The Sparkle family are going on vacation. While family holidays are often difficult, Twilight knows this one is going to be particularly bad. Mostly because her father doesn't.
When Velvet said Shining insisted she go with them...that's when I knew. Time to talk to dear old dad. This story gets better and better, please don't make us wait too long for the next chapter!
I must say that this story is excellent. The pacing is good, the tension is so thick that I found myself skipping entire paragraphs to see what happens next, and while there is a significant waiting period between each chapter, it is well worth it. I, and I'm sure many others, would greatly appreciate it if you didn't spend another few months writing the next chapter. I need to know what happens next haha. And that part at the end? Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. You had me thinking it was Cadence all along up until the very end.
I don't make this offer to that many people, but would you like another editor? I'd be happy to help out with this story. Also, consider me a new follower. I look forward to your future works.
6423861 Thanks for the kind words, and I appreciate the offer. I'll be sure to keep you in mind if ever my current editor's busy. And I promise I never mean to take so long (ideally I would have finished this story a while ago), but life and other, more important writing commitments mean I keep putting it on the back burner. There's also an element of having to live up to some pretty high expectations, so even when I am writing this it takes me longer than it should. I'm afraid I can't promise anything for the next chapter, but I'd certainly like to think it won't take anywhere near as long as this one did.
6424255 Nah, I would feel uncomfortable taking money for my smutty hobby writing. Not to mention the shaky (read: non-existent) legal ground for taking money for writing fanfic.
I love this story so much. I have to say that I didn't really buy that it was Cadence from the start, simply because Twilight latches on to the assumption so quickly and so completely that I felt like the "twist" kind of obvious.
But yeah, I can't wait for the next chapter, either.
6425083 Some people react differently depending on the person and circumstances. There's going to be a bit of shouting at best. How can you tell your son you don't love his mother anymore and your sister is a hot mare he loves to death?
6425242 It's copyright infringement. If Hasbro were to ever decide to take anyone to court over it, fan-work creators wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Would they do that? Very unlikely, and I have nothing against people who try and make a few extra quid off of it. But I'd stay away from monetising it just in case, although it's kind of moot because I wouldn't do it anyway.
6425402 Good Lord, man, why can't you update more often!?!?!?! This story fills me with so much want and MOAR that I crave it like craisins (I like cranberry anything ALOT!!!)
I kinda felt sick to my stomach, but in a good way. I could feel the oppressive weight in my gut. There's a poison in the Twilight family and it's not going to be expunged so easily. I hope it won't all be out in the open too soon with everything laid bare. Get rid of all the puss and all that's left is just a void. It kinda reminds me of darf's "Not Now Big Brother" only less rapey. There's just no way this is going to have a happy ending.
Oh, I hope Shining has already beaten his father into a bloody pulp in a fit of confused and hurt rage by the time Twilight get's there. That would be so satisfying to read. I also hope that Shining doesn't ends up being the stallion with whom Velvet cheated like some people have been asking for. It would just destroy my suspension of disbelief that two parents would each cheat on their spouse with one of their children completely by coincidence. What are the odds? Is immoral incest suddenly a genetic thing in Equestria?
I was kind of hoping it was cadence who found out. out of everyone she would have been the most calm and rational out of everyone. i didnt think velvet found out or she would have been behaving a lot more differently. I am going to assume it really was shinning. hoooo boy. im curious to keep on seeing how this will play out.
Ahh, good ole Cadance. Cheating is totally fine by the princess of love.
No... no it just seems weird that she lacks compassion for the wife in that scenario. Maybe she doesn't and is just... not saying anything about it because Twilight doesn't need to hear that and feel more guilty.
6426963 I'd argue Cadance explicitly says cheating is wrong in the last chapter. That's why she's saying Twilight needs to wait for the right time, rather than keep doing as she has been. Cadance is the Princess of Love, not the Princess of Carrying On in a Loveless Relationship - I don't think she'd say it's better for the wife to stay with a stallion who doesn't love her anymore.
6427088 Hm... yes, I had forgotten about that conversation. She does make it clear that it is a huge betrayal and one of the worst ways to break someone's heart, and she doesn't recant it here...
And, because she's talking with one of the cheaters, it's seems a little vague whether Cadance's sympathy is more with the new lovers or the heartbroken, but she might say something different if she was talking with the heartbroken.
Oh my goodness WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME! You beautiful temptress of evil cliffhanging awesomeness! I have so many mixed feelings the one that pops up most though is need for more. Just shut up and take my mustaches!
My gut instinct told me that it was probably Shining just in the way he chose to show her that he knew... it just screams "siblings". Still, an impressive sell on the idea that it was Cadence.
6423687 That actually was what my first thought was, that Shinning would confront Night Light and they would get into a hoof fight. As they were both captins of the guard, I'd say they'd be evenly matched. Also, I can't wait for another chapter, this is amazingly well done.
One interesting thing: At no time during the dialogue between Twilight and Cadance is mentioned that Twilight's lover is her father. IMO Cadance has no clue to who is the stallion
As soon as Velvet said Shining suggested she come along... I am too good at spotting this stuff for my own good. I know your tactics, it seems, and I'm always too suspicious of you. Then again, I like being put on my guard with your writing. Always looking for that sneaky angle.
6447271 "I'm going to get my wife back, see? And when I do, we're gonna be HAPPY! Aitch, Eh, Double-Pee, WHY!"
That's what I thought when I saw how you wrote that out. ^^
I kinda had a feeling the twist at the end was coming too. I *suspect* that Cadance may still know, because I don't know that Shiny would have kept the details from her - "This was Shining Armor's idea" could just have meant "yeah, he left me to talk to you about this mess while he talked to your Dad. And then saddled me with your Mom too, isn't that wonderful of him?"
Normally, I don't like dramas but this has the right amount of intrigue, sexy, drama and suspense to keep me guessing.
I mean, I actually thought that it was Shining that saw them but then you convinced me that Cadence HAD seen them, then turned it right around and made me gasp. Do you know how ineradicable a story has to be to make me gasp?
Oooooh.
i.imgur.com/JdpYT.gif
When Velvet said Shining insisted she go with them...that's when I knew. Time to talk to dear old dad. This story gets better and better, please don't make us wait too long for the next chapter!
MY HEARTTTTTTTTTTTT
6423555
I'll do my best!
Is it wrong that I kinda want Twilight to come home only to find Night Light a bleeding mess?
Had a bunch that was the case as soon as Twilight thought the opposite was true.
Ssssson of a bitch. I need that next chapter, asap. Don't leave me like this!
You know how to write a good cliffhanger.
You are way too good at leaving us wanting more!
I must say that this story is excellent. The pacing is good, the tension is so thick that I found myself skipping entire paragraphs to see what happens next, and while there is a significant waiting period between each chapter, it is well worth it. I, and I'm sure many others, would greatly appreciate it if you didn't spend another few months writing the next chapter. I need to know what happens next haha. And that part at the end? Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. You had me thinking it was Cadence all along up until the very end.
I don't make this offer to that many people, but would you like another editor? I'd be happy to help out with this story. Also, consider me a new follower. I look forward to your future works.
Uuuuuh, I can see the holes in the house's walls...
6423861
Thanks for the kind words, and I appreciate the offer. I'll be sure to keep you in mind if ever my current editor's busy. And I promise I never mean to take so long (ideally I would have finished this story a while ago), but life and other, more important writing commitments mean I keep putting it on the back burner. There's also an element of having to live up to some pretty high expectations, so even when I am writing this it takes me longer than it should. I'm afraid I can't promise anything for the next chapter, but I'd certainly like to think it won't take anywhere near as long as this one did.
6423983
Have you considered a patreon? I too would also pay you money to finish a new chapter faster.
Neat writing. I thought it was Cadance who saw them:D
Velvet wouldn't left, she would have confronted them directly.
6424255
Nah, I would feel uncomfortable taking money for my smutty hobby writing. Not to mention the shaky (read: non-existent) legal ground for taking money for writing fanfic.
I love this story so much. I have to say that I didn't really buy that it was Cadence from the start, simply because Twilight latches on to the assumption so quickly and so completely that I felt like the "twist" kind of obvious.
But yeah, I can't wait for the next chapter, either.
Oh f*** that some turn around. I... hope Cadance will not get the bad conclusion (Twilight and Shining)
SHIT GON' GO DOWN
SHIT THAT WAS GOOD
Keep it up Bro/Sis/Non-Binary Gender/Apache Attack Helicopter/Whatever You Identify As
6423687 I think the dislikes speak for themselves.
6425026
Well, how would youre act to finding out your father was cheating on your mother with your sister?
6425083 Some people react differently depending on the person and circumstances. There's going to be a bit of shouting at best. How can you tell your son you don't love his mother anymore and your sister is a hot mare he loves to death?
my luna....
plz don't nopony get hurt from this plzzz , we all know that's where this is headed ;___; ....
6424454 how could that be shaky if ppl can have patreons for fim art?....
6425242
It's copyright infringement. If Hasbro were to ever decide to take anyone to court over it, fan-work creators wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Would they do that? Very unlikely, and I have nothing against people who try and make a few extra quid off of it. But I'd stay away from monetising it just in case, although it's kind of moot because I wouldn't do it anyway.
6425083 I think I might pick up a crack habit at that point. That shit would just blow me away.
6425402
Good Lord, man, why can't you update more often!?!?!?! This story fills me with so much want and MOAR that I crave it like craisins (I like cranberry anything ALOT!!!)
stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/4744123/dean-crying-o.gif
I have to wait for another. This story is so good!
I kinda felt sick to my stomach, but in a good way. I could feel the oppressive weight in my gut. There's a poison in the Twilight family and it's not going to be expunged so easily. I hope it won't all be out in the open too soon with everything laid bare. Get rid of all the puss and all that's left is just a void. It kinda reminds me of darf's "Not Now Big Brother" only less rapey. There's just no way this is going to have a happy ending.
I can't wait to see it.
Hooo boy...not what I expected to happen at all. Now this is gonna be real good.
Oh, I hope Shining has already beaten his father into a bloody pulp in a fit of confused and hurt rage by the time Twilight get's there. That would be so satisfying to read. I also hope that Shining doesn't ends up being the stallion with whom Velvet cheated like some people have been asking for. It would just destroy my suspension of disbelief that two parents would each cheat on their spouse with one of their children completely by coincidence. What are the odds? Is immoral incest suddenly a genetic thing in Equestria?
I was kind of hoping it was cadence who found out. out of everyone she would have been the most calm and rational out of everyone. i didnt think velvet found out or she would have been behaving a lot more differently. I am going to assume it really was shinning. hoooo boy. im curious to keep on seeing how this will play out.
You know it's a gripping story when you see the update in your feed and feel nervous about reading it.
Ahh, good ole Cadance. Cheating is totally fine by the princess of love.
No... no it just seems weird that she lacks compassion for the wife in that scenario. Maybe she doesn't and is just... not saying anything about it because Twilight doesn't need to hear that and feel more guilty.
6426963
I'd argue Cadance explicitly says cheating is wrong in the last chapter. That's why she's saying Twilight needs to wait for the right time, rather than keep doing as she has been. Cadance is the Princess of Love, not the Princess of Carrying On in a Loveless Relationship - I don't think she'd say it's better for the wife to stay with a stallion who doesn't love her anymore.
6427088
Hm... yes, I had forgotten about that conversation. She does make it clear that it is a huge betrayal and one of the worst ways to break someone's heart, and she doesn't recant it here...
And, because she's talking with one of the cheaters, it's seems a little vague whether Cadance's sympathy is more with the new lovers or the heartbroken, but she might say something different if she was talking with the heartbroken.
Well Twilight, you know what you have to do.
It may involve brotherly blowjobs.
Oh my goodness WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME! You beautiful temptress of evil cliffhanging awesomeness! I have so many mixed feelings the one that pops up most though is need for more. Just shut up and take my mustaches!
My gut instinct told me that it was probably Shining just in the way he chose to show her that he knew... it just screams "siblings". Still, an impressive sell on the idea that it was Cadence.
HOLY.......... I can't even come up with a curse word to describe my shock.
6423687 That actually was what my first thought was, that Shinning would confront Night Light and they would get into a hoof fight. As they were both captins of the guard, I'd say they'd be evenly matched. Also, I can't wait for another chapter, this is amazingly well done.
One interesting thing: At no time during the dialogue between Twilight and Cadance is mentioned that Twilight's lover is her father. IMO Cadance has no clue to who is the stallion
You did it again, Grimm.
Why do do dis, Grimm?
The Cliffhanger is real.
As soon as Velvet said Shining suggested she come along...
I am too good at spotting this stuff for my own good. I know your tactics, it seems, and I'm always too suspicious of you.
Then again, I like being put on my guard with your writing. Always looking for that sneaky angle.
And when she gets back, she finds...
Everything is great, because Shining confessed to Night Light about his own personal demons, and now they can be one big happy (very.. happy) family.
6445879
Now since when has anything in this story ever been that simple?
6446675 ..Very happy family with occasional guilt issues, and crippling amounts of paranoia as they lose touch with the outside world? I'll take that.
I mean, Twi seems to be doing reasonably okay with it.
6447271
"I'm going to get my wife back, see? And when I do, we're gonna be HAPPY! Aitch, Eh, Double-Pee, WHY!"
That's what I thought when I saw how you wrote that out. ^^
I kinda had a feeling the twist at the end was coming too. I *suspect* that Cadance may still know, because I don't know that Shiny would have kept the details from her - "This was Shining Armor's idea" could just have meant "yeah, he left me to talk to you about this mess while he talked to your Dad. And then saddled me with your Mom too, isn't that wonderful of him?"
Normally, I don't like dramas but this has the right amount of intrigue, sexy, drama and suspense to keep me guessing.
I mean, I actually thought that it was Shining that saw them but then you convinced me that Cadence HAD seen them, then turned it right around and made me gasp. Do you know how ineradicable a story has to be to make me gasp?
Oh my lard. I cannot wait for the next chapter.
That ending:
i.imgur.com/n0Ew8EZ.jpg
Calling it now: Shining is the one Velvet cheated with.
6471590 Needs fittin music, the ending I mean.
"This is my Dad, and I'm going to defend him!"