Dear Crystal Charmer,
Please come back home! Tia is making everything bad! She is taking control of everything!!!! Please come home!
~Princess Luna
(This is some of my story!)
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 25th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen May 29th, 2014
XxprincesscadenceXx
Hey! My instagram Is my username!!!!!
XxprincesscadenceXx
Joined 25th Feb, 2014 ·
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Done. I don't need to read anymore.
That was awful, no nice way too put it, I'm all for an evil celestia story but at least make it believable like seriously
4144398
How far did you read before you gave up?
The I used to be an alicorn part again I don't mind alicorns but everything before just made no sense. I mean Gods that was a terrible everything
4144461
4144414
I am sorry that you do not like my story! I am writing a new one and I want you guys to approve of it first! If you want to leave your emails so I can share it with you on google drive!!!
4144525
Well now I know how to actually reply to a post and find me at prplhairwarrior@gmail.com. so help me trolleys best not bug the hell out of me sorry using a phone and it's auto correct is annoying
4144543 Okay! I will share it with you! I am sorry if you hate me!
Okay. Let me try to elaborate on some of this. I don't usually write reviews but I try to be more helpful now and again.
1. Indent paragraphs.
2. For the love of Jesus, there is no need for more then one of '?' or '!' at a time. It's extremely distracting.
3. The characters don't seem believable at all. Fine tune their personalities. Rarity does not say darling that frequently.
4. Former alicorn. No.
5. OC is friends with the Princesses because reasons. No.
6. How does I detail? Seriously. There is no detail anywhere. *Dalek voice* ELABORATE! ELABORATE! ELABORAAAAAAAATE!
stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/2709062/picard-double-facepalm-o.gif
4144461 I read the entire thing
The WHOLE DAMN THING!
I don't remember feeling that much 'wut' since "My Immortal"
In addition to the other issues, you've got WAY too many tags. Three is good, four is pushing it, and five and more is way too many. Certainly it's not as bad as ponycreator cover art, but putting on too many tags will still make you look like an even bigger noob than you should appear to be.