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A Helping Hoof455 stories ·73 members

The Origins of Steel Gear and Gizmo

Steel was just an ordinary unicorn growing up in the small town of Saddleville. However, his life took a major turn when bandits raid the bank of saddleville, and the town decides to fight back.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 4 )

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Bateman66

Bateman66 #1 · Dec 10th, 2013 · · · The begining ·

Just a slight suggestion for your story, maybe divide some of your chapters into smaller pieces, just to make them easier to read in a sitting. Other than that, keep up the fantastic fantastical story!

trtkdninja

trtkdninja #2 · Dec 10th, 2013 · · · The begining ·

3604887
Thanks for the advice! I really didn't know how long to make the chapter, so I decided to end it once the bandit crisis came to full resolution, but I can certainly parse into smaller bits. Thanks again!

Bateman66

Bateman66 #3 · Dec 11th, 2013 · · · The begining ·

3605216 Your welcome!

Bateman66

Bateman66 #4 · Jan 21st, 2014 · · · Gizmo's Advenure ·

The first thing I noticed when reading this was: it's amazing. Second thing was, you should really add some indentation to your sentences. Maybe just space them into groups of four or five. It's a bit difficult reading the long spanning line of text when it could be put into a much more accessible format. Other than that quick easy fix, keep up the good work!