After establishing himself in Ponyville, Comet's friends come to a disturbing realization. This is his story in showing everyone in Ponyville that anyone can change for the better, even someone who's got their head in the clouds.
Chapters (16)
Parakalo
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Very good start bro. I can't wait to read more!
Oh and FIRST!!! I guess.
Hmm apples...forshadow much
?
Whoops spoilers
sorry Para
So... does this guy have a Rudolph in his family too?
@ anonoy - You know, I have thought about it. Like a Derpy insert or something. That could be fun.
The whole fainting thing is an interesting twist. I look forward to see his interactions with the rest of the ponies in town.
P.S. a Derpy encounter would be hilarious by the way.
I have a friend who has the same problem.
@ cr4zy4zn - Isn't it great when you aren't the only one with an obscure brain issue?
We are an elite few - less than 1% of the worlds population is diagnosed with veso-vegal syncope.
Nice picture much more relevant and less emo
That's weird make a comment in general and It tacks it on to the latest chapter duly noted. Anyway great story so far can't wait to find out what's makeing twilight so angry
@ DigitDaemon - You need to be on the chapter in particular you want to reference. If you aren't in one, I think it just tacks it on the end. I love the new pic, thanks for noticing. I'm working on it right now
The story is looking really good, I can't wait for the next chapter
I remember a comment in chapter 1 that asked if Comet was related to a Rudolph...I guess that settles that. In any case, I think you're rushing the relationships between the characters a bit. It's not the Applebloom scene that made me think that though it's mainly the scene where Comet and Twilight apologize to one another. Anyway Keep up the good work.
Currently fisting the air at the new chapter!
@ Rolix - I appreciate the fact that you would say that. And you know, in retrospect, you're right. I did rush it a bit. Let me say a few things in my defense though, because, believe it or not, it was intentional. Firstly, the way the storyboarding played out, the relationship needed to be established there and I kind of dawdled in setting it up ^,^;;; Secondly, I want to assure you I'm not going to rush into any kind of shipping any time soon. I have way too many other things I want down on paper before that will come up, so at this point it is purely supplemental to the story. Lastly, there aren't many possible ships that I'm working with, and that one happened to be a bit sloppy on my part, and I apologize for that. (I will NOT SHIP APPLEBLOOM. DX I don't do loli. I thought the scene would be cute, and it's going to be used later as well.)
Thanks so much for your feedback, though, it is duely noted
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). I'd like to note that It's good you're not out of ideas yet. Most OC character fics run out of ideas by Chapter 3 and the fact you're still going is a testament to your preparation and creativity (even if you say that the possible ships are sloppy because of lack there of). As I've said before. I hope to see more from you :)
I see. That's perfectly understandable. As for the Applebloom scene I would like to add that you did succeed in making the scene EXTREMELY cute and heartwarming. I didn't interpret it as Applebloom shipping and I doubt anyone else did (Sorry Applebloom you'll have your chance when you're older
I'm really loving this... two admirers now hmmm? can't wait for you next chapter!
Yup. I'm kicking you out and renting away your room to Blitzen. this is how i want to kick my kid out of the house XD
everything was awesome eccept ponies don't have hands
ohhh applebloom has a crush on comet XD
@ Darklordcomp - D'Oh. Thanks for picking up on that for me. I'm surprised I missed it. I fixed it ^,^
15255 No problem
Man. Comet is an oblivious twit, isn't he? A smart twit, but still a twit.
@ Soulsilver - Absolutely Positively. It comes from a number of different things, and it's actually going to be coming up real quick. Believe it or not, it is intentional obliviousness. If that makes sense. Like, willful ignorance.
Well done as usual. I'm happy to say that the relationships didn't feel rushed this time and the new OC, Cupid is interesting. I'm sorry but I really don't have much more critique then that for this chapter.
@ Rolix - 'Tis cool. Cupid is going to be the wrench in the gears, so to speak. She's going to make everything really complicated, really fast. Which is why she's a personal favorite of mine. I also was entertained researching actual tarot cards for her readings. I just messed with the suits a bit. (Cups - Hooves, Wands - Wands :P, Swords - Wings, Pentacles - Gems). I'm glad I was able to get my relationship building under control. It's important to me to make sure these things flow correctly. Thanks to everyone for 3k views now. Holy crap I had no idea I was so popular.
or something crazy like that.
Makes me feel like a cool guy
Well this is bound to be interesting now that comet is running at full power. But what problems will Cupid cause?
@ DigitDaemon - You'll see~
I'm not really happy with how the chapter turned out. I'm not sure what it is, it just doesn't seem up-to-par with my other work. Kind of like it is just a transition between 7 and 9. I'm not sure, maybe I'm just critical...
Well I liked the chapter :D maybe it was a bit forced in the start but it got better in the end :D I really like Cupid and Comet :) They are really well written characters plz keep writing ;D
p.s. If comet choses twilight over cupid i'm going to find you and hit you with a stick. Twilight has been shiped enough and cupid is a whole lot more interesting. Of course it's your fic I just want you to know the potential consequences... :P
@ Natr1x - *Eyes stick with fear* I... uh... I see. Well, uh... see... I have to go... *locks himself in room* *quickly opens door to leave a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob and shuts the door again*
Seriously, though, I honestly have no idea which way I want it to go. I'm almost done with Chapter 9, and I talk about that a bit. Look forward to it :3
I will :D
Apparently I didn't have to look forward very far :)
@ Natr1x - Lol yeah, I don't have a lot going on today. I'll prolly put out one more chapter before the day is done. 'Das How I roll
reads "Hands shaking?".........wait wut
? anyways good story bro :D
"It was obviously going to be a boring day in Ponyville." Smartypants disagrees.
@ NeverKnown - OMG I did it agian. :\ Fixed it
Good work on 8 and 9. Now down to business. First of I would like to state that you've succeeded in making these two chapters on par with the rest of your work. Next I would like to congratulate you on what I saw as improvements in your writing. There were a bunch of little stuff like an increase in rhetorical questioning to get the reader thinking, a glimpse into the mind and personal beliefs of the protagonist, stuff like that. In my opinion though the main improvement though is the way that you've started to give more personality to every characters other than the main character, Comet. The other improvement was the lack of spelling errors or grammatical errors. It's not like the previous chapters were littered with them, it was like...1 or 2 per two paragraphs max but these two chapters were almost completely devoid of them.
The fact that you are incorporating recent episodes into your story is good and I have no complaints (actually all I have are compliments!) for how you went about doing it. As always I look forward to your next release.
And on a final note....Comet really is dense isn't he?
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still little things like that make me chuckle :D Also any thoughts on if 
is going to show up for some more of her random mail shenanigans. if anything keep it up puts a smile on my face when i see a great peace of work like this 
@ Rolix -
It makes me happy to see that you enjoyed it. 8 in particular was difficult for me to write. The entire time it just felt like it was taking up space between 7 and 9. Like a... big text sponge of attention. Does that make sense? Anyways, I'm glad my writing is improving overall. There's a speed I need to move at in order to produce a crisp, clean text without errors. If I move too slow, I start adding/subtracting letters or getting all dyslexic. If I move too fast, my grammar gets sloppy. 9 in particular just felt like a good chapter as I wrote it; it felt natural and free-flowing. Characterization has always been an especially weak point of mine. That's what I actively contribute to sloppy shipping and the like. It's difficult for me, because as it plays out in my head, my ideas hardly fill the canon shoes, so to speak. I'm glad I'm getting better in the eyes of a veteran ^,^
On the subject of mixing-in episodes, I didn't want to do a thing where I just conveniently dodged episodes, but I didn't want to rewrite episodes in my own image, does that make sense? I wanted to include things around what was happening in the episodes. That way, when I watch the episodes (again :3), I could point out where Comet was and what he was doing in-between scenes. It just felt like the best way to go about doing it. My buddy DigitDaemon (who should be largely accredited for introducing me to the Brony Fold) has been bugging me about what I'm going to do for the Halloween episode. In all honesty, I have no idea, as the episode won't come out for two days >,>
And on a final note... isn't it great? My favorite kind of character is the one that you wanna slap around and say "Are you f@#$in kidding me?!" If anything, all of my characters have moments like that. Comet, with his sheer density, Cupid, with her passive-obsessive nature, and Rudolph because he's Rudolph.
I think I have enough in me for one more chappy
Look forward to it.
On a Final Final Final Final Note:
Based on the assumption nobody reads mi blog (which is k I really don't care), I would die if I could find someone to draw Comet, Cupid, and/or Rudolph. I would plaster that sh!t all over the place, credit given where it's due, of course. :D
@ NeverKnown - I'm not sure what you mean. If you are referring to Rudolph (who, in his beta, was a Derpy insert), He has to get a day off for schooling eventually, doesn't he? He is just an intern.
In all honesty, he's going to play a very important role in Chapter 10. Gonna get some serious character development and stuff. He's been pretty minor, but everyone deserves their spotlight.
Well to be perfectly honest I don't know anyone who could and or would draw them for you, however I do have a link to a game that helps creates Pony avatars and pictures for you. You can upload custom backgrounds and cutie marks and by using the completed picture of one character as the backround you might be able to fit Comet, Cupid, and Rudolph all in one photo using it. Heres the link
http://jayisgames.com/games/pony-creator/
Hope it helps
It's perfect! Squee
Expect pictures of Comet, Rudolph, and Cupid by the end of the night ^,^
ROLIX YOU ARE A GOD
I like this story, if you need any help I'm good at helping.
@ Darktoes - Thanks for your support. It means a lot to me :3
I'm pretty good right now. I wanted to put up Chapter 10 this morning (at about 2 ish), but every time I hit the save button, my internet would crash and I would lose some work. I lost about 2200 words in 10 minutes
Unfortunately, I'm busy for most of the day today, so my first opportunity to recover from that won't be until this evening (at a party for the new Halloween episode :3). I'm not sure how long it'll take, I know what I want to happen, I just need to put it all back down on text boxes again.
In all honesty though, I'm so grateful for all the feedback I'm getting. Without all my awesome fans like darktoes, Rolix, darklordcomp, and neverknown, I probably would have dropped out a long time ago
My good buddy DigitDaemon was the one who got my into MLPFIM, and he's writing a story of his own. Check it out :D
He's still growing as a writer (not that I'm not), but he has a lot of creative ideas that I personally never would have come up with.
PS: Pony creater is AMAZING. Used SAI to mesh all three of them together. If you couldn't figure it out, from top to bottom, it's Cupid, Comet, and Rudolph without his glasses. I couldn't get the glasses to cooperate very well, and he does look better without them. That's kind of important to the story though, so I won't get into that :3
Time for work
Toodles~
Silly Comet don't choose between Twilight and Cupid, you should choose the waitress.
16206 i was thinking the same thing and also 16190
shout out :D also if your looking for a pre reader or anything looks like the story i was correcting http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1526/Haylo%3A-A-New-World might be taking a short break 
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Glad to help
New Chapter is up, finally! This one is one of my personal favorites, we got some intense Rudolph backstory, some Rainbow Dash empathy, and some intense action-adventure stuff! I really feel that the time I spent putting into it payed off; I had to scrap the story three times before ending with this product. Unfortunately, I am on a laptop at a friend's house, and it doesn't have spell-check. I'll get the errors and things taken care of tonight, but for now, enjoy the bad-assery that is Rudolph "Red (or Zig-Zag)" Windhoof!
PS - I'll put another one out tonight ^,^ late late. Like after midnight. Look forward to it~~~
Okay part of this chapter has one of my worst enemies in it. Something I call premature sentences (because I don't know what they're actually called). These are sentences that are great for rough drafts, but need to be corrected before the final draft. They lack detail and more often than not, obvious information. Look in the first and second paragraph and tell me how many sentences have the same structure as "He went outside" or "Cupid made a face". Yes, they're short, sweet, and too the point...But these sentences bother me (God knows why). Simply adding even one word can sometimes make them sound better. "He immediately went outside". Sometimes adding more than one word is necessary though, "Cupid made a face although Comet couldn't tell what had caused her to do so". Just small things like this can improve any essay or any fiction. However, this is a matter of my personal opinion. It might be better to keep it the way it is...Who knows =/
. I look forward to the next chapter.
Next I would like to discuss your wording. Let's examine this sentence:
"He grabbed a printout of the variable wind speeds and put it and some supplies into a saddlebag"
As you undoubtedly know, this was when Comet was in a hurry to inform the Hazard team and Rudolph of the coming storm but can't we use better verbs for portraying just how much of a rush he was in? I think we can...Let's try shall we?
"He quickly grabbed a printout of the variable wind speeds and stuffed it as well as some supplies into a saddlebag"
The original verb "put" doesn't exactly bring the image of a person being in a hurry to mind does it? The verb "Stuffed" on the other hand, does and causes a portrayal of Comet being in a rush to come into the readers mind albeit unconsciously.
That's all I really have to say about this chapter. The things that bothered me were only in the first part of this chapter so you can relax about having to correct the whole chapter. And I know the spell check wasn't on your friends laptop so I won't bother with that one. It's good work as usual and while I have some issues with Rainbow dash having a childhood friend/Potential partner (I'm jealous DX) I can deal with it...*sniffle*
@ Rolix - Rolix be my engrish teacher LOL
In all seriousness though, a couple of things:
The fragment "made a face" is actually a slang phrase from my community. I was writing quickly because I was way late :P I had no idea that was in there.
As for those other two lines, I suppose I should give my phrasing a little more love
I had a feeling would get a little backlash for the Red/Dash pairing. It's probably my favorite shipping to date, so unfortunately it's not going anywhere :3
It's going to get better (or worse, if you disapprove), so be forewarned