Theorangefox
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First!
At last! At long last! Some love for the cakes that doesn't make one of them a construct or a serial abuser. Kudos, good fellow.
460798 this is the second Cake on Cake clop i have read today
and they were both published today
hmmm
is it Cake Day?
Do this about the Cakes more often.
460798 Yeah I felt kinda guilty after doing that one with my OC, and the responses I heard. So I thought give the fans what they want!
SIXTH >:D
Turnips!
I mean 8th!
461098
Wait... What's the other one?
462354
it is called one delicious slice of cake
here is the link
Could use a bit of touching up
I would have taken a reiteration of marehood over that one.
-"I always see you overworking yourself and never asking me to give you a hand when you're worn out". I had to re read that a few times to get what that meant. It would have been better to write it like "I always see you overworking and wearing yourself out, but you never ask me to give you a (hoof)."
-Getting to the clop part seemed a bit rushed, like there wasn't any time for us to see the Cakes interact with each other before the hot stuff started happening. Part of the fun of a clop is knowing that it's coming, but getting teased while it leads up to it. That way by the time we reach it, the reader's almost begging for it.
-"And penetrated her love hole" I know it's tough to find good terms for vagina that aren't crude, but I don't think that one worked.
-A lot of writers seem to switch perspectives/point of views in their stories and I've gotten used to that. But at least try to keep it consistent in one paragraph, either this is Mr. Cake's paragraph, or Mrs. Cake's paragraph. Switching it around too much makes the reader lose focus on the story.
Good luck in the future.
463131 Fair point with the whole sentence thing, I guess I overlooked that.
As stated in the description, this is a short clop. Most of the time I tend to get bored of writing the build up which just kills my motivation to write. And with this one I didn't want it to have a long build up, I've read other clops and kinda get bored of pre cloppy action. But that's just me.
And the word terms, yeah it really is hard. Plus I don't like being repetitive with terms, so I try and find others that work.
Other than that, thanks for the feedback!
Finally a clopfic that includes the cakes not cheating on each other
i was thinking about actually writing this,
so i looked up anything relevant and you beat me to it sir.
I salute you.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/072/542/tumblr_ksczlyQbeU1qzx4k0o1_500.jpg?1318992465
Good format though
470038 Thanks very much. Someone else however uploaded a clopfic with the cakes, the same time I did :P
Pretty nice!
Why is this in the Spike's harem group?