The pastel amulet

by Fluttershy mlp

Chapter 2

The moment Twilight had accidentaly teleported the amulet to Fluttershy's home. She was not there, for she was in Pinkie Pie's house and it was her birthday. Angel was left in Fluttershy's house and she saw the pastel amulet.

Since it was Fluttershy's birthday, Angel thought of giving it to her as a birthday present.

When Twilight got home from Canterlot, Spike was so excited. "TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!" Spike cried.

"What is it?" Twilight said.

Spike gasped, "you don't know what day is it today." Spike said astonished.

"What day exactly is today?" Twilight asked, wondering.

"IT'S FLUTTERSHY'S BIRTHDAY!" Spike said.

"Oh my Celestia! how could I forget my own friend's birthday.

I better go to Pinkie Pie's bakery, maybe they are having a party!" Twilight said. She made Fluttershy a simple birthday card, then she ran to the sugar-cube bakery.

"I'm sorry that I'm late guys" Twilight said the moment she opened the doors.

"N-no worries" fluttershy said in her sweet, kind voice.

"Where have you been Twilight?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, nothing, princess Luna and Celestia just asked me to come over to Canterlot" Twilight said.

Apple Jack came out of the kitchen, "y'all want an apple pie" she said.

All of them nodded and got a plate with a slice of apple pie.

"Uhh... Twilight, what exactly did you do in the canterlot castle?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Oh, not that much, they just asked me to practice my teleportation skills and told me a really long story, maybe you guys would get bored just listening to it" Twilight said, not mentioning about the pastel amulet.

"Darling, we would bother listen to the story, so why not tell us now" rarity said.

"Never mind about this discussion. . . Why not let's continue the party" Twilight suggested.

Meanwhile in Fluttershy's house, Angel was finish wrapping her present to Fluttershy. She just wrapped it in leaves, flowers, etc. Angel was so excited for fluttershy's return.

As we all know, Fluttershy is in the quiet and shy side, she was too startled of the party because it was super loud. "Umm... Guys, I- I'm going back to my house now" Fluttershy said.

"OF COURSE YOU CAN" Pinkie said. Fluttershy was surprised, since Pinkie's voice was super duper, extra, really LOUD. So Fluttershy flew her way out of here.

"Hello my sweet little Angel" Fluttershy said to her pet as soon as she got home.

When Angel saw that Fluttershy was home, she kept jumping up and down, then she led Fluttershy to where she hid the special gift that - came - out - of - nowhere.

"Oh m-my goodness!" Fluttershy said.

" did you r-really prepared that for me?" Fluttershy asked Angel. Angel nodded with pride.

"W-well I love it" She said.

She took it out from the box and put it around her neck. And that my friend, is the first day before the curse.

~~●~~

The next day, Fluttershy was wearing the amulet, for she did not know that it had been cursed. Everytime she goes out of her peaceful and quiet little house, she would remove it and put it in the box. Twilight, still, had not known that the amulet was not with her.

Today, Twilight had nothing to do so all she did was read new books that she had bought yesterday.

Rarity was making new clothes for a fashion show next Saturday,

While Rainbow Dash was clearing the skies,

Apple Jack was plowing the farm,

And Pinkie was making pies, cupcakes, and all those kind of sweets.

It was a peaceful day for Fluttershy, she wanted to have a picnic with all her friends, but they all were busy. Later that night Fluttershy just slept.

~~●~~

This is the part where things get tragic.

On the third day since Fluttershy's birthday (Which was today), she wore the amulet around her neck for a short while. Then she tried to remove it, but it would't move, it was just there, stuck in her neck. Then she started to feel a bit funny, like she thought something was growing out of her forehead, then she looked at the mirror, she saw a horn growing out of her head. The next thing she knew was that she was growing over height.

"What is happening to me?!?!" She said, her soft voice turning to a deep and scary voice.

Then her kind heart, suddenly became corrupted. It was like from good to evil. Then she fainted on the floor. . .

When she stood up, she had dark glowing eyes, a nasty look on her face. To be honest she looked more beautiful, but corrupted. She looked out of the window, as if she's searching for something, but what?!?!

Comments

[mehperson]

Hmm.... The concept is nice but the delivery is awkward. It's kinda like,"She ate it for she was hungry." Not natural,right? When people read a story, they want it as natural as possible. Also, you are telling not showing. She fainted. You could say, she fell to the floor, her head spinning. Soon, an open sea of darkness overcame her. She was more beautiful yet corrupted. How about, her already beautiful face became even more so, making stallions fall head over hooves at first sight. Then her kind heart, suddenly corrupted. It was like good to evil. How about: The aura around her that represented kindness and love vanished into thin air, replaced by cruelty and hatred. Her heart became bitter, with no love. But the most obvious change was her eyes. Her eyes, once so innocent, once so pure became malicious and plotting. There are many more, actually but I just gave you some examples. You can take this lightly since I'm not a professional but I hope I have helped!

[Wade]

I agree with technix. It's a good concept, but try to show, rather than tell. The fun of a story is in watching things unfold, not in being told that they did.

Keep reading, and keep writing. Best way to work out these issues is to keep at it.

[Wade]

Just finished this chapter! Is this... Nightmare Fluttershy? I've never seen a Nightmare Flutters fic before...

[BewhoUr]

Hi! I am BwhoUR, one of the newer writers on this site. I do have a couple fics that went popular, and while i'm not a "respected reviewer," i'll give you that I do have some experience. Anyway, enough about me, on to you and your story

I am enjoying this story. I do hope that you don't let any negative reviews get you down. People are just trying to help I have spotted some capitalization and grammar mistakes, and while i'm not picky about that stuff, I know that some people are and I recommend editing twice, just to be sure. I enjoy the concept of this story, the whole "nightmare fluttershy," Is a very good concept and I applaud you for being so original The thing that did bother me a little was not only the pacing (which was a tad fast,) but the language in the story. Treat your words as a piece of beautiful artwork, make them lavish, beautiful, and interesting, like Rarity otherwise, all the characters are in perfect context, you gotta love angel. (I'm pretty sure angel i a guy though...) and I hope you will continue with the story. I always get my inspiration from this song. Always keep writing!

[Fluttershy mlp]

4965535 thanks for the techniques I would use them in the next chapter

[Fluttershy mlp]

4974300 thanks :)

[mehperson]

4995589
Of course, sometimes you can tell or 'show and tell'. I do recommend the writing guide on this site. It is very useful. Sorry for the late reply!