• Member Since 12th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 15th, 2013

blanie


um.. I'm a 15 year old guy from wales. That's about it.

E

I wanted to try write through Fluttershy's eyes about her relationship with Rainbowdash. It's my first fanfic so any way to make it better i would be very grateful.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 8 )

good start, but:
1) Rainbow Dash is two words.. not one...
2) you use their names too much. sometimes refer to them as like "the (adjective)(type of pony)"

but anyways
:yay: yay more Flutterdashie!!

Realistically, it should be:

"Rainbow Dash is my friend. I got to know her about two years ago, when Twilight Sparkle brought the six of us together to stop Nightmare Moon. She's brash and brave, and she's very fast and strong. She's a bit cocky, but she always comes through for us. Rainbow Dash, Angel, and my other four best friends are the best friends I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine life without any of them."

Now, the fandom can do what they want, but I don't remotely understand why it seems so important to have every single character be sexually ambiguous and have 'feelings' for their best friends.

Are you sure the story is JUST Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash?
You better fix the character list.

460401
A good point you raise thanks

460401
but apart from that obvious mistake. And it being my first fanfic what did you think?

it's still pretty early in the story, but it has potential

some suggestions, you might want to put it though word or something to fix simple things like "i' instead of "I' and spelling errors or typos, i don't know if there's any of the later, for i cant spell.

remember to use ","s
you also have a few miss used words.

"Fluttershy had told the vibrant pegasi that ...'
pegasi is plural and Rainbow is only one pegasus
you messed that up a few times

"she hadn't seen anypony despite Twilight for days."
despite me means "even though" i think the word your looking for is "besides"

461136
I think i've corrected most of the things :facehoof: so now i just need to come up with another chapter.
Thanks again for all your help.

I really want to like this story, but what the hell is up with these little, easily fixable grammar errors I keep finding? Also, you keep using "people" or "person" instead of "pony" or "ponies". This story seriously needs a proofread.

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