Chapter Two
Twilight sighed she floated a daisy sandwich up to her mouth. She took a bite of it, savoring the flavor before swallowing. She drank in the birds' chirping, the slight breeze on her coat and the feel of the blanket beneath her as she sat outside Fluttershy's cottage with her five best friends and the dragon who was like a younger brother to her. Finally, she opened her eyes to find Rainbow Dash hovering about two inches from her nose. “Ack!” she cried out, falling back and dropping the sandwich.
Dash flitted about in the air, rubbing her hooves together. “So, do you think they'd like my idea?” she asked, her grin so wide that her muzzle almost split. “I mean this has to be the best Daring Do fiction ever written!”
Applejack rolled her eyes and rose from where she sat, near the picnic basket. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash. That yarn's about as interestin' as a trip to the spa.” She glanced to her side as Rarity rose from her couch. “And I ain't takin' it back, neither,” she said, smirking.
Rarity rolled her eyes and looked to Dash as the pegasus landed. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash. It's heavily padded, the action is told rather than shown and the new character is just you with a new mane job!”
Dash hopped back into the air and cocked her head to the side. “And?”
Silence permeated the picnic before Fluttershy coughed. “Well... maybe you could spend some more time following Daring as opposed to... Multicolor Trot?” She shrank slightly as everyone there turned and focused their attention on her. “Well, it's that's all right with you? It's not a big thing.” She pasted a grin onto her face, but her cheeks still burned scarlet.
Dash shrugged and looked to Pinkie Pie even as Pinkie stuffed a hoof-full of cupcakes into her mouth. “Pinkie, what do you think?”
The pink earth pony's eyes went wide. Her mane and tail shook while her entire body bounced up and down on the blanket. “Twitch! Something big's–!” She suddenly leapt forward, forelegs stretched out as she tackled Dash to the ground, the pair rolling off the blanket.
“Pinkie Pie, what the hay are you–” Dash was silenced as the sky above stretched, yawning open with a midnight-blue flash of energy. A large black shape tumbled out, pinwheeling around in the sky before crashing a dozen meters away.
Twilight hopped to her hooves. “What in the wide world of Equestria?” She narrowed her eyes at the dark form. “We've got to check that out!”
Spike's eyes widened. “Twilight, are you nuts? We don't know what that thing is!”
Rarity nodded as she hopped off her couch. “I agree with Spike, Twilight. Sometimes discretion is be the better part of–”
Dash extricated herself out of Pinkie's grasp and flew up into the air. “I'm on it!” she said, tossing off a salute before flying off, a multicolored contrail streaming behind.
Fluttershy gasped. “Dash, wait up! It could be dangerous!” The pegasus swallowed before jumping into the air, flying off after her oldest friend. She paused at the edge of the blanket and looked back, a stern expression on her face. “What are you waiting for?” She waved a foreleg. “Our friend needs help!”
Spike hopped onto Twilight's back and she, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rarity galloped off, quickly crossing the distance to the huddled form on the ground. Twilight slowed to a halt as the form took shape into a familiar Alicorn. “No, it can't be!” she gasped as she beheld the form of Nightmare Moon.
Applejack shook her head. “It can't be!” she shouted. “We just saw her a couple of days ago in Whitetail Wood! She was... happy, and smiling!”
Nightmare Moon's head suddenly rose, and as she opened her eyes everyone backed up. The glow there faded for a second, revealing confusion. She looked around, but her head wobbled and she slumped back into unconsciousness.
Dash hovered over her, hooves near her mouth. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh!” She looked around. “Twilight, did Princess Celestia send you any letters about, I don't know, Luna going nuts again?”
Twilight shook her head. “No, she didn't,” she said through gritted teeth.” Her horn glowed as she paced around Nightmare Moon's form. “She's alive, but weak.” She stopped her pacing right in front of Nightmare Moon's cutie mark. "I'm sensing magic here. It seems familiar, but..." She shook her head. “I... I don't know what to make of it!”
Spike hopped off her back and crept forward, right up to Nightmare Moon's head. He waved a hand in front of her face and let out a slow whistle. “Whatever did this to her packed one heck of a punch!” He patted himself down and grumbled. “Twilight, I left the quill and scrolls back at the picnic!”
Applejack glanced at Twilight and cocked her right eyebrow. “You brought a quill and scroll to a picnic?”
Twilight looked right back at Applejack. “Yeah, why?”
Applejack shrugged. “No reason.”
Twilight rolled her eyes before closing them. Her horn glowed for a second a floating quill and scroll appeared in a burst of violet light. The scroll unraveled and the quill began writing. “Dear Princess Celestia,” Twilight dictated. “There is an emergency here near Fluttershy's cottage, on the edge of the Everfree Forest. It concerns... your sister. Please hurry here as soon as possible. Signed, Twilight Sparkle.” She rolled the scroll back up and floated it over to Spike.
The young dragon grabbed it out of midair and held it up. He took a deep breath and a stream of green, enchanted flame erupted from his mouth, incinerating the scroll and sending the ash and smoke up and away. He began sliding away from the alicorn. “Okay... so now what?” He chuckled nervously and scratched his belly. “I mean if she wakes up and she's angry? Without the Elements of Harmony what do we do?”
Dash smirked and kicked at the air. “Come on, Spike! We can take out Nightmare Moon no problem!” She circled around the alicorn. “Together, nothing can stop us, Elements or no!”
Applejack looked up at Dash. “You're kiddin', right?”
Dash shrugged. “Got me, but I won't go down without a fight–or let her hurt my friends.”
The sun suddenly brightened, turning the sky a brilliant white as it contracted, transforming into the regal form of Princess Celestia who slowly descended to the ground. Dash and Fluttershy quickly landed as everyone present quickly bowed their heads. Celestia looked them over before focusing on the unmoving Nightmare Moon. Her brow wrinkled as she walked forward. “This is impossible!” she said, breath quickening with every step she took.
Twilight trotted over to her side and looked up at Celestia. “Believe me, Princess, I don't want to believe it either, but something's happened and–” She stopped talking as shadows suddenly darkened the immediate area and a chill wind blew in. “What the hay?” she said, head darting about.
The shadows built up on themselves, rolling on top of each other and forming into the silhouette of a pony while the obsidian form shunned all light. Within seconds, Princess Luna stood by her elder sister, a dark counterpart to the Goddess of the Day. She looked down at Nightmare Moon, then glanced to Dash and Pinkie Pie. “Before we proceed any further, a question comes to mind.” She held up a foreleg and jabbed it toward each of them. “Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie!” she spoke, the air rattling. “Is this a prank?”
Dash blinked, her mouth hung open. Seconds passed before she shook her head. “What? No, way!” She trotted over to Pinkie Pie and leaned in close. “This isn't one we forgot about, right?”
Pinkie scratched her head. “Nope!” she finally declared. She bounced over to Nightmare Moon and leaned in close. “Pranks are supposed to be fun for everypony, and this wouldn't be fun for Princess Luna or Princess Celestia.” She looked up to the alicorns, her expression grim. “Right?”
Luna nodded. “Indeed not, Pinkie Pie.” Her eyes narrowed, magic flared from her horn and armored hooves dug into the ground. “Be warned, she stirs!”
The ponies and Spike all backed up a few steps as Nightmare Moon's head slowly lifted and she opened her eyes. “My head.” She suddenly focused on Celestia and Luna standing over her. Her eyes flashed, turning bright-white. “Impossible!” She jumped to her hooves and pointed a foreleg at Celestia. “You were laid low by the Tyrant Filly, sucked dry of all but the bitterest dregs of your power!” Her mouth twitched, slowly curving up at the ends. “I am... so happy to see you!”
Celestia stared right back at Nightmare Moon, her countenance as neutral as possible. “I see.” She looked the twisted reflection of her younger sister up and down. “This is impossible.” She looked to Luna. “Most impossible.”
Nightmare Moon locked eyes with Luna and bared her fangs. “It IS impossible, for this-”
“Speak softly,” Luna interrupted, thunder rumbling in the clear sky. Her own eyes glowed for a moment. “You are not on a balcony addressing throngs of ponies. You are right before us; there is no need to project your voice!” Her eyes narrowed to slits. “You, mockery of all I am, all my power with no restraint, no kindness or decency–” She stopped as she felt Celestia's wing brush against her back. “I apologize,” she said, cheeks blushing.
Celestia smiled at her younger sister before looking to Nightmare Moon. “So, what are you?”
Nightmare Moon pursed her lips before speaking, her voice no longer a physical force. “What are you?” She shook her head. “This is... some sort of mental break? Am I hallucinating in my final moments before death?” She tossed her head back and looked, eyes wide, into the bright-blue sky. “Grogar, are you playing with me?”
Celestia stepped forward. She stomped the ground, causing the ponies and dragon to jump a half-foot into the air. “Enough!” she snarled. Her eyes narrowed. “Who are you? What are you and where did you come from?” She looked aside to Twilight. “Twilight, how did she appear?”
Nightmare Moon followed Celestia's gaze and her entire body tensed, her mane standing nearly straight up into the air. She canted back and the tip of her horn flared. “Beware, Sister!” she called out. “The Tyrant Filly... is now a mare with a cutie mark?” The flare dimmed to nothing as she stared at an equally-dumbstruck Twilight. “What is going on?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Pardon me for interrupting...” She swallowed as the three alicorns all looked to her, but she squared her shoulders and held her head up high. “That is the second time you've said 'Tyrant Filly'.” She glanced up and pointed at the sky. “Now you appeared in a flash of light in the sky and corkscrewed to the ground looking like you had just come from one of Pinkie Pie's wilder parties.”
Nightmare Moon nodded to the Unicorn. “Correct.” She looked to the two other alicorns. “Tell me, Luna. A thousand years ago, were you sealed into the moon by your sister and–”
Luna's wings flared out and lightning crackled behind her as storm clouds swirled into being. “Yes, I was sealed into the moon to stop my insane rampage of death and destruction, to stop eternal night from falling and the sun never rising again!”
Rainbow Dash crept forward and positioned herself in front of Fluttershy, who had shrunk down into a small ball. “Get ready to fly,” she whispered out of the corner of her mouth. “If this gets ugly, I'll cover you.”
Twilight's horn suddenly brightened and she vanished, popping back into existence between Nightmare Moon, Luna and Celestia. She held her forelegs up. “Stop!” she called out, looking around. “This isn't getting us anywhere!” She dropped back to all fours and cleared her throat before turning to face Nightmare Moon. “Okay, as Rarity said, you crashed through some... hole in the sky before landing. Now I'm assuming the general details of what happened a thousand years ago are the same, so we can skip needless exposition about it. What happened immediately before you came here? And why do you refer me as 'the Tyrant Filly'?” A low chuckle escaped her. “Only Shining Armor can call me that.”
Nightmare Moon narrowed her eyes as she focused on Twilight, but merely sighed. “Very well.” She closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts. “I was set free by the stars, but when I descended the sun was locked permanently on the horizon. The land was, if not dying, then sick and cold. I went to Canterlot and found... you on the throne of the Undying Sun.” Her eyes sprang open and brightened. Her hooves dug into the ground and her mane and tail wavered. “In your own words, seven years ago during an entrance exam you stole Celestia's powers, sucking her dry of all but the smallest morsels of her magic. Now the land is cold and you rule from a half-empty Canterlot, your own Royal Guard leading me right to you.”
Silence filled the air as Twilight fell back onto her haunches, jaw slack. “I... I stole Princess Celestia's powers? I stole them?” Her head craned around to focus on Celestia as she stood there before turning back to Nightmare Moon and bounding to her hooves. “But she's right there, whole and not... sucked dry! And seven years ago was when I took my entrance exam, but you were freed from the moon three years ago, so how could you have been freed only today?” Twilight screwed her eyes shut and she groaned. “I have a bad headache now.”
As Spike walked over and wrapped his arms around Twilight's neck in a hug, Dash looked Nightmare Moon over, rubbing her chin. She suddenly gasped and shot into the air. “Wait, I know what's going on!” she shouted. Everyone looked to her and she chuckled. “Twilight, don't you remember 'Daring Do and the Shattered Mirror', where she flew through the Mirror of Possibilities and ended up in that weird, twisted Equestria where Ahuizotl was good and Daring Do was evil?” She waved her forelegs at Nightmare Moon. “Well, why not something like that? It fits with the story!”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Oh please, Rainbow Dash! Do you really think something from your adventure stories can really apply to this situation?”
Twilight glanced to her fellow unicorn. “Well, actually... alternate realities have been proven at least mathematically possible. In Scientific Equestrian they ran an article last month on-”
“So it's possible?” Dash blurted out.
Twilight blushed and nodded. She glanced up at the sky. “When you arrived, the sky seemed to stretch open, like a tear, before snapping back closed.” She looked to Nightmare Moon. “What happened?”
Nightmare Moon's own gaze followed Twilight's. “I met you in Canterlot, and fought you. But you had stolen too much of my sister's power, so I fled. You gave chase and I sliced the sky open with my horn.” The brightness from her eyes faded. “I had no true idea what I was doing. I merely wished to escape from her, so here I am.” She looked back down and met Luna's eyes. “I do not know why I was released so long after you. Maybe the sky was broken?” She chuckled bitterly. “So your sister is alive and well and mine is dying, at best, while the land dies with her.” And with that, she cantered around and began trotting off, wings unfurling.
There was a blue blur to her left and Dash suddenly appeared in front of her muzzle, forelegs crossed as she hovered. “And just where do you think you're going?” she asked, scowling.
Nightmare Moon shrugged. “This is not my Equestria–not the one I was destined to rule.” Her horn glowed. “Now move aside, foal. I must return to-”
Celestia was suddenly there, to her left. Luna was to her right. “And do what?” Celestia asked, arching an eyebrow. “You just said you lost before to this... other Twilight.” Celestia shifted her eyes as she felt Twilight's gaze upon her, but she quickly looked back to the dark image of her sister. “So what exactly can you accomplish by going back there besides dying?”
Twilight trotted over, the other ponies and Spike following. She made a wide turn, ending up in front of Nightmare Moon. “And there are so many questions!” she said, looking up at Nightmare Moon. "How could some alternate version of myself beat you?” She paused. “There's something I never thought I'd hear myself say...”
Nightmare Moon looked to Luna on her right. “Am I to assume you and Celestia are balanced on the sword's edge, each one as powerful as the other?” At Luna's nod, she regarded Twilight. “Even with the limited time here, I can feel your raw power.” She bent her head down, staring deep into Twilight's wide eyes. “In my Equestria, my Sister and I are fully equal in power. It is why she needed the Elements to imprison me. And while you are... nowhere near as powerful as I am-”
“Hey, you take that back!” Spike shouted, shaking a fist. “Twilight's the most powerful unicorn in Equestria!”
Twilight's cheeks reddened. “Spike, do you mind?” She let out a sigh. “Nightmare Moon's right. I'm powerful, but compared to an alicorn?” Her voice trailed off, the implication lingering in the air.
Nightmare Moon's eyes closed. "But the power of you and my sister, combined?” She barked a laugh. “Such raw power in such a fragile little vessel, Twilight Sparkle.” She slowly shook her head and smiled. “You were quite mad when I met you, in both senses of the word.”
Luna snorted. “That is enough of that,” she said, mane flaring.
Nightmare Moon remained silent, but nodded.
Celestia's eyes narrowed. “So, now that you're here and going back would result in your death, what happens now?” She cantered around, looking up at Canterlot off in the distance. “I wonder if Cadance would like a new baby sister,” she said, smirking.
Nightmare Moon's mane flared and flapped in the still air. “I do not know who this 'Cadance' is, but regardless, I still cannot stay. My throne is occupied by a filly, and I will not rest until she is off and Equestria is restored.” She trotted forward, steering around Twilight and Spike, her wings unfurling once more as she faced Celestia and Luna. “I have no other choice.”
Twilight spoke up. “Maybe you need help!” Her head dipped low as Celestia, Luna and Nightmare Moon all looked at her. She paused, but squared her shoulders and held her head high. “Ponies can do amazing things when they work together.” She looked around at all her friends. “I've got first-hoof experience in that.”
Applejack smiled and bowed her head. “Well thank you kindly, sugarcube.”
Luna spoke up. “If you truly are some alternate me, then I know that you doubt them.” She shook her head. “Don't. Twilight and her friends freed me from the chains of hatred and jealousy that still bind you and-”
“I prefer to think my eyes are wide open,” Nightmare said, sneering and her eyes blazing. She looked to Twilight before her gaze drifted around to the other Elements. “What of the rest of you?” She looked to Dash. “You seem most eager for a fight.”
Dash snorted. “I'm not in it for you, but this other Twilight sounds like she needs help, and I never abandon my friends.” She flew over to Twilight and hovered right behind her. “Can I help?”
Twilight nodded. “Of course, Dash. It wouldn't be the same without you.”
Fluttershy hopped up and floated over to Dash. “I... I...” She swallowed as a fine sheen of sweat formed on her forehead. “I'm going too, for my friends,” she finally squeaked out.
Applejack trotted over to Twilight and bobbed her head. “Don't even think 'bout leavin' me behind... even though I got no idea in Tartarus where we're goin,” she said, shrugging. She looked to Rarity as she trotted over. “'Fraid of getting yer hooves dirty?” she said with a wink and a grin.
Rarity tossed her mane back. “Oh, please, Applejack. I'm not sure what precisely is going on, but I know Twilight needs us. It's what friends do.” She looked to Twilight. "She needs help, so I'm giving her my help.”
Pinkie Pie suddenly bounced over and around the group, finally stopping right below Dash and Fluttershy. “And the party won't be complete without the party pony!”
Twilight looked around at her friends, the other Bearers of the Elements. “Thanks, everypony. I'm glad you're coming with me.” Her gaze fell to Spike on her right and she gasped. “But you're staying here, Spike.”
Spike's lips curled in a frown. “What? No way!” He waggled a claw at Twilight. “You're not going to some freaky alternate Equestria without your number one assistant!”
Twilight's eyes narrowed. “You may be my number one assistant, but you're also just a baby.” She looked away from Spike and blinked. “If anything happened to you...” She trailed off and her barrel heaved before she looked back. “Someone's gotta hold down the library, anyway.”
Spike snorted, sending out a small gout of green flame. He kicked at the ground, digging tiny furrows in the dirt. “You'll be careful, right?” he finally asked, reaching out and wrapping his arms around her neck.
Twilight's eyes widened at the hug, but she nodded. “I promise.” She waited for Spike to break the embrace before glancing to Nightmare Moon. “So, will you take our help?”
The dark alicorn did not respond, instead looking to the other two alicorns. “They can help?”
Luna spread her wings out. “They helped me,” she stated, looking to Celestia. “My sister, with your permission, I would accompany everypony back to this alternate Equestria.” A small smile played across her muzzle. “I feel that this Nightmare Moon may need my help.”
Celestia's eyes narrowed slightly before she inclined her head. “If you are sure.”
Nightmare Moon slowly turned her head as her gaze drifted from Celestia to Luna. “What are you playing at?” She stomped the ground, causing the ground to shake beneath everyone. “I will not be manipulated or coerced away from the throne.”
Luna walked up to her, eyes never wavering from her dark counterpart. “I would think nothing of it, but perhaps you could do with a different perspective on things. Besides, you'll need my power to assist you against this... 'Tyrant Filly' by whom you were so easily overwhelmed.”
Nightmare Moon held Luna's gaze before whipping her head around, her ethereal mane trailing behind. “How long before we can depart?” she said.
Twilight rubbed her chin and looked around. “Two hours?” At their nods and confirmations, she looked to Celestia. “The Elements?”
Celestia nodded to her student. “Easily done.” After receiving acknowledgement from Twilight, she looked to Nightmare Moon. “Please stay here,” she said. “Luna, could you please return with me to Canterlot?”
Luna walked off to her sister's side. “As my sister said, you shall remain here and wait for us.” With that, she and Celestia spread their wings, leaping into the air and flying off.
Nightmare Moon snorted as the other ponies and baby dragon walked off. She looked around as the field quickly emptied, leaving her alone. “Where would I go?”
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Hm... Well, we're in some deep shit here. Nightmare's home dimension has gone down the toilet, and the one she is in now is arming itself to help her... beat a unicorn filly with twice the power Celestia had. Oh dear.
Oh man, the excrement is going to impact the ventilation unit here.
Even Nightmare Moon has standards, poor Evil Luna, she sees a happy world after leaving a complete mess.
Crazy superpowered filly Twilight is in trouble now.
Nows your chance Mane 6 +, hit Nightmare Moon with the EoH while she's weak and has no chance of trying to seize control or capture them on the other side.
My only problem is year wise, Twilight is supposed to be in her late teens or even early twenties, not 4 years after being a filly.
Also does that mean Crazy Twilight can't age?
Ah, I was wondering when this would update. Glad to see that you are still working on it and that the wait was worth it.
Nice to see that at least some part of Nightmare Moon isn't completely evil and that she still cares for her sister to an extent. I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment, this is getting really interesting!
606349
I'm working on the assumption that absorbing Celestia's power has halted Alternate!Twilight's growth in all sense of the word. That and the two universe might not be in complete temporal sync (that is, the alternate version is a few years behind the Mane 6's)
606349 This was discussed in the SB thread - yes Twifilly is not aging physically or mentally (otherwise she'd be more reasonable now).
I'm dubbing this alternate Nightmare Moon "Reasonable Moon" in my head (but don't worry, I won't do in type).
I'm actually surprised at how easily the Mane-6 have agreed to help Nightmare Moon, that they didn't just chat her up while Spike asked Celestia or Luna to go retrieve the Elements of Harmony and then Friendship Cannon her.
This is interesting! Proceed!
“In your own words, seven years ago during an entrance exam you stole Celestia's powers, sucking her dry of all but the bitterest dregs of her magic....
If three years ago Nightmare Moon broke free.......
(If the entrance exam was at age 12)
Twilight was only 16, it should have been 9 or 10 years prior for the exam so she end up 18 or 19 at NM's attack and about 21 or 22 at the present story.
In the words of a wiser person than I,
*squee*t just got real.
607029
Well, they do know it's not their Luna having a bad day. Besides ... an alternate-universe monster based on your beloved Princess of the Night shows up with ass thoroughly kicked, claiming it was by an alternate-universe version of the most powerful unicorn around--one that is at times considered to be a noticable fraction of an alicorn's power--and it's pretty reasonable to figure the other universe needs some serious help.
Especially if it's a child-Twilight's mind trying to control all that magic.
And I am very looking forward to updates..
508783 Just wanted to make sure.
591595 Thanks! Always cool to see an author I follow following me. makes me feel... almost decent.
606091 Yeah, who thinks they'd be rooting for her?
606207 Not twice... but damned close. And thanks!
606240 Now I wish to watch Airplane: the Movie! again. Not sure why...
606349 As far as i know, only thing we have for certain about their ages is Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie. Beyond that, total conjecture. And yes, she's still a little filly without a cutie mark... and the powers of a goddess coursing through her skull.
606937 Celestia's the only one who can be her 'equal'. And yeah, seeing Equestria like this is... not pleasant for her.
607029 No... go ahead and use that here, too. And they know she needs help, considering how badly she got her flank handed to her. It's just odd enough to pique their interest. They got Luna coming too for insurance as well.
609372 Good words.
610083 Yeah, pretty much. There's something going down over there, and now it affects them with Nightmare Moon there.
612170 No problem, bro.
612170
Lauren Faust stated they were meant to be late teens early 20's. (Young Adults in age.) Maturity is between 12 and 18 though.
612170
As a note, in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, if AJ is to be believed, she was even younger than the Crusaders when she got her cutie mark and the other girls, Fluttershy aside, appeared to be her age. So that means 'Shy may be the oldest member of the Mane Six.
Also, looking forward to the third chapter!
Whod'a thought that Nightmare moon of all people would end up being a horse hero?
Still though, this story does have a AU potential, and it could create an idea that perhaps the queen of the moon might redeem herself with a little help from the others against a pony with all the power, but none of the maturity.
Well, while I'm here, I might as well do my best to give you some help. I read your story, and I do have a few problems with it.
First off, the transition between Chapters 1 and 2...isn't really good in my opinion, because it skips from Twilight falling on top of Spike in Canterlot, to Twilight eating with all of her friends. Again, I understand you were telling the story from two different perspectives, but please be sure those two perspectives go in chronological order, or it becomes really confusing.
Next, the accents of certain words are absurdly inconsistent. Please stick to either using italics or bold to accent words, and keep that throughout your story.
Also, most of the characters in the story appear to have little to no purpose. A few minor characters is fine, but when your ratio of main characters to minor characters is 1:5, it begins to become somewhat of a problem.
Why does Luna appear in this story? Aren't Luna and Nightmare Moon the same character? Please explain this.
Finally, while I do admire the fact that you are detailing the pony's actions very clearly, there are some scenes where the dialog and the statements switch constantly, and after dealing with a few of said paragraphs, I got a little dizzy.
Aside from those points, this is a great story with a unique concept! I know that if you will fix some of those points, you'll get into EQD for sure!
It's okay. Unfortunately, the high point was reading about "Daring Do and the Shattered Mirror."
....
Makes me want to read that story instead.
Missed the opening quote on these
“Where would I go?” This made me smile
810846 I'm not sure how you could ask how Luna and NMM could both exist at the same time in this story, given the description. Yes, Luna is the same pony as NMM, but the NMM in this story is from a different universe than the Luna in this story.
CAPITALIZATION!!!
606091
`Never thought I'd hear that said with a strait face... Well, aside from "Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds" origin stories.
...actually, "Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds" is basically what did happen to Luna, according to the S1,E1 Opening...
Huh. I never thought of it that way before. Who knew? //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
606349
My current theory is that she's actually
deadan undead Lich of some kind. Her body can repair itself (maybe), but it can't actually grow.606937
Actually, Twilight said that the time of her entry exam matched up, but that Moony's release had been delayed by three years.
Also, Spike is only six years old in this fic? Yeesh... Well, ok, I'm falling into a fallacy trap here. Spike's actual age isn't as important as his relative age in relation to Rarity. ...but still, with Spike's age as a fixed point, Rarity's age can't be too far from 12~13 without hitting some serious squick.
Edit: Bah! Didn't mean to send that yet...
607639
I prefer to place it closer to age six, with Magical Kindergarten happening afterwards.
NMM is still an annoying pain who wont admit that in the end Equestria is in the same crappy situation under Tyrant Twilight that it would be under Nightmare Moon and her "the night will last forever!" spiel ...
Nightmare Moon, hero-by-accident! The great thing about this story is that Nightmare Moon is legitimately looking to take over, yet obviously still has her standards. She wants to destroy her sister, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love her!
2068606
To be fair, Equestria is actually fairing better under Twilight as opposed to Nightmare Moon. Six years (WTF? Spike can't be that young) of Eternal Night, and by extension Eternal Winter, would have been far more devastating. ...mind you, the countries to the East and West are suffering Eternal Night/Eternal Day, but who cares about them?
2578141
(brace yourselves, winter is coming) ...
amusing
so the gryphons are well done and the minotaurs are dressed up like certain game of thrones characters?
Does anyone else feel like this is practically a New Lunar Republic vs twilight battle?
There is a ridiculous number of errors here, I can tell this wasn't proof read thoroughly, and yet I cant help but love this story
Well, it's that's all right with you
1. If.
That's hilarious =D
I wonder how she will react to seeing the Mane 6 with the elements instead of Celestia. Bound to be a shocker.
The irony. Then again, it was probably more of an emotional break that led to Nightmare Moon in the first place, so maybe the irony isn't as strong.
1826604
Ok, since the author didn't fix a typo, reported a year ago, I won't care either
3891806 Then you fail as a Grammar Nazi. Our duty is to make sure that authors are made aware of typos, no matter how much we have to badger them!
And it's been over a year already since this chapter was written? Damn, that's a long time!
612170 Hey, I'm going to say it again, since you didn't catch this typo when I pointed it out over a year ago.
CAPITALIZATION!!!
You actually got me to feel sympathy for NMM. Not bad, not bad at all.
So let me confirm I got this straight, this story is set up in a preseason three universe where
1-Twilight studied with Celestia for four years and then has been living in ponyville for three.
2-The elements of harmony are still held in Canterlot rather than in the tree of harmony or with the main six.
3-Twilight is not an alicorn yet Cadence exists in this universe.
I got a bit confused when it was mentioned that they couldn't use the elements and the Twilight is still a unicorn but if things are set up this way in which only season one and two have happen then there is no issues with continuity.
Very much enjoyed LunaxNightmaremoon dialogue and look forward to TwilightxTyrantFilly dialogue.
~Leonzilla
Still liking this.
Constructive criticism:
Cut out those adjectives, use stronger verbs.
That scene where Celestia and Luna appear, feels off. I'm not sure if I want to say the pacing is too fast, or it just has an off beat.
...Nightmare Moon better not be converted at the end of all this...I want to see Night Eternal for once.
6191186
A fan of the end of all life, are we?
So the Nightmaremoon is trying to save Equestria and Mane Six is helping them, also Luna is assuring NMM to go with them....
Forget about what I comment on the last chapter. This is the most awkward story I've even seen on this sites.
6193999 here you go.
I ve these opening two chapters. In the first place, we have Nightmare moon's perspective as she enters ths strange new world and it serves to give us a chance to view this strange worl d from her perspective, as well as make the same discoveries that she does. She becomes our surrogate in this new world. I also love how filly Twilight is actually a child and not a full on villian. She is just a kid who has had too much power at once and has no idea how to control it at all. his scenario aslo helps to remind us of just how scary powerful Twilight can be. Why she needed her power to be tempered by friends and teachers.
I also love seeing tghe mane six and this reminder why they are heroes. Ponies in trouble? A possible friend in danger? No problem. and no other questions, just ready to leap into the fray and save the world. While they may seem like ordinary ponies they have hearts that would make even the greatest of heroes smile. None of this "No one asked to" because they didn't needed to be asked, they are heroes and that is what thy do.
A weird story thus far but I can't help being curious all the same. I look at the dates these early chapters were written and can't help remembering my own first fics...hoo boy.
