Equestrian empires

by Astra sky

Back home

They were back, and they were really happy to be alive. "Go get to your family. I'll be right behind you," said Shankist. They got to Twilight's place, and the six were there. They all laughed, and hugged Spike.

Then a loud sniff came from the room. Shankist was gritting his teeth and crying. Spike went to him, and told him, "Dude! We made it! Oh....... yeah, sorry that you lost your family."

"Nah. I'm just glad that it's over. I don't have to run, or anything. But i'll miss it alot." A few days later, a Canterlot guard came at the door. Spike was told that the members of the stalker team were MIA, then KIA (Missing/Killed In Action).

He was depressed for a few weeks. Then, he told Shankist. Twilight came in, and she said, to Shankist, "You're welcome to stay here as long as you need to."

"Would it be a problem if I said I want to live here?" He and Spike glared at eachother, then to Twilight.

"OF COURSE!"

Author's Note:

If there were any flaws i didn't say, tell me about them.

Comments

[Astra sky]

A quick heads up, if you don't know what an estate is, it's a civilian town that is taxed for an advantage in war. This was actually in the castle times. A kingdom would send troops, and the troops would guard the town, making sure it wasn't taken from them.

[Sir Thursday]

Okay I think I finally see the problem. You've got this great idea in your head, and I think it could be a really cool idea. The problem, it's stuck as an idea and not a story. I've read the first few chapters and was incredibly bored. There's no details, no character development, and no style. It's just a series of statements to the reader. You've got an idea for a story...but instead of writing a story you wrote down some events and called it a story. Do you understand what I'm saying? You could definitely turn this into something fantastic. You just need to put more time and effort into writing a story, and not just writing down ideas.

[Astra sky]

Guys, I can see what "Sir Thursday" is saying, and he's right about a set of ideas. Really, i'm not a descriptive person, but if you go to a chapter called "Names," you get their cutie marks and clothes. It's actually supposed to be like Spike learned their names. There was a peice at the end that I wanted to delete. Some more in the middle, but I left it there to see what you guys thought.

[AryaFlame]

This was boring and super inaccurate. Spike is a kind and generous dragon that would never kill because Hasbro said so or some thing like that.