One day living the average high school student, the next sent flying into another dimension. The dimension of Equestria.
But he didn't arrive bright eyed, and bushy tailed. Just arriving almost costed him his life. Now recuperating in ponyville when the results of what happened catch up to him, threatening to destroy him and the world.
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Hmm, well it is not like anything else I have read today. 5/10
I don't know if the slender man in the story is the Slender Man, but if it is the Slender Man from the creepypastas then you have his mechanics wrong. Now this is a fan-fic site where people wtite fan-fic stories and in those fan-fic stories you can have him do what ever you want him to do.
But...
If you use him as a device surrounded by the parameters of what people know about the Slender Man then you have to be some what accurate. If this was a story about the Slender Man then you could have him crap rainbows and it would be ok. However you use the Slender Man as a device, a means to an end. It is almost ridiculous.
For example: Most everyone knows how shotguns work and what happens to people who are shot with shotguns; perhaps not down to the gory details but enough to know it is unpleasant. If we were to go to the same ridiculous level you went to it would be something like The effects of the shotgun injury induced an urge to plant a squash plant near the rotunda. Obviously not the correct side-affect of being shot with a shotgun. SHOTGUNS DON'T TURN PEOPLE INTO FARMERS!
The way you use the Slender Man in your story is like using shotguns to turn people into farmers.
Also the writing was more appropriate for a forum post than a story. Maybe that is your writing style but as a reader I would expect something more. I would suggest that in future updates you refine your style a bit to attract more readers.
And that is what I thought of your first chapter.
I kinda agree the writing style needs work, cut down the number of (asides to stuff in parentheses) and try to make things flow a bit more.
To be honest, 7,5 / 10. The story itself is fine, but Sasha acts oddly. If you were to be teleported to Equestria with a wound in your side, you would be baffled, not just act like you would have a plan if that would happen.
I find this annoyingly stupid. When I saw this, I kind of expected it to be different, as in, Sasha was actually weak and injured and had absolutely no clue what was happening. And when I saw Slenderman, as another two posts below has said, exhibits none of the supernatural traits he is said to have. Without that, he's just a grotesquely tall, thin albino in a suit who's face and hair are missing.
My two cents.
The italics never got turned off for the "real world" bit at the end - makes it kinda hard to read.
I'm terribly sorry but this is a glitch and I've found no way to fix it so far.
But I'll try to find another way post this chapter with no hitches. Even if it means that I'll have to start the chapter from scratch.
*sees Sasha swinging a sword at the clouds*
3 things
1) Gravity must have said FU logic
2) Why does that remind me of Tobuscus so much?
3) That looks like fun!
stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3610538/i-can-swing-my-sword-sword-o.gif
Yea in the mean time after he visits the boutique he regenerated them forgot that
Btw do you mind if I have your oc cameo in the next chapter