The first part with a contrived, unoriginal title
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE--
A gray hoof shot out from the twisted mess of blankets and fur, flopping around for a few moments before it finds its mark at the alarm clock’s snooze button. Unfortunately, with the ungodly racket it caused, the poor mare in the sheets found herself very much unable to return to the blissful embrace of slumber. Through the haze of sleep and the tangle of sheets, a single, golden eye could be seen, looking for the easiest way to extricate its owner from the veritable straightjacket of sheets that was pinching quite uncomfortably on the pony’s wings. It felt like ages of thrashing, but according to the clock it was only a few scant minutes later, the mare in the bed wriggled herself out of the constricting jumble of linen. Now, this mare has never been much of a morning pony, always needing a little something to get her up and going in the morning. Today it was a hard knock to the head. The gray pegasus had fallen out of bed with a loud THUMP. In case you hadn’t gleaned, this anecdote is about none other than Ponyville’s wall-eyed Mailmare, Derpy Hooves. Most ponies think of her as a lovable pony, if not a mentally handicapped dullard, but the sting was always taken out of those accusations by a diploma hanging serenely on one of her pale blue walls.
She had graduated as valedictorian at a prestigious private school in Manehattan. Most ponies didn’t like her too much there; her parents were important ponies at the school, and some tried to take advantage of that in hopes of gaining some sliver of power. Those that didn’t (or had attempted closeness in the past) made fun of her because of her eyes. Her eyes, while a beautiful gold, were almost always ‘derped,’ as it was dubbed, or pointed in different directions. The disparity in her perspectives gave her very poor depth perception and as such she came across as very klutzy. She always had hopes that there were doctors that could fix her condition, but when she was 14, she had exhausted the number of doctors to go to. They all had the same conclusion: ‘inoperable and uncorrectable’. Derpy had been crushed for weeks after the final news. She holed herself up in her room and refused to come out for anything, nearly starving herself in the process. After she graduated, she packed what little necessities she needed and raided her parents’ bit purses and ran off to the countryside in hopes of fitting in better than in the big city. She, always the caring mare, she left a very detailed note about her sudden departure, omitting nothing aside from her destination. Truth be told, she didn't know herself where she was going. Derpy soon arrived in the small town of Ponyville; its quaint and rustic atmosphere providing a refreshing change for the city mare. Unbeknownst to her, her little sister, Dinky, had snuck along with her, hiding inside one of her suitcases. A telegram was quickly sent to their parents to tell them what happened, but Derpy will always remember the response. They said that she was a big girl and Dinky needed to get out of the house anyway; Derpy will take care of her for a while wherever they end up staying. The two warmed up to Ponyville very quickly, the elder finding work as a mailmare rather quickly. Possibly what Derpy loved the most about Ponyville was that nopony particularly cared that her eyes were wonky most of the time. Sure, they didn’t care for her clumsiness, but Derpy didn’t mind too much.
“Big Sis? Are you okay? Did you fall out of bed again?” came the adorable call of the unicorn filly.
“Y-yeah, Dinky, I’m fine. I didn’t land on my wing this time.” Derpy didn’t make a habit of falling out of bed, but juggling additional schooling, work, and family time had done a number on her sleep patterns. She was starting to get it back on track, but it is easier said than done.
The gray pegasus stood up slowly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and yawning. She stretched languidly and padded to her closet to retrieve her uniform.
“Derpy! I’m heading to school early! I’ll see you later, sis. Love you!” Before Derpy could reply, she heard the front door slam. She chuckled lightly at her energetic sister, always one to want to be early if she could help it. Picked it up from their mother.
Derpy posed for the mirror, her uniform fitting snugly over her pelt, psyching herself up for the day ahead. Derpy glanced over to her calendar. Today’s sheet had her route for today's shift, as well as a number of multi-colored crayon doodles around the date, signaling that today was Derpy’s birthday. Derpy knew it was her birthday, but she never really made a big deal about it, she just treated it like any other day. Derpy never really had big parties or got a lot of gifts on her birthday. She wasn’t a very popular pony in Manehattan, so not many ponies came to her parties and those that did weren’t very good party guests. Dinky, on the other hoof, tried to make a big fuss every year about Derpy not having a party, but the pegasus was adamant on keeping things the way they were for the time being. Derpy sighed, missing her parents again. They always were disappointed that she never wanted a party, but they were nice about it. A tear rolled down the side of her muzzle as a strong wave of loneliness washed over her. Maybe she should go and ask Pinkie Pie to plan and throw a party for her next week. A little belated, but even the physics-defying mare couldn't plan and throw a party in an afternoon. A loud growl emanated from her barrel, eliciting a small giggle from the saddened mare.
“Maybe I should stop by Sugarcube Corner for a couple muffins anyway, huh, stomach?” Receiving another rumble in response, she walks out the door and trots off to the center of town.
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You might wanna space out your paragraphs more. I found this story intriguing but too hard to read because of that. Gonna give a like anyways, and putting it on my 'read later' list.
4101065
Thanks for the tip. Not how I learned how to write, but if that is what makes it easier to read, I'll be certain to do that.
4101067 Your welcome, you'll find most stories on the site are spaced out more. But it's your choice too.
4101070
I think that I should do it if the readers expect it. At least it has indents; wall-of-text syndrome, amiright?
4101076 ^^' I'm not sure what that means...I'm kinda slow atm. Sorry about that.
4101081
Nah, it's fine. We all have those days. Wall-of-text syndrome is the sensation, usually accompanied by a loss of focus, when reading a text that has no indents or extra spaces between paragraphs, making the words appear to be a wall.
4101087 You pretty much described your story atm. ^^' heh. Sorry. Well, I'll read it once you fix it k?
4101092
Apologies, mate. I thought that the indents would be enough, but I'm learning. I've only ever really written scholastic papers before, so I guess habits carry over... Anyway, I chopped up everything and hopefully the paragraphs aren't too long now.
Very nice! Glad to see you writing and so well! Nice take on Derpy and very well written!
4101105
Thanks, mate
4101107
Wow Derpy isn't a mother to Dinky in this story! ^^ That's a nice twist :) Loved it btw, have a fave. Please continue!
4101623
I plan on finishing it. I have more written, but this wasthe best place to stop. I'm glad you liked that Dinky is sister rather than daughter. I was worried people would get mad...
Thanks