• Published 30th Sep 2014
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Just Roll With It - sunnypack



Ever had your Dad marry a mythical creature? Ever just wanted a normal life? If this is you and you're not me, then this is exactly what we don't want, right?

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5 - Momentous (rev. 1)

Chapter 5: Momentous

Celestia, Luna and Cadance were looking on in nervous anticipation. Discord glared at me, his mouth curled downwards in a snarl. I saw a fang wink at me. I bared my teeth in response.

Narrowing my eyes, I sent back a glare of my own. Fingers twitched at my sides. Discord’s claws and paws mirrored my own anticipation. This would be a fight that would rock seas, level mountains, lay barren the ends of the Earth. It would finish with both wanton devastation and painful loss.

Luna locked gazes with me.

“Don’t do this,” she whimpered. Celestia folded a snow-white wing over her.

“You might not want to see this,” she whispered to Luna.

“It’s too late,” I growled back, forcing my vision back to the task at hand. “There’s no turning back.”

Discord let loose a feral snarl.

Celestia looked at Cadance and nodded.

“On the count of three,” Cadance began and both Discord and I tensed up, ready to leap into explosive action.

“One.”

A tightening of a claw.

“Two.”

A stiffening of the arm.

“Three!”

I launched myself across the room in a mad dash to reach my target. Discord was surprisingly quick as he darted along the floor on all fours.

We both reached the cookie jar at the same time but my hand was in first.

I scoffed down a cookie. Discord was but a second behind me.

Nom. Nom. Nom.

I looked briefly at Discord demolishing the cookie. I nearly dropped my cookie.

It was terrifying. The Horror! The Horror!

I needed water.

No!

No weakness. Continue, soldier!

I pushed in another cookie just as the last had been demolished into a sweet sticky paste down my throat.

I munched solidly on my second cookie, grabbing my third in preparation to devour that one too. I would win this. I would be the victor. I woul—

“Done!” I hear with a loud burp. I looked over incredulously at Discord.

Celestia had her mouth open comically wide. Cadance had both her hooves on her muzzle. Luna’s eyes were practically popping out.

I had all three of those combined. The last cookie slipped out of my fingers to hit the floor with an ominous thud.

“W-what?!” I cried looking at the cookie jar. There were thirty three cookies and I ate three of them. Doing some quick maths would leave… thirty cookies.

The numbers don’t lie.

Discord just looked absurdly contented as we continued to gape at him.

“That doesn’t make any sense…” I blurted, unable to comprehend the physics of cramming thirty cookies from a cookie jar that was about a third of Discord’s size into that small creature. His stomach bulged, casually digesting a fortnight’s supply of cookies.

Discord just grinned at me letting loose another burp.

He giggled.

“What fun is there in making sense?” He replied, lying down blissfully. His state could only be described as a cookie comatose. I was only mildly envious.

I regrouped with the girls forming a team huddle as we assessed the situation.

“That was unexpected,” I started but Luna cut in.

“I think you did w-really well,” she chirped and I smiled.

“Why thank you, Luna.”

“But you still lost,” Cadance pointed out. Ooooh, right in the manhood.

Celestia giggled. She glanced over to Discord.

"Is he okay?" She asked. I waved the thought away.

"He hasn't hurled yet so I think he's fine... although, where does he put those cookies? There's enough to make a cookie-verse in his stomach!"

They all giggled at that. Discord just moaned in response. Serves him right.

“Okay, what should we do next?” I posed to the team.

Luna yawned. I glanced at my watch, wow time flies.

“I think we should-“ she swayed “-uhm go find… a bed.”

I caught Luna as she promptly fell to sleep. Like, while standing up. Wow, out that fast. Do all kids do this?

Celestia laughed.

“Foals fall to sleep so easily,” she announced smugly, but surprised herself with a yawn very soon after.

I just grinned at her.

“T-that doesn’t count!” She huffed, pouting.

“Uhuh,” I replied, scooping her up. She squirmed a bit but eventually gave in to the warmth. They always give in to the warmth. I looked at Cadance.

“Hey, I just want a bed,” she said raising her hooves in a classic ‘carry me’ gesture. I rolled my eyes and picked her up. A little unwieldy but I shifted them around until they lay comfortably hugged to my chest.

I walked over to Discord.

He tried to heave himself into a sitting position but collapsed back down when the effort proved too great. I guess the thirty cookies were extracting their vengeance for me.

“I’ll-“ *huff* “-get up-“ *puff* “-a little-“ *wuff* “-later,” he groaned, flailing his limbs around like an upturned beetle.

I chuckled and shook my head giving him a shove with my foot so he could lift himself up from the floor.

“I’ll be back soon, okay? Just gotta get your friends back home,” I explained, hefting the three girls. Discord nodded.

“I’ll stay here,” he said quietly, his eyes drooping and his wings wilting.

“Aww, don’t worry,” I consoled, giving him a wide smile. “I’ll be back before you can say ‘cookies’.”

I gave him a playful nudge with my foot and headed out the door, glad that the door had a handle instead of a door knob. Imagine opening a door with a door knob with elbows. Impossible. Doubly so when carrying things.

As I left the house I heard a small mutter.

“Cookies,” a sullen voice called out and I felt a guilty stab in my heart. I sighed, turning back. With a grunt of effort I reopened the door.

“Okay, I’m back,” I announced and I swear Discord’s face lit up like the sun. He ambled over and gave my leg a hug. His stomach was all flat and normal now. What kind of monstrous metabolism was that?!

“You came back,” he mumbled happily.

“Yeah, yep,” I said, shifting the girls in my arms again. “Wanna tag along?”

He laughed, rushing to the door and jumping up to open the door, zooming out.

“Yes! Let’s go!” He yelled back at me.

I followed along as he ranged out, kind of like a dog.

“That was nice,” I heard Cadance mumble to me with sleepy eyes. I bopped noses with Cadance.

“Enough of that, go to sleep,” I replied humming a soft tune as they drifted off to sleep.

I was surprised to see Tempora meet me halfway towards the castle.

“Hello there,” she greeted warmly, eyeing the bundle of ponies in my arms. I cast my gaze around to find Discord. Where did he go?

“Hello,” I finally answered when I couldn’t see hide nor hair of Discord.

“Looking for somepony?” she asked me as I continued to look around me.

“Yes, actually, these girls’ parents,” I replied, hefting the bundles of fur to emphasise my point.

Tempora smiled warmly at me.

“Why you’ve found my little fillies!” she exclaimed, a soft red glow picking them up in her, uhm, telekinetic grip.

“You were there all this time weren’t you?” I deadpanned, giving Tempora a suspicious glance.

Tempora looked a little sheepish.

“How’d you know?”

“You’re a poor liar,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Suddenly, 'oh look you’ve found my daughters'! Pfft.”

Tempora looked scandalised.

“I practiced that for hours!”

“There, there,” I said patting her on the head. She mumbled something about being like my father. I chose to ignore it.

There was scrambling in the bushes.

Queen Tempora glared at the bushes.

“I’ll be right back,” she growled shortly, winking out of existence in a flash. I blinked the blinding light from my vision, seeing nothing in the clearing. Weird behaviour.

The bushes rustled again. Investigation time.

“Discord? Is that you?” I called out. The bushes burst open to reveal a hesitant Discord rubbing his paw-claws together.

“You don’t like Tempora?” I asked and the kid nodded slowly.

“That’s alright, I’ll have a word with her. Just stay with me,” I assured him, giving him a pat on the head. He gave me a weak smile.

“O-okay,” Discord replied grasping my hand instinctively with his paw. I squeezed it reassuringly as a flash lit the clearing again.

“Alright, I am back,” Tempora announced as she appeared in the aftermath of the blinding light. She glanced at Discord in disdain.

“What’s the deal?” I demanded, my grip tightening slightly. I gave Tempora a solid look.

“He may be a foal, but he is a draconequus,” she replied, as if that explained everything.

“Meaning…?”

“Meaning that he is going to be responsible for widespread madness and chaos throughout all of Equestria!” she snapped, glaring at Discord.

“Hold on, wait a minute, wait just a minute!” I growled, wiping a frustrated hand on my face. I scooped up Discord and placed him in front of Tempora.

“Yep, that there is the face of madness and chaos,” I muttered sarcastically, I turned to mockingly inspect Discord’s face. Discord smiled weakly. “Nope, all I see is a frightened child, all I see is a kid that just wants friends.”

Tempora stamped her hoof, flaring her wings in anger. I could tell she wasn't used to being argued with.

“You can’t see the future, you can’t see what he’ll become!” she shouted, pointing an accusatory hoof at Discord.

“The future be damned!” I yelled, putting Discord back down behind me gently. He clung to my leg looking back and forth between Tempora and myself. He was shaking slightly.

I calmed down a bit, lowering my voice.

“Tempora, you may know the future. I may not know much about this place. But I will not let a child be hurt simply because someone believes their future is set in stone. What you’re purporting may be a self-fulfilling prophesy in itself.”

I took a deep breath.

"Leave this alone."

Tempora looked between Discord and me. Several times her mouth opened and closed. Her face scrunched up in a powerful expression of distaste and then she disappeared in a flash.

After a moment of silence Discord spoke up.

“I’m glad she’s gone. She was mean,” he said, scuffing the ground with a clawed toe. “Why are ponies mean to me?”

I knelt down beside him.

“She’s mean because she’s scared,” I explained, putting a hand on his head and tussling his mane. “And not all ponies were mean. What about Luna, Celestia and Cadance? They’re your friends.”

Discord frowned but nodded reluctantly.

“I guess,” he responded giving me an indeterminable look.

“Come on,” I coaxed, holding out a hand palm up.

“Ever played a video game?” I asked waving him over.

Discord looked confused.

“No,” he replied, holding my hand.

“I think you’ll be in for a surprise,” I chuckled, leading him back to my house.

Author's Note:

Back by popular demand (I never left) quiet, brain!

Aww Discord...

You guys are the best. I thought I might leave it at the last chapter after some revision, but I can't now! Have another chapter or two!

Next Chapter: Tree bark starts barking, wrap starts rapping, clothes start... clothing? Inanimate objects come alive! How will our main character deal with an outbreak of floors flooring ponies?! Find out next time on Picturesque Ponies Point out Potential Playful Pencils Poking Piles of Playdough!

As always, my entertaining readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. Done some minor edits.