• Published 11th Oct 2011
  • 12,314 Views, 324 Comments

Celestial Bodies - Davesknd



There are things that will be written into the books of history. These stories will not!

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The break room court

This is a little tie-in to Draconic Troubles. And a chance for me to take a Thesaurus bend it over and make it think of England! Sorry, a Horsetrian, trying to write Luna-english has no other choice.


„AND FOR THIS VILE DISPLAY, WE, THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT, HEREBY DECREE THAT THOU, PHALANX, AND THOU, DUSTY FEATHERS...”

“LUNA!” the princess of the Sun interrupted her sister. Celestia had heard the Official Royal Canterlot Voice from across the hallway and instantly charged to intervene. She was pretty sure that some places in Ponyville, Horstralia and Phillydelphia had heard it too.

“OH, SISTER! WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO SENTENCE THESE RAPSCALLIONS TO...” Luna started again, her volume still being at the level of roaring jet engines.

At her hoofs were two other ponies:
Phalanx a Pegasus guard and Dusty, one of the many maids in the castle. Both ponies were shivering, and Phalanx had a tear in his eye. Dusty was either made of sterner stuff than the veteran or, as Celestia expected, her mind had shut down completely during Luna’s speech and was currently far away from this break room.

“Erm, Luna, can we talk for a moment?” Celestia tried.

“BUT CERTAINLY! STATE YOUR THOUGHTS!” Luna answered, almost managing to disturb Celestia’s magically flowing mane with her voice.

“No, can WE as in *you and I* talk for a moment?” The sun princess tried again.

“OH, CERTAINLY! JUST LET US PASS JUDGEMENT ON THESE TWO.”

“Luna, I’m not going to, wait, us as in...” Celestia tried to intervene. She swore in her head, now remembering why exactly she abolished the plural majestatis. “No, this is about the offense. We have to talk about that!”

“THEN STATE YOU-“ “NO! You come with me, us... all... four of us will talk in our room, now!”

“Does that include us?” Phalanx asked with a frightened voice.

“NO!” Celestia answered and teleported herself and other princesses away.


“So... what is it, Tia?” Luna asked, after arriving in Celestia’s room.

“Luna, we have to talk about this... offense!” the white alicorn stated.

“Oh, vile indecency! And they didn’t even consider it! And out of wedlock! Can you imagine? I tell you, sister, this is a terrible sign, if even the guard has members this depraved!”

“Luna, Phalanx is one of my personal guards. I usually don’t choose depraved individuals for that position.” Celestia calmly explained.

“OH, so it was that little scallywag, Dusty! I would have never guessed that one of our maids could possibly be so vile and...”

“Did you just say scallywag?” Celestia asked. Oh goodness... did she talk like that too, at some point?

“The waggiest of them all!”

“Luna! That has never been a word!”

“What I am trying to convey is this: Our servants are depraved, sister! Immoral and despicable!” Luna stressed, closing in on her sister.

“LUNA! Calm down!” Celestia replied. This would be a... complex conversation.

“How can I calm? How can I rest in a castle that is cleaned by hoofs and mouths that were used for such vile displays of exchange?” Luna asked sternly.

“Sister, did you read the books I suggested?”

“Of course! The “Guide to important inventions”, The “Eggheads guide to pony development” and the “History for ponies with way too much time”. All very interesting, even though the names might put you off your guard.”

“You did not read the last one?”

“I figured it was simply one of your pranks, since the title contained a dirty word. A rather weak prank, I have to admit. You could do so much better without...”

“Sexuality, is not a dirty word!” Celestia wailed.

“CELESTIA!” Luna answered in shock.

“The “Development of Sexuality in the last centuries” is not a dirty book!” Celestia stressed.

“Well, it certainly doesn’t sound like a book a princess should read!” Luna answered, now blushing furiously “Especially an ageless one with little chance of ever needing it!”

*You would be surprised...* Celestia thought, but instead said “I really think that you might want to take a look at the changes in pony’s mindsets. That would explain why the two... scallywags didn’t feel guilty for what they did.”

“NOT FEEL GUILTY?” Luna almost screamed back “You did not witness their... terribly inappropriate, undignified, horrendously and outright salacious display!”

“Luna!”

“I mean... you did not see it? His hoofs were... were... touching her... FETLOCKS!”

“Luna!”

“And her tail was... outright swaying!”

“Luna!”

“And then the act! Their lips! Did I mention the LIPS? They were TOUCHING!”

“THEY SHARED A BLOODY KISS!” Celestia yelled in the traditional Canterlot voice.

“And out of wedlock! Did I mention that?” Luna nodded. “Now, since we are on the same page here, we can return and pass judgement! What do you say? Two months of dungeon? Flogging?”

“Luna, we can’t do that!”

“You are right; I have to think of their child!”

“Oh my goodness!”