It was a bright sunny day in Canterlot and all was well.
Princess Celestia, the godprincess of ponydom for centuries was in her private study, scrutinizing a bill concerning a reform in the health care sector. New studies had discovered ways to improve the general life of elderly ponies in retirement homes and this demanded careful consideration.
This could, after all, improve the lives of ponies who had spent their lifetime improving Equestria and they deserved respect!
She was about halfway done, when the door slammed open.
"CELESTIA!" the royal Canterlot voice boomed through the room. And Canterlot. And parts of the Everfree Forest. And probably outer space.
"Yes, Luna?" the sun princess asked with some worry. Luna was clearly well, but highly upset.
"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?" the moon princess asked angrily and levitated a book over to her sister.
Celestia took a close look. "Children of the Night." she read out loud and raised her eyebrows. "No, I have not heard of it. What is it!"
"IT IS SLANDER!" Luna screamed and smashed her hoof into the ground with rage "HORRIBLE AND DISGUSTING SLANDER! VERLEUMDUNG! Calumny! Rufmord!"
"At least your German has not suffered." Celestia sighed loudly and opened the book. She quickly looked over a few pages. There was a song: Something about foals, a garden and darkness.
"This! This drivel!" the moon princess growled and began to pace. "It is about me! I, or rather the Luna in this book, went to you after the defeat of Discord and asked to found a new colony! Can you imagine this?"
"You founding a new colony or you asking first?" The sun princess replied flatly.
"Oh, keep your cynicism to yourself!" Luna spat back "And then, after I, or rather the silly little mare in there, gets denied, she doesn't veto or simply go and do as she sees fit. Do you know what I apparently did?"
Celestia sighed. "Enlighten me, dear sister."
"SHE GOES AND FOALNAPS FOALS!" the moon princess yelled, the windows cracking and the ground shaking. "Apparently, I am a siren, because I sing some mystical melody, float them out of their beds and take them to my garden of shadows!" Luna shook her head "Can you believe that?"
"Well... there was this misconception about you eating foals..." the sun princess offered diplomatically.
"Yes, yes, but that was just ponies being irrational!" the dark sister commented, waving her hoof "But this! This is preposterous!"
"And how is this worse than eating them?" Celestia asked neutrally.
"Building a new colony with FOALS? Uneducated, emotionally unstable, weak, little foals? THEY CAN'T EVEN SPELL YET! HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BUILD A BUCKING HOUSE?" The lunar sister yelled "And stealing them from orphanages? I FINANCED THOSE ORPHANAGES! I SIGNED THE DECREE! WE WERE THERE WHEN THEY SET THE FIRST STONE! WHY WOULD I STEAL FOALS FROM ORPHANAGES THAT I BUILT?"
"So, you are not exactly angry that they call you evil-" Celestia began.
"NO! I can deal with them thinking me evil! I was evil! But I shall not tolerate them thinking me to be stupid!" Luna roared "Do they really think that I, the former Nightmare Moon, the dark deceiver, gets a bunch of snot nosed brats, cuts off all ties to support from her home city and then demands that they build a new society?"
The alabaster princess sighed and took one last look at the book. "Yes, Luna, it falls apart when you take a closer look, but you have to admit, it is rather well written, the song is melodically and it has quite a bit of affection for the mystery of the night. In a way you almost seem benevolent."
"I prefer being evil to being idiotic, thank you very much, sister!" The night princess answered and threw her head back. "Can I expect you to support me, when we ban this?"
"Ban it?" Celestia deadpanned.
"Of course! This is vile slander!"
"It's clearly fiction."
"What does that matter?"
The sun princess sighed and got up. She walked over to a bookshelf with a glass door and opened it. Her magic grabbed the entire content and dumped it in front of Luna. There was another row of books behind the first.
"Corona Blaze, the Tyrant Sun." Celestia said calmly and pointed to the first book "It became a trilogy, devoted to me turning the world into a desert. Here we have "The Sexy Adventures of Princess Molestia", a tale about me, sexually assaulting ponies, donkeys, gryphons, minotaurs, trees, flowers, cakes, minerals and a few forms of basic energy. Fifteen sequels. Another book about my tyranny: "Fall of the Lunar Republic.", because that is what Nightmare Moon wanted, right? Oh! And don't forget the "Chronicles of Princess Trollestia". A wonderful series, in which I play mean pranks on ponies and generally enjoy the suffering of others. It's still going on." The sun princess gave Luna a stare "And I only keep the good ones.We have free speech and artistic licence. Sister dear: Get over it! I doubt that you will ever have as many horrible books written about you, as I have about me!"
Luna closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. "You are right, sister!" she said after a few moments "My ire is clearly misplaced. Ponies treat you far worse than they treat me."
Celestia was about to say something, but a flash of magic had already consumed the lunar princess.
The white alicorn sighed and returned to her work.
*In the Crystal Empire*
"CADENCE!"
Oh Dave never change, Oh God you made my day. I've never seen the video and I doubt that I will, but I guess it is those who really do like it are the ones that want to poke holes in it. As Celestia referencing the Unholy Trinity, she is right they do have freedom of speech.
Now I wonder what Shining is yelling about in the Empire
Bwahahahahaa! I like the ending the most. If the arguments not going your way, just go argue with someone else.
Oh, I'm almost glad we don't have to see what happens next.
Almost.
3360831 Luna went to the Crystal Empire to complain to Cadence.
Oh hey I've read a couple of these...
... Why haven't I favorited this yet. huh.
3360835 The was all healthy families work!
3361202 Basically, yes.
3361557 Because you are a horrible, horrible person.
Next question!
Cure for cancer?
Faving me, of course!
Yes, Faving is a real word!
Hmm, this makes me wonder, where's all of the Cadence slander/memes/cult following fanfics?
*Grins* I am so glad I'm not the only one who thought this.
i was actually listening to that song on my tablet while i was reading this.
You're kind of projecting your 21st century sensibilities on a medieval society. People weren't always squeamish about putting kids to hard work---Children chopped wood, hoed weeds and sewed clothes before they were even ten years old. Building a house? They used to put kids to work in COAL MINES. Kids grew up fast centuries ago-- you have to figure a few of them were into their teens. Plus, not all of the kids she got came out of orphanages; some were living on the street. And a medieval orphanage? being a laborer in a distant colony had to be an improvement.
Plus they had unicorn magic, pegasus wings, earth pony strength, and an immortal alicorn princess with vast magical powers to look after them till they were able to fend for themselves, so it wasn't exactly "little babes in the woods."
Celestia forgot to mention all the fertility cults centred around her that have sprung up around her over the last 1000 years...
3362807
More like creatively edited. Either to preserve Luna's innocence, or to keep the good stuff to herself.
>>>That said: Its just not very well thought out....>>>
Are any of the Lunar Republic-styled ideas?
Except for that short one where the land turned to ice, everything died, and NMM sat cold and still on her dark, silent throne with tears frozen in mid-drip forever on her cheek. An eternal testament to the self-destructive folly of allowing jealousy and hatred to dictate one's path.
Because really; no sun, no warmth. In only about two days of darkness, even the humid tropics would be subfreezing. In one week, the air would begin to liquify and fall as frigid rain. In one month, it'd hover at around 40-60K, depending on radiant internal heat.
But really, foalnapping is kinda what I'd expect from an emotionally unstable mare who's a few trots away from declaring eternal night. To suggest that it actually works out for them; that's the weak part. Anyway, maybe the foals went all "Lord of the Flies" or something eventually.
3362726 I remember the coal mines..
3361607 There are a few where she basically mind-rapes ponies with her love powers, or forces everypony to be loving and good with complete mind-control.
She really has a creepy power, one that makes her far more easily turned into an absolute brainwashing tyrant than Celestia.
It is why she must die...
3360831 They have freedom of speech to write it, as I have freedom of speech to point out all the flaws.
Freedoms are annoying that way.
3362726
Why do you assume that a pony orphanage is going to be anything like a medieval orphanage?
3362726 I know and I would agree. but you assume that the Equestrian middle ages were exactly like they were on earth. We don't know that and I doubt that Celestia's ethics changes so much over time.
3363224 There are a lot of reasons why Cadance must die.
3361914 They're both his mommy. And they had him before Twilight hit puberty. Yeah, Spike has a weird family life....
3363833 If we just took away her creepy love mind-control and made her a plain unicorn she'd be fine.
You know... the way she was originally designed...
3364286 "mind control?" Wow, the hate-boner for Cadence is just getting ridiculous.
3363610 they'd just come out of a war with a chaos entity. And consider HOW MANY of those orphan foals she found...
Well, think about it.
Besides which, they're a largely agrarian society even in modern Equestria, and even today that means a lot of hard work for everyone in the family, right down to the youngest.
3364397 Ok, first: The whole "children of the night" is a story in my continuity. This Luna here never found any orphans and abducted them
Second: Yes, but they do that WITH THEIR FAMILIES!
There is no supernatural pony coming, stealing them from their beds and tells them: "So, kids, family life is over. Here is a piece of wood and some nails. Make a new house, found a society and follow my lead.". Especially when you consider that she promised them "Time to play" and "end of hardships". In other words: Yes, children grew up fast, but they were not lied to.
Third: This is not reality or even a slightly realistic setting. Those ponies could easily live off grass, remember? Famine is not much of an issue, as long as no Windigos are involved.
,3364286 To me, it always seemed as if she could just push what is already there, but a bit buried.
And personally, I like Cadence. Though I would love her, if she was simply a unicorn, as intended.
3364435 Yes, and humans could live off of bugs, roots and berries and sleep naked in the trees... But it would still be a dismal existence. Again, these were orphans, many of them off the streets, living in what was most likely a blasted land struggling to recuperate after misrule by a mad god... these were, in short, war orphans, and in dire straits because of their burden on the system. A new land uncorrupted by chaos magic would be a veritable paradise by comparison, even if Luna was forced to play Old Mother Hubbard for a few hundred children. (Note, in the opening one of the orphans refers to her as their "mother," so it wasn't like she dumped them in a vacant field and said "well get to it." )
And it was a good thing that Cadence IS an alicorn. It forced all the alicorn-worshippers to crawfish a bit.
3364286 3364435 She'd need to have better writing all around. Taking away her wings wouldn't stop the other characters from acting like bizarre caricatures in her presence, blaming themselves and others for things that were blatantly her fault, and they also still wouldn't stop her from taking over the show briefly to save the day twice in place of the mane cast. Not to mention her backstory of being an orphan or the fact that every non-villain character seems to love and worship her. She also looks almost identical to Megan McCarthy's OC. I don't even mind that she's an alicorn. The concept of a love spirit in a world of peace, harmony and kindness is great on paper. I basically wouldn't have minded her if they'd kept her away from Megan McCarthy, in other words.
3364648 I agree to the second point. I don't like the idea of alicorns as untouchably perfect beings. To me, they're a little bit like the Greek Gods. Twilight and Cadance are therefore like demi gods who became full fledged gods in their own right.
I love that Celestia has a collection of those books....
Also, that Luna's main problem is being portrayed as stupid, not evil.
3364392 Uhm, her love power does actually resemble mind control.
What else would you call a spell that instantly makes ponies stop arguing and stare at each other with dopey lovey-dovey smiles?
At least the love poison was labelled a 'bad thing'. But when Cadence uses the same effect it's ok?
Either magically manipulating ponies' minds is ok or it's not.
3366732 You're right!
TYME 4 SEXX0RZ WITH EVERYTHING!!!
(and so Equestrian hentai was created...)
3011132 Since when is "get married to a prince, after he proposes to you immediately after seeing you for the first time" an "aspiration"?
That's like saying that walking across the street and being given a pile of cash by a random stranger is a project.
I agree that this Spike here is not the innocent wyrm, he is in my usual continuity, he does have her best interest in mind.
3362807 Forgot to mention?
Those are obligatory reading in Equestrian History. No wonder so many ponies end up as fillyfoolers.
3366732 Don't forget basic principles of existence:
images.wikia.com/villains/images/a/a0/MLP_Discord.png
3366645 For all we know, she just makes them remember what they truly mean to each other. We have seen her use that trick once! ONCE! Don't assume that she can just go and pacify an village or something.
3373220 CREEPY... LOVE.. MIND... CONTROL...
th09.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2013/102/e/6/mlp__scrunchy_nosed_princess_cadence_by_kamartenn-d61iktb.png
She's planning something DEVIOUS right now!
why is empire not written in bolt ? and why isn't luna calling for empress cadence ?