Oh yeah, mother/daughter incest is hot. You wrote it amazingly. I would've preffered Fluttershy fucking Sweet in the ass despite her protests, but I guess you can't win them all.
Oh, and some sentences in this chapter need correcting
Nice dude. i also been wondering for a while and i been meaning to ask but keep forgetting. Anyway, so Twilight does not have a teacher/student relationship with Princess Celestia? and what about Princess Luna, did nightmare moon never happen, if not where is she?
4358870 Thanks, dood. It was written to be Double Vaginal for Wrabbit because he reminded me of that scene, dood... and he likes double stuffing a single hole, dood.
4359245 Trixie will get her back, dood.... one day and I won't like it, dood.
4359344 Trixie might appear in the next chapter... not sure about Vinyl though, dood.
43613054361460 Nightmare Moon did happen, it's just not relevant yet, dood. Because Twilight isn't Celestia's student here, there is no relationship at all, dood. Nightmare Moon's whereabouts is unknown at this time, dood.
Damn it! Why must your writing be so good!? Also, never stop with the doods they add more of your character to your stories. You are and awesome dude dood!
4364714 Okay, dood. I'm sorry this isn't your thing... and the OOC I can give you, dood.... but as for the comedy, the originality, and the sex.... that's more of a "your interests aren't being met" than "I'm not writing good". I never claimed this was to be original, this is just me writing about what I like and enjoy... which is Futanari Twilight Sparkle only anthromorphized. The whole 'stale' thing confuses me though since I'm super selective of what I read so I don't know THAT concept... so I'm under the assumption that it's 'boring', dood?
So... I'm sorry that I am having problems trying to take this seriously when it fails to me anything important other than the characters being OOC because I wrote them that way on purpose, hence the Alternate Universe Tag... like they have some semblance of what they SHOULD be, but they were still changed in some way, dood.
Again, I'M sorry that this isn't for you, and sad to see you go. Hope you have a good day, dood.
4364714 Sorry if my last comment sounded a bit dickish, dood. But what I'm asking for is... details... the only thing you told me that I FULLY understand is the OOC thing, which was intentional. All your other complaints was more our interests not going together, if I were to take your comment seriously... I would have tore the entire story down and started from scratch but...
I really don't know how else to say "Sorry but I'm not changing shit just because you don't like the story's style, dood" or at least a way to say it nicer, dood.
Another great chapter dood :) still loveing the story!!! The clop scene still didn't feel as good as the ones in your first few chapters though. They were good but they didn't seem to fit into the story in my opinion. The first few chapters it was more organic I guess would be the word, they weren't tossed in, the charecters personality a made it happen and feel real in A sence, the build up and start of this one kinda meh. Maybe I'm just not a fan of drunk fluttershy. -shrug- anyways keep up the good work!!! Can't wait for the next chapter ^_^ *the sounds of rainbow dash fucking trixie fills the area before disappearing in a cloud of pink smoke and cute eep noises*
Hey, a double-stuffed vaj is a happy vaj. I think the scene came out very well. Admittedly, the incest mother/daughter angle helped considerably. Few things as hot as that.
Finally, Fluttershy got laid!! And Trixie got with Rainbow Dash. I am surprised that Sunset Shimmer, Twilight's best friend, doesn't know that Twilight is packing. I hope Twilight realizes that as Sunset Shimmer is now her maid for three months, that Sunset will find out her secret. I expect Sunset to be more pissed that Twilight didn't tell her sooner than the fact that Twilight has a penis. I wonder when Trixie is going to realize that she has no clothes on.
Honestly? I'm amazed that Sweet Breeze wasn't hiding a camera somewhere, but then, that's still entirely possible. She's just the type of disgusting snake-in-the-grass to do that sort of thing.
There is something distinctly wrong with this fic. Who am I supposed to relate to? You've managed to make every single character unlikable. I don't know how you did it. I enjoy your authorial style, I just can't stand anyone (except Bonez, he seems fine) because you've written EVERY SINGLE PONY into a f***ing nightmare. Fluttershy is irritating, her mother is a gold digging harpy, Barb is a rapist, Twilight tosses self control out the window and fucks people she should just have thrown out of her house, Rainbow is a jerk, Applejack is crazy, Rarity is even more of a prissy bitch than she's supposed to be, Pinkie is a fundie, and I don't even know what's wrong with the rest of the cast. Even smut can fail if I'd rather give all the characters a second smile right through their trachea than hear about who they're fucking.
3/10 Because it's a very well executed story about awful people. George R. R. Martin has more living, sympathetic characters than you.
This isn't necessarily meant as a flame. If you make your characters act in internally consistent fashions, and make some of them at least pretend to be decent ponies your story will improve. This story makes me wish follow and favorite were separate actions. I want to see this story improve, but I don't want to favorite it until it does.
4520050 Sorry to hear that, dood. I didn't want to have their characters exactly like what they've always had in Misadventures or whatnot so I just tweaked it a little, dood.
And... well... logic sometimes has to be thrown out for the sake of clop... mostly because I don't actually plan this well.... I only start thinking about what to do next when I start writing said chapter, dood.
My comment got deleted some how. 4520050 Dude WTF! If you don't like the story don't read it. Don't go on a tirade just because you don't like the characters in it. Especially when so many other readers do. It's one thing if the story had a lot of grammar mistakes, but this is a fan fiction. The characters don't have to be cannon if the writer doesn't want them to. Thanks to your unnecessary comment Fusion Fool is sadand is thinking about rewriting the entire fic, and that is pissing off a lot readers! Just because you want the story to be redone doesn't mean that everyone else does. Take back your comment and apologize to Fusion Fool for being insensitive. Don't wreak it for the rest f us.
4520596 As for you Fusion Fool don't listen to him he's just a jerk. Your a great writer so keep being your awesome prinny self. If it makes you feel better I can call Etna and tell her that xanderxela took her pudding?
4551049 in all honesty, dood. I read everything that yelled at me for thinking about it so... I'm going to keep it roughly the same, dood... even though I haven't started the chapter yet (still stuck trying to think of something to get Maya and Lilith to have sex at the moment, dood).
As for that guy's comment... some of the things he says is... actually true, dood. Like Twilight being too easy for mares to get with and losing all control when I force the sex to happen, and I have to idea what a fundle is.
Some other things he claims I just shrugged off because A) Rainbow Dash was written to be a Jerk, and B) Fluttershy's Mom was meant to be written that way. WHat actually got me worrier and have a minor panic attack was how he saw Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie (since I don't know what a Fundle is) while I just shrugged at the other negative criticism about other characters, dood.... I am trying to write Rainbow Dash in a slightly better light than before but clearly it isn't working, dood.
But it is going to force me to pay more attention to characterization, so... some benefit came from him not liking my characters of a fanfic, dood.
4551049 I do like the story. I like it a lot. That's the only reason I left a comment. It might have sounded a bit angry and ranty, but if I didn't care about the story I wouldn't have left one at all.
I just wish certain things in the story were a bit more internally consistent. Even at my meanie rantiest I try to make sure that my comments contain at least some constructive criticism and are about things that I would actually like to see change in the story.
I don't mean to be discouraging. The last thing I'd want to do is make someone stop writing. An author should never stop writing, but sometimes they may need to reevaluate what they write and make sure it works.
We all have things to work on and we can learn new things from every failure. (The phrase "Fail fast, fail often" comes to mind). Just because I feel that Fusion has some potential changes to make doesn't mean that's a bad thing, just something that could be improved. Or he could leave it as is. Clearly some segment of his audience enjoys that and that's what matters, not what some anonymous jerk on the internet wants.
Oh yeah, mother/daughter incest is hot. You wrote it amazingly. I would've preffered Fluttershy fucking Sweet in the ass despite her protests, but I guess you can't win them all.
Oh, and some sentences in this chapter need correcting
Awesome chapter, keep it up!
Trixie got bested by the Ice bitch.
Fusion-dood ... you again delivered awesomeness on a page of text .... Keep it up, and give us more Trixie and Vinyl ! I love those mares, dood~!
Nice dude. i also been wondering for a while and i been meaning to ask but keep forgetting. Anyway, so Twilight does not have a teacher/student relationship with Princess Celestia? and what about Princess Luna, did nightmare moon never happen, if not where is she?
4361305 Confusion abounds most definitely.
I liked the argument over elemental specialties.
Also, another reward. *materializes three chests, each the same size*
One of these chests contains hl, one contains mana, and one contains the same amount of force as a minor Etna tantrum. Choose, but choose wisely.
4358870 Thanks, dood. It was written to be Double Vaginal for Wrabbit because he reminded me of that scene, dood... and he likes double stuffing a single hole, dood.
4359003 Thanks, dood!
4359245 Trixie will get her back, dood.... one day and I won't like it, dood.
4359344 Trixie might appear in the next chapter... not sure about Vinyl though, dood.
4361305 4361460 Nightmare Moon did happen, it's just not relevant yet, dood. Because Twilight isn't Celestia's student here, there is no relationship at all, dood. Nightmare Moon's whereabouts is unknown at this time, dood.
4361467 I take the hl, dood. Money is power!
kinda wished fluttershy had gotten to fuck twilight.
4361874 Sorry, dood. That's not a thing I like doing.
Damn it! Why must your writing be so good!? Also, never stop with the doods they add more of your character to your stories. You are and awesome dude dood!
4361682 I really hope Twilight is able to put Trixie in her place after that. Maybe with Nighties help.
4361682 Ah, but which chest is it in? 1? 2? or 3? You must pick one of them.
4362167 Wow, thanks dood. I'll keep doing what I'm doing then.
4362398 It'll turn into a stupid rivalry or something along the way, dood.
4362601 OH shit, dood.... uhh... chest 2, dood?
4364714 Okay, dood. I'm sorry this isn't your thing... and the OOC I can give you, dood.... but as for the comedy, the originality, and the sex.... that's more of a "your interests aren't being met" than "I'm not writing good". I never claimed this was to be original, this is just me writing about what I like and enjoy... which is Futanari Twilight Sparkle only anthromorphized. The whole 'stale' thing confuses me though since I'm super selective of what I read so I don't know THAT concept... so I'm under the assumption that it's 'boring', dood?
So... I'm sorry that I am having problems trying to take this seriously when it fails to me anything important other than the characters being OOC because I wrote them that way on purpose, hence the Alternate Universe Tag... like they have some semblance of what they SHOULD be, but they were still changed in some way, dood.
Again, I'M sorry that this isn't for you, and sad to see you go. Hope you have a good day, dood.
4364714 Sorry if my last comment sounded a bit dickish, dood. But what I'm asking for is... details... the only thing you told me that I FULLY understand is the OOC thing, which was intentional. All your other complaints was more our interests not going together, if I were to take your comment seriously... I would have tore the entire story down and started from scratch but...
I really don't know how else to say "Sorry but I'm not changing shit just because you don't like the story's style, dood" or at least a way to say it nicer, dood.
4362626
Ok, let's open the chest. *looks inside* Oh, dear... *teleports away before chest explodes*
4365229 AHH crap, dood.
4365238 At least it only had the force of a minor Etna tantrum?
4365240 Still not a great prize to get, dood.
Another great chapter dood :) still loveing the story!!! The clop scene still didn't feel as good as the ones in your first few chapters though. They were good but they didn't seem to fit into the story in my opinion. The first few chapters it was more organic I guess would be the word, they weren't tossed in, the charecters personality a made it happen and feel real in A sence, the build up and start of this one kinda meh. Maybe I'm just not a fan of drunk fluttershy. -shrug- anyways keep up the good work!!! Can't wait for the next chapter ^_^ *the sounds of rainbow dash fucking trixie fills the area before disappearing in a cloud of pink smoke and cute eep noises*
I enjoyed this immensely, as usual.
I wonder what other changes to 'cannon' you have planned. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work.
This is much better than your other Dick-Light story.
The Confused and Intoxicated Trixie is here doods
Hey, a double-stuffed vaj is a happy vaj. I think the scene came out very well. Admittedly, the incest mother/daughter angle helped considerably. Few things as hot as that.
Finally, Fluttershy got laid!!
And Trixie got with Rainbow Dash.
I am surprised that Sunset Shimmer, Twilight's best friend, doesn't know that Twilight is packing. I hope Twilight realizes that as Sunset Shimmer is now her maid for three months, that Sunset will find out her secret. I expect Sunset to be more pissed that Twilight didn't tell her sooner than the fact that Twilight has a penis.
I wonder when Trixie is going to realize that she has no clothes on.
Honestly? I'm amazed that Sweet Breeze wasn't hiding a camera somewhere, but then, that's still entirely possible. She's just the type of disgusting snake-in-the-grass to do that sort of thing.
4464065 Because I'm a bad writer, dood.
There is something distinctly wrong with this fic. Who am I supposed to relate to? You've managed to make every single character unlikable. I don't know how you did it. I enjoy your authorial style, I just can't stand anyone (except Bonez, he seems fine) because you've written EVERY SINGLE PONY into a f***ing nightmare. Fluttershy is irritating, her mother is a gold digging harpy, Barb is a rapist, Twilight tosses self control out the window and fucks people she should just have thrown out of her house, Rainbow is a jerk, Applejack is crazy, Rarity is even more of a prissy bitch than she's supposed to be, Pinkie is a fundie, and I don't even know what's wrong with the rest of the cast. Even smut can fail if I'd rather give all the characters a second smile right through their trachea than hear about who they're fucking.
3/10 Because it's a very well executed story about awful people. George R. R. Martin has more living, sympathetic characters than you.
This isn't necessarily meant as a flame. If you make your characters act in internally consistent fashions, and make some of them at least pretend to be decent ponies your story will improve. This story makes me wish follow and favorite were separate actions. I want to see this story improve, but I don't want to favorite it until it does.
4520050 Sorry to hear that, dood. I didn't want to have their characters exactly like what they've always had in Misadventures or whatnot so I just tweaked it a little, dood.
And... well... logic sometimes has to be thrown out for the sake of clop... mostly because I don't actually plan this well.... I only start thinking about what to do next when I start writing said chapter, dood.
Regardless of what others say I kinda like this story and hope to see an update soon
My comment got deleted some how.
4520050 Dude WTF! If you don't like the story don't read it. Don't go on a tirade just because you don't like the characters in it. Especially when so many other readers do. It's one thing if the story had a lot of grammar mistakes, but this is a fan fiction. The characters don't have to be cannon if the writer doesn't want them to. Thanks to your unnecessary comment Fusion Fool is sadand is thinking about rewriting the entire fic, and that is pissing off a lot readers! Just because you want the story to be redone doesn't mean that everyone else does. Take back your comment and apologize to Fusion Fool for being insensitive. Don't wreak it for the rest f us.
4520596 As for you Fusion Fool don't listen to him he's just a jerk. Your a great writer so keep being your awesome prinny self. If it makes you feel better I can call Etna and tell her that xanderxela took her pudding?
4551049 in all honesty, dood. I read everything that yelled at me for thinking about it so... I'm going to keep it roughly the same, dood... even though I haven't started the chapter yet (still stuck trying to think of something to get Maya and Lilith to have sex at the moment, dood).
As for that guy's comment... some of the things he says is... actually true, dood. Like Twilight being too easy for mares to get with and losing all control when I force the sex to happen, and I have to idea what a fundle is.
Some other things he claims I just shrugged off because A) Rainbow Dash was written to be a Jerk, and B) Fluttershy's Mom was meant to be written that way. WHat actually got me worrier and have a minor panic attack was how he saw Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie (since I don't know what a Fundle is) while I just shrugged at the other negative criticism about other characters, dood.... I am trying to write Rainbow Dash in a slightly better light than before but clearly it isn't working, dood.
But it is going to force me to pay more attention to characterization, so... some benefit came from him not liking my characters of a fanfic, dood.
4551049 I do like the story. I like it a lot. That's the only reason I left a comment. It might have sounded a bit angry and ranty, but if I didn't care about the story I wouldn't have left one at all.
I just wish certain things in the story were a bit more internally consistent. Even at my meanie rantiest I try to make sure that my comments contain at least some constructive criticism and are about things that I would actually like to see change in the story.
I don't mean to be discouraging. The last thing I'd want to do is make someone stop writing. An author should never stop writing, but sometimes they may need to reevaluate what they write and make sure it works.
We all have things to work on and we can learn new things from every failure. (The phrase "Fail fast, fail often" comes to mind). Just because I feel that Fusion has some potential changes to make doesn't mean that's a bad thing, just something that could be improved. Or he could leave it as is. Clearly some segment of his audience enjoys that and that's what matters, not what some anonymous jerk on the internet wants.
I love this chapter was awesome read .But someone sould relly bang Twilight I think se shoud finily resive the d for once.