Derpy, Pinkie Pie, Sweetie Belle, Chrysalis. Myself, summed up in four MLP characters. I'm a deeply flawed individual, but if you can get past that, I'm sure we can be the best of friends.
(Done for OneShotober. This is *not* a clopfic.)
Derpy has a muffin. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Maybe... if it weren't for the fact that it's haunted by a ghost who calls himself Nappa. And for some reason, Derpy is convinced that Octavia is the only one who can get him out. On second thought, nothing about this is ordinary.
Slight crossover with DBZ Abridged. Also proof that when it comes to fic-writing, I really don't know what I'm doing.
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but it had so much potential
3301136
hmm you're right about that
Nappa? interesting. is he edible? wait, he's in a muffin...OF COURSE HE'S EDIBLE!!!!!!!
-tries to nom on the Nappa muffin-
Hope it gets featured!! It truly deserves it
x100
Feature Box, Ho!
Seriously though, hilarious idea.
That was fun to read, definitely my favorite ghost story
3301168
I want to eat the Nappa muffin!
3301169 I can't imagine what would happen if you did, think it would taste like a regular muffin?
3301192
no idea, but it would be pretty funny hearing Nappa yell at me for eating his edible, and very tastey muffin body. (And that sounded wrong
)
3301207
see 3301136
3301212
yeah, I know, but still, with what I said, it just sounded........wrong!
3301219
I'd like to see you write a story for Oneshotober with that premise
3301230
um....no thank you, I'm barely starting to write, so it would be HORRIBLE as hell.
What the hay did I just read?
... nevermind. I don't care.
3301244
best not to question it, mate.
Wondering if Trixie would even handle the constant ramblings of Ghost Nappa... We will never know. But anyways, moustaches to your one shot.
I still think it would've been funny if they just ate the muffin, Nappa would have been pissed! But that's just me. -snaps fingers and an omlette appears-
<Hey! what the hell? how'd I get here?>
oh, be quiet, Misconduct. I just feel lime torturing you.
<Why am I an Omlette?>
I'm hungry, why else?
<Oh shit! No, Mythic. NOOOOO!!!!!!>
-eats misconduct-
Okay, I promised a review, so let's get reviewing.
This story certainly earned the random tag and was actually a lot of fun to read. I did laugh out loud at points and this all seems to make perfect sense.
Well, except for the muffin possession thing, but buck logic.
Favorite Line:
Rating:
/5
Final Verdict: Very funny.
And now, off to procrastinate more.
My only objection is that Ghost Nappa is usually very childish and upbeat. I personally would have written him differently, but you did well. Funny overall and it deserves the upvote.
3328111
He's also in a brand-new environment, torn from his beloved Vegeta, and trapped inside a pastry of the muffin variety. Wouldn't you act a bit differently if you were in that kind of situation?
3328140 Probably, but he did take to being dead pretty well. And the destruction of their planet. I guess losing Vegeta could be the thing that puts him over the edge though. I concede to poetic license regardless.
3328170
I also kinda envision Nappa as being more foul-mouthed than DBZA let him on to be. I mean, look at who he's haunting.
Okay so warning: Brutaly Honest Review.
So where to begin. First of all let's just pin point the small things that disturbed me.
1. Derpy droped acid when she was dating Venyl. Seems pretty unneccesry and not really funny too.
2. Derpy Brutally shoved Nappa Muffin into the fridge. It is pretty much doesn't sound like something Derpy would do
3. I know it is supposed to be a comedy so it is not meant to be taken seriously, but the way they acted meeting their first ghost was underwhelming
Now for the big stuff. Okay so Derpy was pretty much out of character. Nappa was unfunny and acted almost nothing like nappa from DBZ abridged. I actually liked how Octavia was written, she really acted...well natural.
The story itself was not awful but it was by far not great. I smiled only about once throughout the whole story.
So final verdict: Not an awful story but also nothing way too special. (sorry if I was rough but I want to be honest in my reviews)
Best Wishes, Zelos
.
3336557
okay, I have to highlight something in your review.
That would be pretty much fine, if it weren't for the fact that technically, Derpy doesn't have a character. Not a canon one, anyways, and certainly not enough of an in-show character to be able to draw comparisons to. A few lines in one episode doesn't establish a recurring character pattern. Nor does a few errant actions that cause minor mayhem and havoc for our dear rainbow-maned friend. So I don't see how you can say that Derpy was "out of character" when the only "character" we have to base her actions out of is 1% canon, 99% fan-character.
Nitpicking aside, I appreciate the review.
3575129 True true...but she did not fit any personality of Derpy that I know and overall the most important fact that in my opinion this personality does not fit Derpy and I don't think I like it.
No. I couldn't even finish it. That sucked!
4281901 If you're going to say that about a fic, you could at least have the courtesy to explain WHY.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
3301138
Nappa: Nooooooooooo! Who do I look like? An Android?