Chapter Eight
Applejack stood and stared at two ponies she knew either as Jonathan and Martha Apple, or Ma and Pa. They stared back at her, the silence dragging out for a minute or so before Martha held up a foreleg and pointed it at Applejack. “Dearie, are you all right? You seem a bit in shock.” She looked to Fluttershy. “Is she all right?”
Applejack's muzzle quivered slightly. “It can't be you,” she whispered. “It's no-not possible. You're not here. You can't be here.”
Jonathan looked to Fluttershy. “Excuse me, Miss Fluttershy? Is Applejack here all right?”
Any response was cut off when Applejack surged forward and wrapped her forelegs around Jonathan and Martha's neck, hugging them tightly. Tears streamed down her eyes.
Martha slowly reached over and gently patted Applejack on her withers. “There, there. It's all right, sugarcube.” She chuckled nervously as Applejack hung on, still crying. “it really is all right. Y-you can let go, now.”
Trixie leaned in close to Fluttershy. “What happened in your Ponyville?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Fluttershy swallowed and ducked her head down, letting her wings fold out over it. “W-well, a few years ago, there was a bad flood i-in Ponyville. I-it hit close to Sweet Apple Acres, you see.”
Jonathan scrunched his forehead. “Well, nothin' like that's happened 'round these parts since the Tyrant Filly took Celestia's powers.” His expression fell and he looked to Applejack, still hugging him and Martha. “Wait a tick, here. This is making a bit more sense and I'm not liking it exactly. I even hesitate to ask, but in your Equestria, are Martha and I... well, are we dead?”
Applejack swallowed and hugged the pair tighter, bringing them as close to her as she could.
Martha sucked in a breath, then looked towards the others standing there. “Ah, Trixie, would you mind taking Fluttershy inside to help out in there with... something?”
Trixie nodded. “Sure thing, Martha.” She placed a hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder and led her up the porch. She stopped at the door's threshold and looked back. “Applejack?”
Both Applejacks looked to Trixie. “Yeah?” they both said, before looking to each other in a mixture of shock and embarrassment.
Trixie rolled her eyes before looking to 'her' Applejack. “Okay... Jacqueline? Will you meet us inside later?”
Jacqueline paused for a moment. She tilted her head from side to side before she nodded to Trixie. “Yes, that should work. I'll see you inside.” She walked down the porch and up to Applejack. She waited for Big Mac to sidle up to her before speaking. “Applejack?” She placed a hoof on one of Applejack's forelegs and gently slid it off from around Jonathan's neck.
Big Macintosh mirrored his sister's movements, freeing his mother from Applejack's hug.
Applejack swallowed and hung her head low. “I-I am so sorry 'bout that.” She chuckled nervously and pushed her hat down low over her eyes. “I ain't got no excuse for my actions, there. I acted like a dang-burned foal towards you.”
Martha slowly shook her head. “Well, I'm not gonna say that was exactly expected, then again there's a lot that ain't exactly been expected over the past few years.” She reached out and gently rubbed Applejack's cheek. “No need to cry, sugarcube.”
Applejack sniffled and her body shuddered slightly. “Yeah, you're right.” She cleared her throat and blew out a breath. “Now, as I was sayin' earlier.” She looked up, staring slightly askance at the two ponies before her. “We're heading to Canterlot later on and restoring Celestia to her rightful place, but right now, if there's anything you need help with 'round here, we'll lend you a hoof.”
Jacqueline arched an eyebrow. “That's an odd order of priorities. Shouldn't you deal with the Tyrant Filly, first? The land is dying by inches every second you're not there.”
Applejack slowly turned to face her counterpart, chuckling nervously. “W-well, let's just say Nightmare Moon needs a bit of talking to at the moment, you know? She needs a bit o' the lay of the land, so to speak. She took a thousand-year nap, least she did where I come from.” She glanced to Big Mac before focusing on Jonathan and Martha. “So if there's anything Fluttershy and I can do to help, just ask. We've both got four good hooves ready to kick apple trees! Or anything else, really.”
A sudden gust blew through, causing everyone to shiver. Jonathan and Martha walked around the porch and glanced at the orchard extending out behind and beyond the main house. “Looks like there's not enough for kickin',” Jonathan said, his expression downcast.
Martha leaned in close to Jonathan before turning around, but she gasped as Applejack was standing right behind her, leaning in close. She stumbled back, landing on her backside.
Applejack craned her head and neck forward. “So, no applebucking? You sure?”
Jacqueline trotted forward and slid herself between Applejack and Martha. “Mother is sure,” she said, her tone cool.
Applejack swallowed and bowed her head, letting her hat slide down to shadow her eyes. “Sorry.”
Martha groaned slightly as Jonathan helped her back to her hooves. “I-it's all right,” she said. “No harm, no foul here. Jus' a little surprised is all.” She dusted herself off. “Now, Applejack, Jonathan and I have to take a tour around the perimeter and check on guards and patrols.” She looked to the sky. “There's been reports o' raiders moving in from Cloudsdale and we've gotta be careful.”
Applejack's mouth dropped open. “'Raiders'? F-from Cloudsdale? What the hay? No, how the hay does that work?”
Jacqueline regarded her. “With the breakdown of the central government, among other things, a lot of ponies have struck out for themselves. Cloudsdale's one of the biggest, and they've gotten bolder with every raid.”
Applejack snorted. “Ah, hayseeds! This is that time when ponies should stick together, not break apart!”
Big Mac trotted up to Applejack. “Times are tough, here. Ponyville itself is barely able to take care of its own. There's even rumors of worse happenin' elsewhere.”
Applejack shook her head. “That's precisely why you all gotta stick together, like caramel to an apple!” She held a foreleg out and swept it around. “There's nothin' a little talkin' can't settle, especially with your fellow pony. Just sit 'em down and–“
“It's rather difficult when the pegasi are darting about trying to steal all that's keeping you alive for themselves,” Jacqueline said. She glanced at the ink-blue sky. “Mother, Father, we're burning what very little daylight we have left. Applejack, I don't wish to be seen as rude, but we all have a lot of things to do at the moment and very little time to accomplish them in. We all appreciate your offer of assistance, but we don't have time to... to dilly-dally.”
Martha gasped. She marched right up to Jacqueline, her expression darkening with each step.“Now, see here! That is no way to talk to one o' your kin, even if she's not from 'round here. She and Fluttershy offered their hooves for help, and it'd be mite snooty and short-sighted of us to turn them down.”
Jacqueline leaned back slightly, barely able to meet her mother's glare. “I-I didn't mean it like that, Mother! I do appreciate her offer. But we also don't have time to waste either. We both know the truth of that.”
Jonathan rolled his eyes to the sky and shook his head. “Celestia's sake, not again,” he muttered, even as his wife and daughter continued to glare at each other.
Applejack trotted up to his side and leaned in close. “They... do this often?”
Jonathan shrugged. “It can flare up from time to time. Most often they get along, but every so often bees just get into their bonnet and buzz around. Not sure when it started, but it's gotten a mite bit worse over the past few weeks.” He strode forward, pushing in between the two mares. “All right, all right! Settle down you two. Again.”
Applejack slowly shook her head as Big Mac walked up to her. “B-but, it's her ma! Why'd she be arguin' with her at all?”
Big Mac quirked an eyebrow at her. “You didn't argue with your own mother before she...” He suddenly nodded. “Ah, right.” He strode up to Jacqueline and nudged her away from Jonathan and Martha. “Come on, now. We got work to do, like you said. Inside, little lady. Inside now!” He walked with Jacqueline past Applejack, but stopped. “Listen, you said Nightmare Moon needs a 'lay of the land', right? I think Jacqueline's forecasts can give you a good report for her to read.”
Applejack's eyes widened. She looked from Big Mac to the counterparts to her parents, then back to Big Mac. “Well, I don't know...” She scratched the back of her head, rustling her cloak's hood. “Never been very good with fancy mathematics, you see.”
Big Mac stopped right in his tracks. He turned and stared at Applejack, then turned to Jacqueline before looking back at Applejack. “You-you sure 'bout that?” he asked, jaw working a bit.
Applejack shrugged. “I usually left all that to you. O-or rather, the 'you' from where I'm from.” Her brow furrowed and her eyes crossed slightly. “Dang it, this is never gonna be easy to keep straight.”
Jacqueline chuckled lowly. She turned to the main house, but paused and motioned to Applejack. “Well, there's one way to tell us apart, then. Still, you might as well come along for the forecasts anyway. There's not much that's complex about failing crops.” Her expression darkened at the last words, and she walked up and into the house, Big Mac following.
Applejack trotted over to Jonathan and Martha. Her eyes darted back and forth between the two. “I wish I could go with you two, but Nightmare Moon needs this info.” She looked down at the ground and kicked it. “I know you're not my parents back home, and I'm sorry for how I acted towards you earlier. I just–“
Jonathan spoke up. “No worries. You're an Apple. You're family, no matter what. And when you and your friends settle things in Canterlot, stop by again, okay? We can talk a bit better then.”
Applejack's eyes shone. She ducked her head low and composed herself before speaking. “Much obliged,” she choked out. She backed up, turned and headed into the house.
Fluttershy and Trixie walked through the living room, passing by several ponies and even two donkeys. Fluttershy nodded to several of them and waved, but she was met with cold glares and even some hoof-dragging across a hardwood floor. She shrank down, letting her mane and hood cover her head.
Trixie looked to her as they walked into the kitchen. “You'll have to forgive them. Strangers not wanting to steal our food and supplies is something of a rarity, and I'm not talking about our defense coordinator.” She suddenly paused. “Wait, do you know anyone named 'Rarity Belle' in your Ponyville?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Oh, yes! A-although in my Ponyville, she's a fashion designer.” She rubbed her chin. “Although your Rarity's saddlebags were a bit brighter than everyone else's.”
A chuckle escaped Trixie as her horn glowed and she opened several cupboards. A burner on a gas stove suddenly ignited below a tea kettle as cups, saucers and teabags floated out and about. “She hides it as well as she can, but not being able to go into the fashion industry kills her inside every day.” Her expression fell. “Sometimes late at night she gets into the cider a bit much while over here visiting Applejack. She goes on about not being able to follow her dream of opening up a clothing shop, and you don't know if you wanna slug her or hug her.” She looked to Fluttershy. “She's not the only one who's had to shelve their dreams because of this endless twilight.” She suddenly held up a hoof. “Pun not intended.”
Fluttershy nodded as she took a seat at the kitchen table, Trixie following suit and floating over a couple of cups of tea. Fluttershy slipped a foreleg into the handle, took a tentative sip, then a larger one. “Thank you, Trixie. So, how did you end up here? I-if you don't mind me asking, that is.”
Trixie glanced at the door leading to the living room, then looked to Fluttershy and slumped down in her chair. “Well, it was in Manehattan. I had run from Canterlot almost without stopping and, through a series of convoluted incidents, found myself living with Applejack and her Aunt and Uncle Orange in their hotel. I won't elaborate on why I ran off or how I ended up here and – what? What is it?”
Fluttershy covered her mouth, but it did little to hide several small chuckles. She shrank back a bit, cheeks colored a pale pink. “O-oh, sorry. It's just we met you back in our Ponyville, or our own version of you, which is not to say you're not just a Trixie but...” She sighed and shook her head. “Boy, this really is hard to put into words.”
Trixie waved her off. “It's all right. I'm guessing 'your' Trixie would elaborate, weave some grand tale about her exploits?” At Fluttershy's small nod she slumped down. A bottle of hard cider floated out of a drawer and landed on the table. “Perchance to dream of what might have been.” She uncorked the bottle and took a swift belt from it, shuddering slightly.
The two sat in silence for a bit, several other residents coming and going around them. Fluttershy suddenly slid off her chair, floated over to Trixie's side and draped a wing over her. Trixie startled slightly, but remained sitting. “You know, I'd love to hear some of what happened to you, at least. If you're up for it.”
Trixie's face scrunched in concentration as Fluttershy went back to her chair. Her horn lit up and a hazy cloud of magic formed above the pair. Several other ponies and the donkeys walked in, stopping and looking up. “Watch in... in... amazement, Fluttershy, as I regale you the tale of the last pony to see the Tyrant Filly before she usurped the powers of the Princess!” She suddenly hopped onto the table and thrust her forelegs up. “Behold!”
"Would you like to be Trixie's friend?" she had asked, excitement in the undercurrents of her voice.
Twilight Sparkle turned her head and smiled as the exam proctors called her. "I'll answer you after the exam!"
Trixie bounced up and down in excitement. She was going to finally have a friend!
Then, the Sun stilled. When things had calmed down, rampant curiosity had brought Trixie into the Exam Room.
That Filly had turned her incandescent eyes on Trixie. "I'm sorry, but can you tell Trixie I'm going to be too busy to be her friend for a while? I want to, but I need to fix this."
“... I ran, straight out of the School for Gifted Unicorns and as far away from Canterlot as possible. I had no family even then, so there was nothing holding me there. Fortunately Equestria was still... Equestria, so I was able to find shelter on my journey. But by the time I reached Manehattan, things had begun to grow dim for Equestria, like the sky overhead.”
Several others had gathered around Fluttershy, watching Trixie as she painted the air with ethereal images of her travels. She looked down at the crowd, gasping slightly. “You're all listening to me?”
A stallion that Fluttershy recognized as Caramel spoke up. “Hay yeah, Trixie! I never knew you had a talent for this, I tell you! Keep on going!” The others around cheered, waving their hats in the air.
Trixie motioned to him and opened her mouth, but the slam of the front door, as well as Jacqueline and Big Mac marching through the kitchen, interrupted her. “I cannot believe she's me, even some alternate version,” Jacqueline said, growling. “I know I was not exactly the most sophisticated pony before Manehattan, but even so!”
Big Mac rolled his eyes, but stopped as his gaze fell on Trixie, still on the table. “Trixie, you might wanna be careful. I haven't gotten 'round to fixing the wobble on one of the legs.”
Jacqueline's right eyebrow arched. “And what were you doing up there?”
Trixie slid back down to the floor. “Telling a story,” she said, grinning slightly. “Fluttershy asked me about Canterlot, so I told her. And others as well.” She rose to her hind legs and bowed. “Thank you all for listening!”
Jacqueline walked into the crowd and waved a foreleg around. “As amusing as this sounds, we all have important tasks to do before the end of the day. Now go on, everyone.”
The audience grumbled slightly, but went about their previous business, leaving the kitchen.
Trixie dropped back to all fours. “Well, I think it did some good.” She rubbed her chin. “I wonder if I should try to improve the images, or work on the vocals instead. “ She looked to Fluttershy, still sitting at the table. “What do you think? How did your Trixie handle things?”
Fluttershy's head seemed to shrink behind her mane and hood. “O-oh, she m-mixed things u-up a bit. Admittedly I didn't see m-much of her act.” She suddenly stood up and walked to Jacqueline. “H-how did things g-g-go with Applejack? Is she outside with her – I mean your parents?”
Jacqueline nickered slightly. “She should be along soon, though Celestia knows if she'll be able to follow what I say.”
Big Mac grunted and 'gently' nudged her, sending Jacqueline stumbling slightly. “I think she can follow it pretty well.” He looked to Trixie, suddenly grinning. “You'll be all right with Fluttershy for a bit longer, schmoopie-doo?”
Trixie cantered over and kissed Big Mac. “I think we can manage for the time-being. Now go on and make sure things don't go pear-shaped.” She stepped back, smiling as Big Mac and Jacqueline turned and walked up a staircase to the second floor. She turned, stopping as she saw Fluttershy staring right at her. “What?”
Fluttershy suddenly blinked and shook her head. “What? Oh, sorry! That just took me a bit by surprise.” She leaned forward, wings spreading out slightly. “You and Big Macintosh?You're each other's special somepony?”
Trixie smiled and her eyes sparkled. “He swept me off my hooves, the smooth-talker. Three years next month.” She looked down to the floor. “Even in all this, there's a little bit of happiness.” She glanced up at Fluttershy. “Can you really fix the sun?”
Fluttershy's brow scrunched. She hopped up, punched the air and spun about. “Don't worry, Trixie! We'll fix things in Canterlot!”
Trixie's expression brightened. “When you come back, tell me about it. The... something-something Trixie will spread your tale far and wide!”
Applejack walked in. She stopped by the threshold and slid her hat off, but put it back on. “No hat rack,” she muttered. She looked to the pair. “So where'd Big Mac and tha other me go off to?”
Trixie pointed to the staircase. “Second door on the left is Jacqueline's room. You can't miss the big orange on it.”
Applejack's right eyebrow rose. “Say, what? Don't she have no pride in bein' an Apple?” She grunted before trotting up the stairs, leaving Trixie and Fluttershy below.
Trixie's mouth dropped in shock. “I hope she doesn't say anything like that upstairs!”
Fluttershy walked to her side. “Well, my Applejack is very proud of being an Apple. Is yours not so proud?”
Trixie hesitated for a moment before shrugging, her cape fluttering slightly against her body. “It's complicated. Ooh, I'll tell you about it while I do maintenance and repair out in the barn!” She walked out of the kitchen, Fluttershy following as she made her way to the front door. “I can work a bit on my stage name, too. I haven't given that any thought in years.”
Applejack walked up the stairs, quickly spotting the door and knocking on it. Jacqueline's muffled voice bade her to enter and she pushed it open, walking in. She looked around the room, noting how clean and organized it was. A bed, dresser and desk, all oak, dominated the room, several pictures of a younger Jacqueline, Trixie and Aunt and Uncle Orange on the dresser. Jacqueline and Big Mac were at the desk, a pair of glasses on Jacqueline's muzzle that had Applejack thinking of her Rarity. “Sorry I'm late.” She walked up to Big Mac's side and looked down at several unrolled scrolls on the desk. She twisted her head around and narrowed her eyes. “So... what am I lookin' at?”
Jacqueline glanced up from her reading. “It's our crop yields over the past year and projections for coming seasons. Our predictions are rather dire at the moment.”
Applejack looked up and rolled her eyes. “Well, anyone could've figured that out jus' by looking at the trees and the land. The lack of sun and warmth's killing them, and we're starvin' 'cause of it. Not much more to say, is there.”
Jacqueline eyed her counterpart down her muzzle. “That is the bare facts, Applejack. There's a lot more to it than 'lack o' sun',” she said, the last words drawled out. “Both Mayor Mare and Nightmare Moon will need as concise and comprehensive a report as possible, for both long and short term planning. Even when the sun comes back, there's going to be a lot of work ahead for us.” She looked to Big Mac. “Make sure not to get these mixed up.”
Big Mac rolled his eyes, “You trip over a log one time and I've never heard that end o' it.”
Jacqueline chuckled slightly, then turned back to Applejack, her expression darkening. “I'm quite surprised you haven't learned the value of detailed reports. Do you run Sweet Apple Acres back in your Ponyville?”
Applejack tilted her head from side to side. “Well, I never did get much into the fancy mathematics much. Truth be told Big Mac is more the stallion behind that scenes where I come from.”
Jacqueline opened her mouth, but hesitated for a moment. She slowly shook her head. “I... how? In your Ponyville, Mother and Father – “
“Ma and Pa.”
Jacqueline blinked, but nickered slightly. “'Ma and Pa', as you put it, have passed on. How much responsibility do you have, there? Granny Smith's retired in our Sweet Apple Acres, but does she still run things there? How could you not have learned the ins and outs of business practices and the need for detailed information? Those were some of the first lessons taught to me by Auntie and Uncle, and I took them to heart!”
Applejack snorted. “Aunt and Uncle Orange, from Manehattan? You went there, too? Ah, no wonder you're so high-falutin' and wearing them fancy duds. You stay there a while after the sonic rainboom, I'm guessin'?”
Big Mac slapped a hoof against his forehead. “Ah, dang, that ain't good,” he muttered.
Jacqueline's eyes narrowed as the temperature in the room suddenly plunged. “I... went there, yes. And when the sun stilled, I remained for a while. What else was I to do at the moment?”
Applejack shrugged. “Go be with your family, maybe?”
Jacqueline's jaw wavered for a moment. She leaned forward, planting both fore hooves on her desk and glaring at Applejack. “W-what precisely do you consider Aunt and Uncle Orange to be, then, strangers who just happen to be your mother's sister and brother-in-law?”
Applejack backed up a bit as Jacqueline slid off her chair and stalked over to her. She held up a foreleg. “N-now wait just a dang-burned minute, here! I got nothin' against Auntie and Uncle Orange back where I come from! They took me in when I ran away from home. It's just they were a bit too frou-frouy for me!”
Jacqueline peeled her upper lip back, exposing her teeth. “Oh, I see! That's all they did for you? All they did was take in someone who ran away from home, gave them almost no warning she was coming, let her stay with free room and board and tried to teach her how to act all properly! But I guess being 'frou-frouy' is an unpardonable sin for you!”
Applejack glared right back and leaned forward, butting foreheads with Jacqueline. “Now hold on, missy! I didn't say nothing' like that! You're right, they took me in and for that I'm forever grateful, but Aunt Orange was way too different and too changed from what she was 'fore she moved to Manehattan and married that Orange fellow. She wasn't no Apple no more.”
Jacqueline stared at Applejack. “She... she wasn't...” She suddenly leaned back, letting Applejack stumble forward before slapping her counterpart right across the muzzle. “How DARE you say that about her! She and Uncle Orange were wonderful ponies and wonderful family! They took me in, took Trixie in and helped out Celestia knows how many others!”
Big Mac suddenly slid between the two, thrusting his forelegs out. “Okay, simmer down, you hear!”
Applejack slowly turned back to face Jacqueline, a hoof rubbing an already-forming bruise on her nose. She ignored Big Mac, snarled and stomped the floor. “Then why ain't you back there in the big city, huh? Why ain't you there instead of here?”
Jacqueline's eyes lost focus for a moment. “Do you think I'm here in Ponyville because I want to be? Do you think Trixie and I would've left Aunt and Uncle Orange if we had a damned choice in the matter? Did you fail to notice how I said they 'were' wonderful ponies?”
Applejack's eyes widened as the implication hit her. She backed up slightly. “T-they're... dead?” She looked to the floor, sliding her hat off her head and placing it over her chest. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.”
Jacqueline's body heaved slightly. Her gaze drifted down to a point in space somewhere past Applejack and Big Mac. “Things got bad, real bad. The Royal Guard was called in, but rioting broke out in the Broncos. It spread throughout the city, and quickly reached A-Aunt and U-u-Uncle's hotel..."
“How full is the carriage?”
“We got room for the two fillies, but that's it!”
“Take them, then. Please!”
Jacqueline and Trixie looked around at everyone galloping about, their ears folded against their skulls because of the din. Jacqueline reached up and tugged on Aunt Orange's sleeve. “Auntie, what's going on? Is it the bad ponies?”
A pair of forelegs suddenly scooped her up and deposited her into the carriage interior, Trixie following. She squirmed about a bit, pushing against other ponies before sticking her head out the window. “Auntie! Uncle!” she cried out.
Aunt Orange walked up to the carriage and gently touched first Jacqueline's hoof, then Trixie's. “Make your way to Ponyville. You'll find family, there. Talk to Granny Smith and Martha Apple. They'll help you two out.” She suddenly reached back, slid a pin off of her mane and hoofed it to Jacqueline. “Take care of each other, and remember. We love you.”
The carriage started rolling, carrying Jacqueline and Trixie off and out of Manehattan. The two called out to Aunt and Uncle Orange, not quite understanding what was going on.
“We kept on going, eventually reaching Hoofington. Trixie and I wandered a bit before coming upon Sweet Apple Acres. I wrote Aunt Orange dozens of times, but the riots took their toll. I haven't gotten anything back, and I don't think I ever will.”
Applejack swallowed, her cheeks burning scarlet. “Aunt and Uncle Orange, Ma and Pa. I am a dang-burned fool, and I'm sorry for what I said earlier. That was wrong o' me.”
The corners of Jacqueline's mouth turned upward, slowly and slightly. “And I apologize for treating you like I did. I had missed that you and I share the same pain, the pain of losing two people that you looked up to and guided your formative years. Mother and Father for you, Aunt and Uncle Orange for me.” She looked up to Applejack. “After you've saved Celestia and after... talking to Mother and Father, could you do something when you return to your home?”
Applejack nodded. “I think I got a hankerin' on what you want me to do. Write to Aunt and Uncle Orange?” At Jacqueline's short nod Applejack, placed a hoof over her heart. “I swear to you, Jacqueline. I'll write them.”
Big Mac looked from one to the other before lowering his forelegs and sighing. “Great we got that settled.” He turned to the desk, scooped up several scrolls into his saddlebags and then cantered to Applejack's side. “Ready to head back to Ponyville?”
Applejack chuckled slightly. “Ah, heck. And I didn't even get to help y'all out any.”
Big Mac looked to Jacqueline, who was visibly more relaxed than mere moments ago. “Not too sure 'bout that.”
The three were startled by a sudden banging from the wall. Jacqueline glanced to a window and gasped at the sight of a blue pegasus banging against the reinforced glass. “Sweet Celestia above, it's a pegasus raider!”
Applejack arched an eyebrow. “What? Aw, hay no! That's my friend Rainbow Dash!” She walked up to the window and placed her hooves against the frame, but the window stayed shut. Applejack grunted and groaned as she tried – and failed – to open the window. “Land's sakes,” she said, looking up at the top of the sill. “It's locked. I guess Apple Bloom's right when she calls me a silly pony.” She reached up, undid the lock and heaved the window open.
Rainbow Dash flew in, flapping her wings and sending her cloak billowing out. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh this is bad and I mean bad!” She suddenly stopped and looked from Applejack to Jacqueline. Her right eyebrow arched. She opened her mouth, but suddenly waved a hoof in the air. “Nah, no time.”
Applejack let out a sigh. “Dash, for that you get two barrels o' cider first day next cider season!”
Jacqueline's eyes darted back and forth. “For what?”
Rainbow Dash pumped a foreleg in the air. “All right!” she cheered, her expression turning jolly for a moment before she settled back into being serious. “Okay, bad news time! There's a cloud formation heading this way, along with a lot of pegasi armed and armored up. They're about a half-hour behind me, if that.”
Jacqueline whinnied and stomped the floor. “Raiders!” she gasped out. She looked to Big Mac. “Sound the alarm and shoot off the fireworks!”
Big Mac nodded before turning off and galloping out the door.
Applejack sucked in a breath as Jacqueline closed and locked the window. “Raiders? Like what y'all were talkin' 'bout beforehoof?”
Jacqueline nodded. She turned and faced Applejack, her expression grim. “It appears their desperation or boldness have beaten out their fear of the Tyrant Filly and the Royal Guard. I'm sorry to say, Applejack, but you and your companions are about to get an object lesson on how bad things really have gotten here.”
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Now, count up your typos!
Capitalization is needed.
You misspelled Celestia.
Well, I guess this chapter is an object lesson in how the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Jonathan and Martha (I'm guessing you got those names from Superman) may still be alive, but Jacqueline has apparently lost her Aunt and Uncle Orange.
Still, Big Macintosh and Trixie...the only other place I've seen that is in Wanderer D's The Empty Room, and that was a whole different set of circumstances.
Raiders incoming! I wonder if we'll get to see a Mirror Match between the two Rainbow Dashes?
Haha, you don't even know how jarring it was to see Trixie and Big Mac together after reading the Lunaverse for so long. But still, I like it as just another sign of how different things are here. I'm really curious as to this universe's Rarity is as the town defense coordinator.
Yay an update :)
Update... will read soon.
It LIVES! Muahahahahaha!
...ahem...
5951964
Well, she does have an eye for details.
5951907
That, or Lightning Dust. ...actually, Dash vs her dark Mirror, and Lightning Dust sounds like an interesting sight.
5952625 Or, Dash vs Dust, and Fluttershy vs Mirror Dash. Can you imagine how Mirror Dash would react?
A very welcome update
Will Alicorns be used to curb stomp that ill-fated raid I wonder?
PS.
Small suggestion (I looked at Friend of Bronies' quote)
Stylistic choice: a pegasus raider
But this probably can/goes under Apple's velnacuar (though this is Jacqueline sentence, she might not count - filthy Orange ;) ) like
where you had been using "There are" everywhere else.
Finally, this was updated.
This was definitely an emotionally driven chapter.
She looked Fluttershy. “Is she all right?”
I wrote Aunt Orange dozens of times
“ Aunt and Uncle Orange, Ma and Pa
I swear tah yah, Jacqueline. I'll write them
1. I think you meant; She looked to Fluttershy. Unless you secretly meant that she looked like Fluttershy
2. Err... I'm not entirely sure on the usage here but I normally use: "I wrote to etc." unless this is some sort of uncommon rule that I'm aware of.
3. Extra spacing at the start.
4. Same as 2.
Obligatory it lives comment? Done by someone else.
Praise be the author for gracing us with their non-implied tyranical presence? Questionable
Other constructive comment? Absent, sadly.
5953200 "I wrote them" and "I'll write them" are perfectly fine.
well, let's hope that they can come up with a way to have Nightmare not go for the throat when the Raiders show up. A little reminder that she will need Pegasi in the future to rule and all. Luckily Luna is there to be the voice of reason, yep!
I see.
I see.
Yes, is that so hard to believe?
Huh. Well. TrixieMac. That's a new one.
Try Great and Powerful.
Oh boy.
Thank you.
Were, oh, oh! Oh, wow, I, I, my condolences.
You ARE a silly pony.
For focusing on the priorities.
Nice exploration of Jaqueline. I hope those farmers have crossbows, and a reinforced basement where the food is stored. Otherwise they could be in for a bad time.
Restoring hope is a noble cause... but it's usually best to dismantle the
EvilMisguided Empire before focusing on that. The girls are going to want to step up their timetable, whether or not they can broker a nonviolent solution.The army has arrived. Fresh to be beaten and taken over.
But... why isn't there more?
Blanket fix.
Yah /yah >> Ya/ya [ah/Ah being a thick phonetic I. Yah =Y(eye). Not ya.]
________________
ya
ta
__________________
ta
ya
_______________________
Blanket fix 2:
tah >> ta. [Again ah/Ah = I [southern phonetical I].
_______________
y'all
[ya'll = you will.]
_________________
I
Ya'll
___________
OMC! I can't read this chapter sorry, but your massacre of the southern dialect has made this chapter unreadable. If you could go through and utterly re-write the dialect / every bit of southern dialog. I'd love to read this chapter. But as is, I had to stop three times already, the horrendous misuse of the dialect made it mostly unreadable, and I've gotten a headache just getting to the part of the last fix.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/760/the-lunaverse/thread/134351/southern-dialect
and
Savage Skies Series has one of the best and most memorable proper uses of Southern Dialect.
___________________
Sorry for my vehement dislike of this chapter. The prior chapters were good, but unholy hell, please fix your southern, and learn how to do proper southern writing. Or simply don't try writing southern, and let your readers mentally 'hear' it in that accent. [After all Mark Twain was southern, wrote in an accent, but was no where near as thick as a lot of people try writing on this site.]
If / When you get around to fixing the dialog please drop me a line. I'd love to retry this chapter.
Also. Big thing you need to watch out for that you didn't do. Consistency! If you use Ya/ya, don't use you. If you use You/you, don't use ya (for southerners). If you use I, don't use Ah/suffixed-ah. And vise versa. And if you do use suffixed ah [only appropriate for Mah/mah] then you need to use Ah for your I's.
5958050
PS: Sorry if last comment / fix sounded harsh. And I know not everyone can write in the southern dialect. But ones this bad cause actual physical pain to read. Hope this gets fixed soon. Since I'd like to read the chapter someday.
NO! I NEED MORE!
Please! I need more!
I worked out why I love this story so very much...
It reminds me of the chapter Overgrowth from The Conquering of Love.
So I caught up with this story...
How long until the next chapter?
~Leonzilla
Loads better. Read the chapter after this one first. Both chapters are good, and I can't wait to see the confrontation between Twiley, Luna, NMM, and the Element Bearers. Hopefully they can beat the Windigos before they destroy Equestria even further.
GAH! Filly Trixie is too much! So cute and I love what was happening in that scene, so sweet! I also love the difference between the apples, so unique.
what the fuck. that's not pony name.
Okay, those are just not pony names. Like, you didn't even try.