*considers* Alright, I can see your reasoning. And I do think Twilight being an OCD control freak is in keeping with her nature. And Dash does frequently 'take one for the team', to the point where I just want to scream "LOYALTY GOES BOTH WAYS!" and pound my head against the wall.
Also, Cadence(in this fic) is Best Pony. I hope Spike can send letters to her, because it seems like Rainbow is going to need her support hardcore.
She only did the mind rape thing twice and then on willing ponies who actually did love each other, right?
her mind rape thing just equates to two ponies feeling their love for each other like an empathic bond. Basically the equivalent of being able to look at your husband or wife and know she loves you with a look, only its a certainty.
As much as I dislike Twilight's OOC-ness the past couple chapters. (please don't argue with me on this; you won't change my opinion anymore than I can change yours so just let it slide, and neither of us will have to waste our breath) I do like how you handled it. As much as I feel it was overboard for Twilight's character, the thoughts behind the actions were very much her, and this way of dealing with it all is very well done and thought out.
i look forward to the meeting with the family and celestia. *snicker* and she thought she'd seen everything in her over a 1000 years of living. i cant wait for her reaction
I'm actually surprised Cadance didn't pale dramatically or react any bit more at the taking of Rainbow's wings, seeing as she was born a Pegasus. Just seems like something she would relate to on an instinctual level, unlike Twi who only considers hers a happy addition and not seeming to take into account wings=horn to respective ponies.
Wow, Bravo. Simply amazing, I take back every negative thought I had about freaked out Twilight. Man this was unbelievable, I was concerned that parenting books of equestria must suck. As a father I learned that many of the things a mother goes through stress reduction is very important. But seeing it now I see exactly where they went wrong. Seeing Rainbow keep holding back her feelings I thought She was headed for a meltdown, and when Twi unveiled her wing solution, I really thought that Rainbow is in an abusive relationship. But seeing Rainbow open up really hit it out of the park for me, it reminded me of some of the fights me and my wife get into. Brilliant!!!
4638936, Shiny was thinking about the politics of it.
Starts with this paragraph.
“Yeah,” Shining agreed with a few nods before he frowned. “And then I learned that she’s the one who got that somepony pregnant and that she’s already in a deep enough relationship with her that she’s planning for another foal? Trying to develop a spell that turns her fillyfriend into a stallion so she can have the next one?”
4639185 In case you forget, she already knows what its like to be without her horn, Season 2 Premiere; so she already knows what it is like to not have either of those. The only difference being instead of a crazy, nearly all powerful god taking them away it would be somepony they care about and trust taking them away instead. THAT is where the real impact of the whole situation comes from.
Interesting way of handling things, and I look forward to seeing how the meetings with Celestia and the parents go.
Incidentally, Discord's "remove wings and put them in storage, while leaving them magically connected to their owner" spell? I've actually seen a fic (by Tatsurou) where it had a genuine medical usage, letting the pegasus in question (Rainbow Dash herself) still be able to move around, without further damaging her wings, which had been injured and needed to be completely immobilized for about a month until they were fully healed. Once they were back to normal, they were reattached, and all was well.
Well! Somepony's eager to try that spell herself. Those aside, good showing on this and the previous chapter, which I took in upon one sitting. There's plenty for these two to work out, but they certainly have the means to make it work out.
That was a great chapter I apretiate author note and I now can see from your perspective why you did you did and it makes sense I never really liked Cadence but here in this chapter she shined brightly and made me respect her I WANT MOAR SOON! If that is alright be you
Finally now that things are starting to look hopeful, now that the story is edging into more enjoyable territory... the author puts it on hiatus. Sadly, such is the world of fanfiction, and why it's more of a casual pastime rather than a hobby.
Having read through and enjoyed Take Two, I decided to give this story a read too.
Constructive thoughts: 1. Your dialogue attribution gets a bit murky in places. Several times I had to reread a spot to figure out who said what. 2. Your narrative is a bit "fluffy". To quote Stephen King, somewhere between your rough draft, and publishing, you should cut the word count by 10%. Cut it till it really hurts. Your dialogue is great, but the narrative frequently droned. I skimmed half of the non-dialogue in ch10, and feel like I missed nothing.
Now, as for the story: This is an abusive relationship, and Twilight is the villain.
You did an amazing job keeping Twilight in character, and still have her be the villain. To the point I was rather frustrated with Candace not stepping in and calling Twilight out on being abusive. The appropriate thing to have done, was get Dash out of the house, and into protective care. Unfortunately that would mean the personal shelter of the other three princesses.
I'm curious where this goes. The behavior Twilight has shown, is classical repeat abuser behavior. I could see this story earning a dark tag. If you swing it the other way, you're going to have to make Twilight earn her redemption. These are deep-seated behaviors, changing them should be a transformation process.
She would have hated for her fillyfriend to get a cavity, or for some kind of infection to fester in her mouth, and then maybe pass on to the foal, and then-
Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu-Do you even basic hygiene Twilight? Cavities are not genetic. An infection in her body could spread to the foal, but she would know long before that.
Ponies who loved each other didn’t fight.
Please Twilight. I am not married either and know married folks argue. They are not clones of each other, they have their differences, and that causes problems. They fight and work through their problems. Everyone knows that.
“Twilight, the two of you went from friends with deep-seated crushes to a fully committed relationship with a foal on the way overnight! Ponies sometimes spend years preparing for what the two of you have just charged into
They escaped the Friendzone. People spend years planning their breakout from the horrible prison, and a handful have ever made it.
“About the only thing else I could do is give the two of you a vision of the moment you realized that love.”
That is my new headcanon for Cadance's magic.
Not even after the riot in Lesson Zero, all Celestia did was laugh about how Twilight panicked over the lack of a friendship report.
Ya know something always bothered me about that episode, and that was it right there. Celestia has shown poor judgement from Day 1 though, so I'm not surprised.
"The taste was weird and all, but she did feel like some kind of two bit bitch that only saw herself as a stallion’s banging toy." "didn't feel", I assume you meant?
Also, I'm enjoying the story, but it still feels weird to me that you change pronouns (and her title) whenever Twilight changes sex.
4732169 Indeed. This exactly. I'm not going to bother calling this Twilight "OOC" because that's fairly pointless. There is no question however that this is a horrifically abusive relationship with Twilight as the villain (and frankly I find the author note comparing Twilight's spell to take Rainbow's wings to taking someone's car keys to be horrifying itself. I think of it more like the story "Misery" where an author is kept in a house by a fan and the way she keeps him from running away is by breaking his ankles with a sledgehammer). The fact that she didn't actually carry through with taking Dash's wings almost doesn't matter. The very idea that she even considered it is sickening. What's next? Removing her legs? After all she still might get hurt falling down the stairs...
So that's where Rainbow Road is. Operation 'Surprise Crossover' is a go! Dangit, now that excellent Nintendo music is in my head... and maybe yours too.
Shining let a sigh and ran a hoof through his hair. “Cadence, she doesn’t understand what this is going to do to her,” Shining Armor groaned. “The press, they love it when the royalty screws up. It gives them something to finally talk about!
“Celestia manages to avoid most of it…except for that cake scandal a few years back. You…well, remember how they made you look after the last princess summit?” he asked, getting a wince from Cadence. “Hay, how many petitioners do we still get asking you to make some other pony fall in love with them? And when Luna did her Nightmare Night thing up in Manehattan…ugh, I don’t even want to think about how many of EUP got called up to stop the return of Nightmare Moon.
“They’re going to have a field day with this when it gets out that Twilight got another mare pregnant. Not to mention what it’s going to mean for Equestrian society if Twilight really can switch another pony’s gender at will! She’s just thinking about her personal end goals and not even looking at the bigger picture!
“And you saw her, or him…whatever,” Shining said with a quick shake of his head. “She can barely take talking about this kind of stuff with us! I…I just don’t want to see my baby sister hurt.”
Tabloid media, everypony!
And when Luna did her Nightmare Night thing up in Manehattan…ugh, I don’t even want to think about how many of EUP got called up to stop the return of Nightmare Moon.
"And ever since, Manehattan has been absolutely forbidden from celebrating Nightmare Night."
Smashing good chapter I felt. Good on Cadence for sorting out thwie issues. I couldn't have taken more relationship angst.
Shining was still way out of line. Don't know what the hell he was thinking.
Yay, tell the parents time. Dis gon be good.
OMG DA FEELS! SO MANY OF DEM....but overall...love it....ju are a god in human writer form mhm..... YOU=
*considers* Alright, I can see your reasoning. And I do think Twilight being an OCD control freak is in keeping with her nature. And Dash does frequently 'take one for the team', to the point where I just want to scream "LOYALTY GOES BOTH WAYS!" and pound my head against the wall.
Also, Cadence(in this fic) is Best Pony. I hope Spike can send letters to her, because it seems like Rainbow is going to need her support hardcore.
She only did the mind rape thing twice and then on willing ponies who actually did love each other, right?
4638979
her mind rape thing just equates to two ponies feeling their love for each other like an empathic bond. Basically the equivalent of being able to look at your husband or wife and know she loves you with a look, only its a certainty.
4638998
Ah. Ok then. Cadence is best pony in this fic.
Just out of curiosity, what would Celestia have done if Twilight took Rainbow's wings and she found out about it?
As much as I dislike Twilight's OOC-ness the past couple chapters. (please don't argue with me on this; you won't change my opinion anymore than I can change yours so just let it slide, and neither of us will have to waste our breath) I do like how you handled it. As much as I feel it was overboard for Twilight's character, the thoughts behind the actions were very much her, and this way of dealing with it all is very well done and thought out.
wow. nuff said.
i look forward to the meeting with the family and celestia. *snicker* and she thought she'd seen everything in her over a 1000 years of living. i cant wait for her reaction
4639006
Personally, I like to think she'd have Twi return them, and then put her horn and wings in storage for a while.
Make her learn what happens when you abuse your toys.
Good chapter.
Finally, things will finally start to get better for the two of them, i hope.
4638998
Unlike the bitchy complainers who demand their view be more important than the author's, I have one thing to say.
This line made the night for me. Thank you. #besttypo2014
I'm actually surprised Cadance didn't pale dramatically or react any bit more at the taking of Rainbow's wings, seeing as she was born a Pegasus. Just seems like something she would relate to on an instinctual level, unlike Twi who only considers hers a happy addition and not seeming to take into account wings=horn to respective ponies.
Damn! That chapter was intense.
Hope to see more soon. Love the feels on this chapter
Wow, Bravo. Simply amazing, I take back every negative thought I had about freaked out Twilight. Man this was unbelievable, I was concerned that parenting books of equestria must suck. As a father I learned that many of the things a mother goes through stress reduction is very important. But seeing it now I see exactly where they went wrong. Seeing Rainbow keep holding back her feelings I thought She was headed for a meltdown, and when Twi unveiled her wing solution, I really thought that Rainbow is in an abusive relationship. But seeing Rainbow open up really hit it out of the park for me, it reminded me of some of the fights me and my wife get into. Brilliant!!!
Soapy Santa Barbara.
4638936, Shiny was thinking about the politics of it.
Starts with this paragraph.
4639185
In case you forget, she already knows what its like to be without her horn, Season 2 Premiere; so she already knows what it is like to not have either of those. The only difference being instead of a crazy, nearly all powerful god taking them away it would be somepony they care about and trust taking them away instead. THAT is where the real impact of the whole situation comes from.
Interesting way of handling things, and I look forward to seeing how the meetings with Celestia and the parents go.
Incidentally, Discord's "remove wings and put them in storage, while leaving them magically connected to their owner" spell? I've actually seen a fic (by Tatsurou) where it had a genuine medical usage, letting the pegasus in question (Rainbow Dash herself) still be able to move around, without further damaging her wings, which had been injured and needed to be completely immobilized for about a month until they were fully healed. Once they were back to normal, they were reattached, and all was well.
Until next time...
Anon e Mouse Jr.
Rainbow Road?
Well! Somepony's eager to try that spell herself.
Those aside, good showing on this and the previous chapter, which I took in upon one sitting. There's plenty for these two to work out, but they certainly have the means to make it work out.
Cadence is best Relationship Counselor...
That was a great chapter I apretiate author note and I now can see from your perspective why you did you did and it makes sense I never really liked Cadence but here in this chapter she shined brightly and made me respect her I WANT MOAR SOON! If that is alright be you
Finally now that things are starting to look hopeful, now that the story is edging into more enjoyable territory... the author puts it on hiatus. Sadly, such is the world of fanfiction, and why it's more of a casual pastime rather than a hobby.
Having read through and enjoyed Take Two, I decided to give this story a read too.
Constructive thoughts:
1. Your dialogue attribution gets a bit murky in places. Several times I had to reread a spot to figure out who said what.
2. Your narrative is a bit "fluffy". To quote Stephen King, somewhere between your rough draft, and publishing, you should cut the word count by 10%. Cut it till it really hurts. Your dialogue is great, but the narrative frequently droned. I skimmed half of the non-dialogue in ch10, and feel like I missed nothing.
Now, as for the story:
This is an abusive relationship, and Twilight is the villain.
You did an amazing job keeping Twilight in character, and still have her be the villain. To the point I was rather frustrated with Candace not stepping in and calling Twilight out on being abusive. The appropriate thing to have done, was get Dash out of the house, and into protective care. Unfortunately that would mean the personal shelter of the other three princesses.
I'm curious where this goes. The behavior Twilight has shown, is classical repeat abuser behavior. I could see this story earning a dark tag. If you swing it the other way, you're going to have to make Twilight earn her redemption. These are deep-seated behaviors, changing them should be a transformation process.
Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu-Do you even basic hygiene Twilight? Cavities are not genetic. An infection in her body could spread to the foal, but she would know long before that.
Please Twilight. I am not married either and know married folks argue. They are not clones of each other, they have their differences, and that causes problems. They fight and work through their problems. Everyone knows that.
They escaped the Friendzone. People spend years planning their breakout from the horrible prison, and a handful have ever made it.
That is my new headcanon for Cadance's magic.
Ya know something always bothered me about that episode, and that was it right there. Celestia has shown poor judgement from Day 1 though, so I'm not surprised.
"The taste was weird and all, but she did feel like some kind of two bit bitch that only saw herself as a stallion’s banging toy."
"didn't feel", I assume you meant?
Also, I'm enjoying the story, but it still feels weird to me that you change pronouns (and her title) whenever Twilight changes sex.
4732169
Indeed. This exactly. I'm not going to bother calling this Twilight "OOC" because that's fairly pointless. There is no question however that this is a horrifically abusive relationship with Twilight as the villain (and frankly I find the author note comparing Twilight's spell to take Rainbow's wings to taking someone's car keys to be horrifying itself. I think of it more like the story "Misery" where an author is kept in a house by a fan and the way she keeps him from running away is by breaking his ankles with a sledgehammer). The fact that she didn't actually carry through with taking Dash's wings almost doesn't matter. The very idea that she even considered it is sickening. What's next? Removing her legs? After all she still might get hurt falling down the stairs...
So that's where Rainbow Road is. Operation 'Surprise Crossover' is a go!
Dangit, now that excellent Nintendo music is in my head... and maybe yours too.
thank you cadence. Up until she intervened I was on the verge of just pounding my head into the wall until I passed out,
I now have a much higher respect for her.
Tabloid media, everypony!
"And ever since, Manehattan has been absolutely forbidden from celebrating Nightmare Night."
thank you princess of love for saying what I've been thinking about this entire mess now the healing can begin. hopefully