Your Name

by Zeck

The Truth

Bon Bon stood in the kitchen of their apartment, staring at the counter in front of her. Today was the day. Today was the day she would finally work up the nerve to tell Lyra. They were best friends all through grade school and middle school, and in high school something had started to change. Now that they were in college, that feeling of friendship had blossomed into so much more. Bon Bon could not see her life without Lyra in it, and Lyra had made it painfully clear that she felt the same.

So why did Bon Bon feel sick to her stomach? She trusted Lyra completely, and Lyra trusted her the same. This wasn’t supposed to be so hard, and yet, as Bon Bon held her hoof in front of her face, the fact that it was trembling uncontrollably was proof that what she wanted to do was near impossible.

She and Lyra had been together for over two years. They were well past the awkward stage of both of them being mares and were comfortable with each other. They knew what made the other one laugh or cry. Bon Bon knew exactly where to kiss Lyra behind the ear to make her collapse, and Lyra had found Bon Bon’s secret massage spot on the bottom of her neck with her magic. They had been living together for over a year. They shared a bed. For crying out loud, they had slept together countless times and just last night Lyra had used her magic to send Bon Bon to the moon, in a way.

So why was this so hard for her?

Bon Bon stomped her hoof on the kitchen floor harder than she meant to. A slight jolt of pain raced up her front leg, and that in turn only made her angrier. She swung her hoof across the counter, sending dishes spinning into the sink and onto the floor. She heard something break. When she looked down, she saw that a glass had shattered into several pieces.

“Why is this so hard?” she said as tears began to well up. “It’s easy. All you have to do is say, ‘By the way, I’ve been lying to you all these years. My name’s not Bon Bon. It’s Sweetie Drops.” Tears streaked down Bon Bon’s face as she said the words out loud and she wiped them away in anger. “‘But I hope that’s okay.’ Celestia, that sounds so stupid! What if she hates me?”

Bon Bon sank to the floor and began to cry. She hadn’t meant to keep her name from Lyra. She didn’t even dislike her name anymore. It was just, the opportunity had never come up. All through grade school, she had been too embarrassed, and by the time she had gotten over it, things had never lined up right for the reveal. It had never seemed important.

So why is it important now? she thought as she laid on the floor. She didn’t even know what had caused the feeling, but one night she had woken up with something eating away at her mind. She had rolled over and watched Lyra sleep when a thought had sprung into her head: Lyra doesn’t know your real name. That one thought had been consuming Bon Bon for over a month now, and if she didn’t do something about it, it would break her.

“But what am I supposed to do?” she whimpered. “What if she gets mad at me? What if she doesn’t want to be with me because she can’t trust me?” Even as the words left her mouth, the rational part of her brain told her how ridiculous that was, but her feelings wouldn’t back down.

“Hey Bon Bon,” came Lyra’s voice from the doorway, “I’m home.” Bon Bon’s blue eyes went wide at the sound of her love’s voice. She couldn’t let Lyra see her like this! Lyra would think something was wrong and then she would keep pushing Bon bon until the truth came out. She wasn’t ready! She needed more time to compose herself.

“Hey, are you making snacks, because I’m…woah,” Lyra said as she entered the kitchen. “What happened?”

“Oh, um…I dropped a glass,” Bon Bon said, making sure she kept her face pointed away from Lyra so she wouldn’t see her tear-stained eyes. “I was just getting ready to clean it up.”

“Are you okay? You didn’t cut yourself, did you?” Lyra asked. “Because I can kiss it and make it better. Unicorn magic’s good for that sort of thing.”

Bon Bon felt a smile come to her face and her tears vanished. “No, I’m okay. Just give me a minute and I’ll get started on a snack.” She picked herself up and went to get a broom.

“Okay,” Lyra said. “Hey, do we have any ice?”

“It’s in the freezer,” Bon Bon replied as she began to sweet up the broken glass.

“Thanks. I’ll be on the couch, resting.” Bon Bon heard Lyra open the freezer and gather some ice, but she still didn’t turn around to smile at her. She needed to make sure her eyes weren’t red anymore, so she finished cleaning up the spill and then began making a batch of cookies. Fifteen minutes later, she was carrying a plate of fresh mint cookies with chocolate chips out to their living room.

“Here you go, Lyra,” Bon Bon said as she balanced the plate on her backside. “Fresh out of the oven. And they’re your favorite.”

“Great,” the unicorn said and she raised her head, causing the ice pack she had resting on her face to slide down her neck.

“Lyra,” Bon Bon groaned as she saw the bruise on her forehead. “Did you get into another fight?”

Lyra’s golden eyes looked at the floor. “Um…yes,” she said.

“Lyra!”

“But! I made a new friend!” she added quickly, holding up her hooves to stop Bon Bon. “I swear.”

Bon Bon narrowed her eyes. “Uh-huh,” she said skeptically.

“I did!” Lyra protested. Lyra was…a difficult pony to get along with. Bon Bon had grown up with her so she knew all the unicorn’s weird little habits and how she acted, but other ponies didn’t. Lyra could be very annoying to a pony who wasn’t familiar with her. So her making a friend, especially after coming home with a huge bruise on her face, seemed highly unlikely.

“And what is your friend’s name then?” she asked.

“Um, well…” Lyra scratched behind her ear and refused to look Bon Bon in the eye. “You’re…not going to believe me.”

“I’m having a hard enough time of that already,” Bon Bon said, sitting down on the couch next to the unicorn. “Now give me a name.”

“Octavia Melody.”

“What?” Bon Bon shouted. Octavia? The mare that nearly every pony at the university, mare or colt, seemed to be attracted to? Bon Bon hated to admit it, but she even thought the mare was rather breathtaking, and because of that she avoided her whenever she could. Not that it was all that hard, since they barely had any classes together.

Lyra, on the other hoof, was studying music and so had several classes with her. At first, Bon Bon had been worried that Lyra might end up being drawn to the earth pony, but Lyra had come home from the first day of class saying that Octavia was nothing but a stuck up music snob who didn’t feel music, no matter how good she played.

“Um, Lyra,” Bon Bon said carefully, those old jealousies suddenly resurfacing. “I…thought you didn’t like Octavia.”

“I didn’t,” Lyra said. “Her marefriend, uh…what’s her name? The white one with the blue mane?”

“Vinyl,” Bon Bon said, glad that Lyra at least remembered that Octavia had a marefriend—even if those two were too stubborn to admit it to each other.

“Yeah, her!” Lyra said, her eyes lighting up. “She’s the one that gave me this bruise, after she heard me and Octavia fighting.”

“I’m still not hearing how you’re suddenly friends with that girl,” Bon Bon said, growing more relaxed now. It was clear she didn’t need to worry about losing Lyra. At least, not because Lyra would end up wandering away on her own.

She might still leave if she finds out I’ve been lying to her though…

“Oh, well, Vinyl came up and slammed her head into mine really hard because I said Octavia’s music was boring.”

“That’s not very nice, Lyra,” Bon Bon said. “It’s that type of attitude that gets you in trouble so much.”

“But it’s the truth!” Lyra said, then quickly continued. “But that’s not the important part. Vinyl threated to make it so I couldn’t play my harp with my magic—”

“In which case Vinyl would have been in serious trouble,” Bon Bon said, remembering fondly what Lyra could do to Bon Bon with her magic, and what would happen to anypony who dared to take that away from her. But if Lyra herself chose to take that away, what would she do then? She didn’t want to think about it.

“When Octavia said that it’s called a lyre, not a harp!” Lyra’s eyes lit up at that, and Bon Bon could understand why. Ever since she had started playing, ponies had always called Lyra’s instrument a harp. It drove her nuts, to the point where Bon Bon had had to pull her away from several conversations before she tore a pony’s head off.

“And bam! Just like that, we were friends!” Lyra continued. “It was great! We sat and talked about all sorts of music for hours. I think Vinyl got a little jealous, but we were comparing notes and theories, talking about our favorite artists, and all sorts of stuff.” Bon Bon smiled as she saw Lyra come to life, but at the same time she suddenly felt all those worries come welling back to the surface. She couldn’t tell Lyra her secret now. If she broke up with her, Lyra would go running straight to Octavia, and judging by the way the unicorn was talking about her, the two had a lot in common.

“Bon Bon?” Lyra asked, and Bon Bon’s mind came snapping back from the dark places jealousy had taken it. “You still with me? You were getting kind of silent there.”

“Um, yes,” Bon Bon said, blinking quickly and reaching for a cookie. She stuffed it in her mouth so she wouldn’t say anything embarrassing.

“Wait a second…” Lyra said, a familiar grin coming to her face. “Are you jealous?”

“What? No!” Bon Bon said, bits of cookie spitting out of her mouth as she spoke.

Lyra wiped the crumbs off her face and continued smirking. “You are. You are totally jealous.”

“I am not!” Bon Bon said, but it was too late. She knew Lyra had her because she could feel her cheeks burning. Lyra had a special ability to cut right through any defense Bon Bon tried to put up.

“Whatever you say, love,” Lyra said, leaning back on the couch and winking at her. “So, just to show you that you have nothing to worry about, I think the bed’s a little too neat.”

Bon Bon’s face blushed even harder. “Fine,” she said, glaring down at the couch cushion. “But only if you carry me.”

“As you wish.” Bon Bon closed her eyes and waited. She always loved what came next.

For a moment, she remained on the couch, her eyes closed. Then she began to feel as though she was being enfolded in a warm blanket of air. It flowed over her, brushing every strand of her coat and streaming through her mane. She felt it go up her nose and tickle the edges of her eyes. She giggled as she felt the sensation tug on the tips of her ears, and then her body felt as though it was no more. She carefully opened one eye and saw that she was floating above the couch, encased in a soft glow that matched her coat.

So she’s being extra special, Bon Bon thought as she looked at the color of the magic surrounding her body. She sighed and closed her eye again, allowing Lyra to carrying her all the way down the hall and into the bedroom. The closest she could come to describing the sensation was what she dreamed it would be like to nap on a cloud.

“So, the usual then?” Lyra asked. Bon Bon didn’t open her eyes but just nodded. She heard Lyra climb onto the bed and lay down on her back, and then she felt herself slowly being turned in the air until she knew she was facing the ceiling of their bedroom. Any moment now, Lyra would start—

Bon Bon let out a little gasp as she felt Lyra’s magic focus on the back of her neck, a gently breeze of energy that slowly began to swirl in her fur. She shuddered as her body began to tingle. She felt a hoof reach up and brush through her mane, then the tip of it began to work its way down her neck and spine, until it was brushing her tail.

Why am I letting her do this? Bon Bon’s eyes snapped open at that one thought, and all the excitement she had been feeling, all of the anticipation that had been building up, fled her body like a burst river.

I trust her enough to let her encase me in magic. I trust her enough to have sex with her. Yet I don’t trust her with you name? I don’t deserve her. The thoughts began to beat at the inside of Bon Bon’s brain with relentless force. She could feel the anguish from earlier coming back, along with the tears. She tried to fight them back, tried to recapture the feelings and sensations she had been having moments before, but it was too late.

She closed her eyes and curled up, hoping she wasn’t shaking while Lyra held her.

After what felt like a lifetime, she felt confident enough to open her eyes without tears spilling from them. She opened them and let out a small shriek.

“There you are,” Lyra said in a soft voice with a little smile.

“What…? No! No, you…” Lyra had turned her over in the air so that she was no longer facing the ceiling, but instead was staring straight down at the unicorn. “How long have…?”

“About five minutes,” Lyra said, and Bon Bon could see traces of sweat starting to appear on Lyra’s forehead. Sweat…“You weren’t into it, so I was going to ask what I was doing wrong, but then I saw your face. Bon Bon, if you want me to go—”

“NO!” Bon Bon shrieked, kicking her legs out and desperately reaching for Lyra. Lyra couldn’t go! She couldn’t. “I need you! Please don’t leave me!”

“Okay…we need to talk,” Lyra said, lifting one eyebrow. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing, just…tired,” Bon Bon said, suddenly wishing she wasn’t being held up. She wanted to get away so Lyra couldn’t see her like this. She was a complete wreck, and her irrational fear was starting to twist anything Lyra said into something completely different. She turned her head to the side and stared at the floor, hoping to get away.

“Not buying it,” Lyra said, her hoof reaching up and turning Bon Bon’s cheek so that they were looking at each other again. “I didn’t want to ask when I came home, but I could tell something was bothering you.”

“You…could?” Lyra nodded and Bon Bon tried to turn her head again, but Lyra refused to move her hoof.

“Come on sweetie,” she said and Bon Bon’s ears twitched at the pet name. Did Lyra know? Had she always known? What if she did, and it hurt her knowing that Bon Bon had never told her? What if she was just waiting to throw that betrayal back at Bon Bon and then storm out? “I’ve known you forever. Do you honestly think I can’t tell when something is bothering you? You can tell me.”

“I…can’t,” Bon Bon said, and her mind immediately demanded to know why not and her heart broke at the sight of Lyra’s hurt expression.

“Look, there are two ways this is going to end,” Lyra said, crossing her forelegs across her chest. Sweat was really starting to trickle down her face now, and Bon Bon couldn’t help but watch it with dread. “We both lay here, staring at each other, until you tell me. Or I eventually pass out, you fall on me, crush me, and I have to go to the hospital. So what’s it going to be?” The hurt look left her face for a moment and she winked. “Honestly, I’m hoping you chose to talk, and soon, because I’m getting really tired of holding you. Using levitation this long isn’t easy for me, Bon Bon.”

“That’s…” Bon Bon took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could do this. “That’s not my name.”

“Excuse me?”

Bon Bon’s eyes snapped open and tears blurred her vision. All she could see was the color green before her, and she wanted desperately to wrap her body around the color and hold it. Green was safe. Green was understanding. Green was comfort. She reached out with her forelegs for the color, trying not to cry, and failing miserably at the attempt.

She kept kicking out until she felt her hoof brush something. She felt her body press down against something warm and soft, and then two forelegs wrapped around her and she wrapped hers around the warmth, then buried her muzzle into the soft green fur of Lyra’s chest and cried quietly.

“I’m sorry, Lyra,” Bon Bon said, burying her muzzle as deep as she could into Lyra’s chest. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to keep it from you. It’s just…please don’t hate me.” She felt a hoof rest on the back of her mane and she waited in silence, treasuring every moment she spent wrapped in the unicorn’s embrace.

When Lyra didn’t say anything, Bon Bon raised her head to see the unicorn looking down at her with a confused look. “So, um…you want to start that whole thing over?” she asked with a confused smile. “I’m a bit lost. Why do I hate you?”

“You…you do?” Bon Bon asked, panic rising again. Lyra hated her! She had just said so! She was about to dump her, on the floor and out of her life, and Bon Bon was going to lose the most important thing in her life. She couldn’t take it! She needed—

“Um, no, just a little joke,” Lyra said, her smile spreading to cover her embarrassment. Bon Bon felt the panic slowly ebbing away again. “Sorry. But really, I’m completely lost. I thought you were upset about something that happened at school, but…”

Bon Bon blinked and gathered her thoughts. She stared at the yellow eyes gazing back at her. They were so bright, so full of energy, even when they were worrying about something. She could trust those eyes, and she could trust the pony behind them. And now she was going to do just that.

“My name isn’t Bon Bon,” she said, her voice coming out with a squeak. “I-I mean, that’s not the name I was born with. It’s a nickname my mom gave me when I was a filly.”

“Uh-huh,” Lyra said, blinking once but saying no more. Bon Bon noticed that the hoof hadn’t stopped caressing the back of her head though, so that was a good sign.

“My…my real name is…” she swallowed again and closed her eyes, “…Sweetie Drops.” She opened one blue eye halfway. Lyra was still staring at her, only blinking once in a while and still stroking the back of Bon Bon’s head.

“Okay,” she said.

“When I was little, I used to get really nervous and I sweated. A lot.”

“You still do,” Lyra said, a grin crossing her face. “When you’re excited, anyway.”

Bon Bon blushed and playfully shoved Lyra in the chest. “Anyway, when I was little, at my first day of school, some colts started making fun of me. They kept calling me—”

“Sweaty Drops,” Lyra said.

“You…you remember that?” Bon Bon asked, horrified.

“Of course I remember it,” Lyra said, her eyes shifting away for the first time. “How could I forget? It’s when we first met, and when I…” She trailed off, still refusing to look at Bon Bon.

“When you kissed me?” Bon Bon asked, smiling at the memory. Of course Lyra would remember everything about their first meeting.

“Did…was that okay?” Lyra asked, her eyes coming back up and looking sad.

“Seems a little late to ask that now,” Bon Bon said. “I’ll admit that it caught me completely by surprise, but I’m glad you did, looking back now.”

“I didn’t want to,” Lyra said quietly.

“What?” Bon Bon asked, more shocked than anything. “Why not?”

“I…I thought it was kind of gross,” Lyra said, smiling sheepishly.

“Then why did you kiss me?” Bon Bon asked, now sitting up straighter and pulling slightly out of Lyra’s embrace. She wasn’t upset in the slightest—Lyra loved kissing her now—but she was curious. The unicorn had been so forward about it back then.

“I…I didn’t know what else to do,” Lyra said. “Socket and Bolt wouldn’t leave us alone, and I thought that was the only way they would. I was so afraid that if I didn’t kiss you, they’d keep picking on us. On you. But at the same time, I was afraid you’d hate me if I did it. I spent the rest of the day wondering if you thought I was gross, and worrying I’d scared away my new friend. It was torture.”

“But then I kissed you when we went home that day. Didn’t that help?”

“A little,” Lyra said with a smile as she rubbed her cheek. “I mean, at least I didn’t think you hated me.” Their eyes met and neither pony said anything for a long time. Finally, Lyra blushed and let out a nervous laugh. “So let me get this straight. You thought I’d hate you because you never told me your real name?”

Now it was Bon Bon’s turn to blush. “Yes. Silly, isn’t it?” Now that Lyra knew the truth and she wasn’t running for the door, Bon Bon began to realize just how big of an issue she had made over something so trivial.

“Very silly. Why would you think that?”

“Well, it’s just…I always say you know everything about me. It just seemed like I was lying to you for all these years, and the longer I went without telling you, the harder it got. I started coming up with all these horrible thoughts about—mmph?” Bon Bon stopped as Lyra placed a hoof on her mouth.

“Sweetie Drops, huh?” she said with a smile. “Well, I can call you that if you want…”

“Nu-uh!” Bon Bon said, though her mouth was still covered. Lyra took her hoof away. “You’re calling me Bon Bon. No pony else can know about my name, okay? Promise me.”

“Alright, but why?” Lyra asked, a smirk coming to her face. “I mean, it’s not like Socket and Bolt are around anymore, and I’m the only one who knows how much you sweat, especially under certain conditions, so I’d be the only one calling you—ouch!”

“That’s another reason I never wanted to tell you!” Bon Bon said, though she couldn’t help but smile. “So…you don’t hate me?”

Bon Bon saw Lyra’s horn glow with magic and felt a gentle push on her mane, guiding her toward Lyra. She smiled, closed her eyes, and allowed herself to be pulled into a kiss.

“What do you think?” Lyra asked in a whisper. “Although, I have to admit that this does answer something that I’ve always wondered about. I overheard your mom call you that once, back on my first day at school. I thought it was kind of mean that she called you a name that was so close to what the bullies called you too. But I never asked you about it because you gave Bolt such a thrashing that I was too frightened to.”

Bon Bon smiled and snugged up against her mare. “And don’t you forget it,” she said. “Now, I believe you were in the middle of something.”

“Was I?” Lyra asked, a mischievous smile coming to her face. “I can’t remember. Could you—” Bon Bon gently kissed Lyra’s neck, “um…remind…” she kissed the curve of her chin, “…me…of…” she kissed the tip of her ear and bit down slightly, blowing softly into her ear, “…um…what was I saying?”

Bon Bon smiled as she felt the familiar warmth envelope her again and she began to rise off the bed.

Author's Note:

And...we're done. Now you know the story (or at least my version of it) as to why Bon Bon is also called Sweetie Drops. She will always be Bon Bon to me though. Those of you familiar with another one of my stories, 'Who Am I?', may recognize the scene that Lyra is talking about when she meets Octavia. Octavia remembers it in that story when she is talking with Bon Bon.
Anyway, for those of you wondering why Bon Bon is freaking out over something to trivial, I think you've never kept a secret from somepony you trust completely. It eats at you and your mind begins to twist and contort it until impossible and insane ideas seem completely reasonable. Fear of losing something so important makes it hard to think clearly.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Next story we shall return to Octavia and Vinyl, as they go shopping for a new cello. Or rather, Octavia goes shopping for one and Vinyl just happens to be there...(wink)

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