• Published 30th Sep 2014
  • 17,468 Views, 1,209 Comments

Just Roll With It - sunnypack

Ever had your Dad marry a mythical creature? Ever just wanted a normal life? If this is you and you're not me, then this is exactly what we don't want, right?

  • ...

4 - It (rev. 2)

Chapter 4: It

I headed back to my house. I was looking for ponies, but I couldn’t find any one of them anywhere. One minute they were all over the place, getting under my feet and meandering through my humble abode, the next minute they were gone. The path I had taken, which I assumed lead towards the castle through the forest, had been a complex and winding one. It had taken us about twenty or so minutes to make our way back. I was hopeful that when I got back I could ask someone about these children. The problem was, there wasn’t anyone here!

I combed through my hair with my fingers, after gently placing the small ponies on the ground. They milled about for a bit before sitting in front of me.

“Is this your home?” Celestia asked me. I nod.

“It’s next to our home," Cadance added. Luna vigorously nodded along.

“Why is your home next to ours?” Celestia queried, waving her hoof at the two buildings.

It took me longer than you would think to let the implications of what they were saying sink in. Well that solves it, they must live near the castle. Would they be able to make their way back to the castle? I couldn’t leave children wandering around with any stranger... Oh well, I could wait around for someone to come back, right?

I decided to answer Celestia’s question anyway.

“Because my Dad is being a big dumb dumb," I answered with an exasperated sigh, crossing my legs and sitting on the grass outside. The three little winged unicorns followed suit, electing to lie down on the grass, a little like how a dog does.

“Why do you say your Dad’s a ‘dumb dumb’?” Cadance asked, her expression soulful. Ah fudge sticks, she looks like she’s going to cry. Did I hit a nerve?

“Oh there, there," I said quickly, rubbing her mane affectionately. “I didn’t mean it. I mean I did mean it, but I’m not really mad at him. I mean I’m pretty mad at him, but I don’t really mean it.”

Cadance looks at me in confusion. I sighed again.

“It’s complicated," I mutter and all three nod slowly.

“I think it’s compli-kate-ted," she agrees nodding her head. I laugh weakly.

“Yeah. What about you three? Ever had a fight with your Dad, you must know how it’s like?”

All three were on the verge of tears. I almost smacked my forehead in stupidity.

“Oh, okay," I manage to get out. “Sorry.”

Celestia nodded.

“That’s okay, he’s been gone for some time. Mommy says he won’t come back.”

The other two nod, they must be part of the same family, poor kids.

I scooped them all up and brought them closer.

“Then we’re kind of the same," I told them, lowering my voice conspiratorially. “My Mom’s not coming back either.”

They all looked depressed at that news, but they hugged me as much as I hugged them for comfort.

Luna looked a little thoughtful. “If you need a Mommy and we need a Daddy, then why don’t they both marry? Then we’ll both have a Mommy and Daddy!” she yelped in excitement.

Cadance and Celestia were grinning too. “If your Daddy is as nice as you, we don’t mind!”

I cringed a little but I couldn’t bring the news to them that my Dad was already taken. They would probably be better off if they had a Dad that was the same species anyway.

“That would be real nice if that happened,” was all I could say.

Suddenly pink. Everywhere.

“Bubblegum burst!” I heard a maniacal cackle as I wiped a sticky mess out of my eyes.

All three little girls let loose a panicked yelp and I saw them all covered with pink bubblegum. Or at least something that resembled pink bubblegum. I hurried to help the little ones clear the bubblegum from their eyes.

Celestia was baring her teeth and hissing at the bushes. There was some ominous rustling, but nothing forthcoming. Curious, I glared at the piece of shrubbery Celestia was fixated on.

“Discord!” she screamed shrilly. I had to cover my ears. Gosh, she had a surprisingly powerful set of lungs in that tiny barrel chest of hers.

Discord, which is what I assumed that mismatched piece of horror was in front of me was, had leapt out of the bush and jumped up and down in glee. I think I spotted a lion’s paw, a bird’s claw, a hoof, a snake’s tail, deer antlers, a screwy horn and an equine’s head on his body. A blue feathered stub and a membranous bat stump were sticking out of his back. It was one of the most bizarre creatures I have ever seen, it was even more chaotic than a chimera.

“You should see your faces!” He guffawed as I got to my feet. Discord was only about one and a half times the size of Celestia and she was the biggest out of the three, meaning he only reached just below my waist.

As I stood up he realised just how tall I was. He gulped as he looked up at me.

“Uh, h-hi there b-big guy," he stammered. The little devil tried to leg it but I grabbed hold of his tail. With a yelp he fell flat on his face.

“Hoooold it!” I exclaimed, pulling him back towards me. I spun him around and brought him to eye level.

“Why did you do that?” I demanded, looking straight into his crimson eyes.

“Because it’s fun?” he answered truthfully.

“Oh," I said, placing him gently on the grass. “That’s all? Just make sure no one gets hurt that’s all.”

Discord walks a few steps and cringes as if expecting me to suddenly rain hellfire and brimstone on him. When I don’t, he turns back.

“Aren’t you going to punish me?” He whines with wide eyes.

“No?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “Why would I do that?”

Discord hesitated for a moment, but doesn’t answer as he scampers into the woods and disappears.

Cadance, Luna and Celestia all glare after the creature as he retreats.

“Wha-What! Why did you let him go for?” Cadance whined, her eyes reflecting the grim look of betrayal. I rolled my eyes back at her.

“It’s just some harmless fun," I replied, shrugging.

“Mommy says he’s not to be trusted. He’s bad," Celestia growled, pawing the dirt with her hoof. I give her a gentle flick with my finger, enough for Celestia to be rubbing her snout with her hoof.

“Don’t be like that, he’s just a kid. He just wants to make a few friends.”

Luna gives me a dark expression, her face is adorably grumpy.

“I don’t make friends by dumping bubblegum on them. He’s evil," she grumbled, crossing her hooves in front of her.

“Yeah!” Cadance exclaimed, pulling at a stubborn tuft of bubblegum lodged in her mane. “This will take forever to get out!”

I waved an arm at them before they could devolve into a lynching mob. “Listen you three,” I began in a serious tone. They all paused and gave me their attention. “When you’re in a troll war, you don’t harbour ill feelings, you don’t feel angry or depressed..." I lectured, looking them each in the eye.

“Then what do you do?” Celestia asked in exasperation, stamping a hoof.

I smiled in a way that made all three take a small step back.

“You troll them back. Harder.”


It took about half an hour for each of the little ponies to get cleaned up in my bath. We used an exorbitant amount of soap and several jars of peanut butter and vegetable oil (luckily my Dad really loved the stuff) to get rid of the bubblegum. Afterwards, we were all clean and vaguely smelling of peanut butter (some of it was consumed by Luna). I cleaned myself up relatively fast due to having less hair (or fur) and briefed the three on the plan.

“Celestia, Luna, Cadance, can any of you fly?”

“I can glide!” Luna exclaimed ecstatically, I smiled.

“Excellent. Cadance, know any really girly makeovers?”

Cadance saw where I was going fast. She smiled gleefully. Smart girl.

“Let me go get my makeup kit!” She chirped, zooming off.

I turned to Celestia.

“How good are you with nursery rhymes?”

“I only know one," she admitted. I whispered in her ear. She brightened.



Discord made his way back to the strange building that had appeared next to the big castle. He wound his way down the path, thinking about what the strange creature had said. He was suspiciously nice, which was new and Discord liked new things. Sometimes the old got boring and he never liked being bored. Doing nothing would probably be the worst thing that could happen.

As he approached the strange building, he smelt an alluring scent. Following his nose, he was surprised to see a small batch of cookies lying on a plate just outside the house. He looked around quickly to see if anypony was nearby. Seeing nopony, he reached out to grab the cookies, only to be tackled from above!

“Gotcha!” Luna shouted victoriously lying spread eagled on the hapless draconequus.

Discord reached desperately for the cookies. The front door opened to reveal the smug-looking creature and both Celestia and Cadance. Cadance had a massive grin as she waved a bag of cosmetics at Discord.

Celestia cleared her throat.

“Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down,
Hickory, dickory, dock.”


This went on for a solid hour. Cadance went all out, a full mane styling, lipstick, mascara, the works. Discord squirmed but Luna loved sitting on Discord, making sure he couldn’t budge an inch. Celestia kept reciting the rhyme. He lay there sullenly as the three girls brushed him down and made him look ‘beautiful’. I held back a snicker.

Afterwards, when all three were satisfied, Luna popped off Discord and we admired the results.

“Can I go now?” he pleaded, looking miserable. The three girls giggled as they returned to my side.

“Oh don’t be silly," I said, sitting down on the grass in front of my house, the three girls followed lying down on the grass. “We’re not done with you yet.”

Discord sagged his shoulders and trudged to where I was.

“Here," I said, giving him a chocolate chip cookie. He stared at it in confusion. It looked like I was giving him a million dollars or something. What’s wrong with this kid?

“Take it," I urged him and he took a nervous bite out of the cookie. I grabbed one for myself munching on it appreciatively. It was an excellent cookie. I would know, I baked it.

“These cookies are good!” Luna mumbled excitedly reaching for another one. She paused for a moment and then looked at me in question before grabbing it, though. I waved and smiled my assent. She quickly scoffed down another one, this time dunking it in peanut butter. Wait. Where did she get that jar? And when?

Discord was looking at the second half of his cookie strangely.

He turned to me. “Why?” was all he asked.

I shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Well it was.

“Friends share," I stated, taking a bite out of my second cookie. I offered him another one.

I don’t think Discord’s smile could be any wider. "Friends," he said happily, joining us. I gave him a pat on the head as he devoured another cookie, this time with plenty of gusto.


In the background Tempora turned to Maximilian and smiled at him, pleased.

“I think that went rather well," she commented, stretching her cramped wings from hovering above and observing the five children.

Maximilian couldn’t keep a grin off his face. “Yes, at least our children will be the least of our problems during the wedding.”

Tempora nudged him with her muzzle. "Oh it won't be that bad," she chided, pushing him towards the castle.

Maximilian flailed his arms.

"Have you met the tailor? He hates me!"

"Understandable," Tempora snarked. "Have you smelt yourself?"

"Oh ha ha. You aren't serious?" Maximilian asked, he cautiously sniffed his armpits. He didn't really use deodorants...

Tempora started trotting away.

"Hey, wait! You weren't serious were you? Honey? Honey!"

Author's Note:

Okie dokie lokie!

A nice fun piece I wanted to work on. Child Discord! Something I'd like to see more of.

By the way my convention is to use pony-mannerisms only when the POV uses them. Otherwise humanerismsmsmsmsss - okay not sure what to call them.

Next Chapter: Ninjas. Ninjas everywhere.

As always my fantastical fantasia of readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. Some minor edits and correction to present-past tense fails.