Stronger Together

crouchstallion

crouchstallion #1 · Oct 7th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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That escalated quickly

Zeyon The Green

Zeyon The Green #2 · Oct 7th, 2014 · · ·

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Slow down your writing and build more tension than just releasing it all at the end without drawing readers closer.

mehperson

mehperson #3 · Oct 7th, 2014 · · ·

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My brain feels like it was walking down the stairs slowly then jumping off. It's OK but the ending was way to fast and abrupt. Still, I will hand you a favourite.

Lokimen

Lokimen #4 · Oct 7th, 2014 · · ·

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goaway

goaway #5 · Oct 7th, 2014 · · ·

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Fluttershy blushed furiously. NO, no, no. she thought I can't! Just, NO!
Rarity glanced over at Fluttershy, who was blushing furiously.

Repetition of blushing furiously.

about her thought last night.

Thoughts.

but Aloe felt and obligation

An.

I hope that there friendship continues.

Their.

Her voice seemed to be crusted with acid

Acid doesn't crust, it dissolves. Laced with acid might work better.

Other than that, I have to chime in with the others and say that, while it is kinda sweet, it does suffer from extreme pacing issues. Fluttershy went very quickly from saying that Spike was her true love to declaring her love for Rarity. Same with Rarity, too. Needs way more backstory before the revelation.

BewhoUr

BewhoUr #6 · Oct 7th, 2014 · · ·

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Nice as usual LiVELIfE. I enjoy this ship.

Slow down your work a bit. Describe the scene. Show us whats going on, don't tell us.
Nice!
7/10 fluttershys!

Lady Lorelei

Lady Lorelei #7 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · 1 ·

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My-my-my.

Where to start.

As stated above this fic was snappy in pace, never really read anything like this before.

You jumped from scene to scene -snap-snap-snap.

As said slow down and create the world around you, set up a scene to where one feels as if they are in the scene not reading through it.

Editing.

I saw more then a few mistakes, and spacing was still off.

Nightmare Night story had great spacing- why is that not here?

Hmmm.

Style once more interesting.

The story was solid- I enjoyed the ride-just not as much as the first one.

You have a great knack for writing, slow down and pace it better and you shall be golden.

This is an emotional tale- though if slowed down abd built up a little more.

The ending would have been just amazing!

I give this this fic.

Out of 10 as well.

Judgement- Abruptly thrown out of The Spa!!!

But we just got here?!

No Refunds.

LiveLife

LiveLife #8 · Nov 11th, 2014 · · ·

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5250911
Oh my! No spa! Whatever shall I do?

Wubs

Wubs #9 · Nov 26th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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I enjoyed this story and i'm still going to like and fav, but I would just like to ask one thing: How did this go from Fluttershy and Rarity loving Spike to them loving each other?

LiveLife

LiveLife #10 · Nov 26th, 2014 · · ·

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5316500
Well...I don't quite understand myself...I wasn't a very good pacer back then

Thanks for adding to your faves anyways!

Aura Zero

Aura Zero #11 · Feb 4th, 2015 · 1 · ·

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Two things:

1) Way too fast. The first story had a bit of insight to why Fluttershy liked Spike. This one had even less and happened faster than my mind could pick up on it. Slow it down a bit and add a little more to the all of a sudden developed feelings between the two.

2)I kinda feel sorry for Spike now.

LiveLife

LiveLife #12 · Feb 6th, 2015 · · ·

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5585849
I completely agree with number one...I'm debating whether or not to rewrite it.

And poor Spike!

Aura Zero

Aura Zero #13 · Feb 7th, 2015 · · ·

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5593231
I wouldn't say it needs a re-write, but more of an edit. Just add a little more to explain these feelings and you my friend will have yourself a good story.

Also, since this is a sequel to a story that initially focused on a FlutterSpike romance, it would probably be best to resolve that dilemma...by that I mean confronting Spike as well about it...

...unless you have already planned something for that.