• Published 30th Oct 2013
  • 1,493 Views, 40 Comments

Finding Malcador - ThatRarityIsaSpy

Celestia, Luna and a few other companions go off to discover the true origins of Equestria, and themselves.

  • ...

At the heart of Terra

“First off..... this is never going to work.” Jonson said. “For starters, Russ cannot sit still for ten seconds. Or as a matter of fact, he can’t be civil for ten seconds either.”

The primarch of the Dark Angels ducked as a chair was flung at him. Point proven.

“Moreover, I have a feeling this may cause some.... less than positive reactions...” An advisor said. “There are still those who have yet to find out what happened the first time in the Everfree forest, as well as that humans.... well.....”

“Say it.” Khan said.

“Well, I mean some cultures had myths and legends regarding humans. Depending on what you are, you’ll most likely react to humans differently.”


“Well, Griffins I heard paint humans in a positive light the way they occasionally talk about them..... though the humans they talk about are smaller. Much smaller. About this big.” The messenger said making a rough estimation with his hooves. “But..... say for example..... minotaurs......”

Eerily similar to a certain myth, minotaurs see humans as reasonless murderers and killers.......

“Really? Reasonless killers?” Guilliman said.

“No, there’s a hint of truth in that.” Jonson gesturing towards Khan and Russ. “Some of our brothers do have quite a temper.”

To drive that point home, the lion received another punch in the jaw from his wolf brother. He sat there dumbly nursing his wound, not wanting to repeat another eight days of senseless fighting.

“As long as you got mead, I am happy.” Russ said opening his canteen and chugging it’s contents. “Oh and.... I know this is an odd question, but do you have any meat?”
“Um... what.... oh yeah right. Humans eat meat.” Twilight said. She probably should do a better job of writing this down...... like maybe do it again.......

“So.... what kind of meat?”

“Any kind.” Russ said. “On second thought...... can I eat you?”

Twilight scrambled behind Dorn who shook his head in an unamused fashion.

“Really? Is this honestly the time? I know it’s hard to take this seriously because it’s “not your problem” but we were told to remain here until...... well, until doomsday for all we know. The least you can do is be helpful.” Dorn said glaring at Russ.

“Okay, okay fine.”

“Excellent. Now then..... can you give me a background on all the cultures of Equestria?”

Pulling up a blackboard, Twilight began her huge lecture of Equestria and all it’s inhabitants.

“Thanks.” Solomon said putting some more of the crystals down on the table for Martellus. “This will work?”

“Dunno.” The techmarine replied. “Alright, so anyways.... I am going to get started. In short...

Get out.”

“Typical.” Solomon breathed as he stepped outside almost bumping into Rarity.

“Sorry bout that. Didn’t see you and.... what?”

“Alright, now to the left..... just a tiny....no wait.... that’s.....”

“The hell are you doing?” Solomon asked.

“Looking “professional”.” One of the marines said. “Seriously? Does every inc...”

“YES IT MATTERS. IT MATTERS VERY MUCH!” Rarity said blasting into the space marine’s face. Point made.

“Why..... just why....”

“So when do they come here?”


Oh man.......

Despite being more pleasant than every other major civilization to have ever existed within the galaxy, Equestria too had it’s occasionally share of....... ignorance.

When space marines were commonly mistaken for the only type of male humans around, it’s easy to see how that drastically changes on how the average pony views humanity.

While the average human, loyal to his faith, was a mild-mannered sort of chap. (On average at least.....)

And of course, the average space marine was a total zealot on his devotion to the being referred to as the Emperor and commonly seemed to enjoy in partaking in things that fall within the line of murder and fighting. Things within Equestria that many see as barbaric and rather...... dark.

And of course, when most of Equestria found out that a thing called a Primarch, a human of..... nobility, many expected the Primarchs to be vicious warlords and savages that would sack entire countries on a daily basis......

So it was rather surprising to.... well EVERY PONY, that outside of battle, most of the primarchs were mild-mannered and calm. Unlike the good majority of the space marines, they were reasonable men who wouldn’t break someone’s face for just being different. They would however, not hesitate to do the above if someone intends on doing them harm.

And of course, much to the delight of Rarity and a few other Equestrian nobles, it was good to see that the Primarchs, who would be the main event on what happen tomorrow, were level-headed..... except for Russ for rather obvious reasons. He was drunk. Like..... always.

“My, my Mr. Russ! Can’t you be civil for one moment like your brothers?”

“I am drunk! They don’t have an excuse! Now then, more mead!”

Several ponies scrambled off to oblige him. Despite knowledge on the fact that he was a primarch who was for the most part a reasonable person, drunkards were normally an exception to their everything.
“Can you not be drunk for one moment?” Rarity chided. "A big fellow like you ought to be better behaved in public!"

"You sound like me mother lassie!" Leman said putting on a certain Fenrisian accent. "Okay, anyways, why would I not want to be drunk?”

“That can’t be good for your livers!”

“The thing about being like me, I can drink to the point where it feels good, but never have to settle for any of the bad things!” The space wolves primarch proved his point by gulping down another canteen of mead.

“Now then, I am hungry!”

"Oh.... I'll see if the cooks can spruce up anything for that appetite of yours......"

"I am craving horses today." The primarch said giving Rarity a wink. "Okay, enough silliness. Tell everyone else you have my word that I will be sober tomorrow. Though...... if I am a bit extra stabby, that's me from withdrawals."

Okay, okay. The crankiest being in Equestria would probably be nothing more than an angry butterfly when compared to a stabby human. All of a sudden, Rarity wondered if it would be better if Russ was drunk for the day instead. Deciding perhaps it was time maybe she'd spend some time with some more civil ponies.... or humans.

"Back so soon?" Dorn asked Vulkan as he teleported in.

"Yep. Something told me I had to be here."

"You get to meet the rest of the inhabitants on this planet. Some child's paradise this place turns out to be. So how's Malcador?"


If Celestia and Luna were scared when they entered the throne room of the Emperor, that'd be the understatement of all of eternity. The sheer amount of power he radiated, just by being there was enough to make the average pony faint and probably fall into a coma afterwards.
And there he was, just... a broken man, at death's door in pain. Death was something he easily would of welcomed had his duty not stood in the way. His job was easily the most important of the entire Imperium.
"Malcador..... are you sure about this?" Vulkan asked. "Are you sure you want to do this? The amount of ti...."

"Yes. We're sure." Luna said. "If the galaxy is truly the horrid place you describe it to be, and if restoring him back to health is truly the way..... then we'll do whatever it takes."

"Very well." Vulkan said. "I am sorry to say I may not accompany you."

"Doesn't matter." Celestia smirked. "We'll get it done. Just hope those guards stop looking at us in that way."

"I'll see to that part." Vulkan said. "Good luck."

"Thank you."

"You've come back." A voice boomed within the room making both alicorns jump. Though the voice was one that held joy, it still scared the living daylights out of the two.

"Huh? Oh yes...." Luna said. "We've come back to help...... .you...." She began to stutter when she saw the status of the Emperor's body. It took all her willpower to hurl right in his throne room.

"Malcador..... this process will be very taxing. You don't have to do this." The Emperor boomed echoing Vulkan's very words. "Do you understand what may even happen to you? And what if this fails? I expect you to replace me on the throne if anything goes wrong and...."

"Everything will be fine." Celestia said. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Very well. Do as you must. But do not endanger your own life for my sake. It will get nothing done."

"We are prepared to do whatever it takes. Chaos can't be allowed to win." Luna said.

"You may be in two, but you haven't changed. Welcome home." The Emperor said. He probably would of been smiling if his body would permit it.

And then, the spell was cast, washing over him, the pain in his body, began to lessen. It felt good.
But despite all their power, it will be a long time before the two could fully nurse the Emperor back to health.