Applejack considered herself level-headed. Reliable. Dependable. A pony who would never shrink away from the truth.
Right now, the truth was that she really, really didn’t want to open her eyes and fully wake up..
Twilight must have noticed her stirring. “Are you all right, Applejack?” the befuddled alicorn asked. “I mean, apart from the obvious?”
No use faking it now. Applejack opened her eyes to an altered basement, brightly lit but with washed-out colors. Twilight was looking down at her, her wings flared in nervousness, and Rarity was nowhere to be seen. Delta Three was watching them both, her expression unreadable.
Applejack tentatively moved a leg, finding that it wasn’t sore, then rose on shaky hooves. “I think so,” she said. “I feel . . . sloshy. Like my guts are oatmeal, and my skin’s an iron bowl that’s keeping it all in.” She stared into Twilight’s eyes. “You can fix this, right?”
“Most likely,” Twilight said. “I’ll need to figure out exactly what just happened. I don’t know if--”
Applejack held up a holey hoof, gesturing her to silence. “Twi," she said, trying to speak firmly. "You can turn ponies into breezies, mice into horses, and I’m pretty sure that orange that hopped like a frog was your fault." She could feel a slight quaver in her throat, but the sound was lost in the discordance of her new voice. “If you can't fix this, nopony can. And you can fix this. Right?”
“I’ll do my best,” Twilight said. “I promise.”
A slight warmth pulsed out from around her, just barely strong enough to be noticeable. Applejack let it seep into where her bones used to be, and she began to find her balance.
Applejack was reliable and dependable, but she had no skill at lying to herself. Later, when there was less to do, she would think about what it would mean if she was stuck as a changeling forever. She knew she couldn't stay reliable or dependable if she thought about it now.
The newly minted changeling fished her hat off the floor. It didn’t fit over her horn, giving it a rakish tilt. “First things first.” She turned to look at the captive in the cage, who was still observing them, and seemed to be trying not to laugh. “Delta Three? Do you know anything about this?”
“You must have some changeling blood,” Delta Three explained. “If a pony’s mother or father was a changeling, changeling magic can awaken them. Changelings’ grandfoals can be awakened, too, and Queen Chrysalis can awaken great-grandfoals.”
Twilight stared at her. “You never told me this before!”
“You made assumptions,” Delta Three said. Her body language didn’t change, but Applejack could hear the shrug in her voice. “I didn’t correct them.”
“Wait a minute,” Applejack said. “Granny Smith told me once about my great-great-umpteen-great-grandpappy Margil Apple. He had a cutie mark of a heart, and most mares didn’t figure out what it really meant ‘til he left them behind. It was like he was always looking for somepony new to love. Was he a changeling?”
“Maybe,” Delta Three said.
“But he died before Granny Smith was born!” Applejack protested.
Delta Three looked over at Twilight and smirked. “I guess you really are more powerful than the queen, Element of Magic.”
“That’s not the problem,” Applejack said. “Margil was with an awful lot of mares, and most of those family lines are still going. A fifth of Ponyville has some Apple blood. If Twi’s magic did this to me . . .”
Delta Three smirked even wider, and Applejack nervously followed her gaze. Twilight’s eyes were rotating in circles, one clockwise and the other counterclockwise, and their veins were beginning to stand out.
“Twilight?” Rarity called from upstairs. “It wasn’t just Applejack. There are quite a few confused-looking changelings outside.”
Twilight’s eyes focused, and she snapped into action. “Tell them to meet in front of the hospital,” she ordered. “Some of them will probably be injured anyway. I’ll go find Spike and make sure he’s okay, and then I’ll send a message to Princess Celestia. I’ll follow you once I get a reply.”
“Now see here, Twilight,” Applejack said. “You’ve got to tell the Princess about--” She paused. “Wait, what?”
“This is way bigger than I can fix on my own,” Twilight said. “Besides, I learned my lesson from the Smarty Pants incident. I’m just scared of what Princess Celestia will think . . .”
“I screwed up, not you,” Applejack told her. “I won’t let you take the fall for it.” She attempted a smile, hoping her fangs wouldn’t prevent it from being reassuring. “Just be honest. The truth’s on your side.”
“Thank you, Applejack,” Twilight replied. Ruefully, she matched the smile. “If I was in your place, I’d be screaming in panic.”
“Then it’s a good thing you’re you, Twi,” Applejack said. She put on a serious expression. “I’ll go help Rarity. There must be a lot of scared changelings up there, and maybe another changeling can calm them down. See you at the hospital!”
-- -- -- --
In the few years since Twilight had come to Ponyville, she’d seen Ponyville Hospital filled to capacity more than once, but she’d never seen it overwhelmed. Despite tainted baked goods, stampeding animals, and the occasional Ursa attack, it was almost unheard of for a pony to die in the hospital who wasn’t elderly or terminally ill. The nurses were swift, the doctors were learned, and the victims were often remarkably lucky.
Twilight prayed today wouldn’t be an exception.
A lot of the patients were former pegasi, injured when sudden pain knocked them from the sky. Others had been beaten and bruised by confused friends and family. Still more had simply hurt themselves in accidents, distracted from some dangerous task. There were far too many for the hospital staff to help--at least, not without outside assistance.
Outside the hospital, Pinkie Pie was doing her best to keep everypony calm and maintain order. (This apparently involved balloons.) Just inside, a changeling in a familiar brown hat was helping Nurse Redheart with triage. Twilight was working together with Dr. Stable and Nurse Tenderheart, using their experience and her raw magical power to provide emergency healing for the most seriously injured patients, while Rarity and Spike applied their more modest first-aid knowledge to cleaning and dressing smaller injuries. Only Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were missing.
As the sea of injured slowly subsided, Twilight found herself treating a changeling with injuries from broken glass, gently pushing energy through her to stop the bleeding.
“More . . . More . . .” Dr. Stable ordered. “Stop! Tenderheart, check her.”
Most nurses are earth ponies, for much the same reason most farmers are. Tenderheart put an ear to the patient’s chest and focused on the flow of blood through her body, not unlike the flow of sap through a tree, or life through soil. “A bit of bleeding on the left foreleg,” she observed, “but it’s slowing. She’ll be fine.”
Dr. Stable looked up and down the sea of bodies on beds. There were several yellow tags--critical but stable--but no more red ones for now. “Twilight, you should rest now,” he said. “It wouldn’t do to tire yourself out.”
Twilight hadn’t told him yet that this was all her fault. Looking into his eyes, she wondered if he had guessed. It wasn’t like there were a lot of other ponies who could cause something like this.
“I can still help,” Twilight said. “I should--”
“No, Twilight,” Dr. Stable repeated sternly. “If another urgent patient comes in, I want you fresh and ready.” He gestured over to the far corner. “There’s an empty bed over there. Five minutes will do you some good.”
Twilight stumbled over to the corner, surprised to discover that her vision was blurry. Even a princess could wear herself out, it seemed. She closed her eyes for just a moment . . .
. . . And heard thudding hoofsteps rushing towards her.
“Twilight!” Pinkie yelled. “It’s an emergency!”
Twilight cracked an eye open. “What?”
“It’s Roseluck! She’s gone crazy!”
Twilight closed her eye again. “Roseluck’s always crazy, Pinkie.”
“And she’s got a bunch of other ponies with her! They’ve got rocks and shovels and pitchforks--”
The gust of wind from Twilight’s mad rush out the door added new curls to Pinkie’s mane.
There were about twenty armed ponies outside the hospital, for a given value of “armed,” all listening to Roseluck speak. A small wall of unarmed ponies blocked them from entering the hospital, looking scared but resolute.
“What do we do with changeling filth?” Roseluck asked the gathered crowd.
"Rip off their wings!" one mare shouted.
"Break off their horns!" another added.
"That's a good start, but neither of them rhyme with 'filth,'" Roseluck observed. "It'll make a better chant if it rhymes."
"“Um, I don’t want to rip off anypony’s wings,” somepony whimpered. "Or break off their horn."
“It’s rhetoric, Lilly,” Roseluck insisted. “We won’t sound serious if we just say we want them out of town. Now, how about 'filthy changelings'? Can we do a rhyme with that?"
Princess Luna, who had experience with angry mobs, had given Twilight advice on how to handle something like this. This was her first time putting it to use, though.
“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight bellowed. “You are causing a public disturbance! In the name of the royal sisters, depart or be arrested!”
If nothing else, the volume of her voice momentarily cowed Roseluck, but the mare was surprisingly persistent. “Those wings don’t make you a princess, librarian.” Roseluck glared directly into Twilight’s eyes. “The real princesses raise the sun and moon, and the changelings put one of them in a dang cocoon! We’re taking revenge for her, and if you stand in our way, you’re a traitor!”
Twilight gaped at her, unsure which insult to respond to first.
Roseluck smirked grimly as she turned back to the crowd. “What do we do with pony traitors?”
"Rip off their wings!" one mare shouted.
"Break off their horns!" another added.
"It's a good start, but it still doesn't rhyme," Roseluck observed. "Maybe we can do something with 'fake,' or 'fraud,' or . . ."
Twilight rose up into the air without flapping her wings. Her coat turned bone white, and flames danced up and down her back.
“Go. Away!” she shouted.
Roseluck broke and fled, and the rest of the crowd soon followed.
Twilight sank to the ground in exhaustion. This was all too much . . .
“Twilight!” Rainbow Dash yelled. Twilight opened her eyes to find the pegasus carrying a bloody changeling who looked like she’d been bitten by something. “Ghastly Gorge. Quarray eels. She’s hurt bad!”
Maybe Twilight would have time to rest later. Much later. For now, she rushed into the hospital and called for Dr. Stable.
-- -- -- --
Several hours later, Twilight found herself on a small sleeping pad on the hospital floor. Moonlight shone in through the front window.
“Ughhhh,” she droned, still largely out of it. Then she realized where she was, and she snapped awake. “Oh Celestia, I’m sorry! Where’s Dr. Stable? I need to help--”
“Calm down, Twi,” Applejack said. “Everypony who was in danger is okay now. They’re just resting. Don’t wake ‘em up.”
The changeling was lying on the floor beside a bed, which was occupied by another of her kind whose leg was in a cast. Besides Twilight, she seemed to be the only one in the room who wasn’t sleeping.
“When the guards showed up, they said everypony could go home if they wanted to, but all us Apples stayed. It’s pretty well stuffed, but with those folks outside”--she nodded towards the window behind the bed--“it’s safer here than out at the farm.”
Twilight rose and walked to the window. Roseluck was still out there with a small crowd of protesters, but a full squadron of Night Guards was blocking them from coming in. Twilight’s letter to the princesses had evidently not been in vain.
“Betcha Roseluck’s a changeling, too,” Applejack said. “She’s a distant Apple, and the only other Apple who isn’t one is Pinkie. It’d be just like her to hide it.”
“Is that why you’re still . . .” Twilight fumbled for a word. “Holey? You don’t want to be dishonest?”
“You’ve got me pegged,” Applejack said. “This doesn’t feel like me at all, but I guess it’s what I am. It would be like lying if I put on orange fur, at least until you change me back for real.”
Twilight would have lain down next to Applejack, but there wasn’t enough room between the hospital beds. It felt too presumptuous to keep standing, so she laid in the middle of the aisle facing Applejack, and hoped nobody would rush through the room and trip over her.
“Applejack, I have to ask you this,” Twilight said. “I know you don’t want to tell me, but I need to know. How many?”
“It won’t help to know, Twi. It’ll just burn in your gut.”
“You know, don’t you?” Twilight asked. “You had to ask. You’re not the kind of pony who can just look away from things like that. I’m not that kind of pony, either. How many, Applejack?”
Applejack looked down at the floor for a moment before she spoke. “Three so far,” she said. “Thunderlane and Helia fell too far, and Ambrosia had an accident with some construction equipment. A lot of other ponies are missing. Twi, you won’t listen when I say this, but it’s my fault, not yours--”
“You were just the assistant,” Twilight interrupted. “It was my experiment. I should have set up better safety protocols. This is the kind of thing that gets ponies put in prison, Applejack! And since I’m a princess, the other princesses will be the jury.” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. “Princess Celestia is going to have to decide whether or not I’ll be punished for this. How am I going to look her in the eye?”
“Does this fancy princess court allow witnesses?” Applejack asked. “‘Cause I’m gonna tell ‘em you did everything you could. You didn’t know I was a changeling. Hay, I didn’t know I was a changeling. But you told me and Rares everything we needed to do, and she could have fixed it if I hadn’t botched it up.”
Twilight wiped at her eyes with her hoof, then quietly sighed. “We can argue later. I need to check on Spike. I should make certain he’s okay after . . . after today.”
“Er . . .” Applejack briefly trailed off. “I figured he would sleep better in his own bed, but I can’t cross Ponyville with Roseluck’s mob out there. And Rarity was watching Sweetie Belle, and Pinkie’s looking after some foals whose parents are missing, and nopony knows where Fluttershy is. That left . . .”
Twilight looked like she’d been hit in the head with a pickaxe. “Oh Celestia, no.”
-- -- -- --
“Oh hey Twilight,” Spike said, talking at twice his usual speed. “I waited up for you but you didn’t come so I waited more but you still didn’t come but I couldn’t sleep so . . .”
“How many aquamarines did he eat?” Twilight asked angrily.
“Just three,” Rainbow said. “He said he gets six, but that sounded like way too many.”
“He gets one!” Twilight yelled. “And not right before bed! He’ll be bouncing off the walls all night!”
“I tried that,” Spike said, “but it turns out I don’t bounce well so I just jumped on my basket but I can’t bounce there so I jumped on your bed but the bed broke . . .”
Twilight groaned. This was going to be a long night.
RACISM!
The exoskeleton/"sloshy guts" thing is bugging the hell out of me (pun unintended.) First, a pure exoskeleton for something the size of a pony would be instantly fatal. Multiple reasons: the leg hinges couldn't handle the weight (structural limitation: exoskeletons require pin hinges), inability to respirate sufficiently at that size, body heat, insect circulatory system would not work at that scale... just complete failure of structural integrity.
Second, "sloshy guts." Okay, pick up a grasshopper and shake it. Hear anything sloshing around? No. Again, something that size would have to have connective tissues (cartilage, tendon, etc) holding the internal organs in place or she'd smash her internal organs to a pulp against each other the first time she went to a trot. Internal hemorrhaging: not a nice way to die.
A "bug pony" could have a pseudoexoskeleton-- armadillo-like plates--- but she'd need an internal skeleton just to not die on the spot, much less stand up and walk.
4812707
Agreed ...plus, even if I were willing to accept "it's magic" for a purely exoskeletal changeling, it just feels pointless and makes the story less appealing.
(Not to mention that, aside from violating suspension of disbelief, a "magic reinforcement makes it possible" explanation is something you'd never see in a lifeform because it's both harder to accomplish and offers only downsides.)
Basically, there are three main reasons I don't like it:
1. Because a purely exoskeletal pony is both harder to produce (in an environment magical enough to make it possible at all) and offers only downsides, it implies that changelings must have been engineered to specifically include that point of catastrophic failure into their biology by someone either actively cruel or with a "toddler with a handgun" level of "do what I mean. I don't know how" power. (And either one produces an Equestria that is "dark for dark's sake" rather than because it makes a better story.)
2. The real-world analogue to "sloshy organs" is an open circulatory system (no blood vessels, just blood flowing around the organs as they hang suspended within the body) which also doesn't work at mammalian scales.
The big problem here is that, again, it makes for a "pointlessly dark" setting when you consider the implications because, while it's harder to damage an exoskeleton, any non-trivial hole in it will cause bleed-out equivalent to a slice to a major artery or vein. (eg. slitting their throat)
That's not such a big deal for something like a beetle which is already using an r-selection breeding strategy (hundreds of cheap offspring with the expectation that 99% will get eaten) but it's huge problem when you're a self-aware being with a name, friends, hopes, and dreams, which pretty much necessitates a K-selection breeding strategy (a few offspring that take time to produce and raise) to avoid a dark "changelings die by the hundreds, like mosquitoes, to avoid massive overpopulation" setting.
(The only situation where an r-selection breeding strategy really works for Changelings is the stories where they have no minds of their own and are just semi-autonomous extensions of the queen's will because killing off actual characters like files is very hard to pull off without numbing the reader, which just makes your job as an author much harder.)
3. Science and implications aside, it's a problem simply because it makes changelings come across as so alien as to detract from the tone the rest of the writing so far has been establishing.
(So far, I'm getting the feeling that, while you are taking the story in a direction that merits a Dark tag, that type of alien-ness doesn't really benefit your goal, so you're left with either a neutral effect from people who do suspend disbelief or a negative one from people who don't.)
4812707 Oh for leaf's sake. I understand where you are coming from, but it's probably better to turn on suspension of disbelief, or say that a wizard did it.
This. I approve of this. I approve of everything about this, but in particular your dialog. It's all great. (And I LIKE the thing about sloshy guts.)
Alrighty, I had to pause in my readings to give you this kudos. Well done on actually having Twilight call in the heavy guns ASAP.
Well....that got dark in a hurry.....
This is some good shit here.
Great chapter. Do please keep them coming!
4812707
I suppose it depends on what Changelings are made of. In their normal form do they NEED internal organs? They feed by on emotional energy by parasitism or passive absorption(in this fix at least), which likely relieves them of the need to have a complicated internal system. They bleed, but is it blood or something entirely different?
Obviously they have lungs(at least when they want to, I guess) but beyond that? They could very well be shells filled with green goo. And what is that shell made of anyways? Is it exactly like insect chitin or is something else?
And they are very light, considering that they can fly. Or they generate anti gravity. Or something. Maybe they lighten themselves automatically the way pegasissies can.
And perhaps most important of all.. Do Changelings poop?
4812772 Personally, I think it's more likely that they do have an endoskeleton of some sort providing structural integrity. Addressing the bleeding concern, there's probably a second layer under the exoskeleton that functions basically like skin. This would both stop the bleeding concern, and act as a sort of... I want to say cushion? between the exoskeleton and the various muscles, organs, what have you.
As far as the organ sloshing goes... I admit I'm not a biologist, but would it be possible for changelings to have a fairly normal organ system supported in some kind of fluid? I mean, they DO feed on love, so it's not like they'd have a whole lot of fat or conventional connective tissues to hold everything in place.
Moving on to creatures that couldn't survive without magic, we've already seen dragons, ursas (Both minor AND major) timberwolves, and cragodiles. Dragons and ursas are shown to grow to sizes that would be too large to easily support without magic, with the added facts that dragons, despite their obvious mass, can still FLY, and ursas are transparent, showing only a star field and no internal organs in their interior. As for timberwolves and cragodiles, timberwolves are pretty obviously animated entirely by magic, and cragodiles are kind of implied, by their name and rocky exterior if nothing else, to be a similar thing. Heck, going back to the transparent bodies thing, crystal ponies don't seem to have visible organs either. And of course there's the breezies, who are explicitly stated to be unable to survive without magic. So as strange as it may seem, there's already precedents for species that evolved to be totally reliant on magic.
I'm sorry, but I'm not liking this. Frankly, you have a great idea and are driving it into the ground.
The pacing is way too fast, and the dialogue and reactions fall into cringe-worthy, or even out of character most of the time. It almost feels like you're trying to make a comedy given how everything speeds on by.
One glaring example would be with Roseluck talking to Twilight:
Uh, Twilight was made a princess by Celestia herself, who also honored Twilight for her achievements. Even if this takes place before S4 and an AU, that's like putting the world out of character. Roseluck is just serving to be a one-dimensional villain cause 'Changelings are bad!'
If you want an example of cringe-worthy:
Again, are you trying to write a comedy? If Roseluck is going to be the villain here, she's coming across as a rather silly villain in a serious story.
An example of the rushed nature would be like:
That's just a blatant tell, you're not showing me the scene. The problem was solved instantly and all the tension and suspense has vanished. In fact, most of these scenes are telling me what's going on. Another would be the 'strange pony' and nearly instantly calming down Applebloom.
Overall, you need to slow down and show us what's happening in detail. Don't blatantly tell us what's happening in one or two sentences. Otherwise, it removes a lot of the potential buildup and distress. Work on your character dialogue too, it feels unrealistic and scripted. You have some good moments like with Applebloom's initial reaction and also the other ponies reacting to the changelings, but it's so undermined by everything else.
4813200
I've actually got my own theory on that. I feel (yeah, laugh it up) that the excess emotion that a drone consumes (but doesn't use at the moment) is stored in the body as something similar to fat; a sort of internal organ cushion if you like. The gel they make their cocoons out of is created by this "fat" in a special organ, which is then stored... wherever they typically eject it from. Similar to the stomach, this storage organ can alert the brain when it has reached capacity, sending a signal to the production organ to (temporarily) cease production; thus the danger of using up too much stored emotion is lessened.
This could explain the feeling of "organ sloshing," because the newly-formed changelings don't have any emotion stored.
4813273 You've got some good, specific examples of scenes going too fast, but would you be willing to give a non-Roseluck example of dialogue that feels scripted? I think it might be useful to help me understand where you're coming from.
That... escalated quickly.
To quote 4813273 :
...I thought you were. A dark comedy, granted, but still.
And then three ponies died off-screen. That kinda killed the mood.
I mean, the situation is already "bad", it didn't have to be "irreversable/unforgivable".
Re: Lack of organs and square-cube law.
Magical. Swiss cheese. Shapeshifters.
And you're complaining that they're exoskeletal? In a world where a temper tantrum can turn Spike into a Great Wyrm AND BACK in the space of hours/minutes?
Explain how he overcomes thermodynamics without vaporizing anything, and I'll join you in exoskeletal griping.
... Dang it, I was going to write a percentage for casualties but I don't know the total number of ponies that were affected by the spell...
Regardless, Thundlane?
It hurts me when a canon pony dies. It hurts me so much.
4812707
Dude, magic.
Besides, changelings are not confirmed of having an exoskeleton. Hell, nobody even said if they're actually bugs or not.
Twilight doesn't get angry that fast :U
4812707
4812772
4813162
(And whoever else is involved in this impromptu debate).
First off, Applejack's Sloshy Guts feeling may be just that: a feeling or strange sensation with no actual bearing on the current reality of her biology. Heck, I've had days when I've felt sloshy on the inside, and I'm pretty sure that my endoskeleton had remained consistently in place the whole time...
Are there a number of things in the setting of My Little Pony that require "because - MAGIC" in order to allow them or something about them to exist? Well, yes: Magic in general, most non-avian flight in large creatures, draconic physiology in general, erovore shapeshifters, and tons of other things I'm sure.
Are any of these things, in canon, of the level that requires whatever forces are responsible for how magic functions in the world to be on the level of infant terrible? Oh you-betcha! Breazies. Draconic physiology in general. Physical gates to other planes such as Tartarus (and the fact that Ponyvill is practically right next to one). The fact that the sun and the moon require being controlled. The fact that ponies are so used to controlling the weather that they have no idea about how the natural water cycle works (really, how did weather in Equestria work before Cloudsdale existed? Because the Hearthswarming Eve episode implied that Equestria was just fine long before any ponies even arrived there to take care of it). The Tree of Harmony. Luna being banished to (and surviving by herself, without aid) the moon for a thousand years. Timber wolves. Cragodiles (even worse that timber wolves, as the creature they are replacing couldn't survive in an environment with a winter season). Hydras. Discord. TIREK!
They don't generally think too much about it in their world because they grew up with it and it's always been that way for them. We, as outsiders from a world with a different understanding of how things work, get to experience such things as fridge-logic and fridge-horror. And that's even just from speculating how things work with just the canon of the show provides us by itself! We're discussing a setting where way too many things function on a mythological level, involving causes and effects that defy the laws of physics as we know them.
As for Roseluck and her mob of followers, I know plenty of people in real life just like them. Heck, I personally knew someone who, in senior high, honestly believed that the Earth was flat and the sun literally rose and fell, and that all arguments to the contrary were political propaganda and hoaxes. I'd like to believe that she didn't graduate, but I don't have that much faith in the American school system anymore.
So changelings can't walk on clouds, but changelings disguised as pegasi can? How does that work?
4813745 Maybe they can mimic their target's magic? I dunno, I just roll with it.
4812707 4812772 Really? In a fanfic of a show that twists and breaks almost every law of reality, you're bothered by that?
4813745 4814034 I'm not using the first arc of the comics as canon for this, so several things established by them aren't present here. (For instance, the comics have some changelings that are much larger than others, but the only bigger changeling in the show is Chrysalis, so I write in chapter 4 that non-queen changelings never grow past a certain size.)
4813382 I originally wasn't going to kill off anyone, but the more I wrote about the effects of the magic, the more it strained suspension of disbelief to have nopony at all die as a result, even in a town as lucky as Ponyville. It felt like I was being dishonest about the implications of what I'd written. (My first draft of this chapter was where I finally decided this story would have a [Dark] tag.)
*applause* Great story, pacing wasn't crummy (as opposed to me), and the only faults I could see were Applejack's more comical than frightened reaction to being a changeling, and the lack of more chapters when I selfishly demand them. Also, unless there's an "Everyone Died" moment later, you may want to remove the Dark tag optionally. I personally interpret Dark as 'angsty' unless it's a grimdark.
4812798
Technically, in this case, a wizard literally did it. If by accident.
4813739
That still leaves the important question of..
Do Changelings poop?
4815030
Finally, Someone who asks the really important questions :-P
4814701 Yes, yes I am.
And before you say "suspension of disbelief"-- disbelief has limits on what it will suspend. the principle is called verisimilitude. Just the wrong fact in just the wrong place will make an entire story unravel like a cheap sweater.
4812678
That this got downvoted implies that someone thinks that nothing in this story was racist at all. I didn't think that was a thought people were actually capable of thinking.
Or maybe they objected to your FABULOUS rainbow letters.
4815030
To crib from an outside source, Digimon have DNA that is literally just 1s and 0s. ...and they poop.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-dakZnfJ4peI/T_NlV1z1MdI/AAAAAAAAGfk/6PssLlUxuwA/s320/poop001.png
I think it is safe to say that Changelings excrete waste matter as well.
4813200
I was assuming that there's some second layer. The two issues with an open circulatory system (which is still what you're describing) are:
1. At that scale, you need either a closed (non-insect-style) circulatory system to pressure-force oxygen and energy-carrying glucose deep into the organs at a rate faster than they consume it or a lot of magic... and since it's already been shown that we've got ponies who, presumably, have closed circulatory systems, reinventing the wheel to use magic enhancement instead is implausible at best.
2. Them still being more vulnerable to certain kinds of serious trauma is still something an author needs to be cautious around since readers will react more strongly to new frailties being gained (open circulatory system bleeding out) than to familiar ones being lost (adding exoskeletal armor).
In other words, even if a changeling is, on the whole, more robust than a pony, we're endoskeletal beings with closed circulatory systems, so we're used to our weaknesses and predisposed to ignoring that it's harder to hurt a shelled being of equivalent size and dwelling on how, if you do puncture their body cavity, they're more likely to have a dramatic "stay with me!" death scene.
As for other magical creatures shown in canon, I'll combine your answer with this next response...
4813739
First, 4813162 made a point that I would have made if I weren't so tired as to forget about it.
You can have sensible, purely exoskeletal changelings if, like the Taelons from Earth: Final Conflict, they're beings of pure energy (in this case, magic) with an exoskeleton of normal matter. In fact, I've read fimfics that do that quite well since it helps to explain how they feed on emotions.
You can even do something that's analogous to sloshy guts by having their bodies essentially a sack of whirling magic (useful for shapeshifting) rather than a Terminator- or Taelon-style "organ system of metal/energy covered in a fleshy shell".
The key detail is the same one as with ursas: It's comfortably believable that a magical setting could produce lifeforms with physiology that's fundamentally magical rather than fundamentally chemical.
That is, ursas and timberwolves aren't biological creatures dependent on magic, they're magical creatures mimicking biology. Just as biology is essentially chemicals that learned to reproduce, "thaumobiology" is environmental magic that has developed a mind and taken a form which mimicks biology. (Which isn't that implausible, given that the preponderance of unrelated sapient species in Equestria already hints at some intelligence-seeking bias in the world's magic that's influencing the development of species. A tendency to produce animal-like forms would make perfect sense.)
Dragons also don't pose a problem because there are perfectly valid reasons for a mundane biological creature to evolve to leverage an aspect of local physics (magic) to develop a breath weapon, grow bigger, and either retain or gain the ability to fly in the process, much like how unicorns developed horns or how crystal ponies are quite probably Earth ponies with innate "refract light" magic if you look at them from a biological standpoint.
So, in short and to answer 4813415 as well, the problem with "sloshy guts" Changelings that are made of magically-reinforced biological matter is that they're a "worst of both worlds" scenario with no really plausible origin story other than "capricious god" or "got the short end of surviving a mindless whirl of chaotic magic" while "sack of magic" changelings would make more sense in being like ursas that evolved a fleshy shell to reduce the energy requirements of maintaining a biological disguise.
Plain, boring old "sloshy guts reinforced with magic" just doesn't feel like it brings any benefit to the story when every possible reason for doing it can be achieved in a more effective way, either by making them "sack of magic" beings (if you WANT them to be really biologically alien) or by making them armadillo-like endoskeletal beings.
(Heck, there's even one story where they were biological and either endoskeletal or unspecified, but only needed water and love, which suggests that they engage in some sort of plant-like thaumosynthesis.)
4815097 Hey, if it bothers you, it bothers you. I just think it's funny that out of everything that can't be explained, two things that actually can be is what does it.
No one said their exoskeleton is made of chitin. It could be some material that doesn't exists in our world, kind of how the alicorn (the material, not the race) of a unicorn's horn doesn't.
The "sloshing" is simply a sensation; It feels like their insides are liquid. Considering there are no bones holding them as firmly as ours do, that makes sense.
4815151
What I was trying (and obviously failing) to imply with the first, joking part of my response, was that Applejack's "sloshy guts" feeling may have more to do with the contents of her digestive system having become liquefied rather than her internal biology as a whole. Thus feeling like her innards are sloshy and moving around freely when it may actually be a sign that she's going to be racing to the outhouse later and cursing the whoever the pony equivalent of Montezuma is. Especially if her existing digestive system has become simplified in any way by becoming a partial or complete emotivore.
Personally, I favor the changlings having a dual skeletal system, with the outer chitin being a partial shell layer with hard, thick areas for protection and added leverage, and softer thinner areas for flexibility and thermal regulation. And I would prefer them to have a coherent internal organ system rather than read about one cracking open and spilling their contents out like a broken egg.
That said, the natural laws of the canon pony world be pretty damn strange enough to chalk it up being set up by bored and capricious gods...
4815094
Considering that regular changlings presumably eat nothing but love whenever they get the chance, odds are that they poop hipster aloofness...
4815289
Go ahead. I don't mind and, since I've seen at least two people come up with the idea independently, it's clearly in that "creative enough to be a good idea but wouldn't merit a patent if it were an invention" sweet spot.
Heck, I considered it obvious enough (to a careful exploration by a logical mind) that I didn't even bother putting it in my "ideas for others to use if they credit me" bin.
(Permalinks in that are a bit unreliable at the moment so, if you decide to check it out and you only see the Welcome page, expand "by series" in the sidebar and pick "MLP:FiM")
4815339
I'm not 100% sure I follow. Do you intend that the "sloshy guts" feeling is actually just constrained to her stomach or that changelings use liquefied love in place of interstitial fluid so that their entire body cavity functions as a cross between a stomach and a fat reserve?
4815151
Fair enough, and I'm game for the "magic on the inside, hard candy shell on the outside" explanation. :)
My point was just that, fercryin'outloud, we've got Spike shedding PROBABLY LITERAL TONS OF MATTER in the space of seconds without going nova from the energy release. If Changelings want to have bits and pieces that are a little more "loose" than ours (after all - sloshy doesn't necessarily mean free-floating, just free-er floating), I'm okay with that.
4815366
Contents. As in the liquefied remnants of what may now be undigestible food.
4814763
I haven't read the comics at all, so I'm not referring to anything that might have happened in there. I just think it's odd that Fluttershy, Thunderlane, and any other pegasi-turned changelings could walk on clouds before, but can't now.
Matbe the problem is just that it's not clear exactly what the spell did. I thought it basically just stripped changeling disguises away, but did it actually take the small bit of changeling DNA in the ponies and amplify it enough to override their pony DNA?
4812707
Actually, the 'sloshy guts' could simply be the magic sloshing around in its new container shape, not their literal innards.
As for the exoskeleton... well, the largest thing with an exoskeleton was around eleven feet long and five feet tall, but that was a marine scorpion that never left the water. Largest land-based exoskeleton discovered was only about a foot and a half long, and it's suspected there was purposeful gas buildups during its development to allow it to move and fly, though it's been extinct longer than dinosaurs have had bones to fossilize.
4815553
I think it might be a case of their magic rewiring for their new shapes; they aren't accustomed to the different magic flow and can't use it to stay up on the clouds. This is pure speculation, however.
4815366
Hmm... that could actually work, though that would make them more akin to grown golems than actual living creatures. Which fits some continuities, but not so much here, I think.
4816006
How so?
4815151 4813200 As much as I agree with you guys, did some double checking and dragons can live without magical aid. They can fly and breath fire from the gasses they produce from digestion. The only magic they can use is for combat only. Source: the book called Dragonology.
4814763 I can't say I am much of a fan of the sudden shift to GRIMDARK. I mean, the misc. injuries was already pretty dark on top of the whole Changlingified deal, the straight-up deaths seemed a bit over-the-top to me, especially considering how in-show the ponies of Ponyville tend to be very lucky. Heck, their luck was even mentioned earlier on in the chapter and I took that to mean that nobody actually died but then that all got unexpectedly (and very much unwelcomely, in my opinion) thrown out.
Also, you killed off Thunderlane of all ponies... He's got a little brother.
I was very much enjoying the story up until that point, but that enjoyment pretty much died along with the ponies.
I know it is a long shot, but I'm kind of hoping you retcon this chapter a little bit. As I said, it is already pretty dark as it is and goes quite a bit what we have seen in the show. It just seems suddenly and unnecessarily GRIMDARK to me... Again, I know I'm probably wasting my breath here but I'd just like to ask you to reconsider that one part of this chapter.
4813332
By 'scripted,' I mean it feels like going through the motions and/or the typical response that doesn't really add anything to the character, worst case take away from the character. It may be part of the character, but at the same time it could feel bare bones or just awkward depending on the situation.
Here are a few examples:
While Scootaloo is all about being cool, is this really the best time for her to say that? Combined with how quick it comes, it feels like a checklist of reactions to go through rather than easing into them. If she perhaps thinks inwardly that he was cool, but shook it off because of the seriousness of the situation, then it would be fine.
There's also the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders X!' line. Again, this may be a part of them (which actually hasn't been that pronounce in the later seasons), but is it really the appropriate time? Given how quick Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo just go along with it with their 'yays,' it feels awkward and once again, only feels like making sure you go through the motion to get going. Perhaps if Applebloom was hesistant to do anything because she still couldn't accept who she was, then would be the time for Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to step in and channel the 'Crusader Bond.' This would lead to Applebloom declaring they'll do what it takes to help (in their CMC fashion).
An example where you do it right would be:
You showed me Applejack's relatively calm and down to earth nature. How she can make conclusions, showing some desperation, and being brutally honest.
However what follows:
Bing, bang, boom; done and done. Twilight may be dedicated to her friends, but there's more than that. She's nervous and over-analytical even as a princess. This is a bare bone reaction that, on paper is Twilight in the end, doesn't feel like her in execution. This is another reason why I say 'scripted' specifically: good/right on paper, awkward in execution. That may sound weird considering this is a written story, but try reading out your lines and dialogue out loud as you look over. As we write it may sound fine in our head, but when you look back and read over things; we tend to (at least in my experience) find things that make us go 'oh, why did I think that was good,' or 'okay, that was just silly of me.'
The best thing you can do is read it over once the chapter is done, and go out of your way to try and criticize yourself. If you think something can be done better, perhaps you could/should. However, make sure the piece still fits in with the overall story. In this case, the awkwardness is leaving to a supposed dark/serious story coming across as more random and jumpy. You mentioned death of some ponies, even showed us many injured. But then you turn around and show us a sugar-rushed Spike. It doesn't feel so much as a breather from the serious stuff as it is stepping into a new area entirely.
You can definitely make this work. My advice is to stop, take a deep breath, look over everything you have so far, and try to slow it down.
On a side note: I don't exactly agree with your headcanon that Changelings can't interact with clouds; for reasons of canon evidence. May the Best Pet Win! (during the Find a Pet song) showed us that apparently that if anything in Equestria has wings, it can perch itself on a cloud. Two of the pets involved were a butterfly and a wasp- both insects.
4816177
Their insides could be a thick, gelatinous mass of storage gel, given an arcane charge like a conductive gel, with a 'chitin' shell keeping it more or less int he right shape. They wouldn't be strictly living, no more than an elemental or nature spirit would be, but they could grow or be grown.
I don't think that would fit with this particular story, but it could work as an explanation in another story.
In this case, I think it's likely just the sensation 'loose' magic feels like when it's not properly contained. Since each of the ponies are used to the normal magic flows they have from being earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, the new, looser arrangement of magical storage feels like their insides are sloshing. The changeling magic structure is more fluid to allow for easier transition to other magic shapes, an adaptation that makes it harder for them to be noticed by casual scanning.
Yes. Fight that mob mentality! (Though I have to wonder why she's even there?)
T (FN)
XD! Spike!
The Changelings being unable to stand on clouds does seem slightly odd, I would have just said they were flying and collapsed from the pain. Maybe some of them fell through clouds on the way down, but that was because of how fast they were falling. I don't see why so many people are hung up about the sloshy insides; this is a fanfic for a show where there are bears made out of stars and Scandinavian fairies. There are a few nitpicks I could make but someone else is already doing that, so I'll just say I'm enjoying the story quite a bit.
4813332
I didn't feel that dialogue felt particularly scripted, except for Roseluck's awful rhyming: if she had managed to organize a mob, then she would have either been rhyming good, or would have been tossing chants without care if they rhymed. After all, remember that it is about keeping up the momentum.
4812707
I was assuming that the whole "sloshy guts" feeling was less her insides being sloshy and more that she is extremely unused to the feeling of not having an endoskeleton. Remember, people are fallible.