"The Lost Room" tells the story of Detective Joe and his experiences after being thrust into the odd events transpiring around an odd motel room in Gallup, New Mexico. This is my take on it, so naturally it's gonna have ponies in it.
For those of you who don't know what "The Lost Room" is, or are too lazy to look into it, allow me to offer you this.
It is similar to "Death Note", but its about more than books. And there's less killing. Less, at least.
You don't need to have watched or know what "The Lost Room" is to enjoy the story or my writing, but you may understand more coming into it if you did a little homework. Knowing is, as they say, half the battle.
One last bit of advice: Be careful. You are treading on territory beyond pony (or human) comprehension, and beyond this point, there is no going back.
Yay, writing! I haven't written in a long time. Be gentle
Also, before I get any hype about it, there's a reason I made a note in MS Paint with horrible handwriting. The fact that the handwriting is horrible is important and we'll get into that in the next chapter. Bear with me. Also, doodling with track-ball mouse: near impossible.
I like how the bad drawing is part of the character, and not you failing. Though I still think it's an excuse for bad writing.
We need more New Mexico Bronies!!!
495904 ^ ,^ As much as it is an excuse, it is actually important. It'll make more sense when I get into Object Side Effects in the next chapter.
495907 I had no intention of going to New Mexico, but I suppose if there was a place for Bronies in New Mexico it would be Gallop
495983 TY! I'm glad I'm not the only one that's heard of it. My biggest challenge was trying to mix magic with the Objects. I have a couple of ideas and an overall plan, so we'll see how that goes.
I LOVE YOU ALL ^/////^
495983: You should thank me, I'm the one that introduced Parakalo
Here it is, the second installment. I'm really excited that the ball is just about ready to get rolling. Just a couple of notes:
- There was a part where I used "hoofed". I was originally going to say "handed", but I figured that's not how we do things. :3
- Characterization is like my weakest writing trait! How did I do with my aged Twilight Sparkle? She's kinda important to the story, so I wanna know!
- In case anyone was wondering, there will be no Mane 6 shipping. I tried that once, and I can promise you I'm never going back. Just OC's from here on out.
- I was thinking about posting a little blurb thing that has physical profiles of all of my characters in it, because I have found that my general writing style doesn't leave a lot of room for sitting and describing what my characters look like. Any feedback on this would also be much obliged.
- Obscure Fun Fact: The white pegasus mentioned at the end is actually an OC from a story I wrote snips and bits for a long time ago! Not that it changes anything (especially because I never published the story, so nopony can ever see it :P), but it's kinda entertaining food for thought.
534707 that not true, I've seen it
Also the ending dialogue seems a bit off, like maybe the characters are being confused with there lines. Idon't know but just thought I should point that out in case I'm correct
541303 I know the stream of dialogue is hard to follow, but I have everypony saying what I want them to say as far as I can tell. I think the confusion comes from the fact that the line break comes from a new speaker, not from actions or other text following speech. So basically, it will be Autumn that says something, followed by an action that Starshine does. And then Starshine will speak, followed by an action that Autumn does. I try to avoid long conversations like that because of it gets confusing. With that in mind, try going back and see if it still doesn't line up. If you can find a better way for me to organize long dialogue, I'd much appreciate it
542048 for just a few line like where you say Starshine yawned you could drop it down in front of what she says, because you can speak when you yawn and it kind of looks like that when read in its current form.
So instead of:
...Starshine yawned
"You gotta..."
It would be:
...
Starshine yawned. "You gotta..."
That's all I got
542096 It's not proper English the way I learned it, but if it makes it easier to understand, then it shall be done.
HAY... JUST MAKE MORE!!!!
FIRST!!!!!!!
Awesome chapter man!
My apologies for the hiatus, ladies and gentlemen. I can say now with glee that I am back in the writing game and you can expect to see much more writing in the future. Any and all thoughts/opinions on LR is much appreciated :3
The hardest part of this chapter was trying to make the time break seem as fluid as possible (the first portion of this chapter was written almost four months ago :P). I didn't want it to be obvious where this gap was, but lets see if you can find it ;D.
We finally get some more of Autumn's backstory. I really, really hope that her melodrama is effectively justified. That's another really big problem I had with this chapter. Any criticism on this front is much obliged
Glad to be back!
"Autumn?" The figure froze. Autumn rose from the fridge, jelly jar in hand,
Autumn rose from the fridge, jelly jar in hand,
jelly jar in hand,
HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lyra will be pised at you for hiding this pony in the future.
1042821 Deeeeerrrrrrp
Fixed.
"We've been inspecting you, Miss Fairbreeze."
Deeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrp
Also Fixed.
We're good! No anthro here, I promise >.<;