• Published 16th Feb 2014
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A Visit To The Dentist - Alue14

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Chapter 1; Of Nightmares And Daydreams

A Visit To The Dentist.

A MLP:FiM Fic by Alue14.
I do not own MLP:FiM, it is a product of Hasbro.



Rainbow Dash flew as fast as she could, regularly stopped by a very painful bombardment out from her mouth. She wished it wasn’t what she thought it was. In all what Equestria had to offer, she wished it couldn’t be that!

Meanwhile, in the Golden Oak Library, Twilight came back into the building, and finally filled up with the cupcakes and other pastries that Pinkie was friendly enough to offer her as breakfast. Oh, how could the bookmare bucked herself for forgetting her breakfast. Her young assistant, the purple dragon Spike, ran after her with a hell of a roll of paper.

“I hope that’s all of the errands you have to make today, Twi!” Spike said.

Twilight chuckled. “Yes, Spike. It’s enough.” Spike began to sigh in comfort. “But can you get me The Spells of 2012 for me? It’s the biggest book on the shelf!” Spike quickly changed his sigh in a full blown groan.

Why, Twilight? he thought. He began climbing the ladder that flanked the huge wall of books that was that shelf of the library. Spike hated this part of the chore. Every time Twilight was ready with running errands, she always needed something big to read, as if she needed to learn something more than she already had.

Spike began climbing, swearing dragon curses under his breath. The huge wall always reminded him of the time he wanted to know for his dragon kin. He still felt sad since she still didn't knew if dragon's actually cried, and the meeting of those three jerks certainly didn't help matters, either...

Spike felt worse when he climbed the shelves of Twilight’s library. He was also torn apart, because Twilight had magic and could easily levitate the book from the shelf itself. He began to feel like Twilight’s little slave...

He eventually found the book and climbed down the shelf, but due to the thoughts that plagued Spike’s mind, he had let a little tear that he never noticed. Spike didn’t see it, and then slid on the wet fluid.

“Woahoh!” Spike screamed when he slipped on the wet step. He fell down head first, losing the book from his grasp.

“Spike!” Twilight screamed. He quickly grasped both Spike and the book with her magic, stopping both the objects from a deadly impact. Twilight levitated Spike to her, landing him in her hooves and asked, “Are you okay, Spike?”

Spike opened his eyes and saw that he wasn’t turned into a little patch of green and purple on the ground, but instead laid in the caring hooves of his lavender unicorn guardian. “Tw-Twilight?”

“You really scared me, Spike. What happened?”

Spike tried to withhold the tears that were forming in his eyes. He knew what had happened. He said, “T-Twilight, I think I’ve got something to tell you.” And so, he told Twilight, with a sob-filled voice, “I thought I was becoming your slave.”

Twilight returned with a caring nuzzle.

“Spike, why would I make you a slave? You’re my assistant and my friend, you do enough work with other things than that.”

“But why do I have to take all those books when you’re running errands?” Spike asked.

“I’ve done that enough times without your help, Spike, but it’s a very heavy load on my horn. The last time I’ve done that my horn was so crooked that I had to be hospitalized for five days!”

Spike returned with a nod. He knew. He had to keep the library clean during that week. What a nightmare! he thought.

“After that, the doctor told me that I never had to do that again. So that’s why I always ask you to do that for me! I’m sorry that I never told you this before.” Twilight said.

Spike nodded in recognition. Twilight was happy enough. Twilight wanted to take a peek into the new book she attained recently, until she heard her name screamed from outside. She stood on all fours and took a peek out of the window only to jump away when she saw a blue blur flying towards the window.

“TWWWIIIILLLIIIGHHHTTT!!!”

A gigantic mess of fallen paper was the result. Books and scrolls lay scattered across the room and the unicorn and dragon youngling were buried beneath it. The mare that crashed as the proverbial elephant in the porcelain store was frantically searching the purple mare while placing a hoof on her mouth.

“TwilightyougottohelpmeIgotterriblepainsinmymouthand-” the cyan mare rambled along, not noticing that a head peeked out of the paper mess. Twilight groaned.

“What is it now, Rainbow Dash?” Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash almost jumped out of her skin when she saw the head of Twilight peeking out of the collapsed pile of documents, but regained her posture when she realised it was her friend.

“Oooff, Twilight! You scared me there!” A jolt of pain went through Rainbow’s mouth. “Ouch!” she said.

Twilight heard the yelp of pain and the discomfort her friend was in, and aided with a helping hoof to the pegasus. “Dash, is everything okay?” Twilight asked.

“No! Ouch! Can’t you hear?! I’ve got a heck of a toothache and I want you to help me with it!” Rainbow Dash snapped to Twilight. “A toothache?” Twilight laughed. “But Dashie, that’s no reason to get all scared about."

Rainbow Dash was unsure. She still was tryingg to acknwoledge the pain that flushed through her veins.

“Just go to a dentist. I don’t know why you’re so sketchy about a single toothache.” Twilight said, aiding a simple hoof.

Dashie slapped the hoof out of her reach and was even more frantic.

“No, I don’t! Twilight, you don’t know what they DO to you! They put needles in you and, and, and they pull your teeth out and, and, and...” Rainbow Dash’s hair started to go loose and rifled. “And, and, and.. Oh, mommy, help me...” she cried out when she cowered into a fetal position, sobbing and shivering.

Of course, Twilight firstly thought this was just Rainbow Dash acting silly. Lately, she had faked being in distress. Just to pull her friends into a playful prank with the help of Pinkie Pie. Twilight still remembered the hours she had lost to bathing from the pellets of Poison Joke the pink mare had flung to her in the bushes.

“Okay, Rainbow Dash. If you are trying to play funny, your prank has lost its meaning. Stop it right here, and I will not be angry at you. Also, Pinkie Pie? Come out your hiding spot, wherever you are!” said Twilight Sparkle.

But no reply came, not even a groan. The only sound that came out of the empty library was a simple “who?” of an groggy Owlicious. And the sobbings of a distressed mare.

Twilight wasn’t sure what to do now. “Eh, heheh... Okay, Dashie, its seems that you aren’t pulling a prank. Strange...” After she had said that, she bolted to the case of books. ‘Oh, what have I done? What do I do now?!” she said while flipping through the books she telecinectingly pulled aside from the cases.

While Twilight tried to find a cure as fast as she could, Spike the little dragonling walked to the cowering and sobbing pegasus. “Hey, Dashie, are you okay?” he said. The pegasus perked her head to Spike. Strangely, her distress was lowered while Spike was talking to her. “Y-ye-N-no, Spike, I-I’m n-not!” The young dragon, though limited by his young age, had some empathy with the pegasus. “Well... Why not?”

“S-s-spike, t-t-this is s-s-s-something that h-h-happened to me w-w-w-when I was young.” Dashie said, still cowering a bit. Spike brushed his hand over the mane of Dash, and said. “Then you better talk to Twilight about this.” He then walked away, with a face that Dashie would have thought said ‘I’m sorry.’ but wasn’t sure.

Twilight had stopped with her frantic search through her books and heard that Spike tried to reassure Rainbow Dash. She had heard that her fright for the dentist was due to a bad memory in her past. Twilight placed her books back, and walked to the cowering filly. She saw that she was in pain, both physically as mentally.

Twilight wanted to help the mare... But all the psychological books she had ever read, both in the library she called home as the library back in Canterlot, couldn’t help her if one of her friends should suffer fear in this way.

She then remembered that Dash had stayed up late for the past few days and was tired. Perhaps that could be a reason to her distress... So, she quickly casted a sleeping spell on Rainbow Dash and grasped the rainbow pegasus with her magic and climbed the stairs to place her in her bed. Dash fell asleep soundly.

After Twilight had placed the pegasus in her bed, she climbed down the stairs, keen to find out what had been troubling Rainbow Dash that much...

*****

Meanwhile, the sleep of the Rainbow mare was to be short. A few minutes in, she began to experience a nightmare...

Rainbow Dash was lying quietly reading a book on her bed. The book was rather good, so good in fact, that she was totally immersed in it.

Suddenly, a sharp pain brought her back to consciousness. She yelps quietly, but then she has noticed that the scenery has changed. No longer is she in her bedroom, but in a rather creepily abandoned hospital. She also notices that she is standing on her hooves instead of lying on her bed. She then walks around for a bit, to see if there’s somepony who could help her.

After a while, her fears had become true. This hospital is empty, and nopony is around. Her heart begins pounding in her chest. She tries to scream for help. But for some reason, she cannot scream. More and more, she begins feeling scared.

Strange sounds echo the empty, darkened halls. At every sound, the young mare turns her head around and starts to act more and more paranoid.

After a while, she noticed a framed picture of a dam. She looks at the picture and wonders why there's a picture of a dam, there. Suddenly, she hears a hissing sound behind her. Startled, she turns around and sees an alligator. The hell beast lunges towards Rainbow, and the young mare runs for dear life. Rainbow Dash tries flapping her wings, but they seem to be stuck.

After a while, she sees at the end of the hall that there’s a broken window. Dashie celebrates that there's a way out. With the last ounces of her strength she runs towards it. Five meters later, the sharp, maddening pain shoots through her veins and causes her to slow down. She tries to ignore the pain and run faster, but the window is getting farther and farther away and the alligator is getting closer and closer. Dashie tries with all the strength in her body to keep running, but the pain just keeps on getting bigger and bigger. With tears in her eyes she keeps on running, but it’s all in vain. The alligator has easily breached the part separating him and the filly and lunches towards the Rainbow filly, opening his jaw to lunge to his prey...


*****

Rainbow Dash awoke from this maddening dream with a wet bed and breathes heavily, panting sickly.

It took a few minutes to regain her thoughts and to get herself to know that that was a dream and this was the real world. After she regained her senses, she crawled into a fetal position and cried. Between her sobbing and hiccups, she wailed for her mother...

*****

While Rainbow Dash had awakened from her terrible nightmare, Twilight did what she always did in situations like these.. By sticking her head in every book she could find. Although she had read every psychological book she could find, in this situation they were as much of a help than a bunch of wet sticks for starting a fire. Twilight knew this, but it was better than to do nothing.

She was so engrossed in her studies, that when she heard the silent hiccups of Rainbow Dash she firstly thought Spike was crying. ‘Spike? You’re okay?’ she asked. Spike, who was trying to get some sleep said to her, ‘Yes, Twilight. Why do you ask?’ Twilight didn’t respond to Spike’s question, but instead ran up the stairs of her home to her bedroom.

She came back with Rainbow Dash in her magic. Dashie wasn’t crying, at least not that much. For the untrained eye, it seemed that Dashie had calmed down. But she was calmed down by a spell Twilight had cast on her. Although it was one of the most powerful calming spells Twilight could think of, Dashie still was silently sobbing...

*****

Twilight had brought down Rainbow Dash and let her rest for quite a while. When she awoke, she and Twilight began to talk. Twilight wanted to know where Dashie’s fear for the dentist came from and why she wanted her mother to be with her.

Twilight was keeping close attention to the soundly sleeping Rainbow Dash, although there were moments where small yelps and silent sobs came from her mouth.

After a while, she awoke with a yawn and padded eyes. Twilight did her best to conform the pegasus mare. Rainbow Dash said it was alright when Twilight asked if she was okay.

While Dashie slowly regained her emotions she began telling Twilight about her youth. Things like why she was afraid of dentists.

“Twilight,” Rainbow Dash spoke, “I’m sorry that I- well, was like this. “ she said while rubbing her back with her hoof. Twilight reassured the young mare. “It’s alright, Dashie, it’s alright. If you’re afraid of something, you’re simply afraid of it.” Twilight comfortingly said.

“Thanks, Twi. You see, there’s a reason for this, but if you tell this to anypony I think I’m going to deny this!” Dash said, threateningly. Twilight chuckled lightly. Well, Dash is back, alright! Twilight thought.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Twilight, my fillyhood is- or should I say was- just like any other.” Twilight was surprised, she thought that the youth of a mare like Rainbow Dash’s would have been a lot different than other mares...

“But that doesn’t mean it was all sunshine and rainbows, Twi!” That answer made Twilight grin a little. Looks like even Rainbow Dash has her pony-side... she chuckled a bit.

“My parents were loving, and even caring, but my brother was kinda a jerk.” Rainbow Dash said. From this, Twilight was shocked a bit. She didn’t knew that she had a brother, and never thought that IF she had one it would be such a horrible example.

“Yeah, Twilight, I know this sound strange for you because you have such an AWESOME brother- but mine’s wasn’t cool...” Dash said with annoyance in her voice, startling Twilight a bit. “First of all, he was kinda like a prankster. Kinda like me but undeniably, unquestionably, uncool!” Twilight glanced skeptically after Rainbow had said that.

“Really?! Well, tell me about some of those moments, then.” Twilight started the conversation.

“Okay, Twi, but beware, your opening the jar. There’s NO turning back now, ya hear?” Dash said while hovering in the sky a bit and poking Twilight with her hoof.

Twilight sighed. Why does she have to do things always that dramatic? she thought. Why can’t that mare just start a story normally, like everypony does?
“Good.” Rainbow Dash said, while landing on the ground. “This thing’s happened when I was a foal, take 1 or 2 years.” Twilight made a quick mental note about how Dashie must have looked like when she was that old.

“My brother was around 3 years, so a pretty young colt. While I was sleeping in my bed in my room, my brother had the guts to change my little...” Dash stopped, blushing a bit. “Oh, crud. That’s right.”

Twilight couldn’t help to notice this.

“What’s wrong, Dash? What’s the- Oh.”

“Yeah, yeah, cut the chase, Twi. I know-”

“Oh!”

“Twilight! Stop it-”

“OH!”

“TWILIGHT!”

“YOU HAD A BLANKIE WHEN YOU WERE A FOAL?!” Twilight said while bursting out into laughter. The mere thought of Rainbow having a blankie was too funny to not hold in her laughter, and at such a young age she just couldn't help it to laugh on how cute that must have been...

“OH, THAT’S IT, TWILIGHT!” Rainbow Dash screamed and charged Twilight, but a fortunate jolt of pain shot through her veins stopping her dead in her tracks.

“OUCH!” she screamed and fell to the ground, clutching her snout with her hooves, crying silently.
“Ohoh... Make the pain stohohop!” she wailed silently and rocked on the floor.

Twilight, who regained her emotions form the sudden reaction of Rainbow Dash felt compassion for the poor mare. She saw she had horrible pain, from which she thought- A pony like Rainbow Dash could SURELY handle some pain?!- but then again, a rotten tooth wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, either...

Twilight even felt some sadness when she kept on watching Dash clutch her snout with her hooves, so she decided to help her.

She went to her kitchen, and rummaged through her medicine cabinet, searching for a medicine. Luckily, she found it without the help of Spike. She grasped it with her telekinesis and went back to Rainbow Dash to give it to her.

When she returned to her, she found out that Dashie still was holding her snout. Transparent pearls coming from her eyes made clear that Rainbow Dash was crying.

Poor filly... Twilight thought solemnly.

She sat down to Dash and placed the pill into her mouth. She poured some water into her mouth and she swallowed it easily. Twilight then grasped the shaking body of Rainbow Dash and rocked her slowly, humming a lullaby.

The anesthetic worked quickly, fortunately. Rainbow Dash had calmed down and even slept for a bit.

Twilight giggled. This was pretty much a, very awkward experience.

Luckily, Rainbow Dash quickly awoke, feeling refreshed.

Of course, she screamed and jumped immediately out of the grasp of the purple mare and said, “WHAT THE HAY, TWILIGHT??!! I DON’T RUN THAT WAY!!” After she groggily noticed that Twilight was holding her like that.

Twilight laughed a bit and calmed her down, again.

“*giggles* Calm down, Rainbow Dash, it’s allright.”

“All right?! Twilight, I LAID IN YOUR ARMS! What would Applejack think if she saw me like that?!”

Twilight just kept on giggling and said,

“*giggles* Dashie, Applejack is busy harvesting the apples at her farm, there’s nothing to worry about.”

This caused the blue mare to seemingly calm down.

“Ookay, ‘cause you said so, Twi...” she said reluctantly.

Twilight walked back into the kitchen and made herself some tea. If she was going to listen to the rest of Rainbow Dash’s story, she better prepared herself for a long haul.

She returned to the main room of the library, with the cup of tea in her telekinetic grasp. She even had brought two cushions for her and Dash to sit on.

Twilight and Rainbow Dash sat down. After that, Rainbow Dash asked.

“What DID you gave me, anyways?”

Twilight sipped from her tea, and said,

“When I was little, I was very prone to magical colic. My mother gave me pills of Germane chamomile extract. They are anesthetic pills, it will stun the pain for a while.”

Rainbow Dash thought about this for a while, and smiled. Germane chamomile, always does the trick, she thought. Then, she continued with her story.

“So, as I was telling, my brother had the guts to chance my blankie with a whole bunch of spiders! Not small spiders, not friendly spiders, Twilight, but freakishly long and hairy spiders, Twilight!” Twilight remembered. Princess Luna had changed a whole bowl of plush spiders from a game into such creepy spiders with her magic at the Nightmare Night celebration when she was being angered by Pinkie Pie’s antics.

“I know the spiders, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight said, defusing the issue.

Rainbow Dash grabbed her purple unicorn friend and then exclaimed, “Of course was I sleeping soundly, but when I awoke I was being tickled by something. Next thing I know I’m covered in tons of black crawly things with those red eyes! Do you KNOW how horrible that can be in the middle of the night as a foal, Twilight!?”

“Oh my..” Twilight held her hoof over her mouth. “Were you bit, Rainbow Dash?”

“No, my screaming woke up my mom and dad and they swatted the bugs away. My brother got in trouble and I got to sleep in my parents room. Sure I was safe, but...” Rainbow Dash stopped talking and instead stared at the ground.

“You were traumatized, Rainbow. It's normal to be like that when something like that happens at such a young age.” Twilight said.

“Yeah, I know...’ Rainbow Dash sighed and opened her mouth once more. Her story wasn’t finished.

“My parents told my brother that after that incident he never had to come near me again, but of course since he was such a douche, one afternoon he returned to spike me again. He was older now, Twilight, of around 6 years old and I was around 4 years. It was the same year I enrolled in Flight Camp. But that afternoon, Twilight, I remember that all too well..”

She surely remembered that afternoon ALL too well...

*****

A young Rainbow Dash was lying on the ground of her parents cloudhouse. She was playing with a couple of self-made Wonderbolts dolls. It was at this age she went to a Wonderbolt show, and had been enraptured with the flying team. It wasn’t long before she told her parents that she dreamed of being a Wonderbolt. Her parents were somewhat skeptical, but her father had seen Dashie fly, and he knew that with her flying skills she could become one, eventually. Eventually, her parents enrolled her on Junior Speedsters Flight Camp but she wouldn't be going there until the summer.

She was playing with the dolls, when her brother stood in the hallway grinning like an idiot when he saw his younger sister playing with her dolls. He stepped from his hiding place and grabbed the dolls away from his sister when she wasn’t looking.

“Hey! Spectrum, give them back!” she screamed.

Of course, Spectrum wasn’t planning to give them back anytime soon.

“Hehe.. Come on, Dashie, get them, they’re just in reach!”, her brother teased his sister by holding the dolls just high enough to keep them out of her reach.

Rainbow Dash, who could already fly at this moment, just couldn’t reach them how much she tried.

Eventually, she laid down on the cloud floor of the house and huffed in frustration and defeat.

“Okay, Spectrum, what do I have to do now to get my dolls back?”

“Well,” he grinned evilly, “I have decided to pick up writing again...”

Dashie knew what time this was. Her brother, Spectrum Dash, was a young, aspiring writer -as his cutie mark inclined. But instead of writing highly regarded literature, her brother was more known into the ‘shock value’- type of genre. The stories her brother wrote, were far more violent, sexually loaded and tackled very dangerous social stuff. His latest story depicted another take on the origin story of Equestria that started quite a ruckus.

The story depicted a ‘supposed’ re-found tale that depicted a lesbian relation with Commander Hurricane and Private Pansy. The riot caused by this tale had caused quite the riot in the school he studied when he had written it for a school-competition, and caused him to be expelled for four weeks. Luckily, the incident was quickly subdued, and he could resume his studies after a short duration of two weeks.

But the damage was done. Her brother stopped with writing after his parents chastised him with the dishonor which had come over the family.

Dashie personally braved herself for what his brother had come up now.

“So, take this,” he started. “The setting is based after the Insurgence of Discord, and the lands are fully recovering of the presence of his chaos...”

He began explaining the plot of his future story.

The story would tell about a Cloudsdale dentistry right after the chaos of Discord. The main protagonist of the story- a crazy dentist -would torture his patients in horrible, imaginative ways. The story had gotten too gruesome for Rainbow Dash and she had pleaded to her older brother to stop, but he continued to tell his pitch until Dash couldn't take no more and ran away with her hooves over her head and her crying, and him laughing his plot off.

Suffice to say, that this story traumatized her even more, would be like saying that Princess Celestia didn't had a sister that had rebelled against her daytime-rule.

Rainbow Dash then flew to her room and she buried her face in the pillows of her bed, crying...

*****

Twilight was shocked when she heard the story. For the next few minutes, she couldn’t say anything.

“And that’s how I got my fear for the dentist.” Dash said after a long pause.

Twilight, after an even longer pause spoke again.

“Well, that’s quite the story.”

Dash began crying, not because the pain had returned, but because she was afraid of what was going to happen now. Going to the dentist was out of the question, and the Germane chamomile wasn’t going to help forever.

“Oh, Twilight, what am I going to do now?” she wailed.

Twilight, who was hearing this wasn’t sure of what she was going to do, but she quickly devised a plan to ‘cure’ Dash’s fear of the dentist.

“I have a plan to get that tooth out of there...”

“REALLY?!” Dash happily and loudly exclaimed.

“Yes, I have.”

“OH, THANK YOU, TWILIGHT!” Dash loudly exclaimed and flew towards Twilight. She grasped Twilight in a loving embrace, but quickly stopped hugging her, saying,

“Wow, Twilight! I-I don’t work that way!” She said, while waving with her hooves.

Twilight chuckled a bit, and said,

“I know, Dash, I know...”

Twilight opened the door of her library, and said to Rainbow Dash,
“Come on, Dash, I’m going to help you with that tooth. Just follow me.”

“Alright,, Twilight. I’m coming! ”

They both left the door, going to the first stop of Twilight ‘plan’...

Author's Note:

Well, fellows, here it is! The second chapter of Visit To The Dentist!

Guys, the days that I HAVEN'T been working on this chapter and the days I was contemplating that this story was too dark for this! You just wouldn't know. Also, this story WAS once one of the fics that had been on this account before, but I deleted them after a previous fic wasn't too successful as I wanted it to be.

This is a re upload if you haven't noticed already. But enough rambling, it's finally here in his rightful place, and I hope that you'll like this story, that you favorite, like and comment for constructive criticism and other noise!

Iohann-12 Out.

Comments ( 14 )

*stands up* *appluds*

4039976 It was beautiful!!!:raritydespair::raritydespair::heart:

4042398 Just like I said with the other chapter, in due time...

4039927 Elue? Alue? What? WHAT?!? IDHEJDKBDDJFNDNR

4700593 yeah, we're friends.

4704319 how come your on every dentist fanfiction I see?

4759506 Not working on it yet, but soon, I guess.

For anyone who is following this story, I'm afraid that I must say that this story, from the point that I'm writing this sentence, is put on indefinite hiatus. Please allow me to explain.

As you can see from the dates the chapters were published, I haven't been writing on this story for over a year, and I haven't been working on it ever since. I simply don't have any inspiration to carry this story over to completion and I don't want that you guys might think that I died or wanted to lose this story or anything like that.

For the most part, this is simply because this is all part of a massive writers block from which I'm struggling with for over 2.5 years. This was meant to combat that. Unfortunately, this has proven to be fatal.

Of course, this does not mean that I have lost interest in this story. Maybe some day I might be able to carry on with this project, but from now on I have a feeling that I might find my hail in other projects I'm planning. You are all invited to join me in those endeavors. For example, I'm considering to write a story which is my take on the father case of Rainbow Dash. Of course, her father has been already revealed, but what if she 'isn't' her father? What if the rainbow haired one is her brother or nephew or something?

Anyways, I have told you too much of what I'm considering to write. I hope sincerely that you might join me with this.

May your endeavors be as great as mine, see you soon.

Iohann-12 Out.

Not my thing. I can't really say it's bad though. I can see some potential for a comedy fanfic about going to the dentist. It's pretty well written, the problem is that it is a bit forgettable. This can really get into some funny lines regarding going to and comeing from the dentist along with the tools and even the little lies and scary stories parents tell their kids about the dentist.

7676157 I needed something to mark this, so that Rainbow found out that it was a dream, and not real. Plus, Derpy here, isn't the BaldDumboRat version I adore. She's the general interpretation of Derpy, the one that's clumsy and everything.

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