I'm one of those bronies from outside the US. Fancy that.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Overall good, but you need to make paragraphs bit shorter and space some of it as well, then you're good to go.
Also having a proof-reader or editor would help as well.
450732
Thanks for the input, I'll try and iron out the bugs in this chapter before working on the second chapter.