Once again, Dinky Doo must thwart the menace that plagues the land each and almost everyday. Will she succeed? Or will she be defeated by the monster that even Twilight Sparkle had difficulty defeating? Read on and find out. My first attempt at fan-fiction ever. Also a one-shot. Help with adding tags if needed please.
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Hee. I liked this.
That. Was. Too. Cute!
Hah, adorable.
Nice imagination. Though i think it will only work for short homework assignments. If this happened to some of my homework, *shudder* I can't even think about it.
I love this, I love Dinky, I love Twilight, I love Ditzy Doo and generally everything about this story. To quote the great Eugene Krabs; "MMMOOAAARRR!" If, you know, you wouldn't mind..
wow, I honestly thought this story wouldn't be doing as well as it is
brings a tear to my eye (in a good way)
I would of killed for a imagination spell when I was a kid...
All I got was a locked door, and the evil shadow of no dessert or tv untill it was done...
-Fin
388194>>388276>>388365
only cause it was a twilight-level 'all in her head story'
390991
I agree with you on that one, although I try to imagine myself spell casting with science and math problems
392701
Drafting a new idea and self-editing takes time
397627
you had me until you said locked door...
499412
I agree with you almost completely. I'm just concerned with one thing: did I ever mention Ditzy's level of intelligence?
That portion of the comment felt out of nowhere to me.
500806
I refuse. My pride as a writer tells me not to even though my urge as a partial masochist tells me to.
501350
I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that... I guess that'll do
Recognized your name from the April /fic/ write-off and decided to take a look. I'm glad I did; this was well done. Liked.
A few things. When you have sentences like this:
>My blonde mane covered my face when I had finished, when I brushed it off to the side to look at my opponent.
You're saying that her mane covered her face when she brushed it to the side.
You also switch between tenses quite frequently. For example,
>the monster muttered...
>The monster gets up from the throne...
(emphasis added)
Tildes do not end sentences, and you never need more than one exclamation mark at the end of a sentence.
You might want to center your asides, like the homework problems. Likewise, for scene breaks, you may want to use the horizontal rule, or "hr" inside [ ]s.
The punctuation around dialogue needs a bit of work. Don't use commas unless you have something like "he said" or "he shouted" or some other word that replaces "said". For example,
>The monster gets up from the throne and gave a toothy grin, "I hope you learned your light spells... or like the dark... heheh..."
is (widely considered) incorrect, as "grin" cannot replace "said".
And try to cut down on ellipses. Use them sparingly, since the more you use them, the less impact they have.
552359
Thanks for the critique. I'll take your advice and edit the story accordingly.
Wow...heartwarming to the max.