The Archive

by PureSkilled

The stumble

Google doc version
Cover picture used with permission by Topgull on Deviant art.

After the Mane 6 defeated Discord, Twilight went back to Canterlot to further improve her magic. The Princess allowed Twilight access to her personal magic and spells library. That's when she discovered a scroll about the Dark Archive.

“The Dark Archive?” said Twilight.

As she read more about the Dark Archive, she had become more and more curious. Months passed and her magic grew stronger and stronger, eventually her mane, that was once solid, has now turned astronomical like the Princesses’. As Twilight read more and more, she found out that the world is controlled not by the Princesses, but the 'Light' and 'Dark' Archives, in the other world, it’s known as 'Ying' and 'Yang'. Twilight figured it was time to confront the Princess about the Dark Archives.

“Princess, can I ask you a question?” Asked Twilight

“Of course, you're my prodigy after all.” said the Princess

“What's the Dark Archive?” said Twilight

The Princess froze in fear, trying to avoid her darkest fear. The creation of all evil, all things dark, all the knowledge of the greatest evil known in all of Equestria, it was all in the Dark Archive. Entering the Dark Archive was rumored to corrupt any pony that put a hoof in the room. Discord was once a pure dragon, a dragon set to find the truth of evil, to get rid of it, that was when the Dark Archive was released. The Princesses were once like Twilight : powerful in magic, never made any friends as they thought studying were more important. It was years and years of Discords reign, after what felt like an eon, they found it. The Light Archive. Within the archive was the purest of magic, Princess Celestia was the first pony to enter the archive, Princess Luna followed. The archive acted as a time chamber. What was days in there was only a few seconds in Equestria. They studied all the books and scrolls in the archive. As years passed in it, they found a way to defeat Discord, the Elements of Harmony. The scroll explained in detail how to obtain it, how to use it, and most importantly, how to lock the Dark Archive away. After the Princesses obtained the Elements of Harmony, their manes started to fade from solid into the astronomical mane they have now. They went to face Discord, the biggest evil in all of Equestrian history, the master of chaos. When the Princesses faced Discord, he laughed at them, as he thought they could never do anything.

“HA! You and your sister, huh? You think that's enough to defeat me!? If you humor me, I just might keep you as pets, the mane looks nice.” said Discord, as he was enjoying a nice glass of atomic chocolate milk.

“We have the Elements of Harmony within us Discord, stop this reign of chaos, you use to be so kind,” Said Princess Celestia.

“Discord, please…stop…you use to be so nice…and…” Princess Luna could no longer speak, as she started tearing up.

“Awww, look at that, you ponies think you can defeat me, chaos will always reign. Even if you defeat me, chaos will always find a way back, it always does. I'll make it easy for you, I won’t fight back, give me your best shot. Your 'Elements of Harmony' should be called 'Elements of Entertainment'. This is gold!” said Discord, as he made a bulls eye target appear in front of him and enjoyed another cup of chocolate milk.
The Princesses knew what had to be done; they had no choice but to defeat Discord. As the Princesses looked at each other, Celestia saw that her sister was crying; Luna has had feeling for Discord since they were at Flight School. Luna knew what had to be done; they had to defeat Discord, to end his reign of chaos. The Princesses both used their magic and turned Discord to stone, as Discord was slowly turning into stone, he looked at Princess Luna with sad, caring eyes.

“Luna, before I turn to stone, I just wanted you to know…I…” said Discord

“Yes!?!” said Princess Luna as she interrupted.

“I lov-” Discord was no longer able to finish the sentence as he turn completely into stone.

“I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!!!” Princess Luna screamed to her sister as tears fell down her face.

“Sis, I didn't do this because I hate you, I did this because we had to” said Princess Celestia.

The Princesses traveled all across Equestria to restore harmony after locking the Dark Archive in the night. Princess Luna was in charge of guarding the Dark Archive, and when the archive was locked, her cutie mark appeared. It represented the dark features of the archive, and the key was later called the 'moon'. Princess Celestia was in charge of the Light Archive, left open for the world to see, that's when her cutie mark appeared. The sun represented harmony, and how it brightens the world. After years passed the Dark Archive's content leaked and filled Princess Luna with dark knowledge. When the day was to start, Princess Celestia asked Luna to lower the moon. Princess Luna refused to lower the moon, and threatened to start the reign of chaos. Princess Celestia knew what had to be done once again: she had to lock her own sister way to the only place possible. The moon. Using the Elements of Harmony once again, she locked her own sister into the moon.

“Princess? Are you OK? Princess!?” Said Twilight who was now panicking

“The archive you speak of...my dear student, is....just an old mare’s tale, and nothing more” said
Princess Celestia

“Princess, please, you once told me that a mare’s tales can sometimes turn out to be more than a mare’s tale” said Twilight.

The Princess was hesitant about telling Twilight about the Archives, but she knew that one day, she would have to pass on the secrets. As Princess Celestia was about to tell Twilight about the archives, one of the royal guards barged in the door.

“Princess, we have a...oh...was I interrupting something?” Said the guard fearfully

“Nothing important, what do you need?” The Princess said

“D-d-d-dragons h-h-have i-invaded Ponyville” Said the guard nervously. Twilight's pupil started to grow as she heard the words come out of the guard’s mouth.

“What part of Ponyville has been damaged? What happened to the ponies of Ponyville? Are they evacuated?” said Twilight in a panicking and distressed voice.

The guard as now scared as she saw Twilight's mane for the first time, and her eyes glowing, but tried to answer her, “Sweet Apple Acres was destroyed, but no pony was hurt. The ponies of Ponyville built an underground shed as Spike warned them of the attack, no pony is hurt.”

Twilight felt relief as she heard the news, sad for the Apple family as that's all they had. Twilight knew what she had to do; she looked at Princess Celstia looking for an approval. Princess Celestia had no choice but to let her go, as Ponyville was her home for a while. At an instant Twilight disappeared as her horn glowed, Princess Celestia and the guard both look at the spot she once was in, in amazement.

“Princess, how powerful has she become with her magic?” asked the guard.

“She’s becoming more and more powerful each day; there may be a day where she would surpass me in magic” Said the Princess.

Comments

[Nitrox]

It was.....nice

Interesting concept, definitely has potential imho, but you rushed through it way too fast and gave us no time to actually become attached to the characters. On top of that, the way you threw in some of the jokes, like the bananas bit, seemed out of place and killed the flow of the story. As I said, I'd love to see this fleshed out more, but as it stands now it needs a lot of work.

[PureSkilled]

373977 Thanks for the input, ill keep that in mind when I write the next chapter.

[Armasyll]

374098
Or you could update the first chapter with his constructive criticism :v

[Xaldon Ajide]

it's interesting i'll continue watching. the premase got me.

[Deus]

374139 i agree with with Nitrox and Reader. this story has high potential but this chapter was far too rushed. if you flesh it out it will be much better :)

[SapphireStarlightPony]

Greetings! I took a look at your story. One thing I'm seeing is there's a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. Part of writing a good story is drawing the audience in. In doing this it is important to maintain a good flow and avoid jarring the reader back into reality. For example, in your opening paragraph you refer to the characters as "the mane 6." This title is something we use a lot in the fandom, but they're never referred to by that name in-universe. If you walked up to Lyra and said "Hey have you seen the mane 6 around?" she'd probably look at you like your nose had just fallen off.

Additionally you have something of a non-sequitur in your bananas reference. While the bananas youtube video is pretty funny, it's sort of a hilarious aside to the rest of the universe. It would be strange if say, in the middle of the Lord of the Rings movie, they started playing that goofy "Taking the Hobbits to Isengard" video wouldn't it? You can see how that would break up the mood.

Now, you've received some criticism and that's okay. Everyone gets it. Everyone's developing. So what should you do now? Keep writing! If you enjoy it, above all keep writing! There are a lot of great resources out there to help you improve. Find a buddy that writes, trade ideas and bounce things off each other. Iron sharpens iron. I've got some of my best feedback bouncing paragraphs off of other writers here at FIMFiction. You should also take a look at the Editor's Omnibus over at Equestria Daily. There's a lot of great information there.

[PureSkilled]

Thanks for the input everyone, I guess i'll have to read some more before I can continue to work out the 'rush' feeling from it and also to make the reader feel more connected to the characters.

[frostedFirestorm]

I'm not the one to make a critique since I'm not really a good writer myself but... I find it short. I do love the concept and all but yes I too think it's a bit rushed as everyone's said already. Anyway, I'm certainly drawn to the story concept so, I'll be waiting for the next chapter