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Remember, Remember

There's a new pony in town that needs to remember what he forgot.
As a new pony crashes into Ponyville and loses his memory, the mane six try and help the pony to remember what he had forgotten.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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#1 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

Structure needs work, but everything else is solid. If you had spun it off a bit longer, it could have gone better with only letting the reader know what Shori knows, maybe throw in some flashbacks. Instead of just saying, "Hey! I know my name now!", you could have had a race with Rainbow starting, and Rainbow said "Seeya at the finish line, Shori!" And then it cuts back to the story. When Shori remembers that he was practicing for the (awkwardly named) performance, he could have a flashback to what is now the intro, where he was practicing in the same area, with a namedrop of the competition at the end. Stuff like that. Still, for the feel, and the length, and especially considering you spun it off in a day, good work!

Shoryu