Present, Future, and Past
Spike slowly slipped up the stairs leading to the room where Twilight was awaiting him. They creaked beneath his feet with each step he took, as if signaling the doom approaching with each step.
He had a lot on his plate right now, and adding yet another angry mare to the situation was not going to make things easier. And judging from what he knew of Twilight, he'd be lucky to make it out without being turned into a living crater after the talk they were going to have.
He inched his way down, carefully navigating the hall to the room where Twilight awaited him.
He couldn't help but feel the weight of all the changes his life had undergone hit his heart like a ton of bricks. Not that long ago, approaching Twilight was something he'd do on his own. There were no negative ramifications and the worst thing she'd ever have to say to him would be a lecture regarding proper alphabetization of her books.
Fast forward to the present, and here he was, about to explain how he had messed up and was a soon-to-be father. Oh, how times had changed.
Spike gulped down a breath of air and slowly approached Twilight who was standing in the middle of the floor, her stern gaze piercing through his heart.
“You wanted to talk, Twilight?” he asked, trying to keep his cool.
She nodded her head and signaled for him to come stand by her. “Yes, Spike. We need to have a discussion.”
“Alight, I can do that. What do you want to talk about?”
“Spike, you know exactly what we need to talk about. First off, from your point of view, what happened between you and Flitter? Before we can even move forward with any plans of action, I need to know what happened.”
Spike let out a deep sigh. “I don't know, Twi. Do I really have to go over it? It was so stupid and a while ago and—”
“Yes, Spike, you do have to go over it,” she said, cutting him off. “Right now.”
Spike let out a deep breath. “Alright, here goes. It all started about a year ago when we first started hanging out…”
*****
“Oh, wow, Spike. So you actually saved the entire Crystal Empire? That's so cool!” Flitter sipped on her milkshake while keeping her eyes glued to him.
“Yeah, it was pretty epic. Can't say I'm surprised though. Being awesome just comes with the territory of being me.” Spike sent a wink in her direction.
“Hmm, I suppose I should consider myself pretty lucky then, huh?” Flitter reached across the table and latched onto Spikes claw with her hoof. “Not every mare gets the opportunity to date a hero.”
Spike chuckled and slowly stroked her hoof. “Well, not everypony gets to date a mare as cute as you. I suppose I'm just as lucky.”
Flitter giggled and looked into his eyes. “You know, Spike, we've been dating for some time now, and I've still never gotten to see what your place looks like on the inside. So, I was thinking, since Cloudchaser is out of town and all, maybe I could come over tonight. Just for a visit?”
Spike’s eyes popped open and he lost his breath. Was she actually insinuating what he thought she was?
“You want to come over tonight?”
“Yeah, I really do,” she said with a sweet smile.”
Spike played out all of his options in his head. Normally, Twilight would have a slew of release forms and waivers for any guests to sign, but luckily, Twilight was out.
“Sure thing. Twilight’s not home, so it wouldn't hurt just to, you know, show you around.”
“Excellent!” Flitter said. “I'll see you tonight, then.”
*****
“Wait a second, Spike,” Twilight interrupted, a very large frown on her face. “Are you saying that you used my absence to engage in loose conduct at our home?”
“Um, yeah, that’s pretty much what I’m saying,” Spike said, kicking at the ground.
“Spike! Urgh, you know what? I can forgive it because it was so long ago. Just… continue.”
“Well, that’s pretty much it,” Spike said. “After that our relationship pretty much devolved into sneaking her over when you weren’t home and, well, you know. And that pretty much went on for about 2 months or so until I finally broke it off. I never really thought of it too much after that until this whole situation made its way in.”
“So, about a year ago was when it all started, correct?” Twilight said, rubbing her chin.
“Yep.”
“And it ended a few months later, you say?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And have you had any more encounters of an innapropriate variety with her since then?”
“No. None at all. Heh, I kind of went out of my way to avoid her, to be honest.”
Twilight rubbed her chin and let out a sigh. “Okay, now it all makes sense. Spike, there’s something you need to know.”
“Oh, sweet Celestia. Please tell me I don’t have an STD or something…”
“Actually, on the contrary, this is good news. For you at least.”
Spike’s curiosity was piqued. “Okay, what’s going on?”
“You’re not going to be a father.”
Spike looked quizzically at Twilight. “Say what now?”
“Flitter’s not pregnant. And even if she was, it wouldn’t be your baby. Given how long ago your intercourse took place, she would be a lot more showing than she is.” Twilight shook her head and looked at Spike. “Maybe you should have done your research about this whole thing before you caused all this commotion.”
Spike tried to process what he was hearing and shook his head. “Wait a minute. So what are you saying? She’s just lying about this whole thing? Why would she even do that? Just because I’m in a better relationship? And on that note, how do you even know she’s not pregnant?”
“Spike, I studied quite a few medical textbooks in my time and all it took was some common sense to tell that there was no baby inside her.”
Spike mentally facepalmed. Why didn’t he think of that earlier?
“And, Spike, to answer your first question, no, I don’t think she was lying.”
“Then how do you explain the whole situation with her saying she’s pregnant?” Spike asked. “You can’t have it both ways.”
“Spike, the brain is a powerful and often misunderstood tool. Sometimes, when under stress or when a mare has a desire to be pregnant, hormones will release that cause the body to show symptoms of carrying a foal. It can even trick pregnancy tests. Science doesn’t fully understand how it works, but it is a fairly common thing that happens in relationships.”
“And… you think this happened to Flitter? But why?”
“Spike,” Twilight said, “it would be my guess that Flitter is going through a very tough time right now whether in her family or whatever, and seeing you in a happy relationship may have sent her body into that area of confusion, and it responded by making her think she was pregnant with your child. I mean, it almost did its job and got you back to her, did it not?”
Spike took everything that Twilight said in, and had one response. “Oh my Goddess… I’ve messed up, big time. I have to go talk to Flitter about this, right now.”
“Spike, I’ll talk to Flitter. Celestia knows what trouble could happen if you try to explain things to her.” Twilight shuddered after thinking of the possible consequences. “Besides, you have a certain DJ unicorn that needs to hear an explanation and the world’s biggest apology.”
Spike’s eyes instantly snapped open. “Vinyl! Oh my gosh, she probably thinks I just left her behind throughout all this. I have to go find her!”
Spike quickly threw his arms around Twilight to give her a big hug. “Twilight, even after all these years, you’re still saving me on a day-to-day basis.”
Twilight returned the hug. “What’s family for, Spike? Now go, find Vinyl and get her back. Go!”
Without looking back, Spike dashed out the door and toward Vinyl’s apartment. It was time to make up in the biggest way possible. He was gonna get her back no matter what it took.
*****
Knock! knock! knock!
Spike squirmed around at the door of Vinyl’s home. As soon as the door handle jiggled, he readied himself to give the biggest apology ever.
“Can I help you?” Octavia said, looking outside the door. “Oh, it’s you.”
Spike’s heart fell in disappointment. “Sorry to bother you, Octavia, but is Vinyl there? I have to talk to her. It’s important!”
“I’m sorry, Spike,” Octavia said, shaking her head. “You just missed her.”
“What? Where’d she go?”
“We had a little talk, and she decided she needed to get away for a bit to think about some things.”
“Oh no,” Spike said. “I bet those things involved a crappy dragon boyfriend, huh?”
“You would be correct,” Octavia said.
“Oh man, I messed up so bad,” Spike said. “We had such a great thing going, then I throw her to the wolves when an issue pops up from the past. I feel so bad! I just came over here to apologize. I’ve never felt so strongly for somepony before, and I just go and mess it up!”
Octavia shook her head. “Spike listen. Vinyl cares for you a great deal. You’re all she ever talks about anymore. I think she was just as confused and hurt by this situation as you were. Now, at this point you have two choices. One, you can stand at my doorstep and sulk about it some more, or two, you can get out of her and tell her what you just told me.”
“Do you really think she’ll even listen to me at this point?” Spike asked.
“Well, that’s implying she ever listens to anything beside her raucous music, but yes, I know for a fact she’ll hear what you have to say.”
Spike’s face instantly turned into a smile. “That’s just what I needed to hear! Do you know where she went?”
“She said something about a waffle place in Manehattan. Other than that, I’m not sure.”
“I know exactly where that’s at. Thanks a bunch!”
With a flash, Spike was gone, leaving Octavia with a smile as she walked back into her home.
“Oh my goodness, those two are so impulsive… It just works.”
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ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!
Can pregnancy tests actually be fooled like that?
Alight, I can do that
1. Alright.
6692260 I've heard of this before outside of fanfics, so it would be possible. A pregnancy test simply detects certain hormone levels in urine. So, if the body tricks itself into producing these chemicals, the test would get a false positive. That partly is why pregnancy tests aren't 100% accurate.
Fun Fact: you can use pregnancy tests to test for testicular cancer. That type of cancer increases the hormone levels that the test is designed to detect. So, a guy with testicular cancer would read as positive on a standard pregnancy test.
That also means that Spike's a virgin?!?
Good shit! Continue!
6692674 Spike may be a renewed virgin, but no way is he a regular virgin. Big difference. I'm regular, my friend is renewed.
ok... a lot of mistakes can be made in a situation like this. especially out of impulse. i really hope this doesnt lead to where the pessimistic side of my mind thinks its going.
This feels like a minor nod to a certain sex crimes-themed spinoff of a famous serious, if you catch my drift...
I read that as "Thanks a brunch" the first time. I'm actually quite disappointed to realize the pun isn't actually there.
Man, it looks like Flitter was really misinformed herself that she didn't even think things over either.
6692574 There actually aren't 'false positives', as pregnancy tests are made to test hCG. It won't read positive if there isn't a threshold. Either a female has a pregnancy, with the possibility of miscarriages resulting in an elevated hCG level within the body for some time, or as you gave with your example of testicular cancer, a tumor.
OF COURSE!!!!
Well I cheered when I heard that, Flitter is a bitch and Twi is not an aunt and Celestia is not a grandma....good but bad I guess, or at least sad.
...God damn it. I would be less upset if Flitter was actually pregnant but it was just some other guy, her "thinking" that she's pregnant and causing all this trouble just irks me. But, if this is going to play out like the romantic drama then it needs those elements.
Looks like my humanity has been restored!
I’m sorry, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that it was a [BEEP] thing to do, Flitter.
10659267
Yeah, this was an early story of mine and I had yet to learn how to properly formulate good stories, lol. So I apologize that it was rough around the edges.