Blind

by CreamMocha

Dreams

WinterLily opened her eyes, she was in a black world. A-am I...seeing?. Soon voices came out of nowhere it was harsh and painful. she looked over to find many odd looking ponies. Some of them had muzzles on their foreheads. Though they seemed all so different, they all had one thing in common. They were laughing at her. She started backing up and hunched over, like a pony trying to hide from a feral animal. It only had been a few seconds and she wanted to burst into tears, this seemed so real and so fake at the same time. No please stop! I'm not bad...I'm just different! Please don't hurt me! Stop laughing! she cried. The abyss mimicked her thoughts.

"STOP!" she shrieked. She backed up confusedly. Had...she said that? Certainly not, she never spoke, she couldn't speak even if she wanted to. The ponies kept laughing, and now started pointing. She curled on the cold floor and cried in a hoarse voice "please...stop laughing, what did I ever do to deserve this?"

She looked up. A dark grey shadow was burry but in the distance. This seemed like her fate, even if this was her dream. When it got closer she could see the shape. It was a pony, not like the ones laughing at her, this one was dark blue. She wore a black thing on her head and her mane was silky. Could this be RainbowDash? She stopped her sniffles and sat up. The blue mare shot magic energy out of her horn at the crowd of laughing ponies.

They disappeared and she landed, she regally strode towards her. "Hello young, filly," this certainly wasn't Rainbowdash, she held an accent, not like the one the farmpony had. She smiled "I am Princess Luna, has thou not heard of me?" She asked. WinterLily stood in awe. The pony was not just beautiful, but also a princess.
"Where are we? Why can I see? Why can I speak?" She questioned her eyes were wide with joy and disbelief.The mare laughed and explained to her about the dream world and who she was.

"The dream world is a realm only certain ponies come to. Most ponies come and see this darkness in their sleep, others let their sleeping imagination flow. I'm not just the raiser of the moon, or princess of the night, I'm also the protector of this world." She said matter-of-factly. "So anything I can imagine can happen? Am I imagining this?" "No thou isn't imagining this, every night I save ponies from bad thoughts or nightmares." She shuttered using the word 'nightmare'. This confused her at the same time but she was too scared or excited to reply.

WinterLily thought for a second then asked "Can I imagine my family?"

Author's Note:

Cute quick chapter. In the end she wakes up by the way. That's why Luna doesn't answer. Also remember this chapter, some events are important for the ending!

Comments

[DismantledAccount]

4327307
Look, man. That's the wrong attitude to have. With this much negitivity, you must know you are doing more than a few things poorly.

Just . . . Just read the whole thing. Okay? Please? That's what I strongly suggest, then find other guides and do the same. I read the entire Writing Guide top to bottom before I even typed my first chapter. Everything in there can and will help you on this story and all future ones.

I'm trying to be honest here.

[Novalis14]

I love this so far! I don't know why it has the like/dislike ratio it does....

I don't know about the word prompt thing but you should try to have her meet the mane six and make their interactions longer. Also what age is she? At first i got the impression she was a full grown mare like the mane six but now i am thinking she is the crusaders age.

Also ignore nightwolf289 he tends to be curt and not focus of content. He is all criticism and no encouragement.

[DuskPhoenix]

4327194 Tear pizza makes great aloe, especially when the tears come from little Helen Keller foals like your OC. On another note, you seem not to understand that there is a big difference between a sad but understandable story and a sob story.

Sob stories make you roll your eyes while reading, while sad stories make you relate to the characters and feel at least somewhat attached to them. Good sad stories have well paced plots, reasonably spaced hardships, and characters that actually have life and personality instead of their entire presence existing of either unbounded optimism or constant brooding. They also don't lay it on too thick with the hardships, because then the character starts to feel fake and plastic instead of real and relateable.

This is less a matter of talent and more a matter of effort. Good sad stories take many hours, multiple proofreads, and powerful emotion from the author, all of which are things accomplishable by any author on this site who is willing to go the extra mile. "I'm not Pen Stroke" isn't a good reason, it's an excuse for laziness or cutting corners.

[DuskPhoenix]

4328639 That's kinda the point of a critic. To criticize. Encouragement where it isn't needed helps no-one. Honestly, he wasn't even being outright rude. I think you are mixing blunt honesty with rude discouragement.

[Novalis14]

4330197

Yes I understand critics, this guy has commented on my stories a couple times. However after his comment all I felt like doing was trashing the story.

While you shouldn't just throw praise at everything you don't have to stress how bad they are at parts, a simple: I like where this is going but you should get an editor, you have a lot of typo's" Is a good way to put it. also suggesting kindly, to try reading the guide is a good rather than saying "Man you really need to read the guide" (not to quote anything)

Basically he could stand to put a positive spin on his criticism

[DuskPhoenix]

4330492 I really can't argue with that. I do have a problem with people sugarcoating things, but it is true that constant harshness can have the opposite effect of helping. I just see it as the way of each person.

I tend to be sarcastic and blunt, but I also try to respond to questions to the best of my abilities. In that way, I'm like a lot of critics on this site; sometimes cruel, but still sending an actual message. Some people criticize with complements woven through with suggestions, and some criticize with harsh truths woven with expertise. Most people just tend to fall into the latter category, probably because it is far easier to insult than it is to complement.

What I try to do is see it as them trying to help in their own way. They wouldn't be including actual references to helpful material or good advice if they didn't want other authors to get better, even if it is for selfish reasons. Heck, most of them wouldn't even take the time to comment if they really didn't have some urge to solicit improvement. I'm probably being a whopping hypocrite with this entire comment, seeing as I am quite often insulting, but I just wanted to toss my own two cents in here and see if they can help someone else see a new perspective.

Cheers.

[DismantledAccount]

4330492
Look, I can be a bit blunt at times, but I never aim for rude.

I don't quite know how to word this, but I'll give it a shot: if you feel a little bit bad for making something bad, that's good. (That sounds really mean, but I can't think of a way to word it better.) Take that feeling. Embrace it. Let it fuel your desire not to feel that way. Go. Read. Learn. Practice. Come back stronger.

Let me give you an example: I gave a guy a particularly harsh review on an absolute train wreck (slight exaggeration). And guess what. It made him feel like ****. But he wanted proof, so I went through his story top to bottom and gave him a detailed list of items. It made him feel worse, but he wanted more. So I ripped that story a new one, several, in fact. I brutalized it. I even made his "Top Ten List of Things that Have Made Me Feel Bad In 2013."

Guess what happened next? He thanked me and followed me. He went off, learned, read, grew, found editors. He asked me to come back and look it over. So I did.

I almost didn't recognize it. Something that I almost downvoted earned my like and fave because I gave him a blunt review. If I hadn't have done that, he wouldn't have known that he needed to work on anything.

Sometimes you have to be hurt to grow. If all you get is half-hearted criticism, it doesn't have the same effect. Again, example: the same person I was talking about got half-hearted "you should probably work on this, . . ." but it didn't make him want to change anything because it wasn't strong enough.

And I will always back up any of my comments with proof; otherwise, I won't say anything. (Either that or apologize. I'm only human and have been known to make mistakes.)

[CreamMocha]

4331693
4331308
Dang, that was a little touching. Yeah this is pretty much a bunch of crap right now but I'm working on it. My main problem is that the chapters are rushed because I'm really busy with school and crap. I've been reading over the writing guide and I've been working a little on it so it should start to get better.
4328639
Thanks for being nice and yes she's the crusaders age. The whole thing about the one word prompt is just that I need ideas and I dot want to focus too much on the main six reactions because its not important to the story line.