The Flyer and the Filly *EDITED*

by Sparkle Dust

30 Days Later...

Spitfire walked out.

Rainbow Dash smiled as Spitfire called out the names.

"...Twilight Sparkle...Scootaloo...Stardust Clover..."

Rainbow couldn't wait for next month's lessons.

Comments

[Gherkin]

You need to put spaces after periods (or full stops), as well as commas. Since you haven't, your story looks poorly formatted, and just a mess in general.

[Sparkle Dust]

3361400That is just plain hurtful.This is my first story, and trust me,I will do better.

[Gherkin]

3364262 Plain hurtful? That was constructive criticism. Hurtful would be me saying that your story is shit and that you should stop writing. It's not shit though, it just needs a bit of work.

[Sparkle Dust]

3365418That is true.Thank you for pointing that out(you dont think that about my story,do you?)

[Sparkle Dust]

3377829 nevermind my last comment