"...Who knows, maybe you and your future best friends are all looking at the same rainbow," a unicorn pronounced eloquently and with pure sentiment.
"Gross! When did you get to be so cheesy?" Only to have the moment ruined completely by the male disgust for all things cheery and sweet.
"Just write it Spike," exclaimed Twilight Sparkle, protege to the ruler of the sun, quite playfully. Today had been an uneventful day, to Twilight's surprise and, secretly, disappointment. Ever since she moved to Ponyville, crazy things had been occurring on an almost weekly basis, either to her or her friends. Maybe she was lucky and it was Rainbow's turn. That would teach her for berating her books and, most importantly, the Bangs, as she called them.
"Are you double checking it Spike?"
"Yeah Twi, hold your horses," Spike said before he realized what he said and got smacked upside the head.
"Spike! Watch your language!"
"Sorry! Won't happen again." Temporarily satisfied, Twilight went back to organizing her books. As Spike continued reading the letter, he noticed something odd. A hiccup, a misstep, possibly a hearing error. He thought he should double check with Twilight.
"Hey Twilight. I have a question about the stories the girls told you," he asked with a cautious voice.
"Huh?" Twilight knew for a fact that Spike was a very good listener and writer, but he only pretended to not hear things to be lazy. "What Spike?"
"Well, I just want to make sure I got it down correctly. You said Applejack was a filly, basically, when she went to Manehattan and got her cutie mark, right?" Suspicious, yet not sure of where he was going with this, Twilight decided to play along.
"Yes, that's correct. And?"
"Did her parents, just, let her go by herself," Spike asked with a cringe. Twilight took a minute to think about his question and did find it a bit odd that loving parents would just let their filly go to a big city by herself. However, she found it more curious that Spike took an interest in her story and not Rarity's.
"I suppose if that was all, it would be a bit strange, but I'm sure she omitted a few things for the sake of entertaining storytelling. I mean, it would be ridiculous for someone to mention every single bit of their story so meticulously and it would get boring really fast," Twilight responded, sipping the warm nectar of faint chamomile in her afternoon tea, the steam filling and opening up her pores.
"Well, she must have told them and they must have agreed, since their aunt and uncle wouldn't have just taken her in if she just ran away from home." Spike quickly added, “I’m only asking for the clarity of the letter. Wouldn't want to leave the Princess in suspense, would we?"
Concern and obsession rising in her brain, Twilight exclaimed "Oh no! Spike, you're right! The Princess might want to know the exact details of our cutie mark acquisition, if she makes a connection between that and us being the Elements of Harmony!" Grabbing her saddlebag and filling it with quills and parchment, she quickly went to the door and let Spike know where she was going. "I'll be back soon Spike! I'm just going to get more details about the day that marked us as friends forever and forces of nature. FOR SCIENCE!" *SLAM*
Spike let out a sigh as he hoped his Ponyville friends would forgive him for unleashing Twilight Sparkle on them, the living thesaurus. However, he thought it was necessary if he was to dissuade his suspicions. Perhaps he was just letting Rarity's nosiness rub off on him, not that he would EVER say that to her. He just hoped he was wrong.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He had all he needed. Ever since birth, Spike had been taken care of by the most wonderful ponies any kid could ask for. Twilight, her parents, Cadence, Shining Armour, even Princess Celestia had been there for Spike since his hatching. He had been given warmth, comfort, protection, and best of all, love. For a dragon, no less. However, there would always be something missing for Spike and he knew it. It plagued him almost every day, even though he did his best not to show it. An emptiness, not only inside, but to actually feel like nothing. Hollow, like a shade that doesn't even fit in anywhere in the world. Could Spike really live all his life peacefully with ponies? Would he screw it up or would they come to fear him first? Would he ever belong? All these things, as far as a child is concerned, can only be answered by two creatures, no matter how wise they may be.
His parents. His family. His heritage.
He should be more grateful, he tells himself. These ponies took me in and made my life way better than any dragon's...right? He had never seen any dragons his age, nor even knew what his culture was like. No. No matter what happens to someone at that age, they want answers, they want someone to hold them, comfort them, and just be there to tell them that it's alright.
Perhaps that's why he took an interest in this case. Perhaps that's why he was intrigued by Applebloom in the first place and why they became fast friends. She was one of the first ones to greet him in Ponyville and while Twilight was hogging all the food, Spike was able to talk to Applebloom and they got along pretty well. Heck, even after she formed her little club, he still popped in now and again to catch up, talk, and actually be around someone his age. Truth be told, he found most of Twilight's and her friend's stories pretty boring sometimes (Rarity excluded) and it felt fresh to hear someone so energetic about the little things. He was a bit older than her, by a few years, but they were both still young enough to be friends.
On that note, when he found out about her parents, minus the details, he really felt her pain. Probably not the way she felt it, but close enough to understand. So, maybe that was why he would go this far, for his friend. Maybe she doesn't have to feel lost. However, he had to know from someone she trusts about the truth. The one pony that could set this straight and hopefully could stop her from being lost in the same murky waters.
Was he being emotional? Yes. Was he taking this personally? Yes. Was this crossing a line? Quite possibly. Would she feel better about this? Maybe, maybe not. Would Spike be the one to tell her? He was truly terrified of that question.
Lastly, did she deserve to know?
Yes. He knew he would want to know. He always would.
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The dirt felt rough on the scales of a certain dragon. Perhaps rough for the first time, since dragon scales are able to survive lava and, apparently, numerous doors swinging into them. No, it wasn't rough, the sulking dragon thought. It just felt that way. Maybe to dissuade him from reaching his destination, to turn back and to abandon this ridiculous mission. Yes, he felt very tempted indeed to just accept that reasoning, go to Rarity's, and possibly get some stallion points and gems.
Unfortunately, he did not turn back. He couldn't turn back. He had this curiosity for an entire four days, pounding like a ceaseless headache, on the structure of his sanity. It had been keeping him up for three nights and acted like an itch that even his amazing claws (as told by a creepy green unicorn) could not scratch. It wasn't his concern. It really wasn't. In fact, if it was just him, he would just forget this whole thing and move on, since he respected his friend's privacy. Live his life clearly and without remorse, honestly.
Yet, honesty was the reason he was doing this. Honesty for someone other than him. To maybe prevent the heartache he would be forced to live with the rest of his life. To stop the fear and to give clarity to someone else.
Spike thought Celestia was his friend, but he felt as if her cheery sun betrayed the mood of his day and, possibly soon, the mood of some other ponies’ day. Perhaps he should wait, perhaps when it wouldn't matter as much.
.... .... ....
No. It's either now or never. All of these thoughts were rushing through his mind as he was only crossing the walkway up to the Apple family's door, each step he took feeling like he was stepping on the grains of time. Steeling himself and raising a heavy fist, he took a reserved motion back and knocked politely on the door. Three sets of three knocks, in consecutive rhythm. Twilight keeps claiming its proper etiquette, but it made him seem like a donk-
"Well howdy, pardner! How you doing Spike?!" Spike shook off his politically incorrect thoughts he learned from Rainbow to focus on the pony that stood before him. Stood being a polite term. From his view, she towered over him like some sort of indignant giant, crushing the very confides of his soul with just a gaze. Wait, is that a Stetson? Why it was only Applejack, the most dependable and honest pony around this side of Equestria (she had a blue ribbon to prove it too). How could Spike be afraid of her?
"H-hi Applejack. I'm doing...fine. How about you?"
"Great Spike. I'm just about to get started on my afternoon chores. Applebloom is at school, Granny's taking a nap, and Big Mac is out getting nails. Again." She added the last part sourly, mumbling something about a lazy sibling. However, Spike already knew that. It was the exact reason why he chose to pop in around school time and steal Big Mac's nails.
"That's great AJ." Moments passed as the awkward levels became increasingly proportional to the time spent in silence and inversely proportional to Applejack's patience.
"Well. If that's all and you just stopped by for Twilight or a friendly hello, I best be on my w-"
"Wait," blurted the miniature whelp as he stuck out his arms in the door way. Realizing how rude he was, he tried to save the situation by turning on the ol' dragon charm. "My dear madam, I feel the most peculiar about a certain detail that I feel you are most qualified to make certain for me. Could I possibly enter your domicile and converse with you shortly?"
"Um, Spike. Why are you talking all funny like Princess Luna?"
Far away in Canterlot, a sleepy night princess mumbled "Mhmm...blasphemers..." before rolling over in her canopy.
"Ugh. AJ, I'm kind of confused about something and I think you can answer my questions. Can I come in and talk?"
Applejack made a look of clarity before breaking into a nervous sweat and asking cautiously "Is this something I should be worried about? You know, about the dragons and the princesses. Because I think Twilight should answer that question. And look, I already told yall that the kiss we almost shared was in the heat of the moment of Rarity's kidnapping and we both forgave each other for letting it go too far. I'm sorry, but just wait a couple of years and I'm sure you'll find a -"
"NO! NOT THAT KINDA CONVERSATION!" Spike became so flustered that he single-handedly proved dragons could blush. Besides, he already had 'the talk' when Twilight saw how he acted around Rarity. That's a slideshow he will NEVER forget. "This is something different. Something about the cutie mark story you told Twilight." Realization dawning on AJ, she took a moment to sigh in relief and instead adopt a scowl.
"Please remind me to never tell Twilight a story again. Sweet Apple on the cob, she takes it WAY too seriously. But sure y'all can come in, cus I'll know you'll make it quick." Stepping aside, AJ allowed Spike to come in and make himself comfy on the couch.
"Do you want something to drink Spike? You're old enough for cider right?"
"Uh..." Taking a moment to decide, but cringing at the thought bubble of Twilight yelling, he decided against it. “No thanks, I'm good."
"Suit yourself." Coming in the living room and plopping herself into the sofa facing Spike, she begun the conversation.
"So, what exactly are you curious about?"
Going in to the depths of Tartarus, he decided to go for broke. "Well, you know how you said you left to Manehattan when you were around a filly's age?"
"Yeah?" Applejack asked, almost like a question, just as curious as Twilight.
"Your parents never stopped you from going, did they?" Spike asked, with closed eyes and a sudden interest in the ground. A silent mood pierced the room as Applejack responded emotionless.
"No."
"Yeah, sorry about that." He said with a sincerity she knew was true, so she let herself relax a little. "Well, my point is...who are Applebloom's real parents?" The silence in the room came back with a vengeance as moments trickled by. Sensing nothing was going to change, Spike looked back up to see Applejack, Stetson off and eyes made of ice, staring right through his soul. Spike swore that if she asked him anything, he would tell the truth, just because of that stare.
"Come again...partner."
"W-well," Spike said as he tried to muster up the small puddle of his courage, "if your parents had already...yeah. Then that means Applebloom had to have been born already."
"Science says so, yes," AJ responded coldly.
"But...you are in your early twenties. And Applebloom is just eleven years old. I'm older than her and I know what date you got your cutie mark, since that's also my birthday."
"Your point?" she all out spat at Spike, the venom clearly evident in her tone alone.
"My point is," Spike said as he found the strength to finish his revelation. "that there is no way Applebloom is your sibling since your parents were already dead at the time you got your cutie mark, which is my age. I'm only asking as a friend of Applebloom so she can-" he started, but was cut off when Applejack scared him out of his seat by jumping up and yelling.
"Get out! Ya heard me! Get out you mangey varmit! Get out and don't come back!" Spike was already at the door when he somehow gained enough courage and started yelling as well.
"Applebloom has the right to know! She has the right to know who her real mother and father are!" At that moment, AJ started chasing Spike out of her home and down the path. He zoomed past Big Macintosh who intercepted his sister and struggled to hold her down, despite his strength.
What Spike heard Applejack say about him, would forever change his views of the term 'southern hospitality.' Especially since it wasn't over, not by a long shot.
It has a few little errors but nothing large enough to distract from its premise. Tighten up your writing a bit and this will be a really good fic.
Slightly based on this story, I now have the weird image of Sweet Apple Acres being the Apple Family Orphanage.
you have my interest
4057194
I appreciate the criticism, but can you be a bit more specific. I really want to make this story as entertaining as possible and I don't want silly grammar and spelling getting in the way.
Man, that was pretty great! I can't wait to read what happens next!
Meh, I have always held the oppinion that the mane 6 where in their mid teens at the time of the show. I still don't understand why everyone automatically assumes that they are fully grown. It is rather silly.
4057733
(Oh, hay, you just had ta ask...)
(Quiet, you.)
The two major issues I see are incorrect punctuation of dialogue, and mixing of past and present tenses.
When you have dialogue followed by an attribution of who said it and how, the rule is that you must treat the whole thing -- dialogue and attribution together -- as one single sentence; if the character's sentence is meant to end with a period, you have to use a comma instead, and then you do not capitalize the first word outside of the closing quote unless it's someone's name. (If the dialogue ends with a ? or !, you use those as usual, but still do not capitalize the next word outside the ") You've got the "don't capitalize" part down, but you're using periods instead of commas. Examples:
(My goodness, don't they teach this in schools anymore?)
(Sometimes I wonder, Cheerilee.)
One way you can usually tell if you need to treat the text outside the quotes as an attribution is to remove the dialogue, and see if what remains can stand alone:
remove the dialogue, and we're left with
which cannot stand by itself. It requires the preceding dialogue; therefore, it's a dialogue-tag attribution, and the comma must be used.
On the other hand –
(hoof.)
(...what?)
(We have hoofth, thir, not handth.)
(Now, Twist, it isn't nice to interrupt.)
(Thorry.)
...on the other hoof, we have this:
Remove the dialogue, and:
still stands by itself. It doesn't directly describe a tone of voice, name the speaker, or describe actions which are simultaneous with the dialogue being spoken; therefore, it's not an attribution.
The other major issue, grammar-wise, is randomly swinging between past and present tenses within the narrative, and sometimes even within a single sentence. Generally, you should pick one (past or present) and stick with it thoughout. 3rd-person narratives, which is what you have here, are most commonly done in past tense; while it is possible to mix them for effect (such as in dream sequences, hallucinations, etc.), it's best not to mix tenses or perspectives until you have a firm handle on picking one and staying in it throughout.
(Y'know, Ah keep tellin' ya, if y'all would cut back on th' coffee, ya wouldn't be so "tense" all the time.)
(That joke never gets old for you, does it, Applejack.)
(Nnnope.)
(I don't get it...)
A third issue, which is mostly just a stylistic convention, is that when you have a character expressing inner thoughts as dialogue, you should italicize them so that they stand out from the surrounding narrative.
Also:
Numbers should always be spelled out:
(Are you done bein' pedantic now?)
(Oh, like you even know what that word means.)
(*ahem* Pedantic: overly concerned with formalisms, book learnin', an' formal rules.)
(...)
(She's got you there, darling.)
(*sigh* Just say goodnight, Applejack.)
(G'night, Applejack.)
And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put some fresh bait in the traps to deal with this Pony infestation in my keyboard...
4058365
Wow, even here I can't escape English. But thank you, I'll try to work on it and revise the chapter a little. It's people like you that help make decent stories.
4058272
For the sake of plot, of course! Honestly, I don't even want to touch that argument sometimes because it can lead to some...awkward discussions, regarding age. Trust me.
4058272 Because none of them live with their parents, and they all have full-time jobs
I don't know if I can give this story a like yet. I'm intrigued and want to see where it goes, but don't know if I like it.
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wonderful story
4060682 LOL just started watching doctor who. So glad I got that reference XD
4058272
4058992
Not to mention, their referred to as mares which is the adult female equine. There's also the fact that they're the same size as all the other adult ponies, need I go on?
4060904 Shall I point out some wonderful comparisons for all of you based of real life? Such as considering the way their society is set up it would not be a surprise if they were allowed to do all of this at a younger age. Considering that their world more resembles the 1800's then it does modern times here people were considered adults at 15? Oh, how bout my personal favorite. Even those many doctors and scientist say that human don't stop growing until their early to mid 20's most of us reach roughly our full height in our mid teens. You don't get growth spurts after 15, at most you tend to grow a 1-3 more inches. Yes there is the rare exception to the rule but the average speaks for itself. Not only that you are carrying over the notion that you have to be an adult in their world to have a job. Considering the way cutiemarks work that would make little to no sense.
Yes they are referred to as mare, I was referred to as a man and as Sir before I completed half of high school. That is more about showing and earning respect over actual age.
This story is a "What if" scenario. I have nothing against that other then it will be a drama and I don't feel like reading that. It is exploring something in the show that the creators decided to leave blank. It doesn't help at all that their are no images of Applejack's parents, even in her house.
4061100
Who are the ponies in the picture then? Or is it just generic art?
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4062487 First time I have seen that portrait though I suspect it is generic art on the part of the creators. It is a knock off of painting called American Gothic. I would not view it as a family portrait.
Ok, I am following because this sounds curious. I want to see where this goes (As long as this doesn't go incest).
The dragons and the princesses is a euphamism I had not heard before, but now it amuses me greatly.
Fascinating idea, good characterization, decent pacing. I like it
Following & etc.
...but EquesTRON is right, your tenses in the middle of the story are painful.
4062623
DEFINATELY NOT.
I can tell where this is going already.... the foreshadowing is very well done, but I hope you don't do something typical a plot twist would be great!
While I like a doze of simple feels, I wish it turned out that Applebloom had some important heritage that affected her life or that involved her going on some adventure and we would follow her as she does it.
Meh, but feels are good enough, still, Adventure would be nice.
Hm... I wonder if you are going the "Applejack is Applebloom's mother" route, or something completely different... Update soon!
4065557
A) Applejack is AB's mother
B) She is adopted
C) The Apples are a hyper advanced alien infiltrator unit who have become contaminated with feels and AB is slowly becoming a pony.
D) It's all a dream.
E) Something comletely different...
....
I'm getting excited writing this story all ready!
Plus: Even though this has no adventure tag, expect Spike to do some investigatice work.
4066029
You forgot a few.
F) The Apples are Changlings.
G) AB is a daughter of one of the princesses and was entrusted into the care of the Apple family.
H) AB is a clone.
I) Aj is Spike's mother.
J) AB is a time traveler.
Just being thorough.
4066058
11) AB is a reincarnated version of Starswirl, reborn as an Earth pony to live a life with friends, instead of magic.
12) The Apples are humans that turned into ponies and replaced the real Apple family.
13) She is a robot
14) Mutant
15) She is actually Spike in disguise.
Oh the Endless Possibilities. The funny part is that I acually want to write a few of these.
An intriguing concept. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
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4066085
Write ALL of these!
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Very interesting. I never really thought of that little inconsistency in the series. As far as canon, they may have either just not shown the parents because they didn't have a design for them (Probably the most likely explanation), or Applebloom was already suppose to be born and they just didn't show her in the flash back. In which case she would have to be older than Spike... But it does make a good premise for a story.
Please. Just... not another "Applebloom is Applejack's daughter" story.
As to the "age discrepancy...." applebloom could have still been in the cradle when Applejack went to the city. In fact, her parents' recent death would be a good reason for her going; she'd want to get away from the farm for a stretch to get over the loss. If applejack was around 10 when she left, and applebloom was 1, by the current time applejack would be 18-20 and applebloom would be 8-10.
I can imagine that Applejack would be quite furious with Spike, seeing as it couldn't be the first time someone looked at Applejack, looked at Applebloom, counted in their heads and reached the wrong conclusion...
4067406
I'm going to try my best to not be cliche. As this goes along, I think people will be a bit surprised. As for the age thing, I knew some people were going to argue with it ( I usually do), so I tried to reason as best as possible and work out any kinks in following chapters.
Hope you stay interested enough to see it through.
Woohoo! 100 likes in three days! Thanks you guys!
Have a cookie!
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From what I read, im expecting a SpikeBloom shipping. It really sounds like that.
4058365
Although I agree in the specific case, I'd disagree that it's a universal rule, even for numbers smaller than, oh, say, 100. But I suppose I can agree that for an author struggling to sound his best it would be preferable to just write them out in general.
A few minor issues:
First, stay in past tense. Use would instead of will, and were instead of are. There are exceptions, like to every rule in English, but they don't apply here.
Second, your scene change with Luna.
It would be more effective to remove the markers, and instead maybe write
Thirdly, you may want to fix the scene breaks, as they go over the line
Finally, Applejack's reaction is far more violent and abrupt than both what I personally feel her character is like, but also to be effective as a sad-fic. While she probably would be angry, it is unlike her to scream at Spike and kick him out, while also ruining the mood a bit.
Otherwise, no grammar issues that I picked up, and well written.
4071520
There are exceptions, to be sure – such as if you're expressing a precise value, such as "Captain's Log, stardate 4524.2", or scientific measurements such as "He was willing to bet he was no longer seeing in the 3700-to-7000-angstrom range" (a couple of examples from novels I happened to have close at hand), but as a general rule... yeah, it kinda is a rule in prose that numbers are normally spelled out, especially in dialogue. Even Spock's famous line in the Star Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles":
...is spelled out in full in the James Blish novelization of the episode. (Though he uses a different number, since he was working off a different version of the script than what was actually filmed.)
"powerpoint" is not the right generic term for a presentation; "presentation" or "slide" or similar, not "powerpoint".
4074832 One of my favorite books is not Two Thousand and One: A Space Odyssey. Skimming 2001 reveals several instances of numbers being used like "200-mile journey". Nevertheless, I happily concede that the numbers should be written out much more often than not.
Grammar Girl notes that "for larger numbers [than 9] the rules vary wildly from style guide to style guide."
I'm sorry, is this a story about the theory that AJ and Big Mac are Applebloom's parents?
This is the start of something good! Fav'd so I won't miss it!
One nitpick:
There has got to be a smoother way to communicate that Luna's mumble takes place in Canterlot. Perhaps something more like:
That little aside is hilarious, by the way!
Now this is a good idea for a tale, hope to see more!
4075062
Should I spoil it? Ugh..ehh...hoo jeez....
If you want to have people shout, an exclamation mark works. Please don't use all caps, it is so distracting.
You caught it! I noticed this fact too!
4075966 You know what, don't, the fact that you're not telling means it probably isn't, in which case this is going to get interesting.
I can't wait for then next chapter!
It's... heavily implied, I'd say, that this story's premise is indeed the case. Rather crass of a premise for such a benign show, if you ask me; but it does take all sorts...
Anyway, upvoted.
4058472
4058272
With the episode "Pinkie Pride," Dash is attributed to be at least twenty-one years of age by the number of candles on her cake. That is inference based on how birthday cakes work.
The rest of them are close enough in age inferred by social norms that include, but are not limited to: owning a business; living on one's own; being bestowed a position of power; etc; etc.
Odd characterization of AJ is odd.