit and Trixie telling tall tales of their many awesome adventures to their kids around the campfire. But that'd be at the end when everything is wrapped up nice and neatly... in like a dozen or so intervals down the line.
1658296 You kidding me? It's an obvious let in. But, and this is important, that's not the point.
Come on, my man, end it here, start a new story, a new arc and give yourself a nice little time-break between that and this. From a narrative standpoint, it allows you to bring in lots of new elements to the story, give the dynamic between Rabbit and Trixie a work-over to account for their new status.
It gives you opportunities to have them both spend time recalling mini-adventures that you'll never really go into in detail, heists, crowds, cities, all the same bits and pieces you used to introduce this story in the first place, but bigger and better thanks to their relationship and Trixie's human transformation.
But here, think of this scene, picture it in your mind:
A campfire, a glorious night sky above, a wagon side lit up in the flickering glow, and the wide, shining eyes of two little ones staring at Rabbit in awe, their mouths hanging a little open.
'Wow,' says one, 'you really hitched a ride?'
'Of course, Trixie and I never even thought twice, we just jumped on and let the road take us wherever.'
'Did you really dodge bullets on a skateboard with your dog?' The other seems to want to believe it, but it's all so over-the-top,
'Of course he did,' A large, white coated pegasus with a winged shield cutie mark comments, setting down a bowl of softly steaming soup in front of each, 'don't forget, I'm the story-teller here, I'm the only one allowed to make stuff up.' He winks at the human. (Where the heck this new character comes from, who they are, whether they join the gang sometime in the rest of the story or are just passing through, doesn't matter, it's just fun to have somebody the readers haven't seen yet be there for anticipation. Why not throw in two, for the sake of not making them a third wheel?)
'See, Chaser knows.'
'Wooooah...' They exclaim, faces shining in awe.
'Oh, but you think that's impressive,' a slightly boastful tone precedes a certain cerulean unicorn from the back of the wagon, her magic whisking some fresh-baked rolls of bread out to compliment the soup before settling down next to her dearest friend turned lover, 'just wait 'til you hear what we did next.'
And there you go. Simple, un-interfering, setting up for the next arc, but a definite epilogue for you to have fun with. Go on, you know you want to!!
1658296 Pinkie Pie Promise on it then
1653849
That you did, good call!
This story went from being head-explodingly full of action to heart-explodingly full of d'aww in one easy step... And it was great. Especially the thing about the Collector being perpetually tased, I like how you implemented that energy trick into that. Though it's a bit concerning that loads of M16-toting Diamond Dogs, Nightmare Moon, and Discord are still running amok in the Equestrian countryside and nobody seems to be worried about it. Then again, Rabbit definitely had better things on his mind than telling the Princess about the impending threat. These last few chapters have really kept me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next one, keep up this momentum! It makes for great relief when the next chapter comes!
>> PsuedoFiction
Oh thank celestia!! I totally forgot about that!
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I love it, and I've added this to my notes. Thanks. I do plan on throwing in a few random story arcs in before I get to the main climax. That part of the story is still a massive work in progress.
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Whoh-hoho, no. I ain't falling for that one again.
Wow, brilliant chapter. Though maybe he should've, y'know, told Celestia about the whole weapons thing?
Spotted a bunch of errors while reading, so I thought I'd better point them out:
> going to let you keep chaos powered climbing-axe
"let you keep (a) chaos powered"
> C’mon, what’ wrong?
what’(s) wrong
> I’m feeling a truthsome right now
Seems like a missing word between "a" and "truthsome"
> “Where are they headed.”
Needs a question mark at the end.
> The sun bakes sands of Eastern Equestria
sun bake(d) sands
Andrew Shepherd FTW
First arc concluded..BRAVO SIR!
No comment. I'm speechless. This was the best fic I've read besides My Little Dashie. I can kinda relate to Rabbit, given we've got the same attitude and, hey, we sure do curse alot. Mustache mode activated, and g'night.
How to deal with their enemies? It's easy, when they restart the Zpec thing, they can just sent through a fuck ton of guns with ap rounds.
Somehow I doubt even Diamond Dog armour can withstand a round from one of these!!
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Also, permanent monkey tasering. Brilliant.
Wait, having read Hands and this, are the Changelings really aliens in this? Is Shepard from a different earth than Rabbit?
*Looks at link* No...NO GOD PLEASE NO!