Looking back at my old works is painful.
(Sept. 18th, 2016: I hereby declare this to be the obligatory 'old shame' fic. Read at your own peril.)
I'm fairly certain that someone's out to get us. They managed to sabotage our efforts to look into the Twisting Nether, and as a result, me and my wife, Ira, were separated. I landed in a colorful world of ponies. Ira...
I don't know.
But that's not going to stop me from finding her again, invisible enemy or not. And if she's dead, nothing will stop me from taking vengeance.
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Author's Notes in the comments, because that's what was recommended.
This is my fourth attempt at writing fiction, and the first piece of fiction I've posted on the internet. I posted this one because the other three didn't satisfy me. Review, comment, criticize, anything that will help me with my writing skills is appreciated.
Interesting.
i hope he doesn't reveal every little thing about his life and work to this complete stranger all the sudden strange royalty and the rush meeting it happen so fast to me he just met her and now tea and life story time with celestia whaa? awkward much for him wait didn't he even really get an introduction so far from anyone yet? talk about horrible manner so far... i know it may seem silly but i know i like to get to know someone who a complete stranger before i go trusting my life and spelling my guts to them.
weird so far to me his day been hectic by far he was separated from his love due to someone trying to kill them falls then deck by a hoof by a sentient unicorn treated rudely for misunderstanding by ponies can't blame him for not sticking around them for long all he wanted was direction and try to start looking for his wife so much for first impressions being deck and check out and prob by strangers and talk about like they did nothing wrong rude much on there part! now all the sudden there ruler pop up and teleport him and judge him now after all that happen wow sucky day for him so far and only gonna get more complicated and annoying for him....
his delay reaction is understandable with his urgent need to find his wife that preventing him i guess to really think about all that happened so far to him perhaps tea will calm him down and help clear his thought a bit when he has time to himself if he get time to himself to get his bearing for what to do.
hope the ponies can give him some personal space and a little time to adapt to his horrible situation and not try to drown him by crowding him all the time with there antics and questions being nosy watching him all the time that can annoy anyone ponies as well.
Whoa! I understand the gist of what you're trying to say, though some coherence in your posts for clarity would be nice. Don't worry, I have the next few chapters and an ending in mind.
3330424 sorry writing never been my strong point... eheh ramble sorry but i do try i re read that post so many time then before i realize it i added all that just thoughts and feeling on the chapter itself i guess i get into a story a little to much and that embarrassing to me a little cause i worry a lot of what the writer think of me and annoying to you isn't it? im sorry....
3332613
No, it's merely a request. You're the only one who's given me feedback so far, so I can hardly call you annoying now, can I?
AAGH! I finally got this one out, between an unexpected four-day trip and everything else.
Criticism and advice is requested. Anything that will help me with my writing skills is appreciated.
Nice little tale so far. I like how Mr. Icara's acts a bit nonchalant about Equestria. The world of Warcraft is so crazy, the people living there must have a resistance to weird things and talking ponies wouldn't even register on that scale. I also like the pacing. It's not too slow, while still covering solid ground and not skipping important stuff. So, here's my seal of approval:
will we hear about his wife pov soon and what she doing now to find her husband and survive the dangerous magical land without equipment to help her out im not worried yet since she smart but since it turn out equastria ponies and other sentient habitability lands doesn't have anything like the smart undead kind of scared what any sentient would attempt on her since she out of range for real help and semi normal tolerance if the maid and main six reaction's and actions was anything to go by the so called "peaceful" ponies but there worse reaction by others ... o dear unlucky break there for her if we really think about it if she found and caught but least her husband learning new important things to help him out knowledge is power depending how reliable it really is.
that ghost who want his revenge is going to find out and learn his revenge might take lot of time before his goal is even possible to start i don't think his goon's will crack it in a week but months before that can happens that take him down a few pegs and his workers are in for along and stressful project gotta feel sorry for them a little since there boss is unbearable from what i guess so far.
Here's the next chapter. I'm probably going to make a few minor edits to the earlier chapters for clarity and cohesion.
Comments and constructive criticism is approved.
is there gonna be a separate story for his wife eventually when this story is complete? so how many undead are in equastria?
3462524
You know of two right now. Whether or not it stays at that number, I'm not telling.
As for a separate story, possibly. It's dependent on how much I reveal in this one.
Blaagh. Not dead, just hit a case of writer's block. Hopefully this will break it.
Constructive criticism welcome and requested.
I like how the story has developed so far. I wish we'd hear a bit more about those bad guys' motivations. What's so special about Mr. Icara that they want him (dead)?
3914369
"I'm already dead!"
Hopefully I don't botch the reveal.
Any negative criticism, perchance? I'm trying to find errors in my work, and while being told that I'm writing well is all fine and dandy, it doesn't address or point out any sort of problems I might be having with my technique.
3914898
The technical side is fine. Few typos, the formatting is alright and most importantly, no LUS. The pacing is a bit more curious, because I find it somewhat constant. No slow parts, but also few breath-taking, gripping paragraphs. Personally, I like it more than a wildly fluctuating style, but that's just my preference.
The storytelling overall could use more direction. With Mr. Icara looking for his wife, it could be an adventure, or he could be the catalyst for a high-stake epic, or, with the addition of the Warcraftverse, it could a be quest bestowed upon him by fate. Right now, the story has the potential to become a lot of things, but I'd wager the next few chapters need to pick a path and kick the plot into action. Otherwise you risk stagnation like a certain other Warcraft-Crossover.