“Flitter, Flitter… Stop!” Spike tried to push the mare off of him, but she crawled her way back up his body and licked his ear playfully.
“Hmm, I think i’m going to have to say no to that, Spike.”
Spike tried to wrestle free from her but she had him pinned down to the mattress while playfully licking and kissing him.
“Ermph, just stop, okay?” He managed to break free from her and sat up in bed.
“What’s wrong, Spike?” she asked, pushing her mane out of her face. “Are you just not feeling it right now?”
“I guess. I don’t know, something like that.” Spike turned away and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.
Flitter crawled over and curled up next to him. “Look, tell me what’s up, okay? You can tell me whatever, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Spike said, continuing to occupy his sight with wooden floor beneath him.
“Then why don’t you tell me? I’m all ears.”
“I don’t know, something just feels… off.”
“Off?” She asked. “What do you mean?”
“It’s hard to explain, but it just feels, I don’t know, wrong. This,” he said, pointing to the bed, “this is all we do. Every time we’re together, it ends up here.”
“And so what? You don’t like ‘this’?”
“No, I do, but…” Spike let out a deep breath and looked her in the eye. “It’s getting old and I want something more. Our relationship has just devolved into nothing but ‘this’ and I’m tired of it.”
“Wait, Spike… What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I just don’t feel it anymore. I think we need to take a break. For a long while.”
“Spike, no, please!” Flitter instantly began crying. “Are you seriously breaking up with me?”
“Look, I’m sorry, but I’m just not happy anymore. It’s been the same thing for awhile now, and I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
Flitter sniffled and then hopped off the bed, glaring at Spike. “You know what, fine! Just do whatever you want, Spike!”
Spike could feel his heart sink a bit as he looked at the expression on her face. “Look, Flitter, I’m sorry.”
“Forget it, Spike. You can just save it. Heck, you can go jump off a cliff for all I care! I just hope you remember how much you broke my heart… How much you hurt me!”
*****
“Spike, are you serious?” Vinyl said, breaking the silence. “This has to be a joke, right?”
Spike looked around the room. Twilight was still standing, mouth agape. Flitter was standing next to him, a straight face adorning her muzzle. Vinyl was staring directly at him, gazed fixed on his eyes.
Oh, how he wished it was all a joke.
“No, Vinyl, it’s not a joke. Flitter’s pregnant, and I’m going to be the father. It’s true.”
“No way…” Vinyl shook her head and backed away from him. “Just, no way.”
“Yes, it’s true,” Flitter said, glaring at Vinyl. “Me and Spike are going to have a baby, whether you like it or not.”
“Flitter, calm down,” Spike said. “She is my marefriend, so she has a right to be upset about the whole ordeal.”
“Marefriend?” Vinyl said, anger and hurt spitting from her voice. “I thought when ponies were in an actual relationship, they were honest with each other.”
“Vinyl, I promise i never lied to you!” Spike said, trying to reach out for her, only to have her pull away even further.
“Yeah, right! How long did you keep this hidden from me? What, did you think i just wouldn’t find out and everything would be like normal?” Vinyl was practically hissing through her teeth as tears began to drip down from her eyes.
“No,Vinyl, that wasn’t it at all! I literally just found out!”
“Save it, Spike. Modem was right about you, wasn’t he?”
Spike shook his head in confusion. “Modem? What? Look, Vinyl, this isn’t a big deal. We can make it work.”
“Excuse me?” Flitter butted in. “What do you mean, not a big deal?”
“Spike,” Vinyl cut back in. “This is a huge deal! You’re having a baby, and you tried to hide from the whole situation with me, huh?”
“No! Just listen for a second, and-”
“Look, just forget it, Spike. I… I need some time away to think.”
Without another word, Vinyl shook her head and left them behind, tears freely flowing from her eyes to the floor.
It was all Spike could do to hold his own tears back as the mare he loved walked away from him.
“Vinyl, I’m sorry!”
Spike looked on hopelessly as the mare walked away, leaving him behind with Flitter at his side.
“Spike, I know that must have been hard,” Flitter said, lightly rubbing up against him. “I promise, we can make all this work, though. Together.”
“Spike!”
Spike jumped in the air, only to look over at Twilight who’s fierce eyes were glaring directly at him. He had almost forgotten that she was present for the whole ordeal.
“Look, Twi, I promise I can explain what’s going on, just give me a ch-”
“Flitter, please go back home. Spike and I need to have a serious talk. Right now.”
Spike gulped down a deep breath of air and watched as Flitter nodded and headed for the door.
“Yes, of course. Spike, please come visit me later. We have a lot of things to talk about, I’m sure.”
With a quick wave, Flitter walked out the door and left Spike alone with a very angry Twilight.
“Spike, let’s go up to your room.”
This was not going to end well.
*****
Vinyl slammed her door shut and collapsed onto her pillow, crying and screaming into it.
“Stupid Spike! Stupid Flitter! What the heck!”
Did he really lie to her this whole time? Was it all just a misunderstanding? Did she overreact? Why did she keep finding herself in these painful situations? Why couldn’t things be simple for once?
Those and a billion more questions kept floating through her mind as she let out her frustrations on her pillow.
“I actually had feelings for that stupid dragon! Why did he have to mess it up!” She flipped over and flung her pillow across the room. She began to stare at the ceiling, trying to calm down.
She needed somepony to talk to, and Octavia was going to get an earful when she came home that night.”
I'm a little surprised that nopony even mentioned Modem. Usually when somepony's on a rant, eventually he or she will say something in a rant that doesn't seem to make sense, but it is a possible indicator that there is more to it than it looks. Vinyl mentioning Modem is the Chekhov's gun so to speak...I'm pretty sure that once everypony has calmed down a bit to be rational again somepony (personally I hope Spike picks up on this) mentions it, sothat we can see that Vinyl screamed out another pony--a stallion's name--when she yelled at Spike.
First off, I would hope that the first question in Spike's mind is "Who is Modem? Did Vinyl and him hook up when I didn't go with her to Manehatten??" Or something like "How long has Vinyl even been with this guy? Was he around even when we were dating??!!"
There goes the first wave of collateral damage, and there is gonna be a shitload more. Also Flitter, bad move to pretty much rub it into Vinyl's face. She pretty much provided a lit match to a drum of nitroglycerin and sent up a fuse....
6609106 Yeah, let's just hope Spike does something to rectify this whole situation. Relationships aren't easy, and he certainly worked himself into a pickle.
Here's my theory:Flitter lies to get back to Spike, judging by how she acts. Twilight, Spike, and Vinyl find out and Flitter stops existing. Or something like that.
6609185 I'm sure something like that will happen... maybe. I wonder if Flitter is legit pregnant or just faking though. That could be a big deal later on.
What's the point of even putting It in here if literally everyone and their cat realized what was about to happen?
6609199 Because, that's what I had planned since the beginning. However, nobody has yet to guess how the story actually ends. I've heard a lot of theories, but none of them are correct.
6609194 well then...
*leans back*
I tried.
*continues to wait for updates*
6609206 Aight. It just seems incredibly forced, like, really, really forced. Like bronies treating Celestia as a tyrant kind of forced.
6609255 Yeah, i definitely respect that. I'm still learning how to write drama and the like and I'm dealing with some rough patches in this part of the story. Despite the large following this particular story has, it's one of my older ones, and wasn't very well thought out when i first started it, so I'm dealing with the hole I dug at the beginning.
Thanks for the feedback, man. I'm gonna do my best to get it in a respectable place and have an ending everyone will enjoy.
I regret to say that this story is losing me. The first part was a refreshingly uncommon take on a Spike relationship, where the latest chapters have devolved into every 'relationship drama' fic from every fandom.
6609268 It'll turn itself around and end with a bang, I promise.
6609263 Main issue was prolly the lack of foreshadowing and references, then It devolved into a triangle love drama - Something that has been so beaten to death that not even fans of that can stand it anymore.
Yes, you've dug yourself into a very clicheed hole, one I see no way out of. The story started off incredibly strong with an original concept and eecent execution, but that concept is no longer there, abd the execution has just improved a bit.
Well, that escalated quickly. I think Flitter does have some intent behind all this judging by the subtle clues in her behaviour.
6609206 I have to say, Vinyl never really gave a chance for spike to explain so I think she is in the wrong right now. Just what I think.
That went pretty much how I thought it would.
Good luck, Spike.
6609292
I'm not entirely convinced Spike's the Father yet. I'm hoping Twilight'll be the sensible one in all of this and actually ask for some kind of test or something, because Spike's just going along with it so far.
Flitter could also be lying through her teeth just to get Spike back, too.
Well, first off, I'll just come out and say it; this chapter feels rushed. We'll just get that out of the way first. It's like the story is literally afraid of getting too deep or engrossed in what should've been two actually very emotional and deep scenes. Instead it feels like a short, cliffnotes version that gives us the face value stuff. I say this more by way of advice than anything; something to consider for the future should you attempt scenes like this again. Don't be afraid to hold back.
Also, I am now seriously questioning Flitter's motives in all of this as she increasingly comes across as more and more petty. I am now doubting if she's even actually pregnant (if she's not, then seriously, she's digging her own grave, because how could she possibly plan to continue the ruse long term?) because we've really only gotten her word on the matter. If she is pregnant, though, then part of me hopes its actually not Spike's but some other hapless male, because to me that's robbing her of what I suspect she wants and would serve her right...which is actually kind of petty of me to say...but I stand by it.
And darn, Twilight didn't faint. Actually, your approach didn't surprise me at all, and I liked the fact that she was pretty much mentally gridlocked for most of that scene. The fact that she seems ready to chew Spike up one side and down the other over this also doesn't surprise me, especially given how you've portrayed her up until now, but while I don't know what you've got planned per say, I would highly urge you to have Twilight not be too hard on Spike. She may be overprotective, but she's no idiot too, and she'll recognize that there are bigger concerns to worry about and what Spike could really use at this point is some comfort and good advice, which I'm sure Twilight will ultimately give in the end anyway, but let's not taint it by having her berate the poor guy for something he already feels awful about and I feel really shouldn't get the full blame for. In fact, it'd tickle me pink if Twilight instead surprises us all by, instead of berating Spike, gives him the chance to relate the his full side story, make sure he's okay, and then promptly start helping him work out where to go next, doing little more than sternly remind him of what she would've expected him to have done in this sort of situation instead of what was actually done, and never actually even really raises her voice. This strikes me as being more in line with Twilight's character because she's never been beyond all reason; actually quite the opposite, over-relying on reason is her big stumbling block (part of the reason why I liked the fact she was too shocked to speak for so long).
I also found that, after all that build-up, I found Flitter and Spike's supposed breakup a little anti-climatic. Given how Spike had been acting about it, I would've thought it would've been something much more traumatizing than him just up and deciding on his own that it wasn't working out and was actually quite mature and level-headed about it...unlike Flitter. Speaking of, this does confirm what I was already suspecting; bluntly, Flitter was in it for the sex. And on that thought, dang, Flitter's got some weird tastes if she gets her kicks getting laid with someone that's not even her species and technically, from the viewpoint of another dragon at least, isn't even as mature as she is (I know, I know, this fic's largely been overlooking that little detail, but somebody was going to have to bring it up sooner or later ).
6609484 To be honest, I was afraid of going a little too deep, but I appreciate your criticism on it. I'll definitely take it into consideration. I'm still new at the deep side of writing, so I've got a lot to learn.
Also, Twilight may be overprotective, but she's also very intelligent and wants what's best for Spike. So she'll hopefully look at things from every angle.
And on the final note, getting to have sex with a dragon is probably a major popularity boon and something to brag about for mares. It's gotta be like the equivalent of getting laid by a football player or something.
6609493 Not exactly how I personally would view it, but then again, my views on sex is a bit of a minority one in this day and age.
I pointed it out more in jest anyway, because when you really think in depth about it, it is a little more...disturbing...than one wants to dwell on. But obviously that's not really why we're reading/writing this, now is it?
Glad to hear you've already got that in mind, but I will again highly recommend you ensure Twilight doesn't overdo it with any raging you might have in mind, as it'll be the very last thing Spike needs at this point, and I know Twilight is better than that.
6609493
Belated thought, but first off, that's a perfectly okay feeling to have for a newcomer writer to the "deep" scenes--it takes practice until doing it becomes second nature, and even then there's a little self-doubt--but in my experience, there's rarely a scene that can't be pushed to go deeper and not still benefit from it. The only times I can think of when one can get too "deep" is when it either gets too verbose that it becomes a struggle to read or starts going over the reader's head, becomes entrapped in circular logic and doesn't go anywhere, or the timing of the scene doesn't make sense for the deep discussion to take place (for example, like if the characters are in a middle of a chase).
That's not to say I expect you to be immediately uber "deep" in everything from here on out, of course, and indeed, the pacing you've been taking thus far I've found is normal for a deep-writing beginner. I'm just saying that don't be afraid of going too deep. Going as deep as you can is usually what's wanted with story's like this, and usually rewarding for both writer and reader. Sometimes it'll even take you places you don't expect that even helps make the story more believable.
I can honestly say that it strikes me as kind of annoyed by the fact that Spike can't get a word in edge-wise. Like I understand that emotions are running high right now, but I felt like this is the point in which Twilight should have lit all their asses up in magic and had an overbearing intervention moment.
I can understand Vinyl to an extent, but damn if that Modem line isn't going to come back and bite her in the arse later.
Well then, we now know what the deal with Flitter was, and I can fully appreciate Spike wanting out of the situation. Nothing but sex may sound good on paper, but in the end it will get tiring without the 'substance' that is love...So about the average teenage relationship. Nothing too crazy about that, but in this case it's, to me, a teenage relationship (Flitter) vs. an adult one (Vinyl). Then we have how Flitter has been acting this chapter. I'm sorry but if no one is gonna pick up on that in story, I feel for Spike here. Dude is gonna need some man-time with Big Mac and Shining Armor for some ease.
Overall it's kind of what I expected, but didn't want to see.
6609493 How often is Spike chased by mares then? Or does Twilight scare the majority of them away?
capitalize the 'i'
and this one
there needs to be a space here. "No,_Vinyl, ..."
rewrite: "This is a huge deal! You're having a baby and you tried to hide the whole situation from me, huh?"
nice chapter. good scene, and a pretty fair reaction.... though i'm getting the feeling flitter's gonna try and take back spike...
Ps. if you want me to edit for you i can.
Calling it. Flitter's lying to get back at him for breaking up with her in the first place.
As much as I love quick updates, I love getting enough time to lose myself in a chapter for more than 5 minutes at a time. Take your time for a longer chapter if you have to. Then again, that's just me, who likes to sit down for a bit to read. Others may prefer the bitesized chapters. Honestly, any update is a good update to me, so long as it doesn't derail the story, which hasn't happened yet! ONWARD@FULLSPEED, CAPN!!
It's offical, Flitter's lying, Vinyl will get back to Modem and Spike will get his brain raped by Twilight's screaming.
But it should be intresting to see what Spike's willing to go through to regain Vinyl's trust and love.
I'm with the others on this. Flitter's lying.
Oh joy, a misunderstanding because they couldn't talk it out in a love story, haven't seen that before.... oh wait. I honestly hate stuff like this and I was hoping a good story like this would avoid this type of thing. We all know that they are gonna get back together so why bother with pointless drama? Seriously, give me a good reason that this whole Flitter business should be here?
*slowly starts to lose interest* Still hoping this doesn't turn out like other fics
6610481 Because, if there was no struggle, there'd be no test to the relationship. Plus, that's what I had planned since the beginning.
6610482 It won't. You just have to have a little faith.
6609918 I forgot what chapter it was, but Spike pretty much said Twilight scares the other mares away.
Well. You took an original take that was well executed and turned it into a shitty b-rate soap opera that even Lifetime would not touch with a ten foot pole.
You say it has a great twist at the end, but that requires your readers to stick with you instead of just rolling their eyes and finding something else to pass their time - it's not like their is a dearth of content or anything here.
You need several revisions here badly and I am not sure how you can salvage this without abandoning this plot line whole sale.
6610978 True, but if everything would've kept going the same way, everything perfect and all,there would be no conflict, no struggle. It would lose its realism. Sometimes, life is the equivalent of a b-movie drama you find on the reject side of Netflix.
But I definitely understand your opinion.
A good twist here, would be for Vinyl to not only:
A) Talk to Modem about this, but still reject him on the bounds that she does still believe that she's with Spike, and
B) Following that go snooping for her own clues into this matter. Maybe overhearing Cloudchaser saying something weird about Flitter's recent escapades and such. While this is going on Vinyl while not meaning too, completely, is ignoring Spike while she investigates. Twilight on the other hand (hoof) is giving Spike a talk down about this. It's not some mean-spirited brow beating, but more of a helping Spike access the situation with her getting more annoyed with the fact that Spike didn't go about investigating this issue himself a little more before revealing this.
After which Spike and Twilight, ironically, go about investigating this situation via more magical means. Searching up tomes on cross-breeding, pregnancy test spells, etc. They set up a moment for Twilight to maybe use a spell on both Spike and Flitter (Without Flitter being suspicious, maybe have Spike fake-date her out somewhere) to find out the truth.
Cue reveal, in which Vinyl and Spike run into each other with their own revelations about the stitch going on and they confront Flitter's sister and then her about all this.
That's honestly how I would have gone about this. Momentary emotions run high, yes, but it gets tempered by actual common sense by both parts. Spike gets a small lesson in being thorough and not taking things at face value, and the situation is subverted by adult-logic.
given flitters rather obsessive dialogue within this chapter I have to believe something smells rotten here. I look forwards to seeing the truth.
given the basis of equine biology I have to point out that when she went into season she would at least know and spike would probably have noticed certain changes to her mood and stuff either way so either flitter took advantage of spikes ignorance or else spike isn't the father.
the first if proven could be a legal basis for a lot of trouble for flitter.
Why does no pony get angry at Flitter? She is just as responsible as Spike is for her pregnancy.
6611179 Its the accursed victim card. Never fails.
ah, those unintended overreactions. you gotta love them.
WHhhhyyyyyyy!?
Another cliff hanger!
Now I'm fairly confident that Flitter secretly scored guys while dating Spike back then. And the lttle one isn't at any part a dragon, given he/she exists!
Cliffhanger WHY?!?
Well, wasn't that a little smorgasbord of fun. I think Flitter is lying - it's been a while from their breakup and she only now tells that to Spike.
Still... Not good
I promise i never lied
you think i just wouldn’t
Dramatic news in relationships usual causes some overreactions
1 & 2. Forgot to capitalise.
3. Usually.
Hmm... Maybe Flitter just got pregnant right before she and Spike were a thing? Could be drastically wrong though since there is the period of where it takes the baby to grow that it can easily go unnoticed. Not sure if she's shown any of the common symptoms but then again, that's for human and not ponies.
6622460 Hey man, thanks for all the grammar tips and stuff. i really appreciate it. When i get some quality time, I'll go in and fix all these.
Flitter's lying, I think, I feel that a dragon and a pony couldn't have foal (by the way, the name for a baby horse is a foal.) Just like a horse and a cow can't have a foal. Twilight is probably going to do a spell to check out if the foal is actually spikes or not some colt Flitter had a one night stand with.
Oh wow.... this is getting insane
6610978 I'm offended you think Lifetime isn't desperate enough to take this.
The other opinions I'm okay with you having, but you should never underestimate lifetime.
Thats when they strike.
Goddamn was that frustrating.
Probably just a sign that it was well written, but still...
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