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Tavi

When Octavia was just a filly, she had a really great band with her mother. After a long school day she suddenly couldn't find her mother anywhere. Years later she notices she is still not over her mother's sudden dissapearance. Stay tuned for another chapter.

I'm just 15 years old living in Holland, and this is my first ever story I wrote in my life. So please don't go too hard on me.
Feedback is very much appreciated!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Pleaseworkforonce

Pleaseworkforonce #1 · Mar 29th, 2012 · · ·

you may want to change the name its not very catchy (makes peaple curoius mabey) i have no clue what s it about so i cant suggest names and add a short desc

WanderingPhysicist

WanderingPhysicist #2 · Mar 29th, 2012 · · ·

Interesting premise for a first story, but I sort of get the feeling you have a larger narrative you want to tell. I am curious to see where this goes.

Aside from getting nitpicky about formatting, I agree that a bit of rebranding with the title and description couldn't hurt. Getting started writing is tough when you are still developing your own style. Keep at it.

Basbaas

Basbaas #3 · Mar 29th, 2012 · · ·

This wasn't going to be my real title, I just had to make up a "beta" title for now.
I am more than happy to take any suggestions for a title, as I am not very creative with names. I will give you credit in the discription
Thanks for commenting, I will update the title and description soon. A new chapter will come out hopefully very soon, as I am working really hard on it.