I'm a dork that lives in AK and loves to draw,read. and write.One of my pet peeves is when someone cracks their knuckles. Fav color is green and this bio is getting personal....
Rainbow dash is lonely. But when Soarin goes missing she doesn't know what to do but save him.When she gets him back in a flash she soon discovers that he's a waste of her time. will she make the right choices to survive what awaits for her? And will she ever be able to escape the shadows that have captured her?
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Interesting idea.
punctuation and capitalization need some improvement, though. For example:
without wings? I guess
"Stay with me, Soarin," I managed to say.
Shoot, can't go to Zecora's, maybe Fluttershy- I mean, she took care of Discord, after all.
Just go through and captalize the names if characters, and add apostrophes in contractions (can't, won't, hasn't, etc.) and the story will read better.
Oh, wow!
This story is really great!!!
I love it so much! Please keep writing!
Definitely a good start for your first story!
Yes, there are grammatical, spelling, and general flow issues. Sometimes the point of view changes within the same few sentences. But these are all easily fixed and not long-term issues in my opinion, so I try not to judge a story based on them.
By the description, I was intrigued by the very believable plot of Rainbow Dash rescuing Soarin too easily and realizing that she's "too cool for school (or Soarin)". RD is the type of pony that I can see having a crush on the idea of having a crush, but once actually nearing or in a relationship growing bored. She is the type of pony that has little patience for even the slightest irritations. One too many indecisive "I don't know - what do you want to do?" and she'd be out of there.
The current chapter's ending (reflections)... Yikes!! Is it that Applejack was affected by the shadows that she knifed herself, or that she was still so hurt by the break-up that being unable to react in time to Rainbow's abduction was too much to handle? Either way, that reaction makes me
(There is an unintentional, subtle pun in that spoiler that I am now going to claim was intended.)
My advice in the following order:
I know I was a horrible writer when I was young!
1) Keep it up and don't mind the dislikes! The only way to improve is to keep writing. Everyone has to start somewhere and few people knock it out of the park on their first try. Some people forget that they too were once prone to mistakes when they were just starting out.
2) Focus on slowing your pacing. An editor can help with spelling and grammar, but the plot and pacing are up to you. I am intrigued by the plot but the pacing is a little rushed. Take your time with scenes and let the reader enjoy as much as they can get from you.
3) Find the aforementioned editor. Since they're doing it for free, they may not edit at the speed you write, so try to keep that in mind! The important part about this step is not simply applying their edits, but learning from them so that you can improve your own writing.
WHOA
Ahh!
...What's next?
The words "fate" and "destiny" are pet-peeves of mine. causality is fine, though.
Hey when is the next chapter coming out?